Please, need an outsiders opinion.

[Coldarmy13]

Or even any input in what she said to me when I expressed my concerns? Future advice? I ask because I do think his board helped me get to where I'm at as far as not blowing the whole thing. It does pull me in multiple directions though and I think I need to simplify everything instead of doing what I have been doing this whole time.

[boltnrun]

I think she's gotten so used to you doing all the "heavy lifting" that she feels she doesn't need to. Then, when you express that you'd like her to do more it's confusing to her. Like, he's been doing most of the communication up to now and he suddenly wants me to pick it up?

 

Now, she may take the ball and run with it (how many cliches can I fit into one post???). And if she does, it's a good thing for the both of you. Maybe she'd actually like to contact you more? If you gave her the chance maybe she would. Time will tell (cliche #3).

 

Like I mentioned before, a healthy thing to do would be to keep busy doing things you truly enjoy and can get into without thinking the entire time that you wish you were with her instead. An afternoon or evening with your buddies, with family, or even alone when you are so engaged with what you're doing you hardly think of her would be a good thing. Then when you do see her you'll be especially happy and you'll have stories to share. Preferable to sitting around staring at your phone wishing she'd text, or agonizing over whether or not you should text, or agonizing over why she didn't respond to your last text.

[Coldarmy13]

I'm not sure what mean as far as maybe she'd like to contact me more?

 

I agree with everything else you posted though. Like I said I am going to need to streamline and simplify this whole thing. Look into me and what I've been doing wrong and catching myself when I have insecure thoughts or feelings. None of those negative things will positively affect how she feels about me.

[Ms Darcy]

Or even any input in what she said to me when I expressed my concerns? Future advice? I ask because I do think his board helped me get to where I'm at as far as not blowing the whole thing. It does pull me in multiple directions though and I think I need to simplify everything instead of doing what I have been doing this whole time.

 

In my years here, I have never seen a relationship go the distance where there is this much posting about it. Not once. It's probably more indicative of the fact that one doesn't post a bunch when they are with the right person.

 

So, my advice (again lol) is to take a break from this place. Don't get pulled in many directions. Follow your own gut.

[boltnrun]

I'm not sure what mean as far as maybe she'd like to contact me more?

 

I agree with everything else you posted though. Like I said I am going to need to streamline and simplify this whole thing. Look into me and what I've been doing wrong and catching myself when I have insecure thoughts or feelings. None of those negative things will positively affect how she feels about me.

 

I didn't say it clearly, sorry. What I meant is maybe she is thinking during the day "I'm going to text Coldarmy to say hello on my next break. I wonder how he's doing today!" Then, bingo, in comes a text from you.

 

Sometimes I am really pumped to tell someone something and I have it all planned out, then they text me and steal my thunder lol! So, all I'm saying is maybe hold off on sending a text and see if she contacts you first.

 

BTW, just to share something from MY life, a guy at work I find very attractive has been "talking" to me. He's asked about my relationship status, if I'm seeing or talking to my ex, what I do on my days off...fingers crossed that he asks me out someday soon! We work for a very large company so although it's a bad idea to date coworkers, there are so many people there (the employees number in the thousands) it's very easy to lose yourself in the crowd if you choose to. Wish me luck

[Coldarmy13]

In my years here, I have never seen a relationship go the distance where there is this much posting about it. Not once. It's probably more indicative of the fact that one doesn't post a bunch when they are with the right person.

 

So, my advice (again lol) is to take a break from this place. Don't get pulled in many directions. Follow your own gut.

 

I will do that, follow my gut and whatever happens, happens.

[janut1]

In my years here, I have never seen a relationship go the distance where there is this much posting about it. Not once. It's probably more indicative of the fact that one doesn't post a bunch when they are with the right person.

 

So, my advice (again lol) is to take a break from this place. Don't get pulled in many directions. Follow your own gut.

 

 

Really? You think it would be good therapy to bounce things off of others here in the forum instead of screwing up your relationship. Of course take what works and leave the rest is what I do.

[Coldarmy13]

Good job. And something tells me you'll have a much more concrete idea about where your relationship is heading after this Valentine's Day weekend.

 

Fingers crossed.

[GhostB88]

Wow, I didn't expect you to talk to her about the relationship stuff already. I expected you at least spend a nice day tomorrow for her birthday and an even nicer day on Valentine's Day. I hope you talked to her in person, or at least over the phone when you asked her. Because texting is just... Not clear enough. With texting you just don't know how sincere her answers are. Are her friends helping her with the response? How much thoughts has she put into her answer? Is she even free at that time to think about relationships?

 

Anyways, I was hoping after spending time this long weekend, you two will grow more intimate, and by then perhaps she will have a much clearer answer for you. As you see now (which is what I suspected), she doesn't know all of the answers to the above relationship questions, because her feelings are still developing for you!

 

I would answer my friends the same way when they asked me if I like someone and how much I like someone early on. And all I can say is I don't know, because I don't! I haven't had enough time to develop my feelings for her yet.

 

As for you, even though you guys dated for a while, you haven't met her close friends and she hasn't met yours, and this is the first time you guys will spend a big holiday and her birthday together, and in addition, you guys are officially now bf / gf now! That's another big step you guys have just taken. You have to let some time to pass by to soak in that feeling before you or her can answer those concrete questions.

 

Anyways, just let go of the negative thoughts you have and enjoy this weekend! I want to see happy posts instead of all these ones with tonnes of insecurity and uncertainty and anxiety. But of course if something actually went terribly wrong, we will be here to help you out.

 

Edit: I just read your post about relying on this forum. I don't think it was us who has taken your relationship this far. It was YOU! All the decisions were made by YOU. All the actions were taken by YOU! We may have given some advice, but it was YOU who discovered what worked and and what didn't, and amended your behavior based on that. So give yourself more credit for all your accomplishments.

[Coldarmy13]

Thanks a lot. Yes of course it was in person last night before we went to sleep (no sex to cloud any judgment).

 

She seemed to have a hard time wording things as I did when I spoke to her. She did seem genuine when she mentioned the good things, I make her happy, likes spending time, etc.

 

I asked her what she thought a week ago when I asked to be her boyfriend, she said she figured why wouldn't she be my girlfriend, that she thought exclusive and bf/gf were almost the same to her.

[GhostB88]

Ok, great! Now I am more confident that you will have a very nice weekend

 

P.s. See? It seems that you don't need our advice to develop your relationship into a healthy relationship. See my edited post above.

[Coldarmy13]

Thanks, I could definitely use the kind encouragement you gave me there.

[Coldarmy13]

 

 

 

As for you, even though you guys dated for a while, you haven't met her close friends and she hasn't met yours, and this is the first time you guys will spend a big holiday and her birthday together, and in addition, you guys are officially now bf / gf now! That's another big step you guys have just taken. You have to let some time to pass by to soak in that feeling before you or her can answer those concrete questions.

 

It could be a great weekend. Her birthday party will have some of her friends and she let me invite people so I have my best friends showing up. That has to be good to have everyone mixing.

 

Saturday I made reservations at this fancy place she wanted to go to. We are going to dress up and everything.

[Rosti87]

Or even any input in what she said to me when I expressed my concerns? Future advice? I ask because I do think his board helped me get to where I'm at as far as not blowing the whole thing. It does pull me in multiple directions though and I think I need to simplify everything instead of doing what I have been doing this whole time.

 

You need to learn to fish so you don't have a 1,000 page thread on this relationship. Depending on others to hold your hand through every step of this relationship is not going to help you in the long run. Eventually I would imagine the moderator will either close this thread or move this over to the journal area.

 

If you continue to depend on advice here your relationship is not going to last. You need to find ways to manage your emotions and learn how to be more assertive.

[Rosti87]

Really? You think it would be good therapy to bounce things off of others here in the forum instead of screwing up your relationship. Of course take what works and leave the rest is what I do.

 

He's developing a dependency. There is a fine line between helping and enabling. This thread is bordering on enabling.

[Coldarmy13]

He's developing a dependency. There is a fine line between helping and enabling. This thread is bordering on enabling.

 

Pretty much I illuded to in earlier posts. The quote from your previous post before this one was sort of a last reach out.

[Rosti87]

Pretty much I illuded to in earlier posts. The quote from your previous post before this one was sort of a last reach out.

 

Why don't you turn it into a journal and put in in the journal section. Whether the relationship works are not it would be a good thing to look back on so that you grow and learn.

[luxurylover]

yes cause now im hooked like this is a soap opera, I really wanna know what happens tomorrow. so if u do start a journal I will follow. I know everything's gonna turn out fine , she likes u, u have nice plans...why wouldn't it?

[GhostB88]

You can tell by the lack of posts that cold army is having some seriously good times!

[Coldarmy13]

The weekend went well, we want out for dinner before her party on Friday. I had 5 people I know that went to the party and she seemed to like them. Saying so after the party and that she thought they were funny. The friend she had over were pretty cool as well. Seemed like more work friends, since her close friends are somewhat out of town. The guy that was her ex years and years ago ended up coming too. Drinks and fun were had, we ended up playing beer pong to close out the night, she got to chose her partner and since I haven't played much beer pong so she chose another friend of hers that's a dude as her partner, leaving me and her ex to play as partners. He seemed pretty cool all night and we played a couple games and lost both. Hence why she probably didn't pick me as a partner.

 

Either way I went downstairs for a break after the second loss and was attempting to finish the beer that I had to finish from the two losses. I decided to friend her friend that's an ex on Facebook and he accepted instantly. I sent him a message letting him know that I wasn't just messing around with the girl and that she meant a lot to me. He responded that he was glad to hear that and said he actually liked us together and that he hoped I didn't mind that he was around. He said just keep her happy. He then joined me downstairs unannounced and we chatted a bit. It's a little blurry but he basically said she's like his sister and he loves her. I reiterated that I wanted to meet him before I judged him and that she meant a lot to me and that he wouldn't need to worry about me hurting her, if anything it would be the other way around. I chatted about being ignorant to the exclusive titles and about how she agreed to be bf/gf last week and he was surprised and didn't know that. Again I had been drinking and its a little bit of a blur.

 

Either way, once everyone left I was cleaning up the long table and she walked up to me and initiated making out a bit which she never does. We then played two one on one games of long without the beer. We went to her room and flipped on some Netflix and then we had a night of, crudely, the most powerful amazing sex we've had thus far. It was truly amazing.

 

We then sort of bummed around the house most of Valentine's Day. She seemed to like my gifts and we enjoyed the champagne together after the very expensive dinner in the evening. Its worth noting that she did not get me a gift. We then actually relaxed and watched a show on Netflix, no sex because she said she was sore so I definitely didn't oush the issue. We cuddled but again she didn't really initiate any kissing really, back per normal. She smelled great and we had just had a great dinner so I did get frisky but didn't try to get in her pants just kiss and I moved her hand down to my hip which did lead to other stuff. I did initiate again but then again she could've turned extra curricular stuff down.

 

Early afternoon Sunday I had all my stuff from the weekend packed up and was hanging out with her after she showered and got dressed. I was thinking of what I was going to do and then she asked what I was going to do today. Told her I hadn't made plans and I figured worst case is go to the gym. She asked if I wanted to grab some pizza from a pizza olace she wanted to try and catch a movie at the theater after that. Of course I wanted to go out with her so I agreed and we did. Most of that day she was nice but definitely just as physically distant as she was befor this weekend. She was still nice and herself but I couldn't help but feel like I was bothering or boring her in that there wasbt also that much conversation. I was confused that she asked me out to do a couple things when I appeared to be not in the mind set of sticking around Sunday until she asked me to go out. While we were watching the movie about half way through we had finished out popcorn and I went to hold her hand and she did for a little while but it will felt like it was all me and not mutual. She eventually took it back to get back into her popcorn. After we got back to her house she mentioned wanting to play a video game and asked if I wanted to stick around or if I was taking off. She started pouring a glass of wine for herself. Everything I was thinking told me I should tell her I hope she enjoyed her weekend and casually take off, don't overstay. She grabbed a second glass and asked what I decided On doing. My weakness for her accepted the glass of wine and I stuck around and played with her dog and chit chatted with her during her game. She got bored of it after maybe an hour so we watched a movie. Nothing happened really. She'd lay there and I'd run my fingers up the outside of her thigh or on her back, but didn't really get much reaction. It's pretty off putting since she asked me to olans Sunday and wanted to hang out, then doesn't show much affection for the most part of the day. After the movie and a couple episodes, and it was late so I let her know I was going to take off. We kissed a little bit and I headed towards my stuff and got all that together. Before I left I pulled a nice small thing (since I'm an awesome bf), and I remembered she had her warmest comforter in the dryer earlier and was complaining that the ones she had weren't warm enough so I made sure to grab it out of the dryer and took to to her in her room so she was more comfortable. I said look what I got, she replied with you're the best! We kissed again after I laid the blanket and then I left.

 

I don't know how negative or positive this post is/was m, but that was the weekend. I was happy with it, but I'm still confused by her. I Just feel like the file in the relationship. Waiting and hoping for her feelings to develop. I don't doubt that she likes me anymore, she did just spend the entire weekend with me. Her behavior is just confusing to me Is all.

 

Just wanted to update the thread and will probably start a journal and link this thread.

[JA0371]

Just catching is thread....wow...I skimmed the last few pages, and truthfully dating someone three months should never ever be THIS agonizing!!! I don't care how you're communication styles are.

 

I've been seeing someone about the same period of time, and if he acted as aloof or 'meh'....I would feel horrible and likely figure he just wasn't into me at ALL. Tis girl may care for you on some level, but it does NOT seem like you're checking all her 'boxes' for a LTR. Jmo

[weathergirl]

So..three days together.. including V-Day and..

 

No gift (no card)??

No sex

No kissing

No cuddling

She's physically distant

Pushes your hand away

At times you felt like you were "bothering " her

You're still waiting and hoping for her feelings to develop

You are still confused by her behavior....

 

...but yet you say it went well, you're happy and you are sure she likes you?

 

I'm sorry Cold but now *I* am confused. I thought you were seeking to develop a "romantic" and "intimate" relationship with this girl....

 

My bad...

[okane24]

What's up buddy! It's been a minute since I caught up with your relationship.

 

Sounds like things are progressing!

 

I'm really glad to hear you're at the gym! Keep at it bro! Good for the body, mind and soul.

 

As far as your weekend, Score! It was successful!

 

You spent everyday with her, which is good and bad...

 

It took me a long time to learn this, but let her breathe.... and let the relationship take on a natural course.

 

If she's the right one, things should get better, but you MUST be patient.

 

She sounds like an independent girl. I know this is hard to do, but Sunday was too much bro. You already had a great Friday, Incredible Saturday, you should have left on Sunday.

 

Make a life for yourself and if she's lucky, she can come too. You should have made rock solid plans for yourself on Sunday and stuck to them.

 

Women like busy, goal oriented, sometimes unattainable men. You're just too available for her.

 

You're not giving her the gift of space and of missing you.

 

Set some workout goals, maybe set a weight goal or "ripped" goal, set a financial goal or goal to read a positive book or something to improve yourself and actually spend time doing it, for you.

 

She will appreciate that and "want" you more when you do see her.

 

Take care of you buddy, you're the Prize!

 

All the best...

[weathergirl]

okane^^^ let the relationship takes it "natural" course?

 

I agree with that except that in this case, it appears its natural course is taking this "relationship" straight into the dreaded the friend zone! (See my above post 472)

 

Which is pretty much what I (and others) predicted would happen if he didn't speak up and tell her what he wants and expects...after THREE MONTHS of dating.

 

But yet you say it's progressing?

 

I really respect your opinion so please tell me...what am I missing??? I would really like to know...because I am genuinely confused now..

[Coldarmy13]

So..three days together.. including V-Day and..

 

No gift (no card)??

No sex

No kissing

No cuddling

She's physically distant

Pushes your hand away

At times you felt like you were "bothering " her

You're still waiting and hoping for her feelings to develop

You are still confused by her behavior....

 

...but yet you say it went well, you're happy and you are sure she likes you?

 

I'm sorry Cold but now *I* am confused. I thought you were seeking to develop a "romantic" and "intimate" relationship with this girl....

 

My bad...

 

There was sex, kissing cuddling and she didn't push my hand away she just didn't hold it for long. IM not sure you got no sex or kissing from my post. Also, I must've had some sort of time crisis because I looked into it and date in something I posted on our first date means that the relationship just recently turned TWO months old.