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My boyfriend has struggled with pornography for a while. The porn led deeper into desires of what society deems as inappropriate..and pretty much illegal. I've helped him past that and he doesn't watch things like that anymore. I also found out he would go on Facebook and look at other pictures of girls and masturbate to their photos/face. A month ago I found out in the past (just after 2 years into our relationship) he looked at/masturbated to photos of my one actual best friend. Which I don't talk to anymore cause it hurts. Not only that but to my older sister as well... Which really screwed me up. He says he's sorry and he's actually changed since then it's just I'm absolutely broken inside. I'm so in love with this man, and I'm still with him. It breaks my heart to know that I wasn't first on his mind, I was always last. I feel like I only have myself to trust and comfort me. Everyone that comes into my life causes me some sort of heart break. I've never really told anyone this because I have no one to tell. I don't have a best friend anymore and my relationship with my sister (which has grown over the years) has and is deteriorating rapidly. I barely speak to her nor enjoy speaking to her because of this whole thing. In my mind I think with time my heart will heal and I will have a peace of mind. I've forgiven him for doing those things but I guess I haven't forgiven him fully. I don't know how many times I've cried over this or go look at the photos he's looked at. I'm stuck and I need help, or just some comfort. I feel so alone.

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Your sister and your friend have done nothing wrong, but their relationships with you are suffering because they're being "punished" for your boyfriend's gross actions. If you had to "find out" that your boyfriend was masturbating to photos of women you are close to then there clearly is no trust in your relationship and frankly, I can't blame you. Get rid of him and reconnect properly with your sister and friend instead.

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You have to make better choices for yourself, OP. That includes dumping this guy.

 

I am not sure why you punished your sister and best friend for your boyfriend's behaviour, unless they were actually sending him inappropriate photos. You say everyone who comes into your life hurts you, but I don't see that. I see a woman who still doesn't have the confidence to kick the hurtful party out of her life.

 

As long as you choose to hang on to this boyfriend, you're choosing to hang on to the pain.

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What??!

 

You have forgiven him for masturbating over your sister and best friends pictures yet alienating them for doing nothing wrong?

 

Do you not see how much more wrong you are doing? Worse than what he is doing?

 

He can masturbate over anyone’s pictures , even your sisters after you split.

Hopefully your sister and friend can forgive you after you split?

 

You don’t love this guy! You just wish he loved you. Sorry but love comes after respect and he doesn’t even respect you.

 

You have people to talk to! Your sister and your friend who are innocent parties here.

So talk to them!!! Tell them you are sorry your “bf” is an and ask them for help in getting you out of this mess.

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He's destroying you, but you allow it thinking you will fix him. You know you need to end it, but you refuse.. You are withdrawing from decent people and molding yourself around his proclivities.

 

Stop being a martyr. You are not stuck nor are you alone. You chose to dump your friends and family so he can jerk off to them? Think about that.

I've helped him past that

my one actual best friend. Which I don't talk to anymore

my older sister as well... Which really screwed me up.

I'm absolutely broken inside.

I don't have a best friend anymore and my relationship with my sister

I don't know how many times I've cried over this

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Your anger is very misplaced.Your friends/sister have nothing to do with this creep. Did you SERIOUSLY tell them that your creepy boyfriend jerked off to their photos online? Unfortunately that drama created is on you.

 

It isn’t your job to play therapist. You aren’t a licensed professional. You cannot “fix” someone with an addiction.

 

This guy sounds really gross and mentally unstable. Please dump him.

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I’m response to MissCanuck, Im wondering this too. It’s highly inappropriate and bizarre for him to masturbate to your friend’s and sister’s Facebook profile photos, but a whole different ballgame if he’s doing something illegal. I don’t know what specifically you mean, but a few things come to mind, and that would be the end for me, no questions asked.

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Don't kid yourself he's still doing it. Without regular interaction with a therapist, he has nothing under control. Sex addicts can't quit.

 

You have to ask yourself, how can you "love" a man that brings you such grief and brokenness??? Why are you not focused on how damaging this is to your own mental health? What is truly keeping you from leaving him? Fear? Loneliness? Anxiety? Financial? You keep asking "How can he do this to me?" well it's because you won't leave him. Your choice to stay, you are bring this on yourself after you had gain knowledge of what he was up to. There is nothing that is going to make this go away except having the courage to end this relationship.

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The porn led deeper into desires of what society deems as inappropriate..and pretty much illegal.

 

The fact is, porn probably didn't "lead him" to have those desires. Those desires were already in him. Instead of suppressing them, he chose to seek out porn and indulge them.

 

Everyone that comes into my life causes me some sort of heart break. I've never really told anyone this because I have no one to tell..... I'm stuck and I need help, or just some comfort. I feel so alone.

 

You feel alone because you are isolating yourself from the wrong people. You are breaking your own heart with your repeated bad decision to cut out all but the guilty party (your boyfriend) from your life.

 

You seem to be blaming everyone but him for his actions: your best friend, your sister, the porn industry.

 

He is the one doing these things.

 

If you want to feel better, you must isolate yourself from him forever.

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This guy sounds disgusting. How do you not know that he has not abused children. How can you be with him in any capacity?

 

You gave up you relationship with your sister and best friend for this guy! What exactly do you love about him?

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"Stop being a martyr. You are not stuck nor are you alone. You chose to dump your friends and family so he can jerk off to them? Think about that." Spot on! This guy sounds absolutely gross!

 

By staying, you have said all of this is okay. Do you usually chose creepy men like this?

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My boyfriend has struggled with pornography for a while. The porn led deeper into desires of what society deems as inappropriate..and pretty much illegal. I've helped him past that and he doesn't watch things like that anymore. I also found out he would go on Facebook and look at other pictures of girls and masturbate to their photos/face. A month ago I found out in the past (just after 2 years into our relationship) he looked at/masturbated to photos of my one actual best friend. Which I don't talk to anymore cause it hurts. Not only that but to my older sister as well... Which really screwed me up. He says he's sorry and he's actually changed since then it's just I'm absolutely broken inside. I'm so in love with this man, and I'm still with him. It breaks my heart to know that I wasn't first on his mind, I was always last. I feel like I only have myself to trust and comfort me. Everyone that comes into my life causes me some sort of heart break. I've never really told anyone this because I have no one to tell. I don't have a best friend anymore and my relationship with my sister (which has grown over the years) has and is deteriorating rapidly. I barely speak to her nor enjoy speaking to her because of this whole thing. In my mind I think with time my heart will heal and I will have a peace of mind. I've forgiven him for doing those things but I guess I haven't forgiven him fully. I don't know how many times I've cried over this or go look at the photos he's looked at. I'm stuck and I need help, or just some comfort. I feel so alone.

 

That is seriously F'd up! He needs serious help. If he can't break this habit dump him or destroy your own mind and self. I know its easy for me to say, but you need to let him go, unless he seek serious help, but even then, i think it's better to let him go, after the sick stuff h's got caught up in. Porn is lethal and this p[roves it. Hope you both find peace of mind

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You've allowed yourself to be so downgraded that you're placing this man's sick disturbances and his lust for other women, over your own self worth.

 

YOU have to fix that. He has quite bad off issues. You're not going to fix him.

 

He doesn't love you. This is not love. Until you stop seeing him as someone who is decent towards you, you're never going to get out of the cycle of abuse.

He is slowly destroying your life, but you are the one allowing it.

 

You have no other choice but to leave him for good.

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It sounds like she has no intention of doing anything to improve her emotional well being. If she didn't like everyone's replies I wonder what she was hoping we'd say?

 

Probably wanted to know how to "get" him to stop.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yes thank you, I don't want to sound needy or anything on here, I don't know. Everything that's happened and what I found out in the end is very traumatizing. I'm still numb and shocked and I'm scared of feeling all the hurt that this is going to cause me. I have bipolar 2 and my parents have bipolar 1 as well. I'm scared that all this will trigger an episode, or an episode that is really severe, like when I see my parents. Can any of you just pray for me or any advice you have. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this and all the unspeakable things he did

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