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Everything posted by irka000

  1. He doesnt say " its done" simply cause for him it is nice to have a woman visiting from time to time and get all the benefits of relationship. No hard work, no effort - not even much investment. She pays for tickets and is there for him. Who on earth would put a stop to this ? Its convenience, fun and does a require a minimum to none effort. Currently- none effort as he requested space till October .... I am getting frustrated by this man writing this.
  2. There are lots of you tube videos you may find helpful. There are apps you can find enjoyable where you can interact with people in your area. Are you exercising? Find something you may like...boxing, running ...it will bring you joy although first few weeks will be tough. Now , please don't take this the wrong way, as I have the purest intentions: mullet hairstyle you mentioned, its the most off putting thing I ever seen in a man. I know this sounds shallow and rude but please consider cut the hair at the back. In 2020 this just looks out of place. There is no man on this planet that looks hot with such hair style. Soldier style ,super short hair cut on the other hand mmmm You will be fine. You are young and seem interesting. Good luck
  3. Please stay away from him. If you two were to reconcile, he would be excited and looking forward to more contact not reducing till October. He cannot put relationship on hold. He is super confident and arrogant. He can easily have one relationship now and keep you on the bench in the meantime. Dont do this to yourself. You sound lovely and you can do so so much better, like others so rightly advised. He does not have any strong feelings for you. Sure, he can welcome you from time to time and have benefits of a relationship. This will drain you. Leave him be till October 2025!
  4. I am sorry you are hurting. It seems like from beginning he was not interested in long term thing. He even told you he wanted to be single. Than you two had arguments about him not committing and seeing other women. Fast forward 7 months, naturally he is glad to hear from you. You were " new" yet so familiar...however, as soon as you reminded him that you are interested in being exclusive...he changed his tone. It seems he enjoys his single life. He doesnt want any restrictions. You see, it was you who contacted him after 7 months. Not the other way around. If it was him, we could hope, he is ready for something real with you. This way, you reappeared in his life in the middle of him having time of his life. Did he try to get you back during the last 7 months? I say.. let this man go...dont contact him again. If he will grow up, he will know where to find you. I think his silence after you told him what you wanted...( no other women, only you) was very telling. Its disappointing. I know. But he will cause you more pain than anything else at this stage in his life. As for the girl? I think he may be telling the truth...she doesnt need to be on social media. And most probably you think about someone completely different. This does make any difference? Stay strong. Dont block him but refrain from looking at his profile etc...
  5. I am sorry you are hurting. It seems you are wonderful distraction in this man's life. As long as you played along, he did too. Then when you actually voiced your concerns, it was too much hassle for him. Before was sweet and safe...you were far, not threatening in any way. Safe distance. 3 years long lesson. Please cut him immediately. Block, delete and remove all traces of any ilussion he created. You probably know 20 proc of his real situation, if so. The way to recovery its only through drastic cut from him. He is not your friend. He is a fantasy with a bitter ending. This will pass. You will see. It is only a shame that during these 3 years you could actually missed or fail to notice a decent man who would be prepared to give you all, not crumbs.
  6. I am sorry you are going through this. May I ask how old are you and your ex? It's is a blessing you won't have to see him anytime soon in the office. By the time you will, you may be in a totally different place. His charity and condescending suggestions made me quite upset. How very gracious of him! Please, remove him completely from your life. I promise you that soon it will get easier. You will breathe without that pain in the chest. On YouTube there are wonderful videos how to go through break up. These videos ....and a few wonderful people here saved my sanity some time ago. Please stay strong. Please refrain from making him so special. Don't tell him how you feel. After a month, he was checking if the oven is still warm and once he realised it was, he did a step back. Put yourself first ....as a result of that, this will actually make him wonder....
  7. I am extremely sorry you are going through this. By now, if she is just an ordinary friend that had a past with your bf, than he should introduce you two. Even if it is through video call etc. If he doesn't, than there is a reason for it....and not a good one. If he was remorseful and suffered from the past, she would made him sick ...she would loose all the shine as soon as he would be caught...or during the divorce process. I wish I have more encouraging words
  8. Lily, I am so sorry for your loss. I understand you more than you can imagine. In December I was going through exactly the same situation. My world did fall apart. My boyfriend even broke up with me cause I was hard to deal with and provoked argument which ended badly. As others advised, it's best to tell him what sort of support you would expect. After 5 years you can voice it without hesitation. He may have a different idea of what you may need now. My boyfriend wanted to be left alone when he was grieving. I am the opposite. He given you what he would appreciate himself. This is extremely delicate and tragic and not everyone is equipped to deal with it as we would wish them to. My boyfriend apologised many times and we do talk now. I can't lie I feel some resentment. Please don't judge him based on this one , although most important event, think about it as a whole .... I know you feel like your life stopped....but it does get little bit lighter. I am here - if you need me.... Please don't make any decisions yet....
  9. Another angle ... What would you do if you would find out that after 1, 5 year your gf/ bf cherish you but is not there yet , where love is concerned. Would you carry on the relationship or would you leave ?
  10. Did he respond to your message, if you don't mind me asking?
  11. According to him, I did lash out on him. I was making decisions about going see dad without notifying him but expecting him to be there. He said I made him feel horrible and did not consider him much. Back than I apologised for my behaviour. I admitted he was right to be upset but not to break up.
  12. I agree, he will contact you in his own time and act like all is good. Then you need to ignore it. Two things can happen He will finally get motivated and actually start getting involved or he will be gone. Sadly I think if it has been so long and not much yet happened...than I am afraid I would not hope for much more. He may get motivated to have intimate moment with you. I don't want to make you feel bad but the fact that he doesn't even rush to being intimate suggests he is with someone. This may sound very dramatic but are you sure you were actually in his place and not some friend of his ? To me this feels so weird , you have a great connection, yet he doesn't take this any further. You will be fine. You will meet someone where you won't have to wonder.
  13. I know this may be boring but... Little update : after 2 months NC he contacted me and asked how come we let a good relationship end? I was actually quite surprised and upset as for me this was all tangled with my dad passing away. It wasn't just a break but almost end of my world. I was devastated. He sounded breezy. He somehow did not connect this two. He sounded cheerful and overly confident. Naturally polite, respectful and charming. I reminded him how all happened. He had slightly different recollection of events. Bottom line is - he asked for us to overcome this and try again. That relationship was too good to waste it. I agreed that it was a shame but I declined the offer. He was surprised. A smile that I could hear in his voice was gone but he accepted and wished me well. For the last two months all I dreamed off was for him to ask me back. But not like this...not so cocky. Not in a such a confident way. Friends say I should be happy that I had an opportunity to decline as he was way too sure of my feelings for him. So why I can't sleep and why I feel even worse than when he broke up with me ? Why I really feel like I wasted opportunity? I am making all the right steps...gym, hobbies ,friends but can't turn the volume off....too loud. Did I make the big mistake by rejecting him ?
  14. You sound like a sensitive and a really wonderful woman. First and foremost...how many times have you actually met in person? How old are you both, if I may ? As others so rightly said, this is a fantasy situationship. He may actually be married and just kills time with you. He may have a partner and enjoys chit chat or deeper debates. Been there, done it....it's sour when you realise, person you opened to, does not even exist. Glad you didn't send the message. He doesn't deserve your warmth and love. He didn't invest any time in this....or did he ? As you were advised, if after two weeks,man does not show interest in a meeting, he clearly has an agenda. Don't open yourself to someone you met online...you will feel so exposed after. I know you are feeling like you know him, like you have a special bond. If that would be the case, don't you think this man would crave your company ? To see you, to touch you ? To be around you? Please ,please don't make excuses for him. Yes, we all have our past and anxieties. However, I am certain if this man would be interested and invested like you are, you wouldn't have to type this message today. I am sorry this is happening to you as you really sound very special.
  15. It's good to see different views on the matter. I am curious because had a final talk with an ex and this popped out. I never said and he never said. I waited for him and he blamed on demons from past. He waited for better times between us to say it. It is all academic cause I am single now but I was wondering how others feel about it.
  16. I am sorry you are hurting ! Believe me, I receive loads of spams like this. It is crazy. All sorts, including photos and invites.
  17. Gary, you are loved and need it here !
  18. Wouldn't you feel resentment if your bf/ gf wouldn't say at after a year ?
  19. Is your view on this different when you in your 30 or 50 and let's say after a difficult divorce ?
  20. Let's say after a year ,exclusive relationship - wouldn't concern you if you would not hear it / say it ? ....or if you would say it but the other party is not there yet ? Does not feel that the relationship is settled enough to feel it / say it ? Being not there yet....how does one know he will be there one day ?
  21. How long would you wait to hear these three words? What were circumstances in which you heard them ? Would you care to hear them if the relationship was good?
  22. Steve, you received spot on advice. I must admit I found your post disturbing beyond belief. You said you are a good man who would never hurt anyone. That you don't have a heart to be bad to someone , to ignore. Yet, you have done all the above to your wife. When last time, did you take your wife out? When did you spend Friday night with her ? She is probably tired working 6 days a week but I am sure it would be lovely to be " seen" . Believe me, if your wife knew, you laying in a bed next to her but have a sleepless night because of co-worker, this would break her heart in pieces. As others so rightly advised, you are lucky co-worker man did not find out and did not wait outside for you at work. You are also lucky that this woman did not report you to HR. Your day would look slightly different today. You are lucky you have a have a job where you have a time to be bored. Co-worker however only joined and as you stated she always needs help. Let her work in peace. She might got herself in trouble for spending time in meeting rooms with you than actually working. I don't quite understand why do you need to text each other at work if you are seating next to her ? It was painful to read how you trying to figure her out, if she will warm up to you again if you will get colder etc....romance at work it is a bad idea, when both parties are single. When both parties are involved with someone else ? Married ? Well, you do the math - you should be good at it- math is your hobby ! You admitted to your mistakes. Hopefully you are actually mean it. However writing apology text or letter was another, almost pathetic move. You don't need to announce anyone you that you are planning behave appropriately- you just doing it. As others also said, she has now a great evidence, in case needed. Please don't contact this woman again and don't try to show or prove her anything. Are you trying to get rewarded for it ? Wake up ! Please don't read her every word, smile, move into anything...into small success that things are progressing. All the best
  23. How old are you both, if you don't mind me asking? How long ago he broke up with his ex ? Please do not contact him. You need some space now to see things for what they are. If you are too close and in it....you will not see it. I am so sorry you are hurting.
  24. I am sorry that this it does not get any easier, yet. But it will...I promise. By being in any contact with him, you prolonged the pain. He eased his guilt and now feels relieved cause he told you about the other woman. Most probably, in his mind, he done it the right way or least painful way, slowly by preparing you for it.... I think I mentioned this to you before, I am not an expert, far from it but I know from experience, the less men know they affected us, the better. As I also mentioned, my bf broke up with me a few days before we both knew my dearest dad had a few days to live. I already was devastated. When bf broke up with me, I literally was short of breath. I was afraid I will get heart attack or something. I mean it. It was way too much to deal for me at once. Dad was my everything and more. Bf I loved like I never did before. However, not once I told him I missed him or I will miss him. I never once mentioned how difficult would be to speak with him or seeing him. I never once said he broke my heart and took away sense of living. Oh he did. They both did. I ensured he never knew the power he had and the impact the break up had. He may wonder, but I will never share with him how hard it hit me what he did. No way. I get it you want to be authentic but this is not the time. This time to heal, time to improve you and your life. Not being stuck. Don't let him associate you with a miserable , brokenhearted, crushed woman. He will lose all attraction and will feel sorry for you instead. In fact, this will prevent any chance of reconciliation if that what you are hoping for. I never heard anyone returning to someone they nearly killed. Unless yo get some ego boost. They are mostly coming back when they see us doing well, when we are moving on and they no longer have such an affect. Don't respond to this text. Trust me he doesn't wait for a response. As others advised, there was nothing to respond to. If he is with the other woman, his mind is completely on another planet. Let him be. Create a space where first of all you will be able to breathe....it's still very hard for me. I am in NC and so glad about it. I truly hope that if my ex will ever reach out to me, I won't care that much any more. Hence I do NC, for me...for my sanity. You will be fine..you sound so wonderful. The best thing of it all it's a blessing that he no longer works with you. Stay strong and please stop any communication with him.
  25. Ooook so it appears your man was not entirely amazing ....I had no idea there was another woman involved. After reading more details ....even more I think you should go to capital and continue in your company. Some men don't like changes if they are comfortable....well, put yourself first. Be grateful for his support so far but look after yourself now and let things unfold naturally. Don't force it. If you are meant to be , you will be.
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