fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 And he admitted he was being different, and credited to his aunt. I mean, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but I'm scared at the same time. Link to comment
BigKK Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Unless you're using a message program like whatsapp, kik, or imessage that uses data...many cell phone plans charge per SMS for international SMS...so maybe that's an issue too. My girlfriend makes a comfortable living but that cheapskate wouldn't text me international no matter what! Granted, each one was like 25 cents for her...and one text can quickly become eighty Try to ground yourself, you made the choice to have sex, you knew he's leaving... make this an exercise to control your mind... it's an opportunity not a punishment. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks. He said he can text when he gets wifi. I understand it can be expensive and all, but I just hope he sticks to his word. Even just one text while he's away would make me feel better. Link to comment
BigKK Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks. He said he can text when he gets wifi. I understand it can be expensive and all, but I just hope he sticks to his word. Even just one text while he's away would make me feel better. This is the point...why? Why does a text make you feel good? Getting a wifi password in an asian country can be tricky sometimes. Don't count on it. I just feel bad you're going to be holding your breath for two weeks, to only breath a sigh of relief when you hear a ding. Do something you love and enjoy and stop fixating on this. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I'm fixated on it because I have a feeling he's just gonna dip and I'm not gonna hear from him anymore. I just wanna know, that's all. Guys play games. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Women play games too. Every single relationship you will ever have will disappoint you unless you can self soothe and entertain yourself. Link to comment
BigKK Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I'm fixated on it because I have a feeling he's just gonna dip and I'm not gonna hear from him anymore. I just wanna know, that's all. Guys play games. You won't know if he's playing games until he returns from his vacation and doesn't respond to you after a few days being back. Then you can take it as a cue that you're not important. I think expecting contacting from someone accross the world so you feel better is unnecessary. You won't know the truth for awhile, so stop fixating. If you were going to feel like this, you shouldn't of had sex with him. Find something to do besides checking your phone. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 And I know I shouldn't feel like this, but based on past experiences I can't help it. I didn't date anyone for three years after my last ex because he was so abusive. The last guy I dated was abusive too. And this guy seems different, or at least he did. I like him and it's hard to feel where I'm at right now and I feel like I've put too much effort in such little time. I felt like he put in the same effort up until we had sex. Like I saod, I saw him the night before and things were good, but still... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 And I know I shouldn't feel like this, but based on past experiences I can't help it. I didn't date anyone for three years after my last ex because he was so abusive. The last guy I dated was abusive too. And this guy seems different, or at least he did. I like him and it's hard to feel where I'm at right now and I feel like I've put too much effort in such little time. I felt like he put in the same effort up until we had sex. Like I saod, I saw him the night before and things were good, but still... You are still not ready for a relationship if you are waiting for every single man to disappoint you. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 The last guy I dated for 7 months told me his sister died... And she didn't. It was a lie to distance himself from me. And then she did actually end up dying. It drove me nuts. Can you blame me for being so apprehensive? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 How much therapy have you had after your abusive relationships? Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I wasn't waiting for him to make me feel disappointed. I didn't think he would make me feel like that, but now I'm having regrets. You are still not ready for a relationship if you are waiting for every single man to disappoint you. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I saw someone for a few months about it and stopped... I'm currently waiting to go to my 3rd appointment with a new therapist as we speak. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I wasn't waiting for him to make me feel disappointed. I didn't think he would make me feel like that, but now I'm having regrets. Okay , he didn't "make you" feel like that. You feel that way because of past experience. He told you absolutely from the beginning that he had this trip planned. He can't predict somebody having a brain tumor. Should he line up his Aunt so you can ask her if she really has a brain tumor? Link to comment
JA0371 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Ask yourself.....if this guy who you've known a total sum of ONE month decides to not text or call you anymore....what have you REALLY lost?? For someone with a healthy sense of self and good boundaries, you would see it as a blessing in disguise. Someone with abandonment or attachment issues will see it as devastating. Which woman are you?? Be honest with yourself. Link to comment
BigKK Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I think Victoria's on to something. Doesn't matter how long in between relationships, if you haven't worked out your issues yet you're not going to be having healthy successful relationships. Just to ground you a little bit...nothing bad has happened, it's normal to not be getting international texts. Stick to the therapy Link to comment
boltnrun Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 That's great. Therapy is a good idea to not only recover from abuse, but to find out why you accepted abuse ("but I love him!" isn't a reason). Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 "Last Week I ended up sleeping over and we had sex. I told him I wanted to wait, but he said that I could if I wanted to, but that he wasn't going to change." What exactly did he mean by "he wasn't going to change?" Link to comment
BigKK Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 "Last Week I ended up sleeping over and we had sex. I told him I wanted to wait, but he said that I could if I wanted to, but that he wasn't going to change." What exactly did he mean by "he wasn't going to change?" hump her and dump her I assume Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 hump her and dump her I assume that's why I ask. . .much to do over someone who told you this isn't going anywhere. OR - 'I am not going to change" . . meaning: I am still all in? the definition would be telling Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 If you felt pressured to have sex, always stand your ground not to. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 16, 2015 Author Share Posted May 16, 2015 Yes. A few days before we had sex I made it clear again that I wasn't looking for sex and I wanted a relationship. He said, "I'm not trying to smash and dash"... Idk. I'll find out sooner or later. that's why I ask. . .much to do over someone who told you this isn't going anywhere. OR - 'I am not going to change" . . meaning: I am still all in? the definition would be telling Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted May 16, 2015 Author Share Posted May 16, 2015 I understand that... But I also think how I'm feeling is a normal reaction based on my previous experiences. I have every right to question what's up with this dude. It's not so much being needy... I'm not in love with him, I just want to know what the deal is and I feel like I regret doing things with him.I think Victoria's on to something. Doesn't matter how long in between relationships, if you haven't worked out your issues yet you're not going to be having healthy successful relationships. Just to ground you a little bit...nothing bad has happened, it's normal to not be getting international texts. Stick to the therapy Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 So he is not allowed to be down about his aunt? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Many people withdraw when they are feeling upset. I am one of those people. I will curl up into myself when feeling distressed. Maybe that is what he is doing. He does not know you well enough to share grief. But like I said your past is your issue to learn to overcome. This is someone you have dated six times if it doesn't feel right you just pull the plug. However you must learn to come to terms with your past if you want to be happy at some point in the future. If you approach every relationship expecting to be hurt and expecting a guy to be a dirt bag that's what you're going to find. It is one of those self-fulfilling prophecies ,because the guy will always be wrong no matter what he does. For you to feel safe you have to feel safe within yourself this is not somebody else's responsibility. Link to comment
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