My boyfriend has a sexual history with his Female best friend

[Anonymous2339]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years now. From the very beginning of the relationship his female friend has been an ongoing isssue she originally started off by telling my boyfriend that she “didn’t approve of me” and “ didn’t think we should be together”. She would also comment on pictures on social media being petty. I finally asked him if they had ever hooked up in the past or had anything else going on, and he lied about it for months telling me that they were just friends. He eventually told me that they had sex in the past and she confessed to wanting to be in a relationship with him.  This friend lives hours away but whenever she comes home it is always an argument because I don’t feel comfortable with them hanging out. Last week I also found pictures of this same friend in her underwear in his phone and he told me that it was nothing like that and she just wanted to show her progress from the gym. He seems to feel that I am in the wrong and that I just have an issue with this specific friend. I’m just starting to feel like I am crazy for feeling like this. I keep trying to trying to explain to him that I feel like the picture was disrespectful and that she doesn’t respect our relationship at all, it’s clear that she doesn’t, but yet he still keeps her around.

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Anonymous2339 said:

He eventually told me that they had sex in the past and she confessed to wanting to be in a relationship with him.  

Sorry this is happening. He is lying to you and that in itself is reason to end it.

Another reason is that this situationship he lied about, is causing headaches and heartaches men with integrity would not cause you.

He's getting off on this catfight at your expense. He doesn't care about your feelings or respect you.

There are so many red flags here, that it's better to cut your losses.

He keeps this poisonous snake around for a reason. Think about that.

 

[Andrina]

38 minutes ago, Anonymous2339 said:

but yet he still keeps her around

He's getting something of value from someone who is a high risk to his romantic relationship--doesn't care that he's risking a breakup with you. If she was a true friend, she would be a champion of your relationship unless you're a toxic person, which I assume you're not. He hid the truth from you so you would accept their "friendship." If he was a person of integrity, the moment she said she was interested in a relationship with him, in addition to showing jealousy on social media, he should've told her they could no longer be friends because it isn't healthy for his primary relationship.

If you stay, you clearly possess very low self-worth. There are single guys with good ethics who would make decent partners. Free yourself so you can meet one of them.

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Anonymous2339 said:

This friend lives hours away but whenever she comes home it is always an argument because I don’t feel comfortable with them hanging out.

Sadly, you do not have control over who he's friends with,, but, does seem SHE has some jealousy going on 😕 .

 

1 hour ago, Anonymous2339 said:

she doesn’t respect our relationship at all, it’s clear that she doesn’t, but yet he still keeps her around.

You may be right there.. but HE has no control over all she's got to say - BUT he should be stepping up somewhat & ask her to stop any disrespectful comments at you.

IMO, if he is with you, then you should see it as good.  He's not with her.

But, yeah, SHE needs to grow up!

I am sure they are done.. but he really should be saying something on your behalf... but maybe he's too weak 😕 .

If it is too much on you & you feel the pressure of her, admit to him that either things change with her somewhat or you're gone - as this IS affecting you.

Shape up or ship out 😉 

 

[Lambert]

he understands where you are coming from but he likes you being jealous & he likes the attention from her.

Dump this guy. After 2 years you should be priority number 1. you clearly are not. 

let him have his little friend in her undies and criticism of you.  She didn't approve of you?  I would not tolerate that.  not one bit. 

I had an ex with a girl bff and she was a nightmare. Looking back, I realize now she was because he allowed it. I kick myself just thinking about it. If I had it all to do over again, I would be strong and dump him.

This guy is a loser.... he knows that.   that's why he is holding on to this attention. A real man would not do this to his woman. 

you can do better! 

[Batya33]

He is choosing to be in touch with someone who is disrespectful to you and he was disrespectful by lying.  Those are the main issues not that he is in touch with someone he once had sex with.   I agree with Lambert.

[Rose Mosse]

Admittedly I've never been in a situation like this so I don't even know where to start except the door. And tell him to let it hit him on the way out too. 

I'd rearrange everything you thought about this person. I don't think he should be anyone's boyfriend. 

[DancingFool]

OP, stop explaining things to him because he KNOWS what he is doing and he likes it. The cat fight over his greatness strokes his ego and he is never going to stop acting like a complete dbag.

Please respect yourself enough to never ever get into a cat fight over any man. No man is worth that. Dump him with extreme prejudice and move on. So many men out there who would be loving and 100% loyal to you and your relationship, why on earth settle for one that isn't? He is not a prize, he is a loser. Stop wasting your precious time and life on him. You can and will do better. Going forward, dump guys like that faster. Don't keep sticking around hoping he'll see "the light". Please understand one thing - it's not that he doesn't know it's wrong, it's that he likes it that way. 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, Anonymous2339 said:

He seems to feel that I am in the wrong and that I just have an issue with this specific friend.

Of course you do, why wouldn't you? She's toxic and he has no boundaries with her. 

 

3 hours ago, Anonymous2339 said:

I keep trying to trying to explain to him that I feel like the picture was disrespectful and that she doesn’t respect our relationship at all,

Unless this guy just fell off the turnip truck yesterday, he requires no explanation. He knows this isn't okay. But he likes it, so he's trying to make it your fault so he can keep her around. 

Your boyfriend is enabling her, and he clearly enjoys the attention. On some level, that crush is probably mutual. I would not continue this relationship, personally. He is showing you whose feelings he prioritizes, and it's not yours. 

[Pleasedonot5]

Hey, OP. Sorry you are dealing with this. 

Here is what I see:

1. Your boyfriend lied to cover up his sexual past with this "friend,"
2. The friend has overtly disrespected you on social media,
3. She's made statements to persuade him against being in a relationship with you, and
4. She has recently sent pictures of herself in her underwear to him.

Despite these things (which render your concerns or objections of his regular contact with her to be reasonable), your boyfriend is choosing to disregard or rebuke your concerns. He continues to be in regular contact with this person. He isn't taking your concerns seriously. I think that shows disrespect for your relationship.

I would normally first suggest a heart-to-heart. Sometimes partners do not realize what they are doing is wrong or concerning to their partners. However, here, ostensibly you have already had a direct conversation (or five) with him about it, and yet the behavior does not change. He is either willfully blind or intentionally continuing this situation. Unless there is more to the story - or unless we are getting a skewed version of the truth - I would probably suggest breaking up in this situation. 

Hope this helps. 

[smackie9]

Deal breaker.

[lostandhurt]

I just replied to a thread where a guy kept past sexual partners around as "friends" That one isn't going so well either.

  It is so easy for us to tell you to dump him since we are not in love with this person, we are totally objective and many of us have been around here a loooooong time and have seen this play out thousands of times.

  You have made it clear you do not like him spending time with her and sharing pics and he has replied that you are wrong and he is going to continue.  His "friend" has been disruptive, disrespectful and rude towards you and the relationship and he does nothing.

  He should make a change on his own knowing you are not cool with the status quo but he won't and an ultimatum would be forcing him to do the right thing instead of doing the right thing on his own.

  As far as ending this goes let me ask you one question.    If you knew 2 years ago his "friend" was a girl he used to bang and she still wants him would you have gone past the second date?

  Lost

[abitbroken]

Please find a nice young man that shares your values - someone that when a relationship is over, its over, and he doesn't have hangers-on that want to get in his pants.  He is not completely oblivious here.  You are not crazy. My ex had a woman who was the one he really wanted to be with but didn't admit it.  She lived hours away, also, but whenever i was on a work trip of something - oh wow what a coincidence who happened to call or who he happened to run into.

You deserve a man with boundaries. I would end this. He knew you had boundaries and would not take second best, so that's why he lied.

[Unsure2021]

He’s cheating on you with her and lying about it. Friends don’t send each other nudie pics. If I were you, I’d leave and delete him from my life. Liars never change.

[poorlittlefish]

A true friend wouldn't try and cause issues with you by posting petty comments on social media.  A true friend wouldn't send a half-naked photo of herself, especially when she knows there's a girlfriend involved.  If your boyfriend can't see for himself that this "friend" is more trouble than she's worth then that says a lot about his value and respect for you.

[dias]

14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

On some level, that crush is probably mutual.