browneyedgirl36 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Yeah, so he asked to hang out tonight and I said no... I was busy with homework and couldn't stay up late. He said, "aw, too bad cuz I'm not going to be around Til next Monday after today. I have to get ready for my friend's wedding because I'm the best man." Umm... Ok. So, he's going to be busy all week and weekend with that? Obviously im assuming he has a date for it. I really wish I didn't sleep with this guy. He said he missed me earlier and asked me to come over tonight... I'm guessing for sex. Honestly....and I'm generally very suspicious about this kind of stuff....I think he really DOES like you. I think you two haven't known each other long enough for you to be getting so hurt about him not contacting you while on vacation -- especially a backpacking vacation, which I'm assuming he planned long before he met you. He may or may not have had a good phone signal, he was out in the wilderness, etc. And... he was BUSY. If you were his long-term girlfriend and he went away for a week or two and never contacted you, I'd say something different, but...you barely know him, and he DID contact you when he got back, even if it wasn't the exact day he got back; it was shortly thereafter. This, to me, means he DID think of you while he was gone, and he didn't forget you, that's for sure, because he contacted you. Was his invitation to come over an invitation for sex only? While I'm sure sex is probably in his plan -- and, to be fair, you have slept with him, so it's not unreasonable for him to think that would be part of the evening -- you can't know that that's *all* he wants to see you for. Maybe he wants to see you because he likes you and wants to keep getting to know you, and he knows he'll be busy with this wedding and won't get a chance to make plans with you again for a few days. Also: Why do you assume he has a date for this wedding? Because he's the best man? I've been to a LOT of weddings, and the best man didn't always have a date. Weddings are expensive, and people generally only include "dates" on the invites if it's a long term partner, so I doubt he just picked up some girl somewhere and asked her to this wedding! My take on this situation is this: You feel insecure for whatever reasons (I imagine sleeping with him so soon probably factors into it -- not saying it was right or wrong for you to do that, but I suspect it is part of why you're upset). Your "relationship" (putting that in quotes because you're not in an exclusive relationship most likely at this point -- just dating) is very new, and he went away on a pre-planned vacation where you can't see or know what he's doing, and you've convinced yourself that he's not into you and that he doesn't care as a defense mechanism against being hurt or disappointed -- the old "I'm going to break up with him before he breaks up with me" thing (trust me, I've been there, I know what this looks and feels like). Now, you're taking everything he does or doesn't do as "proof" that he's not that into you/only into you for sex, etc. without having any idea what he's really thinking. And, you're creating some date he has for this wedding -- out of nowhere! Like I said, I'm normally the one telling people "he's no good for you" or "she's too much drama -- run for the hills!" but in this case...I think you're reading way too much into things, especially considering the brief time you've dated him. Just my thoughts. If you really don't want to see him again, then don't, but be honest with yourself that that's your choice, not his. Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Yeah, so he asked to hang out tonight and I said no... I was busy with homework and couldn't stay up late. He said, "aw, too bad cuz I'm not going to be around Til next Monday after today. I have to get ready for my friend's wedding because I'm the best man.". This does not sound good to me. Not only he could have dropped you a text (at least one) while he was gone, but once he was back, did he expect you to just drop whatever you were doing and see him? A good guy, who was into you, would have planned a date. "Come hang out tonight" a few hours in advance just isn't a date, it's a booty call, and I'm glad you said no. Hopefully this taught him that if he wants to see you, he has to *plan* a real date (a DATE, not hanging out and ending up in bed) in advance. If the next time he asks you out he gives you a short notice again, you again say no, followed by "I wish I knew a few days in advance, I already made plans for tonight/tomorrow, how about **insert convenient day here**?, just to show him you're open to seeing him again. And if that date happens, make sure you steer clear of the bedroom. You can tell him that you feel you rushed into things when you had sex, and that you'd prefer to first get to know each other better before sex happens again. If he likes you, he'll stick around. If he sees you as a f*ck buddy, he won't, and then you'll know where you stand. Link to comment
East4 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I also think that the guy like you OP. But it does seem that you have expectations from him that he is not even aware of. I think that after being intimate with him, you expect him to treat you like a girlfriend, while he seems to be in the stage of getting to know you still. As for his late night invite-men are physical creatures, and if they are attracted by a girl, they may slip and push for physical contact. It is the woman's job to make her boundaries known in a graceful manner, without getting mad at him. Why would you get mad at him, because he finds you attractive physically, lol? ;-) As another poster suggested, you may just say that you prefer to reconnect on a real date and let him know that you felt like you rushed things. If a man is interested in you, he will stick around. I think you have a potential for something with that guy, cut him some slack and correct your expectations from him, you are not his girlfriend. Just greet him with a smile and be happy to see him, when you guys get together. Link to comment
missmarple Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I think he only wants sex...and no one is busy all week + the weekend...unless they're the ones getting married! Link to comment
j.man Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Then cut him off if that's what you really believe. This isn't about what any of us can convince you of. If you believe he just wants sex and that's not what you want, then why would you consider talking to him still? Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Dunno. I'm having mixed emotions, judging, but trying not to get hurt... But trying to also trust my intuition. I'm glad I said no about hanging out because he could have made plans with me prior, not asked last minute. He works til 1030 every night so I'm confused as to why he's busy getting ready for a wedding every night after work... When nothing is open. Is he making his own suit??! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 I know for myself if someone wanted me to go out at after work until 10:30 they would get told NO. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 Dunno. I'm having mixed emotions, judging, but trying not to get hurt... But trying to also trust my intuition. I'm glad I said no about hanging out because he could have made plans with me prior, not asked last minute. He works til 1030 every night so I'm confused as to why he's busy getting ready for a wedding every night after work... When nothing is open. Is he making his own suit??! A really ineffective way to date is when you are "hurt" or avoiding getting hurt. You need to determine your boundary and either communicate that to him or walk away. Link to comment
fixyou_ Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 I agree. I've never put up boundaries before, which is why I stayed with previous exs who were abusive. I'm starting to realize my boundaries and what I want and how to follow that. I'm 26 and that's a little late, but oh well. A really ineffective way to date is when you are "hurt" or avoiding getting hurt. You need to determine your boundary and either communicate that to him or walk away. Link to comment
littlebird Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I find it odd that he didn't text you at all while on vacation. Particularly since everything was going swimmingly before and you spoke every day. Regarding the wedding - if he's a best man at his friend's wedding, I think it's feasible that he'd be busy all week. I remember when my ex was best man at his friend's wedding, he was involved in a lot of prep helping out the couple in the run up to the wedding. And of course he also has a job and as you said works late. I assume the wedding was last weekend? Has he been in touch? Link to comment
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