RobustMouse

Listen, I totally understand! Please excuse me, but it could you be an undiagnosed OCD? I know that might sound rude, but I'm just trying to help you. Or like Socal suggested, did some king of truama happen to make you paranoid? You might want to visit a therapist or talk to someone you trust about this issue. I myself am a very open person. I'll tell just about anyone anything. (with some limits of course) Is it that you feel you might be judged? I don't know that if thats the reason, but if it is, understand that being paraniod to the point that you seem in the message is only going to cause you to be judged in that negative way.

Thank you guys, I feel better now. That really helped, I deeply appreciate it, I have a better understanding. I think I will just go apply for the grocery store....

I don't understand this, it's like no matter where I apply Despite my age and qualification, there is always a reason why I am turned down. In all reality, I've given out five applications, only three of them being truly qualified. So, the title may be misleading, because I understand that to get a job you need to apply to many. This rant is more like I am venting about my latest application. I am 18 and in High School, I have plans to become a dietician/nutritionist one day. I read and collect natural health books and even have a set of textbooks I regularly consult. I'm no chemist or RD, but I know more about the topic then my high school nutrition teacher. I have experience in public speaking, good grades, involved in school, and I'm 18. So when I turned in my appilication to recently opening health store with awsome references and even a resume, I couldn't help but be a bit ticked when they turned me down. It's been a week, and they still haven't given me a call. I had gone in there and talked to the manager who when I talked to her sounded delighted to see me, said she would give me a call. I was available at nearly the perfect time she needed someone, only two hours off. What was the only quirk? That I haven't worked before. Because I haven't worked a stupid grocery store to PROVE I can actually work, they won't hire me. Despite these 'qualifications' I hold, it's all based on the fact that I haven't been employed before. I UNDERSTAND why they would want someone who has worked before, previous job experience proves it all. But when you've got someone as qualifed as me, it just easily ticks me off. I don't want to sound arrogant, because I'm not an arrogant person. But I'm so perfect for the role that it just amazes me. And I can't be employed because of the no job experience deal. Like my hours of detication to school work and my public speaking doesn't prove I'm not worth while. I really, and this in the face of anger, don't want to waste my time at a grocery store with minimum wage, bad bosses, and long hours when I could be do much better things. It will be my last resort if I have prove myself by sacking groceries, but that will be the LAST thing I do. (TO anyone who does work in a grocery store, this is not a direct attack to anyone on the work force, who has my admiration for even being able to get a job) Sometimes I think even THEY won't hire me! I don't have a car, thereforeee, I would have to work in my suburb and unless I get a job I can't help pay for a car. It just makes me so MAD. This girl I know, age 14, walked into one of the stores I applied to and they asked her, "You want a job?" yet they turn me down? We had the same work schedule! Unless there's something I don't understand, I'm just giving up faith until I can spend three months at a grocery store just to prove to someone I'm capable 'working', like I haven't alrady...

Personally I like guys who are 'bigger' then me, but thats just because I feel self conscious about myself.

Go ahead and rant, it's what this place as here for.

The scary thing is that I trust him. I know he would never try to do anything he could get in trouble over. I have a feeling it's, 'if you can't be mine, then lets at least do this.'

Yes, I am aware I am playing with fire. As for the questions. NO I do not! And YES I would probably slap him! He knows I don't like him. Believe me, I already crushed it on my last 'appointment'! He told me he considered me a 'good friend' on an e-mail. When you say 'playing' the game, you are exactly right. This little 'get-together' I *suspect* is the next best thing to a date for him. For me, I feel nothing but anxiousness.

I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I've gotten myself am to something. I don't know why I'm doing this, I suspect, which I will bring up later. But it is causing me a lot of stress; wether it really needs to or not Some time ago, I posted about a situation I was in with a professional and myself. In a short synapsis, a professional I was going to (for what and when is not important) for a series of appointments, admitted that he had a 'thing for me'. I was, and am fairly creeped out by this, and went through a week long period being "Oh god I'm scared" becuase of it. As I am 18 and he is 20+ years older. But whatever, thats not the most important fact. THe fact is, I was scared. And on the last appointment i had with him, I did not tell him 'Im not interested' I told him I liked someone else. (For one thing by my misconceptions he thought I already did like him!) And thats how it ended. We said good bye, he never knew of the torment I went through behind the curtain. I was just thankful it was over, until I went back... Yes; I went back. Why? I felt like there was unfinished business. Of what sort? I DON'T know. I just felt this need to go back; and I did. I felt so bad; because I knew how much I ment to him; and I felt guility for 'just leaving him'. When I went back, he told me this, and I have to admit I was touched. I have never had anyone have any kind of interest in me before. Never, this was the first time, even if it had been by someone who clearly should not be interested in me, did. And I have to admit, the attention made me feel good. I am ashamed to admit that, and everything else I am saying right now. But I'm so confused I'm not holding anything back. So for someone to grant me that....I just couldn't help but be flattered. But anyway...I gave him my e-mail address. And we have been e-mailing. At first, I didn't respond. Because I felt like I made a mistake, but when I began to think about the situation one day; I felt a pang of guilt; and responded, and since then it's been e-mails. But it got further, and now with an unscheduled day we have plans to 'meet up' and talk. Although it feels more like a date, because he offered to pay for lunch and all...I told him no, I'll pay for my deal. I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I think it's attention; I think it's the craving to be desired, as again I must admit, being 18 and never having a boy liking you can feel just a tab bit sad inside. I have absolutly NO interest, and never will. I am a loved person. My mother loves me, my friends loved me, I'm not the most popular person in the world but I do know that I'm loved. But kill me now because my mom has no idea what the hell is going on. She found out someone had an interest in me; but I told her it was someone else with appointments. Whenever I drive by the street I know he lives on I think of what would happen if I visted him. Because I know I would never in my life do anything with him. I don't know why I have this continuous 'desire' (bad word for it) to continue this 'relationship' I've created. Sometimes it excites, and most of the time scares me. I'm afraid to call it off; partially because I know it would hurt him, and because of reasons my intentions can't be figured out; and I so badly want to know. I was a flirt during the appointments; experimenting, thinking 'wow, someone likes me, let me see what happens when I do this!' (just trying to be funny here) I'm worried about how far it would go. Not to a sexual point. But to a 'friendship' point. We are going to visit then what? It can't go far. I'm still in High school. There never will be a romance; I'll make sure of that. But as to the 'relationship' I don't know; and I'm worried about what might happen. I don't want to rid myself of him; yet I want to. I'm past the point of no return it feels like. If I get rid of him now, I know he'll forever wonder, 'Why did she do this to me?', and then I'll feel even worse. It took me a lot to say this, it took a lot. Thank you so much.

Does anyone feel an immense guilt because they know they've done wrong? Strictly relationship speaking, I've done a terrible thing, and while it didn't go to far, and I realize and have learned from my mistake, I still feel a sense of guilt because of the things I've done. I'm having trouble coping, and I feel like I've gone further then I really have. I'm scared, I'm nervous, but mostly, I feel shamed because of the mistakes I've made. How do you go one from healing from this guilt? How do you feel good about yourself knowing something was your fault?

I commend Texas Native for coming to this board and expressing and opening up the people of this board in order to get advice in help. It take balls to do that, thats for sure! Anyways, No on can condem him for feeling the way he does. A person can NOT control how they feel. And no one should try and condem him for his feelings on this matter. He has every right in the world to be royally PO'd at his partner, if she did indeed entrap him. Can you imagine being entraped in a situation like this? I am one that does love kids, but certainly don't want any of my own. If I suddenly found myself an about to be parent, I wouldn't be very happy either. Parenthood is an extreamly personal choice, and apparently he was forced into it by the decisions of his wife. Not logged on? Hmmm, I'm still glad I typed this.

It did. :sad: Thank you. I think everything will be all right now.

Hunny, thank you so much for talking with me, you've been giveng me great advice. Even if something did happen between us, I know it wouldn't last. I've known this for quite sometime already. He and I are similar, but we are different in so many ways too. He would want one thing, and I would want something else, we might make it a few days, a month, a year, but not a life time. I know this, and I think thats the one thing that keeping my head on. I know we wouldn't work out. Still, my mind tells me this, but my emotions keep wanting to pursue it. I won't lie and I say I'm going to stop and let it go, because I know I won't. But I will take your advice Hunny, I've been thinking about it. Part of me just wants to tell him, "Hey guess what...I like you" but I could never do that. It would be to akward for one thing, and on top of that, I would be scared he and I would grow further apart. What if should I do if nothing changes after awhile? Admit it that I like him? Tell him to stop, even though I've been advised never to tell him "I'm taking this seriously, stop". :sad: Or..?

Thank you Hunny. His attention never felt like much, until I developed my 'crush' on him. He is a bit of a player, and I can agree with you completely when you say "I liked him so much" Thats where I'm coming from. I'm ashamed to say it, but part of me is still hanging on because inside I'm hoping for a chance that maybe by the end of next year (Him, junior, me sophmore) something might come between us. I still keep believing that, even if it too is unlikely. Thats one reason why I don't want to push him away, because of small light inside thats hoping for that chance. I don't want to push him away from me if is any possibility. Although I'm smart enough to realize that it's just not likely. Part of it is really even a choice. I might be letting it get to me, any reason why I can't just continue and still recognize the facts? I would, this is what I'd like to do, but I think I'd only be setting myself up for more hurt if I let this happen, because I'd still take this so seriously. It was suggested to me that I play the game with different rules. Be a little distant, and then if he asks whats going on, tell him I take it seriously. I would, but then I don't want to push him away. ](*,)

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. I'm in situation that causing me a bit of stress and confusion. There is a boy that I have 'thing' for, and we share Drama class together. He and I are real good buddies. I've known him for about two years, he has no idea I like him, don't want him too. During class, he and I always seem to flirt. We hug, and hang on eachother, hes even kissed me a couple times on the cheek. Sometimes we can get fairly intimate with one another. Like one time during a movie one day in class, he and I were sitting next together and were a site of a boyfriend/girlfriend thing. He leaning on me, me leaning on him...ect....my head on his torso...) Just real flirty stuff like that. But although, as my other drama friends tell me, we are 'all over each other' and 'need to go out because we make a cute couple' he makes it clear that he doesn't like me. Not only has he said " I don't like you" "I like this other girl" But I've seen him around these other girls he speaks of, and he treats them completely differently then he treats me or anyone else. basically, as he says, he doesn't like me. My problem isn't so much that I have a thing for him, I understand he and I will never be together. He doesn't like me, and I've accepted that. It's the touching I hate. I love it that we flirt, that we actually do this stuff, I look forward to it. But, and I know this is a lame excuse, but being a girl and who I am, I'm taking his actions seriously. But to him, our times together are nothing but a means of having a little fun. As he has said "I just playing with her." Hes a nice guy, I love him so much as my friend, like today, he helped to comfort me so much when I was in distress it even surprised me. He's not mean, or degrading or any of that. But, I hate the way that we do this in class, and the next time I turn around next period he almost ignores me. The best way I can compare it is to a girl who has just slept with a guy, she thinks it's for love, but then it turns out it really isn't. What should I do? On one hand I want him to stop. If I don't mean anything to him in that sense, then I don't want him to do what he does. But on the other hand, I enjoy the attention and flirts, and don't want it to stop. It's conflicting, and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to push him away, but I don't want this confusion and/or, discomfort either. The possibility of him liking me is on a low stance. He only 'flirts' with me when we are alone together, and hes said the above things, and treats these other girls he says he likes differently. My friends have suggested to me that maybe hes just embarrassed to say it, but from what I know about him, and what I've said, it just seems low stance.

To me 'Sex' is physical. 'Making Love' is plainly showing someone you love them in anyway. I think it's all three personaly.

Hello everyone, I have yet something deeply troubling me. I don't know if I'm posting in the right board, if I am please forgive me. Womenly topic. When I started puberty at age eleven, thats when I my breasts began to devlope. I was normal for awhile, but now six years later at the age of 17, I have been cursed with being somewhere between a DDD and an E cup. I can't say I'm someone is suffers with horrible back pain. I do get back pain, quite frequently a strong ache in my upper back. I have grooves where my bra grasps around me. I'm into drama, and when your in drama, it's best that you have a small figure, and a A cup sized breats-something I will never in my life have. I am slightly over weight, but not that much. I am strongly held that the reason I have never been chosen is because of that fact that my breasts are large. I'm terribly embarrassed by them. I despertly try to keep myslef constrained and make myself look as small as possible, but it's hard when your E cup to make yourself look any smaller then a DDD...I'm not the largest in my school, theirs a few girls ahead of me, something I'm ashamed to admit that I'm thankful for. They never bothered me before until recently....when I went to the doctor, and he told me that I NEEDED sugary. I thought I was normal, but I'm not. I have many signs that I'm waaay over devloped. I cry about it often, I have immense trouble sitting up straight with good posture. I've been sexualy touched because of how large I am. I don't know what to do anymore. My mother and I are despertly trying to get insurance to approve for me to be able to get surgary. But, school is starting soon, and sadly, If I come back one day from a gigantic E cup to a normal B....everyone is going to know. I'm so embarrrassed by this that there are times I've thought about hurting myself. I'm so desperate to become small I've hold off on joining any kind of physucal activity until someone makes me normal. ...There isn't a day that goes by that I wish I wasn't someone else. I can't find clothes that look good on me, and along with that I'm stuck with wearing bras that don't even fit, because no one sells triple D's or E cups... What I have to wear, mostly sports tops made for 'large' women, meaning bras that are DD and below, feel so constrivtive that I can't breathe. I am always angry, angry because my mom...I dont know why I blame her, probably because she was the one who cursed me. Shes 37 years older then me, also my mother, and shes three times smaller then me. It's absurd and disgusting, that I can't even fit into my own mother's bras. I'm so grossed out by my body. ... Again I apologize. I don't know how to handle it anymore.I just don't, I can't deal with it anymore. I'm crying as I type this, Gym class was horrible, thank goodness it's over with. *EDIT* Yesterday, I just found out that after five months of fighting for it my insurance company has approved me for getting a reduction!!!!! I have so much relief! We are going to try and schedule it for November during the first break.

What exactly is the difference between thinking someone is cute, and having an actual crush? I've usualy defined 'having a crush' when if that person you would asked you out, then you'd accept. Thinking someone is 'cute' is when you think they are nice looking or attractive, but you wouldn't want to date them? I've defined it that way, but I've realized that if thats how I define crush and attraction, then that means every guy I think is attractive I actualy have a crush on! Cause to be honest, I'd probably go out with everyone of the 'attractive' guys if they asked me! I think I'm confused, what exactly is the difference between a crush and attraction?

Thank you again to everyone who helped me! I deeply appreciate your effort in helping me through this! And thank you for the nice comments-they mean so much to me!

Bravery means you do something even when you dont want to do it-because you know you have to. When was I ever brave in this situation?

Aw, you really think I'm brave? Thanks. Why though?

Yes very true, in fact, just today someone stole 50 dollars from my wallet because I left my purse out...God, I did learn a lesson!

Thank you to everyone who helped me I deeply appreciate that. Honestly I'm not hurt! Not by the ending of the crush anyway. I am upset about what he did to me, but I am in no way upset over "him" exactly, I want nothing to do with him hes like that! I have learned that obbessions are unhealthy. I'll try not to do that ever again. I've learned my lesson. He was normal, talented, but very normal. Cute, but very normal. It's not possible to not ever see him again, but if I do, we probably simply won't talk. I don't have a problem with that. ...well, Jason knew I had a picture of him in my wallet. Heres what happened. At this cast party, I had to go to the bathroom. And when I went, this one girl named Christa said "You know right?" referring to Jason knowing that I liked him. "Of course," he said. "What do you think I am, stupid?" "Shes got a pictures of you in her wallet" Said another girl named Casey. (Not real names by the way) "Oh really..?" Jason replied. And then he took my wallet and looked through it hoping to find the picture in there. Casey knew I had that picture, and she told him. This is what my friend told me. I'll admit, it's pretty normal to want to look inside someone's wallet if you know theres a picture of you in there. Bt still. I do understand why hes annoyed by me. Simply my obbessive behavior. I can't help but wonder if I hadn't been so obbessed with him, if it would have turned into a friendship-but oh well!

Please excuse me, I'm sorry! I roughly wanted to know how to get over the "obbession" with him, but still like him, just not be "obbessed" with him. But it doesn't matter now. I'm over him. Yes, I am. I don't care for him anymore. I learned the truth about several things yesterday. A good person called me and explained some things to me. basically... -he looked through my wallet -he lied to me What an ass! Forget him. This friend called me, and she explained everything to me. How he felt about me, which happens to be that hes nausated(sp) by the sight of me. She told me about the others who knew I was screwing up and they sat back and laughed at me behind my back. I'm over him. After learning these things, no more. I hate him I'm not upset, nor am I emotionaly devestaed. Simply angry that he, and the others treated me like this. I'm quite relieved actuly. ...he actuly was very nice. Even when the mear sight of me made him want to vomit. (Not true, my friend said these things, I'm just being dramatic, truly, I just annoy him) He was very kind. But....looking through my wallet, and lying to me.

I had something like that for a teacher once... I got an e-mail from a friend....she knows Jason more then I do. She says theres something important that she needs to tell me about him. I'll have to wait until she replys back to me. Wish me Luck.

Thats actuly quite a good idea. =; Sadly though, I'd still be way to nervous to do that. Although, If it was inviting him to a broadway play (He loves broadway plays) I think I could do it. Because I could make it sound more like a "I want to help you" instead of a "Will you go out with me?" kind of thing. I hate mind conflicts. Lily, I'm almost opposite! Jason is actuly two years YOUNGER then me! But I do feel in the nearly exact positon. You want to be together, but he only wants to be your aquaitence. Only difference is that it's his friendship I'm looking for, and I don't know if he is willing to call me his "friend" if I got to really know him. I know he would never be interested in me in a relationship way, so I did let him go "In that way". But theres still that part of me that wants to be in his life, and be his friend. Thats what I can't let go. I am afraid to call him, simply because I'm afraid if I call him he would think I'm Off The Wall (for various reasons, I'm stalking him, or I'm obbessed with his voice, something...ect. The wrong idea)...and would never want to consider me as a friend to him. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's that I'm afraid I'll say something that he might think is weird-and ruin it (I talk oddly when I'm nervous) Very confusing. Thank you everyone It really helps to be able to talk about this!