My Wife and Her New Boss

[thealchemist]

Her reaction to being served and her immaturity with it should at least show you that this was without a doubt the best thing you could have done.

 

What an entitled and spoiled girl.

 

She is still the unbalanced and selfish person she was during her affair. She was just holding it back because she thought if she did she would get her way.

 

It really sounds like things did change with you two.

 

But if that person did ever exist she is gone.

 

The woman before you now is a manipulative and selfish person who doesn't even deserve for you to give her the time of day.

 

Just looking at the fallout of this should give you and idea of her true colors now.

 

And your true colors.

 

You are a sound thinking, and emotionally stable (might seem funny I say that but you really are) person who doesn't deserve to be trashed by this low class woman.

 

Good luck.

 

PS

 

If she met with the OG and was pissed that is because she wanted something that she didn't get.

 

You said she doesn't need money. So she really doesn't need a job.

 

She does want to feel better and she can use him for that. I imagine she wanted him as a distraction because of you serving papers.

 

But she was only desirable while her boss hid it and disrespected you. Now she is pissed becauas her dilution is falling apart.

 

Be careful.

[Unreasonable]

Just watched Chris Rock's new routine. He said something to the effect of "Don't worry, a man isn't going to take your wife. Oh, don't get me wrong, he'll f___ her for sure. But he's not going to take her." I think your wife is going find herself with no one real soon.

[abitbroken]

When you said she came from money and was always taken care of --- maybe that explains why she had zero concept of things when you worked long hours while she sat home -- To me, its a really attractive quality when someone has it in him to take care of business - to work overtime for the bills to get paid and to keep the roof over one's head. Money doesn't just show up while you stare into eachother's eyes at a romantic picnic or couple's massage.

[LotusBlack]

When you said she came from money and was always taken care of --- maybe that explains why she had zero concept of things when you worked long hours while she sat home -- To me, its a really attractive quality when someone has it in him to take care of business - to work overtime for the bills to get paid and to keep the roof over one's head. Money doesn't just show up while you stare into eachother's eyes at a romantic picnic or couple's massage.

 

^^^ I second this.

[boltnrun]

For her, apparently money DID just show up. From Mommy and Daddy. And Mommy and Daddy may have indulged her every want and she expected that to carry over into her marriage.

 

I know someone like that..."Daddy" bought her anything she wanted and, she told me, she didn't expect to ever get married because she knew no man could ever take care of her the way her Daddy did. She did end up getting married and I sometimes wonder how that's going.

[ControlDenied]

KM good luck in your coffee today! I feel sorry for her, sadly there is nothing you can do to help her. People do not change unless they want to change. She doesn’t strike me like wanting to upgrade herself.

[KnightMan]

Well it went a little better than I expected, I knew when I saw what she was wearing what she was up to, she wanted to go talk in the car but I told her I'd rather not. The conversation was pretty civil, no drama, she went on and on about how this was all her fault, OM meant nothing to her, it was just sex, it was all just a stupid little game they were playing that went too far. I let her talk and asked her if she was finished, she said yes so I pulled out my folder and started to go over the marital assets with her, finances, insurance, talked about our prior agreement, told her I wanted to buy her half of the condo, if not we would have to sell it and take a loss, said I wanted to keep this amicable and asked her when she would be over to get the rest of her things.

 

She's just sitting there staring at me in disbelief and mumbled "No, but I guess I need to talk to Dad", she got kinda quiet, so I'm putting the papers away and getting ready to leave and I stopped and asked her if she ever loved me (big mistake, should've just left) of course she turned on the tears and said she never stopped, she wanted to know why I was in such a hurry to do this and asked if there was someone else. I almost lost it, I said "are you serious? Mrs. KnightMan you could have told me you were unhappy instead of putting on this whole charade and humiliating me in front of everyone and making me feel like I was just jealous and insecure. A game? What is this the third grade?". Got up, kissed her on the forehead, gave her back the watch and told her

 

I'm worth than this and left.

 

Gotta run folks, heading out tonight with a few friends, heart still hurts, feels like somebody died,

but I think I'll be okay, no idea what's coming next, cross that bridge when I come to it.

 

Thanks again for listening.

[abitbroken]

why I was in such a hurry to do this and asked if there was someone else.

 

Goodness. Zero self awareness. Its sad/astounding.

[ControlDenied]

If she wanted to play games, why didn’t she play them with you? She is looking for excuses, we all know that.

Zero self awareness, zero self responsibility, zero realism. I feel sorry for her.

In my opinion, her only chance to get you back is to play by your rules. It might help you to tell her that your relationship has gone back to year -1.

I mean, tell her that the only path is the long path: divorce + separate life + may be in the next year a date at the movies + build from the ground up a whole new relationship.

Only if she upgrades herself!!! Tell her Mrs.KM version 1.0 has expired and is no longer viable in your life so your life goes on to a better place on your own. Tell her to work on upgrading to Mrs.KM 2.0 in a real and meaningful way and maybe that person could hit it of with you.

That’s my 2 cents. Good that you are keeping yourself busy!!!

[Usa1ah]

Keep it up with the friends. Take care of yourself.

 

Remember one thing. She never could have done this if she really loved you. Keep repeating this.

 

I don’t think you letting go was a mistake. It showed how you felt about this also that it wasn’t just sex like she was trying to excuse it with. You did right to do it.

 

Now is the time for The 180. It is used to detach for someone like your wife. Anything that can go through the lawyer do so. Any other communication with your wife keep strictly business, no more showing how you feel.

 

Look up the 180. Read it do it.

 

Keep your friends and family close KM.

[boltnrun]

I presume you mean by "the way she was dressed" that you believe she planned to try to lure you with sex.

 

These cheating women all seem to own the same playbook.

 

Good for you for resisting and staying strong.

[LotusBlack]

Well done, KM. You handled yourself with class. Once you've healed and are ready to put yourself out there, you'll make some lovely woman very happy. Keep on keeping on!

[DancingFool]

Well done, KM. You handled yourself with class. Once you've healed and are ready to put yourself out there, you'll make some lovely woman very happy. Keep on keeping on!

 

^Second that.

 

Wow.....about STBX. They really truly do all have the same handbook. Asking you if there is someone else is straight out of it. I guess it makes sense in their disordered mind and shallow emotions. They are all about themselves, so others must be too and they can't even think beyond that.

 

You are indeed worth more than that, KM.

[Usa1ah]

Cheater 101, they believe everyone can destroy a family like they can. In other words cheaters believe everyone is a cheater.

[reinventmyself]

and asked if there was someone else.

 

I just don't understand this mentality. I guess we aren't supposed to.

I remember a 2 year stretch trying to save my marriage which included pointless marriage counseling.

 

I spelled it out, `if you continue to do A, B or C, it effects how I feel about you and this marriage'

I had become somewhat of a lion with no teeth at this point, but when his already bad behavior escalate beyond belief, I filed for divorce.

 

Him: "Is there someone else?"

As if being controlled, verbally abused, driving us into debt and him being an absentee father wasn't enough.

Did he not hear anything I had said? He acted like he was caught totally off guard and devastated.

 

Me: "Really? Did you really believe I was going to continue to live this way?"

I must have taken a lover because that's the only thing that made sense to him, I suppose.

 

Sorry. . don't mean to derail your thread.

But I know the helplessness and disgusted feeling when they deflect everything back on to you and act

like the victim in all of it.

 

As if up to this point it wasn't bad enough, right?

At least you will not have any 2nd thoughts. You can thank her for that.

I know I did mine.

 

Onward and upward. . .

[milly007]

It sounds like she's accustomed to getting her way, and when things aren't going her way (which she's not used to), she manipulates until everything works out the way she wants it to.

 

I'm guessing that, in her mind, your marriage was unshakeable. She never believed for a second that you would ever leave her. This is how highly she thinks of herself.

 

For her to be that self-absorbed to think that she is invincible and her marriage unbreakable after what she did is mind-blowing, and she no doubt believed she could have her cake and eat it too with no consequences.

 

She's probably getting the biggest dose of reality in her life right now.

[boltnrun]

And I'm sure she's telling her friends and maybe even her parents "It's NOT FAIR! I don't understand why he's being so MEAN!!! I told him I'm sorry!!!"

 

Those kind of people have a major case of Does Not Get It.

[ControlDenied]

 

She's probably getting the biggest dose of reality in her life right now.

 

Agree!!! how she deals with it can make her or break her, and only she can do it.

[KnightMan]

That didn't take long

 

I had a feeling drama was on the way, I know this woman too well. She came over unannounced (told her to always call first, she's so stubborn), said she wanted to pick up a few more of her things, I let her in, she goes upstairs and starts slamming doors, I go up there and ask her what's wrong, she said she spoke with an attorney and he told her I can't kick her out and that this was her house too and that she's not going anywhere until we work this out, so just when I thought I was going to get through this, dejavu

 

I'm down here in my office (again) and Mrs. KnightMan is back upstairs (again) behaving like a petulant child...wonderful

[milly007]

You will get through this, KM. Remember this.

 

Interesting that in your earlier posts, she told you she wanted to separate, etc., and that if you wanted her to move out of the house, she would.

[KnightMan]

You will get through this, KM. Remember this.

 

Interesting that in your earlier posts, she told you she wanted to separate, etc., and that if you wanted her to move out of the house, she would.

 

EXACTLY!!! I don't' understand it either, these personality changes are confusing me.

She goes from hot to cold in 0-60 seconds, is this normal?

Has anybody else ever experienced these radical personality changes in a cheating spouse?

 

Talked with her dad earlier and he's on his way over to try and talk her back to his place.

What's the whole point of looking for an apartment?

 

Hope her dad can talk some sense into her

[ControlDenied]

Legally you can not kick her out. But there is no “working things out” scenario for her. She got served.

The best line in this situation is: there will be a time for us to talk about what went wrong, that time is not now.

No matter what you say now, it will not be positive for you.

[ControlDenied]

I would not allow the old dynamics you both had around the house to creep back in. I mean, act in a way that says “this is my place” and “I’m taking care of it”. She needs to know you are not the same man from before. This man commands respect.

[milly007]

EXACTLY!!! I don't' understand it either, these personality changes are confusing me.

She goes from hot to cold in 0-60 seconds, is this normal?

Has anybody else ever experienced these radical personality changes in a cheating spouse?

 

Talked with her dad earlier and he's on his way over to try and talk her back to his place.

What's the whole point of looking for an apartment?

 

Hope her dad can talk some sense into her

 

Well I can't speak to the personality changes in a spouse since I'm not married, but surely others here will be able to share their experiences.

 

The thing is, it's an emotional time for both of you right now, and I'm sure all of your feelings come in waves.

 

One minute you feel fine, the next minute you're thinking about how surreal this whole experience is and how it all feels like a nightmare.

 

I'm sure she feels like her world is falling apart right before her and she doesn't quite know what to do.

 

Here's hoping her dad can convince her to head back home with him. You two need time apart right now.

 

Her being in the home and refusing to leave until you two work things out clearly won't resolve anything. The wounds are still fresh and she isn't thinking rationally. She's only reacting emotionally, which can only make matters worse and create more hostility and tension between the two of you.

 

Hang in there, KM!

[abitbroken]

EXACTLY!!! I don't' understand it either, these personality changes are confusing me.

She goes from hot to cold in 0-60 seconds, is this normal?

Has anybody else ever experienced these radical personality changes in a cheating spouse?

 

Talked with her dad earlier and he's on his way over to try and talk her back to his place.

What's the whole point of looking for an apartment?

 

Hope her dad can talk some sense into her

 

she told you she would leave thinking you would tell her that you wanted her to stay or to sound like she was willing to do anything to work it out. You called her bluff. Big time.

She was willing to look for a place when it was a "separation for her to figure out what she wanted" - she did not count on you filing for divorce. That's how i see it.

Dad will ultimately have to be on the side of his daughter, but glad that he is being sensible in these matters and it sounds like he realizes what the situation is (his daughter cheated).

Keep us updated.

 

i understand where the attorney is coming from - but you never kicked her out.