Boyfriend extremely upset after given Christmas gift

[Kwothe28]

Sexy photo of you on the blanket is not really something he should be carrying around. What if, for example, airport security searches his baggage and see it? Its a nice and personal gift, however its really not something for trips. 

However, his reaction is way over the top. Its a gift, very thoughtful one. Him getting mad over it is way over the top reaction. He could have just say "Thank You" and leave it be, just not to use it on trips. He would probably cool off in a couple of days however you should beware of that type of behavior. He shouldnt disrespect you like that. 

[fungal20]

2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sexy photo of you on the blanket is not really something he should be carrying around. What if, for example, airport security searches his baggage and see it? Its a nice and personal gift, however its really not something for trips. 

However, his reaction is way over the top. Its a gift, very thoughtful one. Him getting mad over it is way over the top reaction. He could have just say "Thank You" and leave it be, just not to use it on trips. He would probably cool off in a couple of days however you should beware of that type of behavior. He shouldnt disrespect you like that. 

I 100% get that, I don't expect him to take it everywhere. Sometimes he drives and will be at a hotel for a week or two or more. I just thought it would be nice. Not something I expect him to have out on full display for everyone to see. 

I didn't say hey, you need to take this traveling, I said, I thought this might be cute for when you're away for so long. Like I said, I don't care if it ever leaves the house, I just thought it was cute, and I've given him similar gifts before.

[gamon]

You don't need to keep explaining yourself.

You didn't do anything wrong.

The issue here is with the intended recipient.

Blaming yourself and apologizing for giving him a gift that you now say is similar to other gifts you've given him isn't what you need to be doing. 

 

[fungal20]

1 minute ago, gamon said:

You don't need to keep explaining yourself.

You didn't do anything wrong.

The issue here is with the intended recipient.

Blaming yourself and apologizing for giving him a gift that you now say is similar to other gifts you've given him isn't what you need to be doing. 

 

Thanks!

[SherrySher]

2 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

Thanks!

Yes, but are you looking for validation that you're right and he's wrong?

Cause that's not going to fix anything.

It's only an opinion on who's upset is right, or who's is wrong.

But to be fair, both of your feelings matter.

The problem right now is, you're not talking to one another, or being fair on trying to understand each other's side.

If you're just wanting people to tell you he's horrible and you're right, then you're not going to get anywhere.

[fungal20]

5 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

Yes, but are you looking for validation that you're right and he's wrong?

Cause that's not going to fix anything.

It's only an opinion on who's upset is right, or who's is wrong.

But to be fair, both of your feelings matter.

The problem right now is, you're not talking to one another, or being fair on trying to understand each other's side.

If you're just wanting people to tell you he's horrible and you're right, then you're not going to get anywhere.

I'm not seeking validation either way, I don't believe I'm wrong for gifting him that, and I do feel like he handled it wrong.  I just want to know what I should do next.

[SherrySher]

20 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

I'm not seeking validation either way, I don't believe I'm wrong for gifting him that, and I do feel like he handled it wrong.  I just want to know what I should do next.

But it's not a matter of who is right, or who is wrong. That's what I am trying to tell you.

You and he don't see this eye to eye.

He feels you were wrong, some of us on here feel that he's right and it was inappropriate, while others feel you were okay to do as you did.

It doesn't matter.

This isn't about trying to figure out who is right, or who is wrong.

He's upset..that matters, you're upset...that matters.

You can't go into this both thinking you're going to prove that the other one was wrong.

It's only going to make you fight even more.

The only thing you can do now, is to let him know you're willing to talk when he's open to it and wait.

Once he does want to talk, both of you have to genuinely be open to trying to understand each others side without anger, without accusations, or trying to prove the other one wrong, etc.

Literally just go into talking with an open mind and being understanding with one another.

Otherwise there won't be much repairing of anything.

[gamon]

41 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

You can't go into this both thinking you're going to prove that the other one was wrong.

It's only going to make you fight even more.

The only thing you can do now, is to let him know you're willing to talk when he's open to it and wait.

Once he does want to talk, both of you have to genuinely be open to trying to understand each others side without anger, without accusations, or trying to prove the other one wrong, etc.

^This. I said as much to the Op during a PM exchange.

So many posts on here and other forums are to the extent of "Who is right and who is wrong". Doesn't matter how many votes you get in your favor, unless perhaps it's unanimous because it's so obvious that the other person is way out of line. but then again it's all based on what the Op wrote which is almost always in their own biased perspective.

If you want to fix what's broken you don't do it by trying to prove they're wrong and you're right.

People don't operate that way.

 

[fungal20]

Y'all are so great! 

[HeartGoesOn]

I agree as to him over reacting, where instead he could have recognized that your intentions were sincere.

He does owe you an apology, and hopefully he steps up to the plate, (imo).

[Capricorn3]

I am assuming you were naked in the picture? Or semi naked?

While I can see your side of it being a cute gift, I can also see his side if a "hotel maid saw it" it really would be embarrassing for him (you did imply he can take it with him when he travels).

I'm just trying to imagine getting a blanket like that from my hubby ...... um .... yeah ...... um ... that would stay in our bedroom forever and/or on a very high top shelf somewhere, lol. BUT nothing I would ever take with me when I travel, lol.

[boltnrun]

Plus, what would stop an unscrupulous hotel housekeeper or security guard from taking pics of the blanket and posting them on Tik Tok or Instagram with the caption "Look what I found in one of the guest's rooms??!!"

But yes, please do attempt to have a calm discussion where you BOTH express how you feel.  No interrupting and no dismissing of someone's feelings.  Hopefully you two can talk it out.

[waffle]

5 hours ago, fungal20 said:

. . . he said because it would be too much to have to carry around when he travels, wouldn't be respectful if a hotel maid saw it, thought I was flaunting myself and more excuses. 

Are you flaunting yourself?  If you've given him many gifts like this in the past, maybe he's just getting tired of it and is hoping you'll start coming up with different types of gifts.  

I know that if some guy continually gave me pics of himself in a g-string I'd start wondering when he was going to get over himself.

[fungal20]

1 hour ago, HeartGoesOn said:

I agree as to him over reacting, where instead he could have recognized that your intentions were sincere.

He does owe you an apology, and hopefully he steps up to the plate, (imo).

THANK YOU!

[fungal20]

1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

I am assuming you were naked in the picture? Or semi naked?

While I can see your side of it being a cute gift, I can also see his side if a "hotel maid saw it" it really would be embarrassing for him (you did imply he can take it with him when he travels).

I'm just trying to imagine getting a blanket like that from my hubby ...... um .... yeah ...... um ... that would stay in our bedroom forever and/or on a very high top shelf somewhere, lol. BUT nothing I would ever take with me when I travel, lol.

I get what you're saying, I am not asking him to flaunt the blanket around, but I know he is alone all the time, so at night why not snuggle up with a blanket with me on it 🙂

There were 2 different photos of me, front and back, edgy but I don't think of them as trashy. You can message me if you want to know. 

I just thought it would be cute, again he's on the road all the time, so just wanted to give him something thoughtful. 

[fungal20]

26 minutes ago, waffle said:

Are you flaunting yourself?  If you've given him many gifts like this in the past, maybe he's just getting tired of it and is hoping you'll start coming up with different types of gifts.  

He's always told me how much he likes my "homemade" gifts because they are unique and he appreciates them. 

[gamon]

It's not about flaunting the blanket to others, it's about you basically saying "look at this really hot girlfriend you got, and here's a constant reminder in case you momentarily forgot.

The poster that mentioned it just might be on to something.

What was the last "edgy" gift you gave him and how did he react?

[fungal20]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Plus, what would stop an unscrupulous hotel housekeeper or security guard from taking pics of the blanket and posting them on Tik Tok or Instagram with the caption "Look what I found in one of the guest's rooms??!!"

 

Eh, I get that. They are cute and edgy, not trashy. If someone I knew saw them, parents, sister, friend, etc. I wouldn't overly freak out about it. It's not like that bad.

[SherrySher]

3 hours ago, gamon said:

^This. I said as much to the Op during a PM exchange.

So many posts on here and other forums are to the extent of "Who is right and who is wrong". Doesn't matter how many votes you get in your favor, unless perhaps it's unanimous because it's so obvious that the other person is way out of line. but then again it's all based on what the Op wrote which is almost always in their own biased perspective.

If you want to fix what's broken you don't do it by trying to prove they're wrong and you're right.

People don't operate that way.

 

I hope you talk to him, and please keep this in mind.

Always try to respect the other persons feelings, even if you wouldn't have reacted the same.

I agree, that too many people these days are so focused on who's right, or who's wrong and the ego fuels more arguments and more anger.

Step away from that way of thinking.

Try to come to an understanding with one another. 

[Cherylyn]

Your heart was in the right place.  Unfortunately, many times, a lot of people think that for Christmas or birthday gifts, they want their version of well thought out gifts. 

If my husband gave me a blanket with a photo of himself on it, my reaction would've been to thank him although, truthfully I would let him know that I was disappointed because what I really wanted was the following:  a designer handbag (my penchant!), perfume, shoes, clothing, jewelry, scarf, hat, cosmetics, etc.  Or, during pre-pandemic, tickets to 'A Christmas Carol' theater play, ballet, concert, symphony and what we enjoy.

For him, if I were to give him a blanket with a photo of myself, he would've thought that I didn't know him that well enough to give him what he really wanted such as the following:  gadgets (he likes handyman type gadgets), tools, electronics, shirts, gloves, slippers, winter coat or something practical yet chic.  In the past, it was a sturdy backpack for his work laptop, accessories for his car, etc. 

I'm not you.  However, if it were me, I would've apologized to my husband for not giving him the type of gifts he would've wanted.  Someone has to be the bigger person.  By the same token, I would've told him that perhaps there's a miscommunication problem and from now on, instead of me having to guess what he would like, my request is for him to write down his wish list throughout the year.  Then for Christmas or birthdays, I will choose something from his list.  To be fair though, you should do the same so he too can know what you prefer for your birthdays and Christmases as well.  Also, anniversaries if both of you exchange gifts for that occasion.  (For others, Mother's or Father's Days as well.) 

Dry your tears.  Start anew and have a new MO (method of operation).  Change course.  You and your boyfriend will be fine. 

[Seraphim]

When giving gifts it is always best to think of the feelings of the recipient not what we ourselves would like. I know you were trying to be sincere but “ edgy and racy “ is not what he was looking for . 

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Your heart was in the right place.  Unfortunately, many times, a lot of people think that for Christmas or birthday gifts, they want their version of well thought out gifts. 

If my husband gave me a blanket with a photo of himself on it, my reaction would've been to thank him although, truthfully I would let him know that I was disappointed because what I really wanted was the following:  a designer handbag (my penchant!), perfume, shoes, clothing, jewelry, scarf, hat, cosmetics, etc.  Or, during pre-pandemic, tickets to 'A Christmas Carol' theater play, ballet, concert, symphony and what we enjoy.

For him, if I were to give him a blanket with a photo of myself, he would've thought that I didn't know him that well enough to give him what he really wanted such as the following:  gadgets (he likes handyman type gadgets), tools, electronics, shirts, gloves, slippers, winter coat or something practical yet chic.  In the past, it was a sturdy backpack for his work laptop, accessories for his car, etc. 

I'm not you.  However, if it were me, I would've apologized to my husband for not giving him the type of gifts he would've wanted.  Someone has to be the bigger person.  By the same token, I would've told him that perhaps there's a miscommunication problem and from now on, instead of me having to guess what he would like, my request is for him to write down his wish list throughout the year.  Then for Christmas or birthdays, I will choose something from his list.  To be fair though, you should do the same so he too can know what you prefer for your birthdays and Christmases as well.  Also, anniversaries if both of you exchange gifts for that occasion.  (For others, Mother's or Father's Days as well.) 

Dry your tears.  Start anew and have a new MO (method of operation).  Change course.  You and your boyfriend will be fine. 

Great answer!

[Lambert]

I think you should let him cool down.  And let him come to you.    

I am not saying whether the gift was appropriate or not.  Nor am I saying he has to use it.  But he could have handled the situation better.  Is his is a rare occurrence?

Then maybe there is more to it.  And you should try to understand that.  Ask why he got so upset and why he couldn't just talk to you or laugh it off with you or the way you two normally communicate with each other.

If he's got a bad temper and he's always flying off the handle then giving you the silent treatment, that's different.  

You deserve to be treated with respect all the time.  Even when he is mad at you.  Ruining holidays, vacations, what's supposed to be good times over silly things, that's not cool.  

A grown man throwing a fit over a blanket.  One present.  Not even the only thing you got him.  That's pretty cringe worthy in my book.  And I would be thinking about what the future looks like with guy and consider if it's what I really want.  

[catfeeder]

Two things stand out if you were naked on the blanket: first, his discomfort with the idea of displaying you out in the open and at that size, with reversal impossible if you're naked on both sides, and second, he may have interpreted it as you marking your territory--him. 

Unfortunately, this may have implied to him that you don't trust that he's always alone when he travels, OR, he may have been offended for exactly that reason. Maybe he's not always alone when he travels.

[Rose Mosse]

12 hours ago, fungal20 said:

I (23 female) gave my boyfriend (25) a personal Christmas gift yesterday. I gave him a custom blanket with a photo of me on it. (Yes, it was sexy.)  I did this because he travels around for work alone, and thought it would be special. 

When he opened up the gift and saw what it was, he immediately blew up and couldn't believe I would even consider or think of doing something like this. He immediately put the blanket back in the bag and said he wouldn't have a use for it. I asked him why and he said because it would be too much to have to carry around when he travels, wouldn't be respectful if a hotel maid saw it, thought I was flaunting myself and more excuses. 

That was a mood killer of the day, and we went the rest of the day not talking, and I was in tears most of the day. 

 

What should I do next? I feel like a complete failure and have no idea how to recover from this.

Let this blow over. He didn’t like it. It’s fine if that’s what he thinks.

Know that it doesn’t mean you’re a complete failure or worthless. This came with good intentions and he missed the point entirely. It’s not necessarily the gift but the thought behind it, the person behind it giving that gift.

I’d be surprised if he doesn’t take back his harsh words and apologize to you in the next few days. 

Also, is it customary to give multiple presents? Why so many? I’d rethink this as the items may be adding up and this is one way of him trying to tell you all this is just too much.