Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Rosti, thank you for your direct concern and i do agree. Ghost thanks for both of your posts. I think the anxiety stems from the fact that i think i do love her and thats scary to me, this early on. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Well as time goes on it won't feel like "early on" anymore. But sharing your anxiety with us is a really good idea as we can offer some advice and experiences that may help you. If you didn't, I'm sure you would have went mad and spread all these anxiety on your gf by now and scaring her off too. So keep up the good work and we are here to offer help as you need them! Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 My X said he loved me the first month we were together. It scared me to death! I wasn't in love with him yet and he wanted me to say it back so bad he would badger me to do it. IMO, be careful with saying the Love word to soon. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 My X said he loved me the first month we were together. It scared me to death! I wasn't in love with him yet and he wanted me to say it back so bad he would badger me to do it. IMO, be careful with saying the Love word to soon. Oh i know. I wonder if she's the type to make any move. After we spoke about being a couple, she mentioned bringing it up as being "the guys job" in a somewhat joking manner. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Well. Time to go to bed. She worked until midnight and just checked into a bar and grill and never answered my text saying "yay you're out whatcha up to. Someone tell me I'm crazy. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Have you considered seeing a therapist for anxiety? Not trying to make you feel bad - just wondering? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 I have thought about it recently. I know you aren't trying to be mean, I've never been this way before. I don't get what I'm doing. I just have a hard time trusting her with so little communication. She sent two texts to me earlier asking how I was and that her co workers were more obnoxious than usual. The again the messaging just drops off mid conversation. Then ignores my one text about 15 minutes after she'd get off work and checks into a bar on Facebook at almost 1 am? Usually she'll add who she's there with but not this time. I don't believe she'd go alone. I Don't ignore her texts when I'm out and about late at a bar. Edit: hour later, she responds that she's out for beers with co workers. IM NOT A JEALOUS person, what's wrong with me? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Her responses are normal for a busy person with an active life outside of a relationship who isn't tethered to the phone. But maybe talking to a professional might be helpful to help you understand more of your own internal processes. Edit: I am not one to date someone who goes out to a bar on a work night but I think you knew that about her when you started dating though. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 We'll probably won't see her until her birthday on Friday so we'lol see how much I'll hear from her. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Have you planned how you will celebrate her birthday and Valentine's Day? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Have you planned how you will celebrate her birthday and Valentine's Day? Yeah on Thursday we talked about it. I know in the end I need to worry about what I'm doing rather than what she is doing. Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Yes, not sure I would date someone who goes out to bars during the week that late either if we are saying we are BF/GF. I am also considering therapy again as I have that type of anxiety too with dating. I hate it, want to stop it, but can't. I do everything to relax and everything that has been suggested, but it still comes up, so I totally understand how you feel. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Well, I'm trying to rationalize it as spontaneous plans she made with some co workers since she worked until midnight. We both work afternoons/nights. (1am) Me: yay you're out! Whatcha up to? Her: beers with some co workers, you? Me: have fun! Her: the conversation is a little heavy haha wish I had gone home : / Me: lol what kind of heavy? Her: racism! Me: oh, fun! Me: what's your schedule like? *asked her schedule and that I had plans Tuesday night* Her: closing next 3 days then dinner at my parents on thurs Me: ah... Gotcha. Her: yeah.. Boo! Her: actually I work until 10 on Wednesday. Me: right on. Her: what do you work? Me: the norm through Thursday Her: what exciting things are you doing tues? Me: * told her going out with a couple friends, one getting divorced* Her: yikes! Me: I know, they have 3 kids too. Sudden end to convo. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 If you work until midnight... Going out for drinks with coworkers is normal...since nobody else on a regular schedule is awake. The text Congo ended because she was with others and had given and gotten schedule. Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Agree with mhowe. I didn't realize she worked nights. I think your messages are fine...she just got back to her co-workers. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Welcome to the madness mhowe. Thanks guys/gals. Sent a message today saying I hope her day is awesome and that i was thinking about her. I'll leave it at that and see if I get anything back. Off to work. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Was going to not post anything until after bday/vday but.. Me: hope your day is awesome, thinking about ya. Her: thanks you too. Also I guess we aren't going out for dinner on my bday. Me: what do you mean? Her: my sister didn't take the day off work so they wouldn't even be coming. Me: both of them? I'm sorry! I can treat you anywhere you'd like to go. It's your bday! Her: I'm debating on whether to invite people over and get depressed when no one shows or to just not bother and just be depressed. Me: I'm sure people would show up, I will! Her: I doubt it. Me: why wouldn't they? Her: it's last minute and all my close friends don't live here. Me: if you really don't think anyone would show, let's go out and have a blast No response. Could just be getting ready for work, but forgive me for not feeling special. I feel like I offered to do what I could that's all I can do. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Sorry to be so blunt, but if you don't get a handle on your anxiety you may just smother the relationship to death. I mean, come on, you got what you wanted, she is your GF and yet here you are still stressing when she doesn't answer EVERY SINGLE TEXT in the time frame you think she should! Seriously, some day she's going to catch on about your anxious overthinking and get really turned off. Please, get a handle on this or you just may lose her. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 Thank you bolt. You are right. I've just been venting on here but I know you're right and there's no reason to apologize for being blunt. I'm actually going to take a hiatus. I'll let you guys know how things went next week. Other than that, I'm just going to let things happen. For real this time. I really think this one is special, so I need to GET A GRIP. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 When you can do an activity or go somewhere without her, and you're not just doing something or going somewhere to try to look like you have a life outside of her and that you're not desperately dependent on the relationship, when you aren't sitting there the whole time thinking "I'm just pretending, I really wish I was with her instead"...when you can do that and honestly, truly enjoy yourself...you're there. Until that time you are not. Healthy relationships don't involve being glued at the hip (or wishing you were), they involve the self as well as the couple. I'm sure you don't think she's at dinner with her folks or having drinks with her friends thinking "this is just a pose, I sure wish I was with coldarmy instead!!" She seems to have a healthy attitude toward the relationship. If you can do the same this could end up being a really great relationship. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 On point, thank you. Earlier I was referring not that she hadn't responded and more that when she did, she was more about trying to do something that resulted in her being depressed and ignoring my option of letting me take her out for a great time. Either way, this time apart will give me the time to do just that. Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I dont think you need to leave here. Its better that you vent here and not with her. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 9, 2015 Author Share Posted February 9, 2015 I dont think you need to leave here. Its better that you vent here and not with her. Oh I wasn't planning to vent to her. I need to not let let these things bother me. Everyone except me sees nothing wrong. I need to separate a bit, I don't want to be dependent, and reading my posts, I think I'm subconsciously heading in that direction. Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Oh I wasn't planning to vent to her. I need to not let let these things bother me. Everyone except me sees nothing wrong. I need to separate a bit, I don't want to be dependent, and reading my posts, I think I'm subconsciously heading in that direction. Got it! Good luck to you and I wish you the best. Come back and check in when you need to. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 That's a good idea, but it's also hard to control your feelings and emotions, they are the most primal part of thoughts. When it comes to taking actions, your feelings and emotions will overpower rationality and your logical mind, so don't feel like you have to and you can control these feelings / emotions. Especially when you are trying to drop it cold turkey. What I mean is, if you have to vent on this forum, then go ahead and do it. It's better than to share these constant anxiety with your gf. If you want to reduce the dependency on this forum, then do it gradually, come up with a schedule where every day you are posting less and less while still maintaining a healthy mind. Anyways, with regards to planning for her bday, be more assertive. You are her bf, don't ask if she wants to do this or do that. Take life by the leash, make a plan and tell her if she wants to take part in YOUR plan, not hers. She will appreciate that you made an effort and can help her get away from her miserable plans so far. This is just one idea, it's still ultimately up to you to decide if this suits your style. Link to comment
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