Boyfriend extremely upset after given Christmas gift

[fungal20]

I (23 female) gave my boyfriend (25) a personal Christmas gift yesterday. I gave him a custom blanket with a photo of me on it. (Yes, it was sexy.)  I did this because he travels around for work alone, and thought it would be special. 

When he opened up the gift and saw what it was, he immediately blew up and couldn't believe I would even consider or think of doing something like this. He immediately put the blanket back in the bag and said he wouldn't have a use for it. I asked him why and he said because it would be too much to have to carry around when he travels, wouldn't be respectful if a hotel maid saw it, thought I was flaunting myself and more excuses. 

That was a mood killer of the day, and we went the rest of the day not talking, and I was in tears most of the day. 

 

What should I do next? I feel like a complete failure and have no idea how to recover from this.

[boltnrun]

He's thinking practically and you're thinking emotionally.  It's true, packing a blanket in your suitcase takes up a LOT of room (which is why I never pack a pillow or a bathrobe unless I'm driving to my destination).

Why are you two not speaking?  Has either of you attempted to speak to the other one?

[SherrySher]

Unfortunately, it really is an inappropriate gift, and he's right, it's not something you'd want a stranger to come across.

If you had given him a photo he could have in his wallet, then might have been okay, but the blanket was too much.

You have to be really careful with gifts like that. It can be taken the wrong way, look crass, or in this case, inappropriate.

His reaction was quite strong, however that could be a good indication that you two aren't compatible.

[fungal20]

Just now, boltnrun said:

He's thinking practically and you're thinking emotionally.  It's true, packing a blanket in your suitcase takes up a LOT of room (which is why I never pack a pillow or a bathrobe unless I'm driving to my destination).

Why are you two not speaking?  Has either of you attempted to speak to the other one?

It's a super small throw blanket, it's a 20 x 30 blanket.

We talked very little today. 😕 

[fungal20]

1 minute ago, SherrySher said:

Unfortunately, it really is an inappropriate gift, and he's right, it's not something you'd want a stranger to come across.

If you had given him a photo he could have in his wallet, then might have been okay, but the blanket was too much.

You have to be really careful with gifts like that. It can be taken the wrong way, look crass, or in this case, inappropriate.

His reaction was quite strong, however that could be a good indication that you two aren't compatible.

I honestly thought he would love it based on past gifts and things we've done together. I'm not saying he has to take it traveling, use it while at home, whatever, just don't blow up on me about it. 

[greenfox4]

He definitely overreacted. I don't think you have anything to be sorry for. Just tell him how you're feeling and take it from there.

[SherrySher]

3 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

I honestly thought he would love it based on past gifts and things we've done together. I'm not saying he has to take it traveling, use it while at home, whatever, just don't blow up on me about it. 

Unfortunately, his feelings matter too, and he did not appreciate the blanket.

Don't dismiss how he feels, because that's not fair.

If you want your relationship to work out, both of your feelings matter.

Some gifts are a hit, some aren't. It's a matter of accepting that.

[fungal20]

Just now, SherrySher said:

Unfortunately, his feelings matter too, and he did not appreciate the blanket.

Don't dismiss how he feels, because that's not fair.

If you want your relationship to work out, both of your feelings matter.

Some gifts are a hit, some aren't. It's a matter of accepting that.

Do you have any suggestions on how to recover then? Get him a different gift?

[SherrySher]

3 minutes ago, bluemax44 said:

He definitely overreacted

How did he overreact?

He didn't appreciate a gift like that, he felt it was crass, and thoughtless.

I'm sorry, but as a gag gift it might have been okay, but as a Christmas present which was meant to be special, it was not appropriate.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

I (23 female) gave my boyfriend (25) a personal Christmas gift yesterday. I gave him a custom blanket with a photo of me on it.  I did this because he travels around for work alone, and thought it would be special. 

he wouldn't have a use for it. I asked him why and he said because it would be too much to have to carry around when he travels.

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? 

Your gift was personal, well thought out and sweet. Most guys would love it. He acted very rudely and ungrateful. 

Assuming it was just a sexy photo not nude or lewd, he reacted ridiculously.

Even if you got him pink kitten socks and he didn't like it, his reaction is that of a spoiled brat who throws his toys if Santa didn't get him what he wanted.

 It's not your job to "fix this". He should apologize. In the meantime don't contact him until he contacts you with an apology.

[fungal20]

Just now, SherrySher said:

How did he overreact?

He didn't appreciate a gift like that, he felt it was crass, and thoughtless.

I'm sorry, but as a gag gift it might have been okay, but as a Christmas present which was meant to be special, it was not appropriate.

He got extremely upset, raised his voice and got firm with his words. A total 360. This wasn't his only gift, I gave him a lot of other gifts. This was more or less an extra. I didn't tell him he needed to take this with him, it was just a thought. I don't care if it ever leaves the house. I just thought it would be cute and fun.

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

I'm not saying he has to take it traveling

That was implied here:

19 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

I did this because he travels around for work alone

I also think as a gag gift, it's funny and kind of cute. But as a Christmas gift, it's rather me-me-me. 

However, I also susepct there is more context to this recent epsiode. How has your relationship been going lately?

EDITED: I see you say this was not his only gift, so my stance is a little different now. His reaction is over-the-top. Me thinks something else has been bothering him and it came to a head here, for some reason

[SherrySher]

1 minute ago, fungal20 said:

Do you have any suggestions on how to recover then? Get him a different gift?

I would let him have his space for the time being. Leave him a message of when he wants to talk, let me know.

When he eventually messages you, then you can talk things out, let him know that you meant for the gift to be something fun, but didn't mean to cause any upset.

Then see if you both can get past it.

However, don't beg, don't demean yourself, and don't belittle yourself.

It was a gift that didn't hit the mark, that does not mean you're a bad girlfriend, or a bad person or deserve punishment, etc.

All it means is that you will talk things through and hopefully it will go different next time.

If he continues to punish, be upset with you, refuse to talk things through like adults, then you're not compatible.

It's okay to not always get the gift right, but not okay for him to make you feel terrible.

[fungal20]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

That was implied here:

I also think as a gag gift, it's funny and kind of cute. But as a Christmas gift, it's rather me-me-me. 

However, I also susepct there is more context to this recent epsiode. How has your relationship been going lately?

I gave him multiple other gifts, this was the ending and again, I did it because I thought it was cute. 

Our relationship has been really good, we've had no issues

[boltnrun]

Do you two live together?

[SherrySher]

2 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

He got extremely upset, raised his voice and got firm with his words. A total 360. This wasn't his only gift, I gave him a lot of other gifts. This was more or less an extra. I didn't tell him he needed to take this with him, it was just a thought. I don't care if it ever leaves the house. I just thought it would be cute and fun.

Okay, well this is my take on it, (my guess).

Obviously, in order to have a blanket like that made, someone else would have had to have seen it, correct? I'm assuming whoever made it.

That might have been what triggered him.

Some other person taking a look a you in that position.

I mean, the blanket in itself is not everyone's piece of cake, but he only needed to keep it in his room, and not take it this far.

I am guessing that his reaction has more to do with jealousy and for whoever happened to see it before he received it.

[fungal20]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? 

Your gift was personal, well thought out and sweet. Most guys would love it. He acted very rudely and ungrateful. 

Assuming it was just a sexy photo not nude or lewd, he reacted ridiculously.

Even if you got him pink kitten socks and he didn't like it, his reaction is that of a spoiled brat who throws his toys if Santa didn't get him what he wanted.

 It's not your job to "fix this". He should apologize. In the meantime don't contact him until he contacts you with an apology.

Thank you for your comment. 

We've been together for about two and a half years, the relationship has been good and strong. 

The photo is edgy, but I would consider it classy for what it's worth. 

[fungal20]

1 minute ago, SherrySher said:

Okay, well this is my take on it, (my guess).

Obviously, in order to have a blanket like that made, someone else would have had to have seen it, correct? I'm assuming whoever made it.

That might have been what triggered him.

Some other person taking a look a you in that position.

I mean, the blanket in itself is not everyone's piece of cake, but he only needed to keep it in his room, and not take it this far.

I am guessing that his reaction has more to do with jealousy and for whoever happened to see it before he received it.

I have a very close friend that's a photographer, and she took the photos and made the blanket. Although a friend, and has nothing to do with it, a lot of time and money was put into this gift. To make a double sided blanket was not cheap at all. 

This is not the first time I have given him a custom sexy gift, so for him to throw a fit, regardless is uncalled for.

[greenfox4]

Wouldn't be surprised if he's just irritable to work stress, especially if he's been travelling recently. As one of the users above said, just wait for him to contact you. If you've been together for over 2 years this shouldn't be a big issue IMO.

[fungal20]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Do you two live together?

Yes, we do.

[fungal20]

1 minute ago, bluemax44 said:

Wouldn't be surprised if he's just irritable to work stress, especially if he's been travelling recently. As one of the users above said, just wait for him to contact you. If you've been together for over 2 years this shouldn't be a big issue IMO.

It's possible, he's had the last few days off, though and they have been super enjoyable days with him. 

[gamon]

I could see him saying "hmm this isn't really my thing and no way I'm taking it with me when traveling, sorry" but his immediate reaction followed by the not talking to one another all day is just plain weird.

If he comes around and apologizes for the over the top outburst then ok, but if not, you've got a serious problem here.

 

[MissCanuck]

8 minutes ago, gamon said:

If he comes around and apologizes for the over the top outburst then ok, but if not, you've got a serious problem here

Yes, and at that point I would start asking questions to figure out where this is really coming from. 

[SherrySher]

28 minutes ago, fungal20 said:

I have a very close friend that's a photographer, and she took the photos and made the blanket. Although a friend, and has nothing to do with it, a lot of time and money was put into this gift. To make a double sided blanket was not cheap at all. 

This is not the first time I have given him a custom sexy gift, so for him to throw a fit, regardless is uncalled for.

But unfortunately, you can't dictate how others feel, or what's okay, or not okay.

Just like if you got upset about something, you wouldn't want him telling you it's not okay for you to be upset.

He's upset, something got him upset. The best thing you can do is sit down and talk it through with him, and for both of your to try to understand one another's side of things.

[SherrySher]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Yes, and at that point I would start asking questions to figure out where this is really coming from. 

Yes! Because we are only guessing.

You need to talk to one another, without accusations, without anger, try to understand where the other one is coming from.