Dynamic in my office makes me stressed out

[Alex39]

I want to work together. I would love to work harmoniously with the secretary. I was her friend. I thought we'd be a team. I was nice to her. I helped her when she first started. I wanted to work with her. But I never saw things happening like this. She disrespects me. She talks to the boss all about me saying innacurate information. I cannot trust her. Being the type A person I am. If I can't trust her, its too hard for me to work with her.

 

And witnessing my boss fawn over her makes me see him in a totally different light too. I don't trust him and I lost all respect for him.

 

I feel bad for his wife. She's a sweet woman. At home, raising their children. I wouldn't be okay with my husband going out drinking with a woman half my age. Texting her in and out of work. One Monday he comes in, perches himself on her desk, as he does quite often, sometimes rubbing her arm. This one Monday, she asks him, "how was the park?"

 

I'm confused by this. Then he starts talking to her how he was texting her on the weekend while he took his kids to the park. Who texts the secretary on a Saturday when you are with your children?

 

That was so awkward to hear. I don't even have my bosses cell phone number. I can email him if I need him. He did give out his number for work emergencies. But I would call if I needed too. Never text like we are old friends. He is my boss.

 

Another morning she comes in with bagels. I thought it was nice. Until she goes into his office and claims she called him this morning to specifically ask what he wanted and brought him his favorite sandwich. It was inapropriate. Bagels for the rest of us weren't good enough for him?

 

Another time we had a high profile client come in. My boss was entertaining him. They leaving for lunch. I then see him go over to her desk and say really close and quiet "do you want to come?"

 

It was again very uncomfortable. She is a secretary. He asked no one else and others in the office deal with high profile clients. I didn't expect to get asked and I didn't care. But others higher than she, myself, etc.. weren't even asked.

 

I feel uncomfortable in my office and I think its caused me to become more independent and withdrawn.

[Batya33]

None of this is work-related or any of your business. For all you know your boss and his wife are swingers or have an open marriage. You don't know and it's not your business to know. Friends don't necessarily work well together. Your judginess leads you down the path of being condescending and criticizing others for their personal choices. Does it really matter if she bought him a sandwich? If you feel harassed, sexually or otherwise by what you are describing stop nitpicking and gossiping and report it.

 

Maybe he took the secretary with the high profile client because they know people in common- you have no clue - and she is her own person and can choose to go or not go. Big deal.

 

As far as "trying" -don't try, just DO. And do what he asked you to do. He spent the time giving you a detailed review. He told you what changes he would like. Make those changes with a positive attitude - don't "smile" more and "listen" only if it is relevant to the task and if you do that, actively listen-without getting all judgey or interrupting or wondering about what sandwich she will buy for him today. If you're not willing to do that yes I would leave and keep in mind that you have a real opportunity here to show yourself that you have the skills to take action, make better choices (i.e. stop gossiping/personal judging that infects you, etc), and live up to that work ethic you say your parents instilled in you.

[Wiseman2]

The best thing you can do is steer clear of people's personal lives and judgments and speculations based on your intense jealousy. What you are actually jealous of is that other people can get along and you stay isolated in your head seething with resentment.

 

A lot of coworkers chitchat at work about general things, like 'how was your weekend' and whatnot. It doesn't mean they are having affairs. Relax. Just say to yourself. Who cares? Get a life and particularly a bf outside of work. Having a decent social life and more confidence will help you in any position.

witnessing my boss fawn over her makes me see him in a totally different light too.I feel bad for his wife. She's a sweet woman. At home, raising their children. I wouldn't be okay with my husband going out drinking with a woman half my age. Texting her in and out of work. One Monday he comes in, perches himself on her desk, as he does quite often, sometimes rubbing her arm. This one Monday, she asks him, "how was the park?"

[chitown9]

Honestly, I think that a new job at a new place would do wonders for you. I am surprised that you have stuck around trying to fix something that you can't fix. chi

[Alex39]

At this point things are just stressful beyond belief and I have been actively looking and applying for new jobs. I cannot stand the environment my boss has created. most recently, I witnessed a conversation between Martin and the secretary, and they were talking about me saying how it is going to be much harder to get rid of me.

 

At this point, I almost don't care and want to let them win, because me being happy hopefully somewhere else, will be me winning in the long run. I have been over-communicating and working with Martin and the other man in our small team a ton lately. My boss, who is the boss of the whole office isn't leading us at all, and keeps getting frustrated with us, but to me it is his own frustration because we keep asking him questions and for assistance. I had a one on one meeting with him, something he has with everyone every other week. I was asking him for insight, advice, and lots of questions, and he just keeps telling me that the three of us have to figure it out on our own. I went to him for help, and he is pawning it back off on Martin, myself, and the other guy. We need leadership. Martin isn't leading us, as he is supposed to. I try to lead, but I am the lowest one and the other two don't fully listen to me, even though I have the knowledge and backing of being the one who has worked there the longest. Martin is still out of his mind. He cannot control himself. The other day he got a good response from clients on a project he had been working on. He openly started weeping and crying in the office in front of everyone, because he was so happy. He had to go take a walk to calm himself down.

 

There is clearly something wrong with him, and it makes me feel unsafe, especially after everything that has happened with his emotions.

 

Because we are lacking in leadership, every little thing that we do, Martin and the other guy act like is for the President of the United States. We have meetings constantly. I am all about meeting and checking in, but they are talking about the simplest things for ways too long. The other day I barely for any real work done at my desk, because they met so many times. It is absolutely ridiculous to have an hour long meeting about how to send an email to clients. Its not rocket science. They are stressing me out beyond belief. Going into the meetings I try to create processes. We need delegation and process, something the other two men are not good at, but they don't always listen to me. So they end up doing what they want. The other guy, besides Martin keeps charging ahead and creating lists and doing all these things and it doesn't have a process. Or if it does, the process doesn't work in the long run for anything and we have to change it. I often find myself having to go in and re-organize his work into a better readable document that fits with a cohesive process.

 

Its absolutely insane.

 

On top of this, the secretary got a promotion with a great new title and more money. She has a better title than I do and I have 2 years on her at the organization. She has been there 2 years and me 4. My boss now insists every little thing go through her. Things I know how to do myself, like book a space for an event and order catering. I have been doing for years, I now have to go through her for it all. It takes me way more time and way more effort to do this when I can just go in and book exactly what I want. I pretty much have to check everything through her. Who in their office, has to constantly check in on their work with the secretary? No one I know.

 

 

When her new title and status was announced, Martin was clapping and cheering at her like she won the lottery. It was obnoxious.

 

She is above me now it seems. Above me and my other colleague, my older woman friend, who has 13 years at the organization. Again, quite insane. All this happening all at once has re-affirmed to me that I need to move offices, or leave. I have nothing to stay for, but aggregation and frustration.

 

My boss is clearly in love with her. Our office gives presentations to client all the time. Groups of 50-100 sometimes. We have been giving a lot lately. We all know hw to. We all switch off on who does it.

 

He has not come to see anyone else present ever. He has never comes to see me. The other day he walks out of the office saying how he is going to watch the secretary present. Again, the favoritism isn't even hidden anyone. He mine as well make out with her in front of us. No one would be shocked.

 

He asks her how her schooling is going. I am going for higher. He never asks me. He asks her about her weekend, her parents, her boyfriend, her house, her everything. Never asks anyone else. Or occasionally does, if say I was out sick, when I have to call him to say I am sick.

 

I am hoping for a new job. I want to respect someone again. A real leader. I know no one is perfect. I just feel like I am so scarred, bitter, and untrusting. I want to go in and feel I can trust and be safe. At least a basic level of comfort. I bring a lot to the table. All of my ideas, almost 80% of them he uses. I don't get to plan most of them. He hands them to her. I get nothing. I know that it could be the same somewhere else, but I would hope that this suffocating environment would be less anywhere else.

[Batya33]

I hope you find a better job for you very, very soon. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[SomedaySoon]

You need to cut your losses today and move the heck on. It's clear they hate you and you strongly dislike them at the minimum. This kind of thing happens from time to time and it's time to start over. If the service you're providing is truly valuable, you'll be the winner when you leave. There's really nothing more to say.

[Alex39]

I just wish things could be different. I try not to be difficult. I've spoken up, its doesn't change. I've sat quiet as a mouse, again, nothing changes.

 

I like the job itself, I like the organization, but the office has gotten out of control.

 

I do think I have a lot to offer, if someone trustworthy abd open gave me the chance. I could prove it.

 

I feel guilty. I keep feeling like I caused this and I'm hard to work with. My parents insist that that is not the case and this is all strategic politics, so this would have came to play regardless. Maybe it would have. I get along well with lots of people outside the office and have collaborated etc..

 

I think they never expected me to speak up for myself, because I was always a pushover and now they know I won't take it. So they hate me.

 

Its sad. But truly, I'm terrified, but I also cannot wait to move on.

[Batya33]

When I was looking for work I joined a local women's networking group and attended events and happy hours -do you have anything like that where you are?

[Alex39]

So I got a job!

 

I was so excited to get this job and to finally get out of the dynamic in my current office. The nepotism is just so discouraging and negative. Two of our interns whom were invited back to work with us again this season, both my friends, also decided to turn down the offers and leave, because they were unhappy.

 

This new job is more money, and more growth for me. I was excited at a challenge and getting a fair chance, since I have essentially been put down at the bottom of the barrel where I currently am. Literally, I have the lowest title and lowest ranking, though I have done more task wise, and been there longer than many others there.

 

I start my new job in a week. Next Wednesday, as to what was agreed upon by my new supervisor who hired me and myself. But now, what I am feeling is an immense amount of dread. I don't know if I am going to like this new place, as they are already bombarding me with schedules and extra stuff that I was not expecting. My new boss told me that I will be working Monday through Friday 9-5. I was okay with this. I am in school at night usually starting at 6. They want me to finish school. Its actually a contractual thing. I need to finish school to keep the job in a year.

 

Then the woman springs on me, well Tuesday and Thursday you have to work until 6. Just by chance my upcoming classes are on Mondays and Wednesdays. Thank god. But what if they weren't? I truly was baffled by this. She told me it was mandatory and that I would have to work around it. How do they expect me to finish school, keep the job, but work when I have school?

 

Thank goodness my schedule complies. But in the spring its all about luck again.

 

Then my new boss' boss just sent me an email with all these dates to keep in mind. Saturdays and Sundays in the morning. Once a month, some twice a month, telling me we have events those mornings and let her know if I have any conflicts. I email her back saying I have three of the dates when I cannot do it.

 

I work another part time job, one which I have had for many years and am loyal to. I need to work. I was not told we had to do weekend hours. This changes things immensely. I don't work weekends now. So now I am expected to work 9-5 all week and a weekend morning for 4 hours? That changes things.

 

She emails me back saying that these are mandatory and she can try to get me off of one maybe, but not three and we will have to talk about these things.

 

Also, I mean I want somewhat of a life. I have friends and a potential guy in my life. We plan weekend getaways and I get asked to do fun things and now I am tied down to this job and can't go away? I know its work. I enjoy working and take pride in my work, but I do not want work to consume me. I need to relax sometimes too and have days to myself or with friends.

 

This is giving me anxiety. I have this new job, school which they need me to finish, a part time job of which I need for more income and I want to keep, and homework. They seemed to be understanding when I talked to them before I accepted the job. I thought I would have some work life balance. But now, its seeming like I am trapped.

 

I truly do not know what to do.

 

Then I get an email from the human resources department with a whole two day schedule for an orientation for new hires. But the two days are Monday and Tuesday, both of which I am working at my current job. We agreed on Wednesday and that is confirmed in my offer letter. I again email my new supervisor telling her about this and how I am still working those two days and cannot be at this orientation.

 

I feel like this whole process is not easy and I was a bit misled. I feel like I have been flexible, but I laid out what I could do. I gave the proper two weeks notice, which brought me to next Wednesday. They asked if I could start earlier and I said no, because two weeks was fair. It actually perturbed me that they asked that, as it would be unprofessional of me not to give two weeks, and this place is like the golden icon of professionalism.

 

I am venting and need advice, because I am feeling so overwhelmed with this new role and feeling like maybe I made a mistake.

[Wiseman2]

Doesn't sound like things are off to a good start since you can't commit to their obligatory overtime.

[Batya33]

Doesn't sound like things are off to a good start since you can't commit to their obligatory overtime.

 

I agree. It could be that they miscommunicated and/or are disorganized but here's what it comes down to. You are an employee, you are a brand new employee. You have to ask how high to jump through hoops, not come up with reasons why you can't work when they need you to work. Either quit now so they don't invest time training or make it work. What you wrote about your class schedule -yes, unless you have a 9 to 5 set in stone job with no weekends and overtime then it's none of their business what you do starting at 5:01. In my personal experience those jobs -with exceptions! -typically don't come with good raises, opportunities for advancement or good mentoring. Again, with exceptions of course.

 

Yes, they know you need to finish school but it's your employer not your parent. If you don't finish school they'll replace you in a year and they know they can do that. So it's on you to make your school schedule work. As a new employee they don't need to make that work for you. I have a friend who after working at a company for a number of years, getting a promotion, got pregnant with her third child and decided to go to grad school part time at night. She would love to work there with her advanced degree when she gets it but that's not a guarantee. Anyway, she makes it work - because now she has leverage at her employer -they see how valuable she is and they want to support her efforts. She has 3 kids including two under 4, a husband, a long commute, intense grad program. I'm sure she doesn't have much of a social life right now. And she's made these sacrifices for herself and her family. If you want to advance you have to make sacrifices too. Most full time employers are not going to support you having a part time gig if it interferes with when they need you at work. And they don't want to hear about social plans except really huge ones -like your own wedding, or your sister's wedding, maybe, or a preplanned trip with plane tickets which you share during the interview process. Otherwise it's on you.

 

This is no longer a Monday-Friday 9 to 5 job. Move on as to whether you were "misled". Waste of energy. Instead decide whether you still want this job with these additional time commitments. And either gracefully exit or suck it up because HR doesn't want to hear from their new hire all the times she is not available , fair or not. I was in a similar situation approximately two years ago. I had very specific needs as to hours and number of hours because it was a part time opportunity and I'm the primary caregiver for our son. I was clear about my needs, they were clear about the boundaries of the job. And from the beginning I knew that if that changed dramatically I would have to quit because I couldn't juggle the mom/work responsibilities in our family situation. I might have whined briefly about "misled" but my expectation was that since I had such specific timing needs it was rare to find a good fit. It has worked out beautifully so far and for that I am grateful and appreciative-I don't feel "entitled." If your needs are to keep your part time job and to be able to schedule your night classes on specific days and to be able not to work weekends if you have a social plan this job is not for you.

[journeynow]

I work another part time job, one which I have had for many years and am loyal to.

 

Congratulations on your new job, the bump in income, and the opportunity for growth.

 

Consider letting the part time job go. It doesn't mean you are disloyal to them, unless they are offering you the same income and growth opportunities, or better, and better benefits. It's your job to support yourself, and it's reasonable to make choices in that regard.

[abitbroken]

I think that you should tell the part time job what is going on and that you won't be available that one weekend/those two mornings a month or i would take leave and leave on a good note with the door open for you to come back if there is an opening if you were to return. I would also tell your new job that you are not available for the weekend if it comes within the first week of work because you had something prescheduled before you interviewed. If this job provides more growth and higher pay, i would work to finish school and once you do, you will see your schedule free up a little for friends. If you do not like it, start looking for something else when you finish school. Once you quit the part time job and figure out the rhytym of the job, you fit friends around it.

[maew]

It is exciting that you have a new job!

 

As others have said however it is not up to them to accommodate your part time job, schooling, need for leisure time, etc.

 

You are setting yourself up to be seen as difficult if you continue going to them unwilling to accommodate their requests.

[j.man]

I'll be honest. I'm kinda perplexed that you feel blindsided. You acknowledge this job offers more money and more potential for growth, that it's got a reputation for being the gold standard of professionalism. They've outright stipulated you complete your education within the year, so it's obvious they're taking you seriously as a long-term candidate. I don't think it's any particularly big stretch to assume that pursuing a career within such an atmosphere may involve the occasional 9 hour day or weekend morning.

 

Now it's not without sympathy that I say that as it's precisely why I work as a contractor and ideally would never have my name put on a payroll again if it can be avoided. I set a rate for what my billable hour is worth, and while I'm happy to work and bill extra hours, I don't work for free. But if I'm ever interviewing for a salaried position, or even one that's hourly but employed, wherein the scope of my expectations and duties may reasonably extend beyond what's explicitly stated in any written agreement or understanding, you better believe I'm inquiring on overtime and weekends. If they're something I'm not willing to do or at the very least not for what they're compensating me for, I get it stipulated for appropriately in writing.

 

However, again, that attitude generally isn't conducive to climbing up the ladder. While I'm at a good professional level right now and could fall a couple pegs and still be alright, you're never going to see me in, say, middle management. I weigh my personal life too heavily to live up to the dedication that would be expected of me. And, honestly, that's fair enough. Wouldn't blame a single company or organization. While there are still extra expectations such as keeping up with and broadening my skill set so as to not become redundant if I'm electing to remain in a relatively stagnant position, it's typically a self-education I can pursue on my own time.

 

While it sounds counter-intuitive, this having a part-time job, going to school, and now having applied to and been accepted for what certainly sounds like a career-oriented position all amount to you wanting to enjoy your freedom, which may not translate to free time, but the freedom to jam-pack your schedule the way you see fit. Your career-minded individual who actively aspires for "growth" is generally lucky to fit their rec softball league into their schedule, never mind a whole other part time job, classes, studying, and, while hopefully a bit later than sooner in your case, dating.

 

In short, you've got to ask yourself what you really want right now. If you want a career job that can provide growth and upward mobility, you're gonna have to trim the fat somewhere. As others have stated, your part-time job at face value appears to be the most simple place to start. If you really want to enjoy relatively stress-free studies and your part-time job, you may want to look instead for dedicated shift work.

 

Either way, I'd definitely start recalibrating your career expectations and the idea of upward mobility and enhanced titles if a couple 6:00pm days and the occasional Saturday morning has got you feeling slighted.

[boltnrun]

Jman, that is excellent.

 

I am currently in a lower level management position. It is stated in the offer letter as a 40 hour a week hourly administrative position, but it was and is clear to me that by accepting the job I am agreeing to do whatever it takes. I work extra days sometimes. I stay late. If the workload demands it, I come in early. And I don't rush out the door as soon as 8 hours is hit just because the clock says so. I stay until the work is done.

 

And I am being compensated for this. I am still hourly but I received a bump in pay and benefits when I accepted the job.

 

If I wanted, I could parlay this position into further upward mobility. I choose not to. I am middle-aged and not too terribly far from thinking about how I want to spend the rest of my handful of working years. I don't want to be tied to my laptop 24/7. I don't want to be expected (read "required") to check my email a dozen times a day even on my off days. I don't want to be called out for not responding to that email that went out at 6:30 AM on Saturday morning.

 

So, I don't plan to apply for or pursue anything further up than the next level at most.

 

AMK, are you saying there was absolutely zero warning that you would be asked to put in more than the set 35 hours per week (9-5 minus an hour lunch adds up to 35 hours)? "I don't want to give up my part time job" and "I want to be able to do weekend trips with my friends and potential boyfriend" probably won't impress the higher ups at the new job, BTW.

 

So yeah. Think about what's important: keeping the part time job and wanting each and every weekend free to do things with friends or your career.

 

And I bet they'd be willing to work with you about school. Also check with your school to see what other times your classes are offered and adjust accordingly.

[mustlovedogs]

Jman, that is excellent.

 

I am currently in a lower level management position. It is stated in the offer letter as a 40 hour a week hourly administrative position, but it was and is clear to me that by accepting the job I am agreeing to do whatever it takes. I work extra days sometimes. I stay late. If the workload demands it, I come in early. And I don't rush out the door as soon as 8 hours is hit just because the clock says so. I stay until the work is done.

 

And I am being compensated for this. I am still hourly but I received a bump in pay and benefits when I accepted the job.

 

If I wanted, I could parlay this position into further upward mobility. I choose not to. I am middle-aged and not too terribly far from thinking about how I want to spend the rest of my handful of working years. I don't want to be tied to my laptop 24/7. I don't want to be expected (read "required") to check my email a dozen times a day even on my off days. I don't want to be called out for not responding to that email that went out at 6:30 AM on Saturday morning.

 

So, I don't plan to apply for or pursue anything further up than the next level at most.

 

AMK, are you saying there was absolutely zero warning that you would be asked to put in more than the set 35 hours per week (9-5 minus an hour lunch adds up to 35 hours)? "I don't want to give up my part time job" and "I want to be able to do weekend trips with my friends and potential boyfriend" probably won't impress the higher ups at the new job, BTW.

 

So yeah. Think about what's important: keeping the part time job and wanting each and every weekend free to do things with friends or your career.

 

And I bet they'd be willing to work with you about school. Also check with your school to see what other times your classes are offered and adjust accordingly.

 

And, for the record, only 35 hours is week is barely full time anymore. I think a standard work week in most industries is closer to 44 hours.

[mustlovedogs]

Jman, that is excellent.

 

I am currently in a lower level management position. It is stated in the offer letter as a 40 hour a week hourly administrative position, but it was and is clear to me that by accepting the job I am agreeing to do whatever it takes. I work extra days sometimes. I stay late. If the workload demands it, I come in early. And I don't rush out the door as soon as 8 hours is hit just because the clock says so. I stay until the work is done.

 

And I am being compensated for this. I am still hourly but I received a bump in pay and benefits when I accepted the job.

 

If I wanted, I could parlay this position into further upward mobility. I choose not to. I am middle-aged and not too terribly far from thinking about how I want to spend the rest of my handful of working years. I don't want to be tied to my laptop 24/7. I don't want to be expected (read "required") to check my email a dozen times a day even on my off days. I don't want to be called out for not responding to that email that went out at 6:30 AM on Saturday morning.

 

So, I don't plan to apply for or pursue anything further up than the next level at most.

 

AMK, are you saying there was absolutely zero warning that you would be asked to put in more than the set 35 hours per week (9-5 minus an hour lunch adds up to 35 hours)? "I don't want to give up my part time job" and "I want to be able to do weekend trips with my friends and potential boyfriend" probably won't impress the higher ups at the new job, BTW.

 

So yeah. Think about what's important: keeping the part time job and wanting each and every weekend free to do things with friends or your career.

 

And I bet they'd be willing to work with you about school. Also check with your school to see what other times your classes are offered and adjust accordingly.

 

So many duplicates.

[mustlovedogs]

Duplicate.

[Jibralta]

I work another part time job, one which I have had for many years and am loyal to. I need to work. I was not told we had to do weekend hours. This changes things immensely. I don't work weekends now. So now I am expected to work 9-5 all week and a weekend morning for 4 hours? That changes things.

 

She emails me back saying that these are mandatory and she can try to get me off of one maybe, but not three and we will have to talk about these things.

 

Also, I mean I want somewhat of a life. I have friends and a potential guy in my life. We plan weekend getaways and I get asked to do fun things and now I am tied down to this job and can't go away? I know its work. I enjoy working and take pride in my work, but I do not want work to consume me. I need to relax sometimes too and have days to myself or with friends.

 

Does it conflict with your part time job or your desire to do fun things and have weekend getaways? One would think that your part time job is already preventing said fun things and weekend getaways? So what is the difference?

[abitbroken]

Does it conflict with your part time job or your desire to do fun things and have weekend getaways? One would think that your part time job is already preventing said fun things and weekend getaways? So what is the difference?

 

Yes. Sometimes its time to move from a child or fun college girl to a true adult.

[catfeeder]

If you want the new job to work, I'd ditch the part time gig for homework time to avoid flunking the classes. I'd see how this semester goes, and then I'd learn what the spring semester entails and whether I've earned enough clout at the new job to negotiate any conflicts. I'd also learn whether ditching the part time job opens more room for a class schedule that fits with the new job, such as classes that start later at night or on weekends--or online.

 

So the only barrier to success at this point is the part time job. I doubt they expect you to stay there forever, and if they do--are they really reasonable?

[Batya33]

Yes. Sometimes its time to move from a child or fun college girl to a true adult.

 

I know plenty of college women (and men) who work their behinds off at jobs that are much more intense and demanding than the one she describes. I was one of them but I watch my friend's daughter who will be a college senior work nights and weekends at her investment banking internship and she also took a summer class. I worked far more hours than the OP at her age and I had a very active social life. No part time job though -I did do some volunteering but not as an ongoing commitment. I found personally that working so many hours was sometimes a downside to a social life but more often an upside -I was selective about how I spent my free time, and the men I met appreciated that I was trying to reach my career/professional goals. And those who didn't were simply not the right match. That's kind of circular, I get it, but it comes down to -if you want a career and not just a job then get past the fact that they misled you or miscommunicated -annoying, I agree! - and see this as as an opportunity. If you get very honest with yourself and you really just want a 9 to 5 steady job with less room for advancement and promotion and you want to be with a man -eventual spouse - who wants someone who doesn't aspire beyond just a job (nothing wrong with that especially if you want the full time job of full time caregiver to children or keeping house, or working on a hobby) - then let a person who is hungry for a career take your place in this job and keep going to school if it's enjoyable for you.

 

You say you are ambitious, you say you want to be valued for being a person who is ambitious with respect to a career- then make the sacrifices now. If it turns out that the wrong information they gave you is systemic- that there is rampant lack of organization, etc you will know that in a few months. Or less.