Guy I'm dating is on vacation for 2 weeks... Advice?

[fixyou_]

So, I've been dating a guy I met for about a month. We've been on 6 dates and have pretty much talked to each other every day before he left. We've had a lot of fun together: out to eat, walking around, went to a park, watched movies together, talked about our lives and our families. He's been really nice. Last Week I ended up sleeping over and we had sex. I told him I wanted to wait, but he said that I could if I wanted to, but that he wasn't going to change. Well, his mom called him that night and he didn't pick it up. I guess after I left the next day he called her back and found out that his aunt has a brain tumor. I found this out because I confronted him before he left about things feeling different after we had sex. I told him that I missed talking to him and that he always seems too busy now. He told me that he was sorry for being so quiet, and that he's just not been himself since finding out about his aunt. I told him I understood.. He said "don't worry, I still like you." And I said to have a fun and safe trip. Part of me is unsure about how he really feels. He would always text me before we had sex and after it I was the one who had to contact him. We hung out the night before he left and he told me he missed me and that he promised he would text me from Asia when he gets wifi on his phone. I didn't ask about talking on vacation, he brought it up.

 

 

So, I'm wondering what other people's thoughts are? I talked to him before he got on the plane yesterday morning, but haven't heard from him since. I know he's on vacation and everything, just a "hope you're having a good day" or something would be nice...

I feel hurt. I feel like if we didn't have sex it would be different and things wouldn't have changed. He went on the trip alone.

[mhowe]

I think he is on vacation with limited cell coverage. Relax.

[rhw]

I don't think it's because you two had sex. He's made it pretty clear he still likes you. He's on vacation and can't text you every moment. Like the poster above said, relax.

[fixyou_]

I know, I'm also asking about the whole situation before he left. I've had horrible experiences with past relationships and I feel unsure about this. Just asking for advice. Thank you.

[Seraphim]

Tone down your expectations a bit. You've known each other a month, someone in his family that he is close to just got a devastating diagnosis and he's on holidays. Chill for a bit.

[Ms Darcy]

If you two aren't exclusive and he's going to Asia on vacation, what exactly are you expecting of him? Btw, I would be more concerned about sexual exclusivity at this point than how much he texts you.

[rhw]

I wouldn't take it personal. Just sounds like he's having a hard time with the news he got and then left for vacation thereafter. All you can do now is wait to hear from him, but don't expect much. If you don't have high expectations you won't get hurt. Just got about your usual life while he's gone and you two will catch up when he gets back.

[fixyou_]

I'm not expecting him to constantly text me on vacation. I just find it hard to deal with because i felt like there was a change before he left. I know he's dealing with the family thing and I understand. I just don't want to get hurt and wait around for him. I don't think he's been seeing anyone else while with me because we were always talking or texting up until we had sex/ he found out about his aunt.

[Hollyj]

It will be two weeks. Chill.

 

Don't text him anymore. Let him come to you. You're coming off very insecure and needy. Turn off!

[Seraphim]

Okay ,if you're expecting to be hurt only a month in maybe you're not ready for a relationship right now? You can't place your past upon him. You have to deal with your past and then once emotionally healthy again then take up a relationship.

[rhw]

It will be two weeks. Chill.

 

Don't text him anymore. Let him come to you. You're coming off very insecure and needy. Turn off!

 

Agreed! And it's way too early for that, considering you aren't even exclusive. If you back off, he will probably be more inclined to contact you while away and when he gets back. If you act needy he will be more like WHOA...back off.

[MisUnderstood9]

You need to relax...

 

If you have such high anxiety over him not texting you, I don't think you are ready to be dating.

 

He just had devastating news thrown on him, his family comes first before texting you - have some compassion for a possible dying women. Also, if he is on vacation, he probably doesn't have the data plan to be able to text long distance/over seas.. He is probably using this vacation as an escape right now from reality back home -- allow him to enjoy it.

[mhowe]

Nothing happened before he left...you are expecting that having sex changed the dynamic. It didn't. He had plans to travel, he got bad news in the family.

 

You aren't exclusive, and right now...you aren't a priority. Don't "wait on him" getting back. Simply carry on with your life.

[missmarple]

That tumour story sounds like...a story to me. I wouldn't contact him first again and see what he does. Nothing else to do really.

[BigKK]

Sounds like you have issues with getting burned and now you're very anxious and you're expecting things to happen.

 

Whether they do or don't...you're only a month in...no big deal.

 

And FYI you're going to be that girl that becomes all clingy and weird after having sex (read: huge turn off) and then perhaps you will fulfill your prophecy of being worried things are different...they will be...because you're freaking out now!

[greta96]

"Last Week I ended up sleeping over and we had sex. I told him I wanted to wait, but he said that I could if I wanted to, but that he wasn't going to change."

 

I don't know why he hasn't contacted you yet, but I absolutely agree with everyone else who said you need to chill. He is on vacation, the flight is long, he's jetlagged, and busy doing his thing.

 

With that said, I wanted to quote something you posted and advise you to never, ever do that again. If you don't feel ready to have sex with someone, you stick to your guns and not have it. Don't ever let yourself convinced by anyone's words, words mean nothing, and if he was indeed in for the sex, do you really think he would have told you the truth? I think it was wrong of him to even try to persuade you to have sex, after you told him you wanted to wait. What he did was pressure, subtle but still pressure. Not good.

 

Now all you can do is wait and see what happens. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and try to keep yourself busy, so that your mind is not fixated on him.

[BigKK]

Let's not forget that abroad you don't have internet on your phone unless you get a Sim card. Finding internet is not your priority (you're on vacation) and usually you have to pay for an internet cafe... ontop of that there is no English signs pointing to internet cafes. When I was in asia it wasn't the easiest feat finding internet right away...on top of that, I didn't care to. Lastly, I would reiterate, a person I know for one month is not my priority.

[DancingFool]

Sounds like you've created a false association in your head that sex will make or break a relationship. Frankly, it just doesn't have that much power.

 

If the guy was not that into you, it was never going to work in the first place. Sex is neither here nor there. Sure, if you'll sleep with him, he'll take it and enjoy, but really....his lack of full on interest is not likely to change and never had anything to do with sex. On the other hand, if he was really really into you and likes you, then sleeping with him is not going to run him off regardless of you waiting or not or whatever. Also, if the guy is a player and in it for the challenge, it doesn't matter how long you wait, he'll still dump you as soon as he "wins" and again, it's not about sex, it was a game from day one. Learn to date and give yourself some distance early on so you can be a whole lot more objective about where things are at.

 

So, don't try to manipulate sex and own what you choose to do. Sleep with a guy because YOU want to for yourself, but never as a way to manipulate a potential relationship. It doesn't work in either direction. It doesn't create a relationship and it doesn't end a budding relationship. Neediness and freaking out and making sex a false issue, however, will turn your relationships into a self fulfilling prophecy over and over again, but it will have nothing to do with sex, just your behavior and attitude. So stop while you are ahead and chill out.

[sophie274]

Obviously from now on he's on vacation, so I think the ideal for your sanity is to just assume you won't hear from him and be pleasantly surprised if you do.

 

That being said, it does sound like things changed between when you had sex and today, when he left for vacation. I know everyone's family is different and some are very very close, but I'm not sure why his aunt having a brain tumor means he doesn't have time to send a message. A quick text takes a couple of minutes - a quick phone call takes 10. Has he been at the hospital all day every day? Is his aunt dying right now (I assume not since he went on his trip). It sounds to me like he is distancing himself. Why, I have no idea, but I think you're right that he is distancing himself. I suppose the only thing to do is just wait and see if he gets in touch.

[Batya33]

I think you give him the benefit of the doubt and leave him be and see what happens when you return from vacation. The problem with having sex when you're not quite ready is that then you feel more needy/have raised expectations and it's harder to weed out the guys who are more focused on getting sex than finding something long term -most men won't wait around for months but 6 dates- sure. It's even harder when you choose to have sex with someone you just started dating who is then leaving for almost half the time you've known him. Own that you made this choice which was not the best choice for you but it's not his fault. Leave him be.

[JA0371]

Ok.....some might not agree with me, but I'll just be the one to say that his timing in his aunt getting a brain tumor in addition to his two week vacation seems somewhat coincidental to backing off right after you got sexual with him. Not to add to your insecurity in any way, but it just seems .....odd. Did he actually go on vacation? Maybe I'm overly skeptical.....

That being said, I wouldn't text or call him at all until he reaches out to you first. This will pretty much tell you all you need to know. Jmo

[SoulTaker]

I think you give him the benefit of the doubt and leave him be and see what happens when you return from vacation. The problem with having sex when you're not quite ready is that then you feel more needy/have raised expectations and it's harder to weed out the guys who are more focused on getting sex than finding something long term -most men won't wait around for months but 6 dates- sure. It's even harder when you choose to have sex with someone you just started dating who is then leaving for almost half the time you've known him. Own that you made this choice which was not the best choice for you but it's not his fault. Leave him be.

 

I agree. This is all about making a decision (sex) that she is now regretting (before she is 100% sure of his commitment). The fact that he was pressuring her to sleep with him, adds doubt as to his intentions on being with her (whether true or not). The Op ended up doing what was in his best interest, and not hers. It's a lesson for her to learn from.

 

Also, if he said he was going to text her, then he should follow through on his word. Give him a few days (though it shouldn't take that long).

[fixyou_]

Yeah, he actually went on vacation. He told me about it on our first date. And I have the same feeling, that's why I'm on here asking

Ok.....some might not agree with me, but I'll just be the one to say that his timing in his aunt getting a brain tumor in addition to his two week vacation seems somewhat coincidental to backing off right after you got sexual with him. Not to add to your insecurity in any way, but it just seems .....odd. Did he actually go on vacation? Maybe I'm overly skeptical.....

That being said, I wouldn't text or call him at all until he reaches out to you first. This will pretty much tell you all you need to know. Jmo

[fixyou_]

I haven't texted him since. I'm not going to. He can text me. I'm just saying the waiting is confusing as hell. And I get that I'm coming off needy, but im going off of the communication me and him have had before and the lack of communication before he left is making me feel insecure.

Agreed! And it's way too early for that, considering you aren't even exclusive. If you back off, he will probably be more inclined to contact you while away and when he gets back. If you act needy he will be more like WHOA...back off.

[fixyou_]

I haven't said anything to him to make it seem like I'm needy. I just asked why I haven't heard from him much and said I felt like something changed. It's the truth, so why not say it. I deserve to know, yeah?

It will be two weeks. Chill.

 

Don't text him anymore. Let him come to you. You're coming off very insecure and needy. Turn off!