Strippers at bachelor/bachelorette parties

[Doc Blaze]

Depends...on the club rules etc,

 

there are clubs with basically whatever the girl lets happen, and there are clubs where there is no physical touching. (both male and female)

 

 

private dancers is where it gets sketchy and dont know what kind of dancers you are dealing with.

[AtitAgain]

Regardless if physical contact is expected, if it happens or not, or whatever the situation is. That is only part of the issue. The main issues IMO are the following:

 

1) How do you feel about it, how does you fiancee feel about it?

2) Can you two come to a consensus on how you would like things to go down for both your and her's respective parties?

3) Get your decisions to the people involved and make sure that they are respected.

 

Personally, I don't care if my soon to be, would be touching a dude or not. Having another guy wave his junk in her face, and her be enjoying it, would be enough for me to call the wedding off. She can look at porn if she wants to see that with no issues. In person is just a no go zone for me.

 

Other people are totally cool with it... so really, it is not about what is done, it is about how you two feel about it.

[Snny]

I've heard what goes on- the guy putting his junk in women's faces, other women trying to pressure the bride into doing things with the stripper.

Yeah it's the private parties this happens at. I've heard first hand from female friends that they do expect a blow-job and usually from the bride. That the other women basically pressure the bride into it too.

I have been to one, and this info is wrong. The male strippers keep their gear on, and not all of them grind on a patron unless it's by request.

 

And like Happy said, the majority of male strippers are gay. I mean think about it...besides being in the military, how many heterosexual men are comfortable being in a room with other near-naked men and with sexual innuendos happening? Let be real.

 

But the bottom line is you AND your fiancée (fiancé = engaged man) are not ok with it. Not everyone is and that should be respected. The sister is being disrespectful here.

 

I'm the male and I don't want one. My fiancé says she doesn't want one either but her sister thinks it's a neccesary thing. She claims she will turn the stripper away or leave if one shows up but my fiancé hates confrontation

So she's just gonna lay down and continue to be disrespected?

 

Too bad. It needs to be addressed. She is going to be a married woman and it is her job to set the stage of hee marriage by enforcing boundaries when others cross it. Throughout your marriage, you will have friends, family, orcoworkers try to disrespect your boundaries. Every couple comes across this issue and it's nothing new.

 

She needs to start standing up for herself. She is not being drama by telling her no and calling the sister's behavior out for it. Time to mean business.

[thealchemist]

This comment is outrageous. Mostly because most male strippers are homosexual.

I have personally bounced at several and I have seen this happen.

 

The most drastic time I saw this happen the male stripper who got a bj from the bride hit on me after the event. I think it was along the lines of "did you like what you saw?".

 

So I can definitely see how many male strippers are gay. But that doesn't change the fact that he still got a bj from the bride.

[Doc Blaze]

I have been to one, and this info is wrong. The male strippers keep their gear on, and not all of them grind on a patron unless it's by request.

 

But the bottom line is you AND your fiancée (fiancé = engaged man) are not ok with it. Not everyone is and that should be respected. The sister is being disrespectful here.

 

[/b]

So she's just gonna lay down and continue to be disrespected?

 

Too bad. It needs to be addressed. She is going to be a married woman and it is her job to set the stage of hee marriage by enforcing boundaries when others cross it. Throughout your marriage, you will have friends, family, orcoworkers try to disrespect your boundaries. Every couple comes across this issue and it's nothing new.

 

She needs to start standing up for herself. She is not being drama by telling her no and calling the sister's behavior out for it. Time to mean business.

 

 

yeah one lol.

 

agree with the rest, but the strip world is a big range of classy, to down right awful.

[Maxx82]

Yeah, this is exactly in line with what I've heard.

 

As far as what I'm comfortable with I am definitely not ok with this kind of situation. Do I think she'd give into being pressured into it? No. But i don't want her to be in that situation and made to feel bad for it.

 

If anyone involved in my bachelor party tries to pull that and gets a stripper against my wishes or tries to take me to a club I will get an Uber and go the F home.

[Knight2001]

"I have been to one, and this info is wrong. The male strippers keep their gear on, and not all of them grind on a patron unless it's by request."

 

if the strippers keep their gear on are they strippers?

[tattoobunnie]

We hired a stripper for my buddy's party, and trust me, it was hysterical, and NOPE, I did not let the guy touch me, and I didn't touch him once. They are really for entertainment, and generally are respectful and know when you want zero contact.

 

Strip clubs on the other hand, been to plenty, and I find them all gross. I just see it as a right of passage though.

[Snny]

Wrong choice of words. I meant to say she doesn't like confrontation. Left to her own devices she will just hope it doesn't happen. I am not sure if it's come up yet but I feel she should tell her sister soon

Ok and what if it does?

 

She needs to be upfront about her concerns and needs. Passiveness does not reinforce boundaries. It gives dominant people (like myself) permission to take advantage because of lack of consequences attached.

 

Also, you need to stay out of this one. This dispute is between her and her sister. Don't tell her what to do- she is a big girl and needs to figure it all out.

 

Honestly a bunch of different studies from websites including magazines like Esquire and even things like Reddit.

Lol when was Esquire and trash sites like Reddit credible sources? I have seen VERY bad advice given on Reddit to people about many topics, including weddings. Take them as a grain of salt. Don't believe everything you read online.

[DancingFool]

You either trust your fiance or you shouldn't be marrying her. Problem is that between the ex situation and now this, your trust is shattered. I think you should be thinking about postponing your wedding or at the very least attending all kinds of premarital counseling sessions and really working out current issues between you and her. Her b-party is really the least of your issues - you have bigger problems.

[thealchemist]

What happens at them doesn't even matter.

 

I told my friends at my party that if they got a stripper then whoever choose to do that wouldn't be invited to my wedding anymore. Problem solved.

 

I did however still receive a lap dance. Since I made the unfortunate choice of words to say I didn't want any girls stripping at my party. I did have two of my friends(both pretty overweight) scar me for life...

[Maxx82]

That's my thought too- people have been warned not to try it for my party or they will be uninvited to the wedding. Period.

[thealchemist]

That's my thought too- people have been warned not to try it for my party or they will be uninvited to the wedding. Period.

That is all you can do. Make sure you and your fiance are both on board with that and ENFORCE it if they disrespect your wishes.

[Maxx82]

I will enforce it. Whether she will or not we will see.

[j.man]

You just need to let it happen how it will happen. If you can't trust her to or if she can't uphold boundaries amidst peer pressure, probably a good sign not to get married? Not big on s**t tests, but you've let her know where you stand. She alleges to agree with you. Time to let the chips fall.

[Maxx82]

Yeah you're right. I thought about saying something to her sister about it but I won't

[annie24]

Yeah you're right. I thought about saying something to her sister about it but I won't

 

I think it's really your fiance's place to set boundaries with her sister. If she wants to just go to dinner and paint nite, that's totally fine. She needs to tell her sis that's what she wants, and if sis wants a stripper, then she should hire one herself.

 

Other than that, I think you just need to trust your partner, that they will do the right thing even when no one is watching. That goes for the bachelorette party to other situations in her life that will come up.

[RainyCoast]

matt,

 

she has a thing about not wanting to say no to guys

 

that's been an issue

 

way before there was any talk of strippers

 

 

it takes a lot less than her sister "pressuring her" into doing anything and anyone shoving their junk in her face to act like she's not about to marry you

 

just sayin'

[Maxx82]

I think you are trying to help... But whatever issues there may or may not be your anyone and anything comment is outrageous.

[annie24]

What's the history there - I skimmed your previous threads. There was some ex that was sort of still in the picture?

[boltnrun]

How can you marry a woman you don't trust around other men?

 

Between the ex sex issue and now this, it seems you don't believe she can keep relationship boundaries.

[Maxx82]

It's not as black and white as you make it seem.

 

1. The bachelorette party is something I'm concerned about because I don't want it, she doesn't want it but I'm concerned people will do it anyway. I don't know how she will handle it if they do it anyway. I know she won't cheat with the stripper but it's a completely unnecessary thing.

2. Her ex. What happened with that was almost a year ago before we were official. We had been dating a month so I'm still hurt by it. The biggest issue was that she stayed friends with the guy after it happened and we were serious.

[Tanzi]

Yeah it's the private parties this happens at. I've heard first hand from female friends that they do expect a blow-job and usually from the bride. That the other women basically pressure the bride into it too.

 

Well if that is the case then this is a sad world we live in. I can't honestly believe that brides to be actually want to give a stripper a blow job or that her friends would encourage her. That pretty much makes WANTING to get married a complete sham in the first place. I've been to several parties where there's been male strippers and as far as I am aware no-one was interested in putting his junk in their mouth - or anywhere else.

 

That said, if your fiancée doesn't want a stripper then she should be able to make that abundantly clear to her sister without it leading to confrontation.

[j.man]

Well if that is the case then this is a sad world we live in. I can't honestly believe that brides to be actually want to give a stripper a blow job or that her friends would encourage her. That pretty much makes WANTING to get married a complete sham in the first place. I've been to several parties where there's been male strippers and as far as I am aware no-one was interested in putting his junk in their mouth - or anywhere else.

Sounds like either the OP or the friends he's deferring to watch too much porn.

 

Generally speaking, you don't have to pay men to let you give them a blowjob. Sounds like some bizarro world **** right there.

[Maxx82]

Yeah no. I don't watch too much porn. Thanks for calling me a liar though because that's helpful.