Silly question

[irka000]

I am embarrassed to even wondering about it but I just noticed my ex has unlocked a function on popular messenger which allows him and others to see when he was last seen online.

Since I know him, he had always this function blocked so he couldn't see it anyone and others could not seen when he was last online.

Wouldn't this indicate he met someone new and tries to see when she was last online etc ?

Otherwise why changing now ?

I shouldn't care , check etc but ....can't help it ...yet

[SherrySher]

The best answer I have for you is, this is not for you to know or even wonder about anymore.

 

Focus more on your own healing, on finding your own footing back into life.

 

Wondering, watching, will only keep you in an anxious state and a depressed one. You have to somehow accept that it's over and stop looking.

[ThatwasThen]

Who cares why he changed it. You certainly shouldn't be letting him weld all this power over you to the point you have to start a thread to hear conjecture about it.

[Batya33]

Could be infinite reasons including he clicked something by mistake. I used to cyberstalk a woman my then boyfriend dated when we were broken up and then trying to get back together. (Not the man I’m married to). I figured out her full name and found her blog. It didn’t hurt her - she never knew - but what a huge waste of time. You need to stop checking up on him ok ? For this very reason.

[ninjabib]

Yup, who cares? don't worry about it. Block and delete him or remain stuck forever.

[figureitout23]

It could be any number of reasons, from a completely obscure reason a slip

Of the finger to him moving on unfortunately.

 

I had every password to everything of my ex husbands, email, social media, bank account, we were married so I had it all.

 

Having access to his every move while he was actively ghosting me ( long story) was without a doubt a pain I would not wish on my worst enemy and I mean that. Trust me, you don’t want to know, it doesn’t help, I knew, I saw with my own eyes, that’s all it took for me to not touch the hot stove again.

 

Continue to grieve, take things one day at a time, no more snooping, it only hurts you.

[MissCanuck]

He could have changed that function for any number of reasons, and yes, among them may be that he’s seeing someone new.

 

For argument’s sake, let’s assume that he is. What do you plan to do with that information? How does that help you?

[irka000]

Thank you All. I know this is ridiculous.

I guess this can help me to move on faster knowing he already did. Not fan of torturing myself but somehow I had to look from time to time and today I noticed a change.

All of you are right. It is pointless and it will only hurt me longer than it has to.

Thank you.

[Batya33]

Thank you All. I know this is ridiculous.

I guess this can help me to move on faster knowing he already did. Not fan of torturing myself but somehow I had to look from time to time and today I noticed a change.

All of you are right. It is pointless and it will only hurt me longer than it has to.

Thank you.

 

You have no idea if he moved on or not. And it's irrelevant either way.

[boltnrun]

Why do you "have" to look? Why is that something that is mandatory in your life? And how does it enhance your life in a positive way?

[irka000]

I miss him. I am trying not think of him, not to look.

I fully realise how ridiculous this sounds.

So no, this does not enhance my life in any way.

I really hope soon I wilk be indifferent about him and his ways but at this moment , I am in the process of getting unhooked.

[Batya33]

I miss him. I am trying not think of him, not to look.

I fully realise how ridiculous this sounds.

So no, this does not enhance my life in any way.

I really hope soon I wilk be indifferent about him and his ways but at this moment , I am in the process of getting unhooked.

 

If so, then you have to stop looking. Some like to talk about it as a process but the more you use these psychological terms the more you're going to indulge in this as a Process. I'd think of it more as cutting the cord/cold turkey.

[boltnrun]

If eating strawberries made you sick would you sit down to a meal of strawberries every few days? Would you say you "had" to?

 

Your emotional health requires just as much self care as your physical health. Don't do things that you know for a fact will damage your emotional health.

[HeartGoesOn]

Why not focus on the word "EX?"

 

Not to sound harsh, but he's no longer your headache.

[bluecastle]

Why not focus on the word "EX?"

 

I saw the following graffiti'ed to a wall in Los Angeles: the sum of ex is always greater than why. Stuck with me as a worthwhile mantra to repeat here and there, especially during moments like this. When you're searching for signs in ashes it doesn't really matter what you come up with. Nothing warm comes from sifting through ashes.

 

I had a dark little moment following my last breakup, where I spent 48 hours exploring a digital wormhole, concocting apocalyptic theories that fed my pain, my hope, my self-loathing. So I get it. Speaking for myself, those 48 hours were needed to never go down those wormholes again. In your shoes, I'd let this be that, and from here on out focus on moving onwards and upwards. That's where everything you want exists, not here.

 

Hope you're doing okay with everything going on.

[ThatwasThen]

*sighs* I feel sorry for all who have gone through a breakup in this computer age. Back in the day, when you broke up the only way to stalk someone was a driveby. That got old pretty quick and we were off to that blissful stage of indifference through zero contact.

[RayRay63]

I miss him. I am trying not think of him, not to look.

I fully realise how ridiculous this sounds.

So no, this does not enhance my life in any way.

I really hope soon I wilk be indifferent about him and his ways but at this moment , I am in the process of getting unhooked.

 

It is not ridiculous, and you should not be embarrassed about it.

 

You grieve at your own pace. Giving in to the urge to check an exes social media is something many of us will admit to. It took me a long time to actually block mine (as opposed to unfriending etc).

 

I even used to look at her instagram when I was feeling lazy and needed some motivation to go to the gym. Typing this reply has made me think about unblocking it.

 

Whatever you do, don't send a message!

[Wiseman2]

You need to delete and block him from all your devices, all your social media and all your messaging apps. Stop pondering what he is or isn't doing or what this does or doesn't mean. Instead, reset all you social media and privacy settings and consider dating someone new if you're ready, but do not waste more time on this guy.

I just noticed my ex has ...........

[irka000]

Thank you all, again. I really went mad yesterday and was torturing myself checking his time online. Not even know why. My mind was playing tricks on me and I allowed. I kept thinking he is with someone and this thought is very painful.

It doesn't serve me in any way. So I decided to stop that. Cut it all out. Delete his contact on my whats app so I won't be able to see his movements.

Blissful indifference is what I am aiming for.

Thank you all for your support.

[reinventmyself]

I used to stuff like that. If we are all honest, most do it to some degree.

 

What helped me when I was tempted. . with my finger on the button I'd ask myself out loud:

`Will what I am about see help me or hurt me?' The answer every time was - `hurt'

 

It become crystal clear that long after they are gone our misery is often at our own hands. Don't hurt yourself seems overly simple, but very true. Just don't.

 

By doing to do so you are deciding to hurt yourself long after they might have even forgotten about you. Sad but true

 

Hope it helps. The simple question broke me of the habit.

[melancholy123]

Perhaps you should mind your business and not wonder why he did this.

[Lambert]

Thank you all, again. I really went mad yesterday and was torturing myself checking his time online. Not even know why. My mind was playing tricks on me and I allowed. I kept thinking he is with someone and this thought is very painful.

It doesn't serve me in any way. So I decided to stop that. Cut it all out. Delete his contact on my whats app so I won't be able to see his movements.

Blissful indifference is what I am aiming for.

Thank you all for your support.

Good for you! Keep on keeping on and you'll get to that indifference!

 

Funny thing to remember, our thoughts are just that. Ours! we take one little piece of info and run with it! We believe what we tell ourselves.

 

He may not have even realized he made that change.... But you went nuts and it meant nothing!