Boyfriend left me when I asked him to stop groping me

[RobustMouse]

My boyfriend of 1.5 years has always been extremely touchy feely, which I was fine with at first. But then he started frequently doing the following:

1.) Grabbing my boobs, butt or crotch out the blue. (Like if I'm about to sit down on he'll stick his hand in the way so he can feel my butt)

2.) When we try to go asleep, he normally stays awake a little longer than me, and will start grabbing my butt as talking about how hot it is, and then...

3.) The most disgusting part. Whenever we wake up in the morning, he sticks his hand down the front of my pants to feel my crotch and makes comments about my grooming habits...

4.)When we wake up and get on the couch to drink coffee and watch TV, he will randomly grope me and try to touch me sexually.

All of this is random. He tells me "I want to feel the boobs! Just because I want top touch them doesn't mean I want Sex"

Once when I asked him why he kept touching my butt when I was trying to sleep, his response was "Gotta love the buns!"

I got sick of this *** after awhile and started either moving his hand, squirming away, and sitting away from him so he wouldn't touch me.

It's NOT romantic, and its NOT a turn on - his behavior reminds me of a sexual assault that happened when I was 19, and several other incidents where another boy was grabbing my boobs without permission, with friends there, and no one would stop him.

I have told him these things, and all he does is tell me "I don't understand why you don't want to be touched?

"Listen buddy, groping me and grabbing my crotch does not f*cking turn me on. (I never said this but I sure would like too.
never said tis but I'd like too)One of our favorite times together is when we exchange massages. I Every time I see him I give him an hour long massage.

And when its my turn? He pulls my pants down and starts kissing my butt cheeks and telling me sexy they are, and then lazily rubs me.

He did this all day long. Not every 2 minutes, but there was not a single morning or night that he was not groping me in one way or another.

Yesterday, I finally told him this behavior was going to stop. That I did not like to grabbed, groped, and felt up like has been doing - and if he couldn't be satisfied without having permission to treat his girlfriend like this, then we were not meant for each other and it was time to break up. I did this in the most respectful manner I could and told him I wanted to  be with him, and be with him, but that this behavior needed to stop

To my shock, he broke up with me.

He literally broke up with me after  demanding he give me bodily respect - like *I"M* the one with the issues. Like *I'M* the one who needs to change.

I feel sad and angry at the same time. I miss him, but the logical fact is that I no longer have to endure what felt like sexual abuse.

You would have thought that me squirming away, moving his hand and telling him to stop multiple times that he would get thew hint. Apparently not!

Am I wrong to feel this way? It feels like sexual abuse, maybe thats harsh.

Can you imagine being woken up with your partner's hands down your pants feeling your crotch? Or when all you want is a damn massage and he he wont stop kissing your ass (literally).

I am so angry....

 

[Capricorn3]

Be glad you're rid of this disrespectful, lecherous creep. It's a blessing in disguise.  You can do a lot better.  Hopefully you won't take him back.

[RobustMouse]

Also,

Whenever I am on my cycle, I can't wear pads...because he would absolutely NOT stop trying touch my butt. I would literally tell him to stop and he refused!

Now when I finally put my hand down and demand to be respected, he breaks up with me!

[Cherylyn]

Instead of being angry, say, "Good riddance!"  Feel relieved that you finally got rid of him. 

[boltnrun]

He did you a favor. He's a disrespectful ass who treated you like a piece of meat or a sex toy or blow up doll.

Be glad you're rid of him. And next time, don't wait around for someone to "change". Date men who treat you with respect from the beginning and who are consistently respectful.

[DancingFool]

He left because he is a creep and he is not going to change his creepy ways. He feels entitled to do whatever he wants.

You've really dodged a bullet here and please block him from contacting you ever again. Creeps like this tend to cycle back to see if he can fool you and use you again.

Also, please sit down with yourself and figure out why you were willing to put up with something like that this long. Shouldn't have been acceptable even for a day, let alone 1.5 years of this. You need to work out some healthier boundaries and how to enforce them. Telling someone you've been hurt in the past is not enforcing a boundary, it's making them your custodian...and people, especially predators will use and abuse that. If being groped is not acceptable, you say no once. If he does it again, you kick him to the curb. Do not even bother with trying to teach a grown man how to behave. He knows what he is doing and if he acts like a creep, it's because he wants to.

[Rose Mosse]

He doesn't respect you, OP. I'm speaking as he should respect a whole person (your interests, desires, thoughts). Consider yourself so much better off without him in your life. 

 

[Lambert]

You were physically repulsed by his behavior. squirming away etc.

Dumping him is the right thing.  Be glad he's gone.  His behavior was wrong.  You felt that. Its not in you to accept what you can't. 

He was not the guy for you. You will find better.  And next time you come across a red flag in a relationship, like this,  end it sooner.  you'll save yourself this kind of heartache.

[HeartGoesOn]

Hopefully he's not living with you, where it would be a bit more difficult to get rid of him.

Either way, send him back to his sandbox, as you didn't sign up to raise this clown.

[SooSad33]

Yup, very disrespectful & immature behaviour! 😞 .. I would not accept that for long either. . HE has some issue's and this is not normal..

Yeah, he has been mis treating you. That's just nasty.

So, be glad you are out of his grasp.. was NOT doing you any good- just making you feel overwhelmed and not right 😞 .

No one needs that.  So, yeah, be glad you be done with it!

And good on you to speak up- just don't take it for as long as you did this time ❤️ 

[shellyf62]

 another boy was grabbing my boobs without permission, with friends there, and no one would stop him.

Im glad that your horrible bf is gone.

Now its time to find your voice! The quote above shows that you were waiting for others to stop the boy, but you need to learn to be more assertive & stop any disrespectful behaviour yourself.

Standing up for yourself & having clear boundaries about what you will & wont put up with will show others that you wont accept any disgusting behaviour. 

[Hollyj]

He sounds gross.  Be glad you are rid of him, as he has zero respect for you!

You should have been the one to have ended things.  Long ago!

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Vaxil said:

 "Listen buddy, groping me and grabbing my crotch does not f*cking turn me on. I never said this but I sure would like too.

You live together? If it were bothering you, you would move out.

[Jibralta]

13 hours ago, Vaxil said:

Am I wrong to feel this way?

Hell, no. I'm just sorry that you felt you had to put up with it for as long as you did. I get that you are sad over the breakup (feelings are weird), but seriously Good Riddance!!!! Gross!!!

[Seraphim]

Ewwww  so gross be glad he is gone. Talking to him about it as you see didn’t help anyway. 

[RobustMouse]

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great, but how the hell can he dump me over something HE DID???

[boltnrun]

Just now, Vaxil said:

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great, but how the hell can he dump me over something HE DID???

You won't ever understand "why". Thus is just who he is.

Please stay strong. You may start imagining you "miss" him, but remember if you choose to try to convince him to take you back you will be agreeing to be groped.

[reinventmyself]

Aside from being groped, which from what you describe does sound assaulting, he dismissed your experience and told you you were wrong for feeling the way you did. AND continued to do it anyway This has so many other far reaching issues with it that I think you didn't even get to experience the whole picture due to it's ending.   I shudder at the thought of what 5 years later might have looked like.

I am still rattled just reading what you went through.  It's ok to feel sad.  Everyone has a good side, but his bad side waaaay overshadowed everything else.

Him leaving has nothing to do with you.  I am going to take a leap and say he doesn't particularly like women but instead sees them as objects.  When you wouldn't allow to him to objectify you, he left.

My ex husband would leave for work very early in the morning.  I would be asleep and his way of saying goodbye would to reach for me under the covers with freezing cold hands.  (He wasn't groping me)  For countless years I asked him not to do it.  At some point I would be awake anticipating it and would scoot as fast as I could to get out of his way.  I begged and pleaded.  He laughed it off.  Painted me unreasonable, after all he was being *playful.   

In the end it wasn't about the cold hands.  I started crying one morning.  It was about the constant, unrelenting dismissing of my feelings.  It was the lack of empathy and the unwillingness to stop something so silly that made his wife unhappy.   It was kind of mind bending, because if my partner shared with me something that made him uncomfortable, he'd only have to tell me once.   Because his happiness and comfort is important to me.

My focus was no longer on the shock of the cold hands.  It was about my husband not caring about what caused me discomfort and his lack of desire to simply respect my wishes.  Why would causing me discomfort be more important?  I didn't understand.

I know this doesn't even compare to being sexually assaulted and then being given the message that there is something wrong with you because you don't like it.  Despite your pleadings otherwise.

That's why I say as painful as that all is, it's a symptom of something bigger.   Thank your lucky stars he left.   This is a man who exhibits a total lack of respect and empathy.  And that's a dangerous combination.

Pity the next woman . . He will be her problem.

 

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, Vaxil said:

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great, but how the hell can he dump me over something HE DID???

His groping and his response to you standing up for yourself are just the tip of the iceberg. As reinventmyself said, it's highlighted his lack of empathy, and his unwillingness to stop doing something that made you unhappy. I understand that you're bewildered and hurt right now, but you really lucked out here. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Vaxil said:

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great

Excellent this nightmare is finally over. Did he move out? Talk to trusted friends and family about your concerns regarding him.

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, Vaxil said:

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great, but how the hell can he dump me over something HE DID???

Don't do it.. don't go down the path asking yourself that or even taking an ounce of that blame. It's an abuser tactic blaming you for his physical or emotional abuse. The important part is that this is over. 

Any lack of empathy or consideration for your wellbeing or health is a bad sign. Any my way or the highway attitudes or extremes in behaviours or thoughts are also not good. A relationship is a place where two kindred or likeminded spirits come together to love and enjoy life and share that life, not take advantage of one another or toy/dehumanize or be dismissive and aggressive towards one another.

What you can do overall is start taking a good look at the types of men you are dating, avoid people like this and stick up for yourself a lot earlier if you have to or/and walk away. 

[HeartGoesOn]

2 hours ago, Vaxil said:

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great, but how the hell can he dump me over something HE DID???

I'll take a guess that he already had one foot out the door, and this was his golden ticket out.  In other words he took the easy way out, which speaks volumes about his character.

It's time to give him the boot, and move on to what you deserve.

[Hollyj]

7 hours ago, Vaxil said:

I do not understand how he could be such a horrible person. Our relationship was never great, but how the hell can he dump me over something HE DID???

I think you need to focus on why you stayed with this guy!