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Everything posted by ControlDenied

  1. I’d love to read an update. KM you alright?
  2. What a great question. I believe they exist. I have seen very few cases but they exist. I have wasted many years trying to achieve this with my wife but I have given up. You can not do it by yourself, 2 fully committed persons are required.
  3. You are in time now to select wisely. She seems like a recipe for divorce to me.
  4. Even though you contributed to set the stage. SHE BROKE TRUST. She should have come to you. You should not reward her for her behavior. You have, therefore you have set yourself to be disrespected again. You must command respect. My view it would be: -she changes her cell phone number - she erases him from all social media - you call him and tell him to never contacts her again - she writes him a no contact letter, you review it and you send it. She doesn’t do this, you breakup.
  5. The more you wait the more accomplice you become.
  6. You can still win Sofos! Don’t give anyone power over your own self respect. You can do it!
  7. Your relationship doesn’t have trust. Is an immature relationship. Work on yourself. He is definitively hiding things from you.
  8. Send him a text saying that you had a dream about him last night... perfect excuse to start a playful scenario
  9. Get in tune with yourself. Have fun. Do things you like. Date other people. Next time you see her, make it fun and light, laugh at yourself and do not shy away for having liked her. You are a man and that is normal.
  10. Tell him your unable to be there for him. Then find a distraction.
  11. Sadly the answer is likely yes. Leopards do not change their spots. I suggest you do spy on him very meticulously. Read Gottman, he knows what successful couples do.
  12. She seems like an attention to me. Talking to other men all day long, NOT acceptable!!! She must respect you! You must act like a man who commands respect.
  13. You have been right every step of the way since you started this thread. KM you are a real man of value. She lost a good one. She is definitely a looser.
  14. The marriage is over. She lost all respect for you. And looks like you also have lost your self respect. Learn from this!!!
  15. There is no way she is seeing the OM and NO sex is involved. He is no dummy. This was the best decision of your life. What a waste of a wake up call for her.
  16. There is no biological clock... people have meet, married, divorced and remarried in less than 5 years. You are so young!!! I know someone who had twins at 41!
  17. When you are comfortable being alone with your own self. Then you will be ready for a relationship. If you are not comfortable being with yourself... why would someone else be? Just live your life! Follow your passion. What do you like doing?
  18. For example is different to say “you talk badly about me in public” than saying “I have an expectation of respect in my marriage”
  19. I can relate to this. The problem is not her, you can not change her. The problem is you. Fortunately, the only thing you can control is yourself. You need to address this issue head on, but you must use the right strategy. For that you need to prepare yourself. Read “Non Violent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg. When you talk to her about this, you must never use the word YOU. Always use the word I. When you read the book you will understand. “YOU” carries judgement, I is about what you experience. Also, you need to stop being a doormat, in small things she needs to start re-gaining the respect she had for you when you married.
  20. I was hoping she had access to this forum! I believe she is not a monster. She is living her life the only way she has known how to live it. It doesn’t take away from her responsibilities and the divorce is all her fault. Still, the best way for her to really listen and maybe understand... and maybe rebuild herself is via compassion. She need to reach the bottom and understand she has reached it to start making progress. Some people never get it. It is all in her hands. There is nothing KM can do to help her. In a way he is helping her, he is telling her this is the bottom. He has been quite positive in my opinion. If she was reading this forum, she probably would realize more as to the depth of the damage she has caused.
  21. I would not allow the old dynamics you both had around the house to creep back in. I mean, act in a way that says “this is my place” and “I’m taking care of it”. She needs to know you are not the same man from before. This man commands respect.
  22. Legally you can not kick her out. But there is no “working things out” scenario for her. She got served. The best line in this situation is: there will be a time for us to talk about what went wrong, that time is not now. No matter what you say now, it will not be positive for you.
  23. Agree!!! how she deals with it can make her or break her, and only she can do it.
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