Dynamic in my office makes me stressed out

[catfeeder]

It's weird how you are always right. Even your boss is wrong.

 

...and it became apparent 3 pages ago that you're not interested in feedback or constructive suggestions, you just want to complain.

 

Enjoy.

[milly007]

OP, I haven't read through all of the posts on here, but I have read most.

 

It seems that with each new post, you sound more discouraged, upset, defeated and miserable.

 

I would look into obtaining a new job.

 

You're spinning your tires at your current place of employment and until you get off the hamster wheel, you'll continue to feel miserable and unhappy.

 

Time to make a career change, because nothing's going to change where you currently are.

 

If your workplace is anything like what you describe in this thread, it's only going to become worse.

 

Keep in mind, as others have posted, no workplace is perfect, although some are worse than others.

 

So if you do make that transition into a new job, you better believe there will be certain aspects of it that you won't like.

 

However, I have to say, and please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm wondering if you're depressed? You sound extremely down, and your posts sound so negative that I'd bet on the fact that your negative thinking is affecting your experience/surroundings/relationships.

 

Just something to consider.

 

That said, maybe a new job/clean slate is one way to get you out of this slump.

 

And changing your mindset would help you as well, too, I think.

[Alex39]

Things with Martin have gotten progressively worse. He is making my boss look like a saint.

 

Martin is a messed up man. He acts like a broadway performer, buttering people up, getting them to do things for him with this overly friendly appeal. He even throws out comments like "ugh you are the most amazing beautiful person I have ever met." Now I have caught on. So has my co-worker, another guy in the office. He thinks Martin is truly evil. Evil is a powerful word in my book. He acts fake overly nice. But he secretly is not at all. He still has no idea what he is doing at all. I blame my boss for that.

 

One minute he is micro managing me, as I have said, another he is telling me I'm fabulous and asking my my help. That's warped. I've been around for many years here and as much as we like new ideas and processes, we have certain procedures we stick with. They just work, and in the long run we end up with lots of great data, and evidence, of such past work, by doing it a certain way.

 

Sometimes Martin will say something, a way to do something, and I will try to tell him of how we should do it, to make things better. He doesn't listen at all. And then a day later we are having the same conversation and I know he remembers nothing.

 

He's very picky in hindsight. He will give me or the students a task, little direction, or direction that isn't quite right. We do it, and he complains about process. I will explain to him, that we did it this way and that way and look at the results, but he just grows angry. But then, like the psycho he is, right after his angry fits, he gets all super nice and kisses your butt. Tells everyone how you are fabulous and great and smart etc...

 

He embarrasses me in front of the office. I set up the new student intern. I did everything right. I was excited. My own student intern. I've had them before, but I actually got to hire this one myself and totally do everything from start to finish and manage him on my own. I expressed this enthusiasm to Martin.

 

One day out loud in the office, he starts saying how the secretary should track him instead. I openly respond to Martin making it known that I took all the right steps of setting him up and I want to manage him, as other workers manage their own interns and I am fully capable.

 

He embarrasses me and insists that she will do it from now on. For no reason at all. He doesn't even let me speak.

 

We speak days later privately, and I tell him how I was embarrassed and he made it seem as if I was incapable of managing an intern in front of everyone else. He basically told me that I looked busy and he wanted to help me. I told him instead of gauging how I feel, he should have asked me and I would have told him I want and can manage the intern.

 

All the while, another co-worker of mine lets me manage her intern any time she is away. And I do it with no issue and fine.

 

He persisted that she would manage him so I dropped the cause. I semi manage now.

 

Then I find out he is writing every little thing about me down. No one else in our whole office is being watched this way. We are a very casual establishment. Its insane. He has a whole word document on his computer about things I did that he didn't like. But they are ridiculous. Like one is, how on a Friday he asked me to make him something. He never gave me a deadline, or anything, and then was mad on Monday when I hadn't done it yet. I relayed to him how I was extremely busy, and I did the task right away when I had time, but he insisted this was an issue, as in I didn't do the task he asked. But I did it as soon as my work load was better and he knew I was working on something else very important. But he wrote it as if I just didn't do it, and was incapable of listening. He never told me to do it as soon as possible or by the end of the day, or I would have.

 

Another one was how he was mad that I left for the day, when I was in the middle of an email exchange with a software developer. I work with this developer all the time, and we have no issue. Our office was closing and I went home. The developer most likely went home too. We picked up for the day the next morning.

 

He picks at me like crazy and I do no know why.

 

He got mad at me one day, because I moved a file into a folder. My job is too keep everything organized. And I have outwardly let everyone know that if they don't see something, just ask and maybe it was moved, so I can tell them right where it is. No one else in the office has an issue with this and a few have asked me where thing are. I barely move things that often. He got mad at me one day, because a co-worker was looking for a file openly, and I had moved it, and didn't tell her. She didn't mind it at all, and I immediately told her where it was. She is my office friend and told me it was no big deal at all. He called me in to speak privately to a private room we have, and couldn't even sit down, he was fuming towering over me, and claimed I embarrassed him. I claimed I had no idea what he was talking about and he said that my credibility to my co-workers seemed shaky when things like that happened and he was trying to help me. I again told him I had no idea what he was talking about and how I never asked him to help me with my "credibility"

 

He was so angry, he stormed out of the office to go smoke. Another instance, he came over to my desk, and knelt down to my level in my chair to speak to me. We are in an open office. He made a comment about how I don't look him in the eyes when I come to speak to him at his desk. He then claimed that people may perceive it as I am not listening to them if I do that. I said nothing, confused and stunned by this comment. He then outwardly asked me "Do you have an issue with you eyes? Do you have an eye focusing issue?"

 

I was stunned again. I said nothing. He then got all upset and stormed into the bathroom, came out, and told me he knew he brought up a touchy subject and he was so upset he was crying in the bathroom. I was more stunned by his behavior than the situation. I have never had an issue with people and eyes. I was also very perturbed that he would bring it up. I have an eye issue from when I was little. My eyes can drift, but that is none of his business, and it doesn't affect my work at all. I can see and listen fine. I felt it so inappropriate. He then keeps telling me to be more like a doctor and ask more questions to get a diagnosis. I assure him that I make sound decisions and that if a question needs to be asked, I have no issue, but I know how to do my job. He again persists to tell me to be like a doctor. I don't work in the medical field.

 

Martin is an openly gay man. I have no issue. I have friends whom are gay. My guy friend/co-worker/crush of mine, the guys who thinks martin is evil - then tells me how Martin asked him if he was gay or straight. My friend, straight, said he was very uncomfortable with that and shocked he would ask so casually. My other co-worker, an older woman, then tells me how he was asking if her son was gay, because he is an older single guy. She felt uncomfortable with that too.

 

Another instance, the older woman was saying how her late husband was much older than her when they married a long time ago. He was about 10-13 years olde than she. She was about 20. She was saying how him being older didn't stop him from raising their children at an older age. Martin comments back "Well I guess he raised you too."

 

My co-worker was so bothered by this comment, as back then, she was an independent woman, and not a child. And he was then referring to her husband as her father, which was inappropriate.

 

My young guy co-worker, my work crush, the one he asked if he was gay or straight, then had another awkward work encounter with Martin. They often work late together, as their hours differ from ours. My guy friend tells me how Martin was making comments. Now Martin is 50 years old. Martin was making comments, leading my co-worker to believe he found two of our guy interns really attractive. our interns are 21 year old students. Gross.

 

Another time, my crush came in and Martin calls him over to his desk. My crush is a bit of a non-conformist. I like him more that way. Martin starts giving him this strange speech, about how he should conform more and he may not be well off some day and how he might need the people around him, so he should be kinder to them. It was the weirdest thing I have ever heard, and again to me, it was inappropriate. Who is he to tell him to conform?

 

The kicker was most recently. Martin, had totally taken over the students, whom were supposed to be mine to manage. I said nothing, but the students confused, kept coming to me, as Martin was away, and asking me questions about assignments. I would give them feedback here and there, not knowing what Martin wanted them to do. I used my professional judgement and knowledge of being in the office for many years. One day, one of the student interns asked me what he should do. Not knowing Martin had given him work, I gave him alternative work, and told him to change a certain spreadsheet he was working on.

 

This mad Martin extremely angry the following day. I assured him the assignments were done well, explained my thought process so he knew what happened, and that he should look at the work, as it was complete. He sent me back a nasty message, saying how the intern was his and not mine and how he can't trust me to get any work done. I was appalled by this. I have been doing good work for years and we have great marketing because of me, of which we did not have years ago. I then made suggestions to him about communicating better with the interns and that I had ideas for a better process between all of us the next time. I thought this was good.

 

He asked if I wanted to speak privately. I said sure. I start mentioning the issues with mis-comunnication between the interns, myself, and him, and how we can resolve this easily. I was calm and rational. I wanted to just talk. He was angry from the moment he sat down. He had an angry look on his face and would not let me get a word in. Again, I was calm. He was on edge. He started saying how I was a liar, and accusing me of undermining the students from him. I assured him I did not know the student was supposed to do his task. But he wasn't having it. He was being nasty, so I put my hand on my chest out of shock. He nastily said "Oh stop with the dramatics." This shocked me even more, as this was appalling behavior. He was half yelling at me. He then threatened to leave. I said "excuse me, we are just talking."

 

He then mocked me saying "excuse me, excuse me, yeah."

 

I was again appalled. He was half yelling, being a nasty man. I then again said "excuse me". He jumped up aggressively, and started raising his voice saying " we are done, I'm done, you're done, and this working relationship is over." I was stunned. This was outrageous and I was afraid. I was shaking from head to toe. He was out of control.

 

He was pointing at me and yelling. He then opens the door and insists I come towards him and he is taking me in our bosses' office. I go as far away from him as possible, scared for my safety. He then starts yelling at me in front of everyone in the office, demanding that "you come over here right now."

 

I calmly, shakily say out loud, "no I am very uncomfortable."

 

He then keeps doing it. Everyone is looking and I keep repeating that I am uncomfortable. I was afraid of him. My boss hears him and comes out and ushers me into his office alone. He asks me what has happened.

 

I tell him everything. My boss says he does not condone his behavior, but chalks it up to Martin being stressed and building up mis-communication between us. I relay to my boss that I am afraid of him and he is out of control and cannot control his anger, stress, or inappropriate nature. My boss again tries to neutral the situation. He then offers to me that he wasn't going to, but if I want to report to HR he can, but he doesn't think that is necessary. I tell him no, and that I will be going there myself. He had me and Martin come into his office at the end of the day with him, and has us talk. Martin was back to his broadway actor fake role, and saying how he needs me and I am so amazing at my job. He even complimented the work I did, saying he looked at it, and it was a good job after all. He apologized then and a day later as well, of which I was afraid of him and said nothing. Again saying he needs me and I help him.

 

I told Human Resources what has happened. They wrote it all down, and told me they would be speaking to my boss about it. I have not heard a thing since, but they must have talked to Martin, because he has cancelled all of our meetings, just him and I.

 

He's a psycho. He works with foster children and children that are messed up and neglected, whom do bad things, lie, steal. I think he tries to treat me like one of them. I am not. I am a professional woman. He had the nerve to call me unprofessional a while back. It was so insulting. He took it back in true Martin fashion saying I was great etc etc...

 

But he is the one asking people if they are gay, if they have medical problems. That still bothers me. Just yesterday he was talking to a client of ours and asking if he had black individuals working for him at his company and then having a talk to him about minorities in America, which to me is not office talk at all. Martin himself is African American. But talking to a client about that is not unprofessional?

 

Nothing is being done otherwise. My boss is still treating this as we mis-communicated and Martin got mad. Ummm no. He was enraged over nothing and then praised my work like a psycho.

 

We even got a complaint from a client through email about Martin the other day. I sent it to my boss, not targeting Martin, but just so my boss was aware that this client felt this way and asking what I should say. My boss says how Martin is new, and he has to work with him on working with clients more, and he has never worked in this field before.

 

But you hired him to be my boss, boss of another guy above me, and two interns below me? And he is making a ton of money. Makes no sense to me at all.

 

All my boss keeps saying is he has to work with Martin, and train Martin. I never got any such training or working with, form my boss at all when I started. And it doesn't seem suspicious that Martin has only been here for less than 6 months, and all this bad stuff is happening? And for someone learning and been here for a couple months, he is writing up a file on me and all of the things I have done he doesn't care for. Seems crazy again. I would think when you hire someone for a leadership, management role, that they would not need so much help and training.

[Batya33]

So I think you have some valid concerns here about his treatment of you and then there’s a part where you seem to be treating your workplace as if it’s your family home - you might think it’s casual but they pay you to show up and is your job and do it reliably and on time. It might not be ultra formal but since you’re so personally attached to your coworkers it would be really helpful IMO if you changed your attitude and treated it more formally and didn’t let it all hang out as much. Go in and do your job as best you can and focus on your work. If you can possibly choose your battles with Martin do so. Doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere. He cannot of course harass you in any way but some of your complaints sound like the sort of complaints you might have about a roommate or sibling. He’s a coworker. You have to play nicely in the sandbox even if he is not if you want to keep your job. I actually think he has a point about your missing a deadline. It happens but it sounds like you didn’t give him sufficient advance notice that that was a real risk. And that’s probably because you don’t like him and You take all of this so so personally.

 

I have a lot of personal anecdotes to share and you can private message me if you don’t just want to vent and convince yourself you’re right about all of it. I know it’s frustrating and I think in part you’re getting in your own way here and not behaving with a professional mindset. I have many more years of office experiences than you do. Not saying that makes me right but I always found great input from people and mentors who had walked the walk.

[Alex39]

I am not perfect. I am human, but I work very hard to do good work and go over and above.

 

My whole purpose is to come in, do good work, provide excellent quality, and maintain professionalism.

 

I did not miss a deadline. He gave it to me friday midday, with no dire need for it to be done, also knowing I was working on another important project that needed to be done by Monday. Never told me a date to have it by. Never told me he needed it asap. It was also something that takes an hour or two, so I needed time to do it. On Monday, he was mad I hadn't done it. I don't know when he thought I was going to have it. Half of Monday I was out of the office at an event for us.

 

I do take things personally. But he throws these military and psychological punishments. He gets mad, takes away my intern.

 

Are we in elementary school? I manage the interns fine. His pride and ego rules him.

 

I was called in the other day. My old boss, big boss, informed me that Martin is no longer my boss. He will resume being my boss again, to take away the power from Martin, so Martin does not have any more power hungry incidents.

 

I guess I am relieved. I still have to work with him, but he is not my boss.

[Batya33]

I'm glad he won't be your boss. The way you wrote your post it sounded like the work had a deadline. Sorry.

 

"My whole purpose is to come in, do good work, provide excellent quality, and maintain professionalism. "

 

If that is true then I would cut out the sharing of personal information or complaining about Martin - maintain professionalism and don't turn it into a therapy appointment/vent session -stick to the facts. And I wouldn't gossip about him or anyone else -even positively -to coworkers.

[Alex39]

Things have been strange. My boss has been treating me decent. Martin too. I've been comfortable. But that is all changed real fast.

 

I saw something that made me re think being comfortable.

 

I want to point out that I like what I do. Not the people I do it with, sans a few, but I like my job. I help people. I go over and above all the time. I try to make customers comfortable and calm. I have great reviews from them. My boss knows this. I help Martin. After everythjng, I still have been helping him. Telling him things he didn't know. Assisting him with meetings, projects, etc.

 

I was raised that person. My parents are those helpful people.

 

Martin had me fixing something on his computer last week. While doing it, he stepped away for a long while, since he couldnt do anything while I was fixing. An email popped up on the screen. I had no control over it. It just popped up, so I read a bit. It was between Martin and the evil secretary, who I swear is having an affair with our boss. Martin is gossiping to her about how I turned him in to HR and he can't believe they believe me. And how he didn't say half the things I claimed. (Not true. My parents didnt raise a liar)

 

And then she's all going alobg with him and then he says to her how it is going to be so much harder to get rid of me now.

 

Get rid of me?

 

I've done no such thing to warrant that. Now its all making sense. They want to get rid of me. Most likely to make way for the secretary to move up. I'm above her by one notch. She has no where else to go.

 

As soon as Martin got here he started watching me like a hawk. Weird for someone who just started to do. He started micro managing me insanely. Writing up offenses as infractions that were again insane. No one else in the office was watched like that or treated that way. Discrimination in my head.

 

Then Martin would tell me how wonderful and talented I was to be working there and how I could do so much better. He was printing off jobs from online and leaving them on my desk. If that doesn't scream "LEAVE" I don't know what does.

 

My parents are astonished by this

Being working professionals for over 30 years. Its insane. I'm honest with them. They said I did no such things to be monitored that heavily and nothing to be pushed out. They told me it most likely stems from my boss because he is in love with the secretary.

 

I'm hurt and astonished. I help people and they appreciate me, but they want me gone. Its a cruel cruel world.

[Wiseman2]

Why did you report him to HR?

It was between Martin and the evil secretary. Martin is gossiping to her about how I turned him in to HR and he can't believe they believe me. And how he didn't say half the things I claimed.

[Alex39]

Because he exploded on me, threatened my job, and denanded I come over to him over and over in a threatening way. I was scared. This happened in front of the whole office. Others who witnessed told me to report, because they said it was absolutely insane. I described what happened a few posts ago if you want to read it.

[Batya33]

So it's great that you love what you do and that your customers like your work and appreciate you and if you're going to work with co-workers and bosses you have to find a way to be a team player. You were right to report Martin if he was harassing you of course but no matter how good you are at what you do if you're seen as not playing nicely in the sandbox you won't last as long as your talents would warrant -because that also creates conflict and negative energy and affects the bottom line. And it just isn't pleasant.

 

Check out askamanager .org. I recently visited the site and find it really helpful for all sorts of work related situations.

[Alex39]

So recently we had our annual review as part of our companies protocol. We write all of the things we accomplished and then we write in each topic how we have done things. So one of the topics is teamwork. I wrote how I am always there for all of my co-workers. When they need me, I run across the organization to help them, dropping what I am doing. When we have events, I run back to our office more than anyone else, to collect supplies that the team needs. I jump in to help at events, and support team members, and how I ask "What can I do" to support team members before and during events. I also listed times where I collaborated on projects with other team members.

 

My boss calls me in to go over my review as he has now written in his feedback. I get great scores for everything, except the teamwork part. Its very contradictory. He writes a paragraph saying how great I am, then it leads into a paragraph about how I work too independently and exclude the team.

 

I did not like how this was written and it sounded like I couldn't work with others, as it was written. This is absolutely not true. I work with others and offer my assistance all the time. I have never ever said no to anyone who asked for my help and dropped my work to help them. I say this to my boss and tell him how I feel this does not accurately depict my work. He then says how the things I wrote are expected tasks that I do. So then I said " So I am meeting the expectations of my job?" He ignores this.

 

He then starts saying how he never knows what I am doing. How he gives me a task and then never knows what I am doing and then I give him the finished task I asl him what is wrong with that? He says that I produce great results most of the time. Again confusing, I tell him how when he gives me a task, I am doing the task, as per my job, and I produce the results he says are so great, so I don't see an issue. He then says how he never knows if I am doing the task of not. I ask him to name a time a task did not get done. He cannot.

 

He then also writes on my review how colleagues cannot trust me. Again, felt this was very negative and unwarranted. When I ask him more about it and provide facts of how this can be, he claims "this is what colleagues are telling me"

 

Yeah, I know what colleagues those are, Martin and the secretary. When I ask which colleagues, he will not answer. I then bring up evidence of times that I offered to help support, the secretary and I was told "no thanks" and or " nope we're good and don't need your help"

 

He then claims "Oh thats interesting, I have been hearing the exact opposite of that"

 

I was furious. My colleague and friend, whom is in her late 50s and I have both out loud asked her if we can help with this event and that event and she tells us she needs no help and/or no thanks, and she is running to him telling him that we don't offer to help at all. Its preposterous. Does he not see a pattern. My older colleague told him she did offer, as I am telling him too.

 

I also tell him how I asked the secretary for help one day and she openly said "Oh, well can't you just do it"

 

Of which I was left doing it myself. I could tell he didn't believe me. What sort of manager only believes one person, and why was this not brought or asked about when it happened. He clearly just listens to her.

 

Now I do not act like I am on a pedestal. Not the person I am. But I am a hard worker, as my parents raised me to be. He then says to me "You know your not perfect, right?"

 

I was completely appalled by this. I felt it was extremely rude and un called for. I then said to him. "I am not claiming to be, but I do come in every day trying to do the best work I possibly can."

 

We ended it there. I spoke with my human resources department and they said I can send them a statement saying how I do not agree with the statements made, and it will be stapled to the review for the record.

 

My colleague. The one in her 50s, then goes in for her review, and he does the same to her. In the same section he put how she micro manages her colleagues and comes off as disrespectful. He tells her how she has to share her intern with others. Its HER intern. He just wants her intern to be able to be used by the secretary to help her do her work.

 

I was angry for her. She is the nicest and most helpful woman on the planet. She does things the right way and double checks things to make sure her work and the work being done attached to hers is right. I've learned a lot from her myself. She got the same speech from him that "colleagues" are saying this to him of her. But would not name them when she asked. He even went as far as to say that our interns complained about her. The students we have love this woman and its pretty low to say they complained about her. I talk to all of ur interns and they all like this woman and look up to her.

 

I feel like I am being squeezed out and it hurts for sure. I also feel like I am suffocating every time I go into the office. The energy is negative. I feel like I am in high school and theres a dominant clique. We have a staff meeting the other day and my boss announces the secretary's new title. Sounds like a promotion to me. I've been here for almost 4 years and she only two, and she has a better title than I do now. It was discouraging to say the least. Every one I told of this new title immediately said that she must be sleeping with him to get ahead. Its really sad to see that no matter how hard I work, I cannot get ahead.

 

Talk about trust. I don't trust any of them.

 

I have been applying for other jobs. No word back from any of them. I feel guilty doing it. My intern from last year is coming back in the fall and he loves me, and I recruited a new girl joining us this fall too and she loves me too. I feel guilty leaving them, and do not want to leave them with the terrible people working in our office.

 

And I know they will be hurt if I do leave, like I am abandoning them for myself. Everyone keeps telling me to stop feeling that way and I have to do what is best for me.

 

I recently saw another position in my organization open up. This guy who works by himself in an office is now taking on an assistant. I feel like I could do the job, but am nervous to go for it. I will occasionally have to see my old staff, and I'm nervous my boss will talk to him about me negatively. I think I am also nervous, because what if I cannot do the work. I feel like I can, but I keep second guessing. What if I leave and I hate it at the new area. The guy who runs it has always been nice to me, and I him. It would be just the two of us. I also worry if it would be the right move in my career. What if it ends up hurting me since its a different set of tasks, and it brings me down? I'd have a higher title and most likely more pay, which is great for me. What is the responsibilities are out of control though, and too much for me to handle? One positive, not sure how ethical is, one of my interns, the one I have already taken on, I could possibly recruit to leave our old office and come work for me in this new office potentially. If he is up for it, he might. He loves working with me. The other girl who has not started yet, I cannot take on though.

 

So much to consider and again, not sure what to do? Should I go for the job int he other department? Should I stay? Should I keep looking for jobs outside my company?

[mustlovedogs]

Teamwork isn’t just helping people.

[Batya33]

I would look outside the company and also insofar as an alternative. I was confused as to why you took issue with his assessment that he doesn’t know if you’re doing the task or not. It sounds like he is a person who would like you to check in with him from time to time with updates on your progress. I am back to being more entry level and my job as I see it is to figure out which of the people I work with want updates and which don’t and in general to make sure I am meeting their expectations as to my level and timing of communication with them. And also to have open communication in case they change because sometimes after you’ve worked with someone a few times on a similar project they don’t need as many updates or check ins.

What I wouldn’t want is an email asking where the project is or what stage it’s at too many times - I want the person I’m working with to feel secure that the work is getting done and in a timely manner. And I expect the same of people who do work for me.

I think it’s fine to memorialize your disagreement with your review and the downside is that you might give the impression of not being able to take constructive criticism.

I’m sorry you feel that this is an unfair situation. I would strongly advise you to stop comparing notes with your colleagues on yours and their reviews. Keep it to yourself.

[boltnrun]

Part of the issue might be your own admission that you abandon your own assigned tasks to help others. I've always been told that it's admirable to offer to assist, but not at the expense of your own work. That might be what this person meant by not knowing if you are completing your tasks or not.

 

One approach might be to notify your supervisor that you've been asked to assist with another task and that you will return and complete your assignments as soon as you return. And that helping out will not put your work at risk of being late or incomplete.

 

Communication! It's key, really. Plus, I believe firmly in CYA. If I get called out for not being finished with something I can remind my supervisor that I was asked to assist others and that I let him know beforehand. It's saved my butt on more than one occasion.

[Alex39]

When I email him about progresses and such, he tells me he doesn't need to know everything all the time, or half the time he does not even answer, as he's too busy. When I don't email, he tells me he doesn't know what is going on. This has been the case for two years now.

 

Also, with the type of work I am doing, it is tough to send something half done, or part way. It looks unfinished and sloppy. I like to send a finished product, and then make revisions from there. I am often doing it as I go along, and I do not not know how it will turn out, until I am done. With the work I do, its like a one shot. I rarely work on something slowly. I block off 3 hours and do the whole thing. If I waited on constant contact from him, I would have to stop, wait, lose my train of thought and motivation, and pick it up when he answers me.

 

My issue is. He doesn't set deadlines, give parameters, or much direction at all, but he constantly has an opinion after something is done. My favorite is when I do something and then he says "Well my vision was more like this...." Nice of you to tell me before you had me do it.

 

When I started, I was fresh out of college, and I was hoping for guidance and training, as it seemed like the kind of place. Secretary got that when she started two years after me. My boss would say to me "Figure it out yourself" like a mantra. Thats all I know how to do, because thats all he told me to do for years. I got no training. He didn't really tell me how he wanted things, because I don't think he wanted to deal with me, and I also think he didn't know himself. Thats why I ended up picking up a "sweep up after everything" type job. Anytime someone didn't know how to do something in the office, it became my role. I took it on and figured it out.

 

I can take criticism. I know communication is something I go back and forth on. Its a weak point. I didn't expect a perfect score, but what he wrote sounded like I don't like to work with anyone in the office and they can't trust me, and thats simply not true. I've done great work for people in the office, checking in with them, to make sure it is what they want. I did worse this year, than last, which makes no sense to me, as I have taken all of his suggestions on this, making it better and implemented them. He said to email more, I did. He said to email my work out more to everyone, I have. All his suggestions. I've done every suggestion he has made.

 

My issue with the whole organization in general is I have come to the conclusion that people are so crazed about checking in with other people for approval, that they actually don't get much work done. I think this is why the department and other similar as a whole aren't growing faster, because everyone is stifled by checking in and by the time an idea goes up the latter, time has passed, changes made, and the creativity and brilliance is gone.

 

I experienced it the other day. I spent an entire day emailing, giving progress reports, and such that I barely got any actual work done. It was pretty bad. I felt like I got nothing done at all. I have do much work to do on Monday. Its sickening. All I did was have email conversations all day, and I really didn't get anywhere with them.

 

I'm in a bunch of committees and they barely get any work done. Its insane. Some people have told me they have been on a committee for years and in those years they have accomplished maybe one thing as a group. That's insane to me. I'm not saying it isn't good to check in. But it seems the big push is to check in every minute of your day. Not enough people have power to make decisions, and the wrong people are managing. To me, the people managing aren't "people person" type people, which is bad when they manage other people. My colleague, the older woman, had a boss, before our boss. She said she was phenomenal. She was always out of the office, checking in with her staff. She knew everyone strengths and weaknesses and she made sure she utilized everyones strengths. She made herself involved in everyones work. My current boss' new thing is "well when I go to big higher up meetings and I don't know what is going on, it makes me look bad"

 

Maybe then, as our manager, you should make it your job to know what is going on. He wants us to chase him with our work. I have never had a manager be like that before. Others I have had always make it their job to know, not my job.

 

He even brought up a situation where he knew I was in the middle of a project and I left for the day without an update.

 

I left for the day, because our office was closing. I obviously was not done with the project, because I didn't send it to him. I sent it the next morning when I came in and finished it off. And let him know it was all taken care of etc...

 

My issue is, other colleagues, just ask me. "Hey Alex, where is this file?" or "Hey Alex, you almost done with the abc report?"

 

I give the a timeline and answer with no issue and they are happy. I am so busy doing my work to think about sending progress reports constantly.

 

It would take my double the time to get it done if I kept doing that.

 

We are all in an open office, except my boss. He is by himself in a closed in office. Door is always closed. He never comes out to see what we are doing or what is going on at all. He does for the secretary, but never any of us.

 

He said the best work I ever did for him, was when I was interim secretary, before we got this new one.

 

I laugh now thinking about it, because he constantly checked in with me during that time. Makes no sense to me.

 

I find teamwork is supporting your other teammates by offering your time, knowledge, and assistance if it is needed/asked for. I often find I do not need help, and or, I ask for an opinion if I need it. I host meetings regularly with my three person team within our office. I post meeting notes after publicly for the whole office to see and make sure we all have delegated tasked to do, and that we know who is doing what regularly. Is that someone who excludes her team?

 

My thing too, is he starts in with no knowing what I am doing etc... And I tell him, how I have no idea what anyone else is doing all the time. I am busy doing my work, and I am not keeping tabs on everyone else and they don't openly share to me what they are doing. But they perceive it to him like they do. Its a double standard for sure.

 

He said to me "Anywhere else, your independent working would be appreciated and overall a strength, but not here"

 

Anywhere else? Really?

[Jibralta]

Every one I told of this new title immediately said that she must be sleeping with him to get ahead.

 

That is such a mean thing to say!

[Alex39]

It is mean, but truly I think they meant it as a real possibility. She has only been here for two years, and she flirts with him and he is all over her. They text all the time, and I have actually seen them texting when we are all in a room together and he will be giggling and then answering her out loud. He acts like a teenage boy around her, and she tells him what to do. What office have you been too where the secretary calls the shot?

 

I've witnessed strange encounters between the two of them, as others in the office have too. Interns have told me they feel like there is a strange tension between them. I think its sexual. The interns have claimed it is uncomfortable. This is how I feel as well. He is in his 40s and has a wife and children and she is in her early 20s. He fawns over her. She doesn't do anything extra special work wise, but he acts like she is perfect and this amazing worker, though the rest of us don't see why she is so special. Any time a problem arises where she may be at fault or involved, he doesn't blame her ever and makes excuses for her, whereas the rest of us get blamed. I worked hard for three years, and my colleague for 7 years to get a bonus after all of that time. She got one after one year. The secretary before her left, because he claimed her couldn't get her more money, a raise, even though she had extremely high reviews and was a rockstar worker. He made it sound like it was impossible and he tried. This young girl who is way less experienced, already makes way more than the old secretary does. He has taken her out for drinks to a bar, just him and her, to reward her for a good work day where something good happened, like an event that they did etc...

 

He doesn't individually take anyone else out to reward them. and we all throw successful events and do good work. When we have any important trips for the office, he always picks her to go with him. Doesn't offer it to anyone else. The old secretary was barely allowed to leave the office or her desk. He always wanted someone at the front desk for phone calls and visitors. She couldn't barely leave for lunch. This girl is away more than she is there sometimes. I answer her phone constantly, taking me away from my work. Sometimes I don't want to run over answering it, but my boss expects us all to pitch in when she isn't there, which is a lot.

[Wiseman2]

Your jealousy, cattiness and gossiping about the secretary is not being a "team player". Also people pick up on how you try to undermine her and "Martin" by being this resentful. You also complain about everyone and have resentment issues with many people there. Word gets around about how you really are and how your behaviors and attitudes come across.

I get great scores for everything, except the teamwork part. He writes a paragraph saying how great I am, then it leads into a paragraph about how I work too independently and exclude the team.

[Batya33]

Your jealousy, cattiness and gossiping about the secretary is not being a "team player". Also people pick up on how you try to undermine her and "Martin" by being this resentful. You also complain about everyone and have resentment issues with many people there. Word gets around about how you really are and how your behaviors and attitudes come across.

 

I agree with this and so your work ethic unfortunately gets lost given this. " I was hoping for guidance and training," - so to me, when I was fresh out of college I was hoping to be a good worker, to contribute, to get a paycheck, to keep my job and do as good a job as I could. You are being paid -you're not an unpaid intern. If you get "guidance and training" that's icing on the cake - for that level of guidance and training, pay for classes or do an unpaid internship where that is the trade off. (and when I did unpaid internships I still didn't have those expectations).

 

Welcome to the work world -managers might not tell you to check in, might not want you to check in at certain times and as an employee even though it's frustrating, we figure it out as best we can. One way to figure it out is to be great at working with your colleagues- because then you'll be told the inside info you need to know like "Manager is here today but stressed about ____ -maybe send him an email to check in even though he didn't ask." No "progress reports" just a quick email. And it's your job before starting a project to ask him what his vision is. Because that's the kind of manager he is. When you get to be a manager you can choose to do it differently.

 

I think you're overestimating how hard you work as far as your work ethic trumping the interpersonal/reliability aspects.

[j.man]

I like to send a finished product, and then make revisions from there.

So you like to send unfinished products.

 

Between this and your ability to write an entire post on your frivolous suspicions of some office romance, it's frankly hard to not agree with many here that your perception of your own work ethic, productivity, and sense of cohesion may be exaggerated.

[boltnrun]

No one said you needed to email him progress reports all day every day. I suggested AT THE BEGINNING, when you're asked to pull away from your own assigned tasks to assist others, that you let your boss know.

 

And talking to others about your feelings about the secretary and about "Martin" will absolutely, without a doubt, get back to the secretary and to "Martin". Don't ever for one second believe "Oh, these people have my back, they'd never tell them what I said". I learned that hard lesson when I was very young and new to the workforce. Even those who you think would never, ever repeat what you say can and do. Every day.

 

You cannot change the office "dynamic". If you choose to stay, you have to accept the way things are there. You can put your head down, keep your feelings to yourself and do your work and realize things are going to be difficult at times, or you can look for an opportunity elsewhere. No third option where the secretary and "Martin" and whoever did your performance review suddenly become appreciative and are giving praise to you.

 

BTW, workplaces all have these issues to some degree. You will seldom be employed somewhere where it's all positive energy and everyone gets along wonderfully.

[Alex39]

I am not gossipy. I state facts. Things I have seen with my two eyes and words I have heard uttered. Its truth. For the first two years at the office, I worked hard, had no issue with anyone, and had positive feedback. Seems funny that things changed as soon as she started working with us. My colleague and I are overly criticized and treated like the lowest members of the office, which was never the case previously. My colleague has been there for over 10 years. I did okay with no training. I didn't expect it, but it seemed like the type of place that it would be given when I interviewed. The secretary at the time helped me a ton. She trained me, but he didn't really express any expectations to me.

 

My point is that my first two years he was fine with my work and has no complaints of the way we communicated at all etc... He never expressed that he wanted anything different or complained about my lack of.

 

Why suddenly after two years is there a problem?

 

Two years in when the new secretary came, things changed. My boss started harping on me for no reason, the vibe in the office was negative, and he started praising her above everyone else. I did not say anything to anyone. I still went in everyday, worked hard, and just tried to ignore the office negative energy. I felt alone in it, because everyone else just ignored it. But more recently now, others have expressed to me that they felt the bad energy too, they just hid it, as I had. Things were shifting. I started noticing her in my boss' office all the time, and he was receptive to her. He used to not like to be interrupted constantly. He doesn't mind if its her. She started preaching to him every chance she got how she has this skill and that skill - all skills I had and were required for my job. I remember thinking it was rude, seeing as she took a secretary position. If you wanted to use those skills, then you should have chosen a different job. I felt she was gunning for my job. She kept preaching almost like she could do them better than myself openly.

 

I started feeling like my boss was trying to move her into my spot. Then he started on the "You both are the same. You and her are equals with the same skills" I didn't understand how that could be since I had been honing my skills for years working for him, and she hadn't shown her skills at all, since her secretarial job didn't require her to do the same tasks as my job.

 

He rearranged our office hierarchy and kept moving her up. How could someone who just started, be my equal after I had been there for three years. It was insulting to say the least. So my years of work meant nothing to him.

 

But again, I didn't say anything, and I didn't gossip. I kept it inside. She started making rude comments to me. Disrespectful. She downed my educational background. Though I had a college degree and was going for another higher one. One example, she told me "Maybe you need to go back to school and take some classes and then you would know what you were doing. " I was appalled. I would never in my life say something like this to anyone. Its is so inappropriate.

 

I swear if I say Blue she purposely says Red. And though my boss sees blue, she'd convince him red is the way to go by batting her eye lashes and giggling in his ear.

 

I said nothing still, until my colleague, the older woman, said something to me. We started talking about our experience with her, and him. I noticed how the secretary started treating her rudely openly too.

 

My colleague said how she felt disrespected too. She would ask the secretary for something and she wouldn't do it or the secretary would just tell her "Why don't you do it yourself." It was a task that a secretary should do. Schedule appointments. She told my colleague one day that she should schedule all of them herself. It was insane. My colleague and I have never worked with anyone who openly says no to work we ask them to do for us. Especially an office administrator.

 

One time my colleague asked her to order her something, as the secretary's job was to order supplies. The secretary kept telling her "Oh yeah I ordered it", and "Oh yeah, it should be coming"

 

It was the smallest $6 dollar item. My colleague waited months, asking and getting the same responses, watching others in the office get items they asked for. Finally my colleague confronted her, and the secretary tells her "Oh yeah, a while back the boss said he didn't want me to order that."

 

My colleague was perturbed. And asked her "Were you ever going to tell me?"

 

The girl then runs to the boss claiming my colleague was mean to her. Truly, this lady is the nicest lady ever and doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

 

My colleague and I worked harder and harder, hoping we could be treated as well as her by our boss, get bonuses, raises, prove ourselves. I think this is what lead me to try to work more independently. I felt showcasing amazing work all on my own is the only way to get ahead. But now my colleague and I have realized that there is no way to get ahead. He isn't in love with us. And we don't kiss his asss as others do. I have more pride than to flirt with a 40 year old man. Funny, seeing as now, he has given her all the good parts of my job, and he has shifted me out of the way to another role, doing all the parts of her job she never liked.

 

My colleague and I started collaborating on a ton of work together. He ignores us like our teamwork means nothing.

 

I do ask for what he wants, his vision, he barely gives me anything, and then he has a vision when I am done, and he wants me to change a ton of stuff. Like recently, I offered to make a presentation for the whole office for an event coming up. He said I could make it. I asked him if I could make a video presentation. He said sure. This was in front of everyone in the office. He said okay to a video. He gave me nothing else to work with. I consulted others in the office for feedback and made the video. After I was done, he comes out and says it wasn't what he wanted and he wants a powerpoint presentation. All the time I spent making a video. And he wants a powerpoint. Why did he say okay to a video? He had specific information he wanted me to include too, of which he never mentioned until after. I inquire, he gives me scraps, so I work with bits and pieces, and then he wants all this specific stuff after the fact.

 

I am not a perfect worker. I do not work harder than anyone else. I think my colleague. the older woman, works harder than me. Its just very discouraging to bring a million good ideas to the table, and work extra hard, and the secretary is praised for something that is a very essential function, like updating a calendar. My 12 year old cousin can update a calendar.

 

He will take a great idea of mine. I get so excited that he likes it so much, and then he gives it to her, sometimes the whole laid out business plan I made to her, to implement. Makes me feel like crap. People then praise her for it, because it looks like it was her vision, but it was mine all along. I don't care if he uses my ideas. I bring up ideas to be used, but he takes them like they are his or hers. My favorite, is he will take my idea, and change like one word, or a small minuscule part, and then announce it to us like this new ingenious thing that he came up with himself. Again he is the boss, so I just get over it. Almost every new idea we have implemented in the last 4 years have been my vision. Where's my promotion and raise? She suggests a new way to store paper clips to him and he acts like she is a super genius.

 

Again, I do not care if he uses my ideas. I work for him. But it would be nice to feel like I am on an even playing field with everyone else. I do not go around gossiping. My colleague and I talk. We are the only ones. Just between us. She gets disrespected by the boss and the secretary as I do, all the time openly. Our boss keeps preaching to her how she has to share her intern. Funny how this only came up after, the secretary asked to use her intern one time, and my colleague said no since she had the intern busy working on an important project for her. Secretary runs to him complaining. We have never had to share our interns like this in the past, as they are for us to use. We hired who we wanted to work with. She has a group of her own interns to use, but she insists on using ours whenever she wants and he says okay.

 

Interns have come to my colleague and myself without knowing what we know, without us talking about anything with them, saying they sense tension between her and my boss, and how they think there is a weird dynamic in the office. One intern, who has been with us for years, told me how the whole vibe has changed and isn't good like it once was. I don't promote this gossip. This is what they are thinking and expressing to me. Interns have expressed to me how they noticed I was not being treated right. I have never said anything to them about it.

 

Most recently, my colleague and I witnessed something unbelievable. My boss is very strict and anal when it comes to events. The secretary runs the set up, and we all assist in helping. He usually comes right over, and is micro managing and making sure things are as he wants them. He likes to make sure things are perfect. He is the boss and this is expected. His name is on our events.

 

Most recently, he comes out of his office to pick up a fax. She looks as him and says "Tomorrow before the event, can you not come over at all? I don't want you walking around criticizing and I will call you when the venue is set up and you can come and see it then?"

 

He says okay, smiles, and he sat in our office all morning waiting for her to call him to be allowed over to his event. My colleague and I didn't understand this at all. Who is the boss? Him or her?

 

Like I mentioned, our old secretary was there for 5 years, no raise, and she worked way harder than this girl now. She was an office super hero. Truly. In two years this new girl has gotten a promotion and more money with way less experience and years under her belt than the previous secretary.

 

I swear I am not jealous. I am a proponent of things being fair, and if anyone is gossiping its her to him. He believes everything she tells him, as was presented in my review discussion with him. My colleague and I both told him the same story, that we offered to help her with abc event. He doesn't believe us as she told him the opposite. Does he not see it at all strange that my colleague and I, both separately, told him the same thing, and that she told us she didn't need our help. He doesn't think that's odd?

 

I think 80% of my review was accurate. I didn't argue with him on it all, except the one part, so I truly don't think I'm this fantastic worker. I was okay with the score he gave me for the low part. It was the wording that to me, was very inaccurate and I felt was her personal opinion of me shared with him and not my actual work.

[Batya33]

It is gossipy to talk about others behind their backs -even about positive stuff technically - but obviously the negative stuff can be lethal in an office. It doesn't matter if it's true - gossip is where you are referring to someone else who is not in the conversation at that moment.

 

Based on what you write you come across as entitled and a bit naive -do you really not know that it's gossip to talk about your boss with your colleague unless you are also talking to your boss at that very moment? Obviously in every workplace there will be references like that as in "I saw [boss] this morning and he seems to be in a bad mood" but if you're having full conversations with your colleague about what you two think about your boss and others in the office that is gossip and that creates a really unhealthy environment. She could be your boss someday and now she knows that you'll gossip if you feel things are 'unfair".

[boltnrun]

Well, what you've been doing so far has not been working. But I can see you are not open to accepting any suggestions.

 

They will not change. They will not. So you can learn to live with it or you can go somewhere else. There is no other option.

[Alex39]

Yes I see that now.

 

I've been trying to be positive. Go in with a smile, listen, and try harder. I just feel with the people around me, me trying harder and harder gets me no where.

 

I am going to continue to look for other positions and try to leave. I realise this could happen at other places, but at this point, I am hoping for a fresh start, better. I'm up for a challenge and maybe its my time to move on. It was a good starter job for the last 4 years.