Wife versus mother on Mother's Day

[ParisPaulette]

In my family every mother is treated equally, there's no "Well the wife mother is more important than the mother mother." What kind of crap is that? I'm shocked anyone would even think that. Celebrate equally with both, gifts, taking them out, whatever you can do based on vicinity, time and attention, but yes all mothers.

 

Case in point both my mother and I got gifts and the family is taking us both out. And we just sent out cards and gifts to every other mom in our family that we're close to, because well again why wouldn't we? It's a day for moms with no "this mother is more important than that one."

 

By the way, Happy's Mother Day to everyone out there!

[mustlovedogs]

She has a mother, too. If you wouldn't invite her mother, you shouldn't invite yours.

[RainyCoast]

returning to the original post...was there a question implied about how to handle your marital issues (because you don't seem the least bit interested when it's suggested you see to those),

 

or did you just want a venting session about your wife's customary expletive behavior?

[someguy69]

She has a mother, too. If you wouldn't invite her mother, you shouldn't invite yours.

 

Unfortunately her parents passed away a few years ago. I would never dream of excluding them from anything.

[someguy69]

returning to the original post...was there a question implied about how to handle your marital issues (because you don't seem the least bit interested when it's suggested you see to those),

 

or did you just want a venting session about your wife's customary expletive behavior?

 

I have tried to resolve things, but it's quite difficult to try to drag everyone into group therapy. My mother doesn't want to go.

 

I know my mother and wife both have some issues (my mother more so). I'm seeking advice and point of view.

[Raggie]

Just say something along the lines of 'I've booked and am paying. I would love you to be there, but if you don't come, it's your decision'. If needed, say to both your mother and wife.

 

If neither show, have a great time with the kids (it'll cost less) and tell them you are disappointed with their immaturity and selfishness.

 

I think you should stop putting up with this, or trying to make it right. They're adults!!

[mustlovedogs]

Here's another perspective - she may feel sad that your mom comes when her mom is dead. I don't know.

[Krankor]

If your mother mistreats your wife then you shouldn't have invited her along. Otherwise, your wife is being entitled. It isn't "her" day. It's a day for all mothers.

 

Mother's Day...nice concept, but man does it seem to bring out some pettiness. I was just on FB and one of my FB friends was trying to "me too" Mother's Day because she was a mom to her "furry babies." Really?

[journeynow]

Wives and mother-in-laws rarely get along, and so wives are none too keen to share this holiday.

 

How many wives and mother-in-laws do you have?

 

I don't know that it helps your situation or relationships to make a sweeping meaningless statement. You have real people in your life, with real feelings and interrelationships. Can you give more details about how they get along?

[SherrySher]

It's kind of a silly, made up holiday anyway.

 

Daaaaaamn you...lol. I am going to sit you down and tell you my labour story, ha ha. Cheeky bugger.

 

Now go give your Mom a ring and tell her you love her.

[Krankor]

Daaaaaamn you...lol. I am going to sit you down and tell you my labour story, ha ha. Cheeky bugger.

 

Now go give your Mom a ring and tell her you love her.

Already done

[Jibralta]

Oops, I liked this post before I read the whole thing.

 

To be honest, your post reads a little strangely. You seem to be giving your opinion on a situation without giving any real background.

 

I agree with this ^ part, but not so much the rest.

[ThatwasThen]

I'm taking my wife and kids out to a fancy dinner, and invited my mother to come, and my wife is treating it like a great injustice, complaining to all her friends, and they all agree with her and think it was a horrible thing for me to do, that my wife has to share part of Mother's Day with my mother.

She's your WIFE. She is not your mother. It's Mother's Day.

 

If you made certain that your children honoured their mother (your wife) then I'm not sure why she is making such a deal out of the fact that your mother, on Mother's Day, was honoured by you.

[Jibralta]

All mothers are invited to mother's day in our family. It's never been a big deal. But other holidays were like war zones. Unfortunately, holidays often bring out stress and anxiety, especially if there's existing strife between family members.

[Krankor]

The reason I call it a made up holiday is because quite literally it is; it's origins area little strange and it's founder ending up wanting her own holiday dismantled. It's interesting to read about.

 

Other than having a mom I really don't have any skin in the game. Just as an outside observer I've noticed that this holiday seems to stir up a lot of guilt and pettiness, more than others do. I'm definitely not against moms getting some flowers and getting taken out for brunch/dinner though.

[SherrySher]

It's like most things, it was meant to be something good, but humans made it ugly...sad but true. Jealousy, pettiness, anger and so on.

 

Yep, humans are great at making something meant to be nice into drama and hate.

[j.man]

She's your WIFE. She is not your mother. It's Mother's Day.

 

If you made certain that your children honoured their mother (your wife) then I'm not sure why she is making such a deal out of the fact that your mother, on Mother's Day, was honoured by you.

I do agree with this. Apart from the Hallmarkization (that's a word for now), it does seem the significance has largely shifted from celebrating motherhood to either Valentine's Day pt. II or, more ironically, "a break from being a mother" day. Kind of a pain in the ass for guys to navigate through.

 

Ideally, as you say, the husband's responsibility is to facilitate or make sure the kids are doing something that shows they're honoring their mother, and to then proceed to do so for himself and his own mother.

 

Was willing to cut the OP's wife some slack given the possibility she may justifiably not feel respected or celebrated throughout the rest of the year and hence banks on this day... until she pretty much told him the only reason she suggested inviting his mom to Mother's Day dinner last year was because it was already too late to. Petty, petty, petty.

[ParisPaulette]

If going out is a hotly contested thing then there's always cards and gifts that are sent to each and you take a firm stand on, "I'm not taking anyone out, because no one can agree on anything." And you all stay home.

 

That works too.

[jujusamples]

I'm taking my wife and kids out to a fancy dinner, and invited my mother to come, and my wife is treating it like a great injustice, complaining to all her friends, and they all agree with her and think it was a horrible thing for me to do, that my wife has to share part of Mother's Day with my mother.

 

Sorry, don't want to sound mean but your wife needs to grow up! It's your mother, why is it horrible for you to take your mom along for mother's day? I would be so mad if my partner acts/behaves like that. Not to mentioned she had to gossip about it to her friends? I think the issue here is your wife.

[SherrySher]

If I had a Mother in law that I didn't like, I would still be respectful to her because that's how I was raised, but also, her son would be my husband and without her, there would be no son.

That deserves respect, at least on Mother's day.

What is wrong with this your wife? She is being a small minded arse. Tell her to grow up, ....it's not all about her.

[journeynow]

The reason I call it a made up holiday is because quite literally it is;

 

All holidays are made up. :silly:

[Krankor]

All holidays are made up.

 

True, but Mother's day even moreso. Kind of.

[TheRawTruth]

I'm taking my wife and kids out to a fancy dinner, and invited my mother to come, and my wife is treating it like a great injustice, complaining to all her friends, and they all agree with her and think it was a horrible thing for me to do, that my wife has to share part of Mother's Day with my mother.

 

OK. I was with you until I read this. NOT that you're TOTALLY wrong, but I can see your wife's point. Your wife and mother can share the DAY without sharing the ACTIVITY. That's where the problem arises. You could've taken your mom out earlier in the day for breakfast or lunch (just the two of you), then saved dinner later on for the wife and kids. That way, each person would've had "their own" time with you. (For your wife it makes sense that the kids are there because she's their mom and it's Mother's Day.)

 

On the flip side, my bro-n-law offered to take my mom AND my sister out to dinner (together) yesterday. Not sure how my sister FELT about it because my mother declined, but she may have been bothered by it too, even though it's HER MOTHER! lol You never can tell with women how they might react. (Well you CAN, but not ALL the time.)

 

In closing, I'll just say, I will NEVER leave my mom hangin' just because my girlfriend or wife gets jealous. (I'd make time for BOTH of them.) A person shouldn't be jealous over a parent anyway. That's silly. I wouldn't be jealous of her DAD. That's crazy. Just as long as I get my time too, I wouldn't care. Women are just...different, that way.

[thealchemist]

I wouldn't invite my mother to a mother's day dinner with my wife. Not because of any preconceived notion of what is or isn't acceptable. I wouldn't because I know my wife and I know she would never want my mom at a dinner that is supposedly about her. Also on the same note she knows that for fathers day she would be more than welcomed to invite her dad to a dinner with us. I also wouldn't think twice about taking my mom out either. But I know my wife and moms relationship and I know it would dampen my wife's enjoyment of the evening so I wouldn't do that. But when it comes down to it I will always choose my wife's happiness over my mother's.

[Wiseman2]

They don't get along, don't force them together for convenience. Yep celebrate with your mother one day or earlier then with your wife and family. Like brunch with mom, dinner with wife or whatever. Make sure mom gets sent flowers to her house. make each one feel special separately. Never force people together who don't want to be. Save the family stuff for family holidays.

I'm taking my wife and kids out to a fancy dinner, and invited my mother to come, and my wife is treating it like a great injustice, complaining to all her friends, and they all agree with her and think it was a horrible thing for me to do, that my wife has to share part of Mother's Day with my mother.