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Everything posted by okane24

  1. Sorry to hear that man... You put in way more effort than she did. If it does happen to be a break up, you'll be fine in the long run. Learn from this and come back stronger. I don't know her, but you probably deserve better bro. Someone who is willing to give as much as you do. I'm like you, I have done a lot for others with not as much return and it sucks. It will be a world of difference when they're reciprocating the time, love, and affection that you have been giving her. I just read this article. Hope it helps a little. link removed All the best Cold Army, we're here for you brotha'!
  2. "I already know that I am a prize for any girl. I bring a lot to the table." What's up Bro! This one statement of yours is SPOT ON! Great for you man. This just Screams Confidence! Keep it up. I'm on the same road... It's funny, I've been texting 3-4 new Attractive girls since my ex left me 2 months ago... But I still miss the Ex. Maybe its the familiarity, the fact that she told me she loved me... It still has some power over me... I don't know. Great post though. Makes a ton of sense.
  3. Day 4, Mizz H, you took the words right out of my mouth. For me, I guess right now in the beginning, it seems like each day gets harder and harder. Does she really NOT CARE about me this much that she doesn't even want to talk to me? After everything we've been through, now we've resorted to being strangers... She even missed our arranged "Date Night" on skype (she's also an LDR). That one hurt alot. She knows I'm staying away for her and she couldn't muster up the nuts to honor her promise of our ONE date night a week over the webcam. I'm starting to hate her...Who is this girl? Who did I fall in love with? Sometimes the pain and regret and hurt is unbearable. I cry in the morning and at night just thinking about her when I lay in, what used to be our bed...Now its just me alone in it... Day 5 tomorrow, I gotta survive. Life is too good... SIgh, I miss her.
  4. So it happens that YOU screw up and I get punished for it. You've been cancelling on me three days straight now. I am so sick and tired of your B*Sh*. I hate waiting around for you. You NEVER put me first. Everything and everybody else is more important to you than me. So apparently you can cancel on me but BE OK enough to go out with your friends until now. And you know we have to up early tomorrow morning. What the h* is your problem? I am starting to hate everything about you. What do you do for me? When the H* have you ever put me first. When is the last time you went out of your way to do something to make me happy????????????????? You're leaving in a few weeks and I'm almost glad its over. You SELFISH Ba*****D.
  5. Its morning now and you're getting ready to go to school... All I want to do is call you or text you and tell you how much I love you and miss you and want you to stay with me. "Good morning honey. I was thinking about you and want to tell you how much I love you." I don't think you'll appreciate this message though. I think you'll just shrug it off. I think if I act aloof and that I don't care, you'll respond to that more. I hate this! I hate having to play this game. I love you honey, stay warm today, its cold outside...
  6. Thanks guys. Got frazzled yesterday night. She showed up late at this bonfire we had for the coworkers and friends and she brought the young dude. I didn't meet him. I was really thrown off. I sort of ignored her. We were all about to leave, so she was only there for like 15 minutes, but when they left she came up to me and started talking. To be honest, I have no clue what she even said. I was pissed/mad/whatever that I saw the guy she was "hangin out" with. He wasn't even all that. Anyhow she left and I was kinda cold and said, bye, no hug, no real acknowledgement. Not sure exactly what to do. A) Give up completely B) Ask her tomorrow at work to go salsa dancing on Wed or Thurs night and let her know I'm interested, or C) ignore her for a little while and she if she asks me to go eat or hang out. She is getting her surf board soon and we're supposed to go surfing together. But I don't want it to be just "as friends" I'm willing to take a risk and make it awkward and lose her as a friend if she doesn't go out with me. I want to date her, not just be her guy friend on the side. Any suggestions would be great. I'm a little on tilt right now. (poker term for when you're losing a lot of money and you keep spending money thinkin you'll win it back and make dumb choices cuz you're not thiinking straight.)
  7. I'll definitely try out that advice. I wanna surprise her and take her to this salsa club we talked about. Theres great food at the restaurant upstairs and then we can drink and go downstairs and take some lessons. Get physical with her. Hows that sound? My only reservation is that some Don Juan might or will whisk her away with his pro salsa moves. I'm just a beginner. Thanks for the info by the way.
  8. What do I do!!! Here's the situation. Mary is my co-worker. We used to sit right next to eachother but she moved depts and is now on a different floor, so I hardly see her at all. I've known her for about 3 months now. We have a lot of common interests, jogging, food, and now recently surfing. Two weeks ago I actually went to her apt and picked up her board that she let me borrow. Last Wednesday I took her out to lunch to thank her, first time we've hung out, just the two of us. Great conversation, laughing, getting to know eachother type of stuff. We talked about doing things together, like surfing, when she gets her new board, and going out to eat more often. Thats when she brought up this restaurant close to her apt that she wanted to try out. So on Monday, I ask her to go try out this restaurant with me. She agrees. I pick her up tonight, we have some dinner and wine, and have a great time. Getting to know you stuff, family, work, etc...Then I drop her off at home, use her restroom real quick and give her a hi five kind of goodbye. Didn't seem quite right for a hug, definitely not a kiss. Well, I could have hugged her, that woulda been cool, but didn't. Here's the kicker, during dinner, she brings up dating and asks me the youngest girl I've ever dated and I say 21. Mary is 25 and I'm 29. We laugh about it and I ask her the youngest for her, she nonchalantly mentions a guy she is "hanging out" with that is 23. I play it cool and just ask how is it dating a younger guy, and she mentions the maturity isnt there. I then change topics. I DO NOT want to be her guy "friendzone" girlfriend... Is it too late for me to get romantic with her? We sorta make plans to go out again to another restaurant in downtown. I mean its there, if I ask her, she'll go, but how should I proceed? I NEED HELP!!! On the one hand, she is my co-worker and I do occasionally run into her. We do have mutual friends. So I don't want it to be awkward for her. On the other I want to date her and let her know I'm interested and find out where she's at, before she gets too serious w/this young dude (no offense to young dudes). So, what do you girls make of this? Am I JUST her friend? Do I have a shot in the future? How do I change this around? Guys same question too. Thanks for your help.
  9. Hey what's up. I believe you should do what makes you happy. It sounds like you're moving on and thats awesome. You do sound a little confused though, which is totally understandable. I think you should keep your ex in your life, if its bearable and you can possibly stand seeing her with someone else. It sounds like you still really care about her but are just moving on, which is the right thing to do. I try not to burn bridges, we all got long lives and you never know who might come in and out of your life, and for what reasons... Hey thanks for the comments about my situation. My ex is coming home in a few weeks, back from Asia and I'm sure I'm gonna be on this site, cuz I'm a little afraid I might be a wreck. Knowing she'll be so close (in the same city), yet so far apart, since she broke up with me. I don't know, just taking it a day at a time. Good luck Shroom, I hope it works out, whatever you choose.
  10. Hey Shroom, Your situation is very similar to mine. My ex left for Hong Kong for, what will be 6 months now. She left the 2nd of January. She also asked for a break. I treated her like a princess, man. Anyhow, I went NC on her like everyone here told me too. And two weeks after, just like your girl, she emailed me to see how I was doing. She apologized and said she was very sorry and felt awful. I didn't think that meant much to me. It didn't say that she wanted to get back together, so through the advice of everyone here, I didn't respond. I'm tellin you, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. So I haven't heard back from her and I am still on NC. But let me tell you, I think about her every darn day. She was my 1st true love and to tell you the truth, even though she left me, I think I still love her. Shes actually coming back to California very soon and I'm not even sure what to do, or if she'll even call or contact me. As for me, I'm gonna try my hardest to NOT contact her. If she truly loved me and wanted me back, she would know how to do it. But the ball is in her court now. I'm done chasing after her. I've been going out and meeting girls, but none of them seem to quite measure up. I went out with her for a reason, because she was hot and fun and funny and smart and unpredictable. Not many girls I know that are like that. Sorry man, just needed to vent. Your situation sounded so similar to mine that I had to comment. I wanna wish you good luck and stay strong. Keep up the NC. If she wants you back, she'll let you know it through HER ACTIONS. Until then, keep writing here. It helps...
  11. Whats up dude. That hurts man. I'm with ya. I haven't seen my ex for 3 months since I left Hong Kong and flew back to Cali. I haven't spoken to her for 2 months. She broke up with me on my bday. I know your pain man. I've tried to do many things to get my mind off her as well. Gym, tennis, volleyball, meeting new girls, drinking, clubbing. It's all helped, but things aren't quite the same, ya know what I'm sayin. I know it's been rough for you but hang in there. Take every day, one at a time. Each day you don't dwell upon your ex and have NC, it DOES get just a little easier. The crazy thing for me is that my ex flies back home to California soon and I'm not sure how to handle her being back. I miss her like there's no tomorrow, but it has gotten a little easier. I know what you mean by saying that other girls don't compare. Every new chick I meet or have an interest in, hardly compares to my ex. There was a reason why I was sooo into my ex, and she's a VERY hard act to follow. Not many girls have what she does.. Stay strong man, these girls WILL realize how bad they messed up, and when they come running back, we might not even be around. Good luck and keep posting...it's a great way to vent.
  12. It's been over 3 months since I've seen her and two months since I've talked to her. I still love her. We were only together for 4 months but it was pretty incredible. She was my first true love. I saw the movie "What dreams may come" again. A dark drama about an Incredible kind of love. I cried. The couple shares an unbelievable love and they are soulmates. It's the kind of love I want to find. I thought I had it with the ex. She comes home soon from studying abroad and vacationing and I'm not so sure how to handle it. I'm sort of 'waiting' to see what will happen. I'm pretty sure it won't work out again, at least, not anytime soon, but I have hope and faith. I still really love her a ton and every moment we shared together. Shes gonna turn 22 in a few months and I just turned 29, so there's definitely an age gap, especially about how serious we are about relationships. I'm pretty dead set on a serious one and she is just experimenting right now. I wish to God that she was older and had more life experience.. If so, she coulda been the ONE. Yep, we even talked about marriage and kids together, and by no means did she shy away from that talk. Many times, she brought it up. She also said she could see us growing old together. Were they just broken promises? I don't know. The pain is a lot less, but I still think about her everyday. When I go out and it doesn't go so great in terms of meeting girls, I always compare her to the girls I see or meet. She's got em beat. She's pretty as hell and can dance and knows how to have fun. We had a blast together. Wish me luck everyone. I've been on NC for over 2 straight months and she even myspaced me a message and I didn't respond. It was sooo hard not returning her email, but I didn't. I just walked away, or at least she thinks I have. Little does she know I miss her more than ever. I gotta go now. Wish me luck everyone. I'll always love my baby, ANGEL!!!
  13. Yeah, I had a dream about my ex too, about 4 days ago. In my dream we hadn't seen eachother for awhile and hadn't kissed in awhile. When I saw her, I gave her a long passionate kiss. The thing about our relationship was that I kissed her everyday I saw her except the very first day I met her. Then in my dream it fast forwarded to us having a baby together. I woke up in a cold sweat. It's been 3 months since I've seen her and 2 months since I've heard her voice. I do miss her badly. I wished so much for my dream to be true. I wish I could see her and kiss her again, forever...
  14. It's Completely normal. I've been going through a major relapse myself the last 2 weeks. It sucks like hell, but I just gotta work it out. I miss my ex like crazy and even contemplate getting back with her even though she didn't treat me the best. And she dumped me in a pretty bad way. It's been 3 months since I've seen her and two months since I've talked to her. But I think of her every single day. Some days are easier than others. Good luck. Just try to work on yourself as much as possible. That's all I've got left to keep me looking towards the future...It will get better.
  15. So I still miss her a lot. It's Mothers Day today. Happy Mothers Day all of the Mothers here. I wanted soo bad to call her mom and wish her a Happy Mothers Day. Then I thought about it. Did I just want to call her mom, or did I really want to check up on my ex, to see how she was doing? I saw no benefit in calling. I thought I'd be a nice guy. I AM a nice guy. They know it. I never changed. My ex broke up with me. It would be just an excuse to show my ex how NICE I was and hopefully have her think of me and wish that we were back together. I think I'm done though. I would still be trying too hard to get back into her life. I thought long and hard and I don't think she ever truly loved me that much. She just went along for the ride. The fun, exciting ride I took her on. She never really gave, in the relationship. At least not like I did. Not even close. So it makes sense that she broke up with me. She really wasn't that into me. It's really hard to accept, but I thinks that's the truth. If it werern't she wouldn't have ended it. I'm just venting, but I also took her off my top 8 in my myspace. I would look at her picture everyday. Too much. If she sees that I took it off, I'm concerned that she'll think I really hate her and maybe that'll be the end of it forever. I don't know. I'm still way too invested in her. I'm trying to move on. If she ever does try to get back with me, she'll have to try real hard, because I deserve better. The sad part is, I don't think she'll ever try that hard. I think I would take her back. This whole thing sucks. Anyhow, gotta go. Gonna do something positive for me today and every day now on... See y'all later.
  16. Whats up notanymore. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Man, relationships are tough, aren't they? To get over my ex, Angel, I tried talking to this new girl I met about 2 months ago, and go out with her. She's a real cutie. It's not working out though, so all I can do is think about how good it was with my ex. It's funny (not really) but I'm just bein real. Anyhow, I'm doing A TON of stuff for myself lately. I THINK IT'S OKAY TO BE SELFISH. It's my time right now. I'm not naturally that way, but sometimes you HAVE to take time for yourself. I guess you can't give what you don't have...so I've been building my confidence and self esteem back, slowly but surely. I'm positive that the better I become, the more I can give to others, which is what truly makes me happy. But, just to let you know what I've been doing. 1) training for a marathon in june. Ran 17 miles on saturday and eating right. 2) Just went rock climbing with the church group yesterday. 3) I just came home from playing tennis with a coed group that meets every Tuesday. 4) play a weekly poker game with the boys 5) just got off the phone with a mutual 'girl' friend thats real attractive, just getting to know her, 6) played volleyball last sunday for 4 hours on the beach 7) going salsa dancing where they teach you and randomly pair you up with girls in the group (lots of fun) on thursday. So... just keeping busy, active and meeting new people. It's not easy I tell you, but, slowly but surely you CAN become who you want to be, one step at a time. Hope that helps.
  17. Good luck Fishey. Looks like you've just joined us here on this site. It's done wonders for me. If not for enotalone. I would have called her, texted her, myspaced her a million times. But after reading about NC and the REASONS why it works, I haven't budged. My ex even wrote me last month apologizing and said she felt awful. You have NO IDEA how hard it was for me to not write her back. But I didn't and still haven't. If it's any consolation at all, I copied this excerpt from, I believe Super Dave here, and have it on my desktop so I can always see it... "If I call her, I look weak. The longer I last without contacting her, the stronger I appear in her eyes. The stronger I appear in her eyes, the better I feel about myself. The better I feel about myself, the less I care about what she thinks about me. The less I care about what she thinks about me, the more intrigued she becomes by me. The more intrigued she becomes by me, the more of a challenge I present. The more of a challenge I present, the more likely it is that SHE will contact me....and if I'm feeling that good about myself, I can then tell her to go and jump" Hope that helps. I'm tryin...really tryin to move on, but deep inside I'll love that girl forever. Stay strong.
  18. This is what I would write to her, but I won't send it, so I'll leave it here, with all you fine people. I saw your picture today. You looked sooo beautiful. I couldn't stop looking at it. It looks like you've been working out, you look slimmer in the arms. I haven't spoken to you now, for two months. I haven't seen your face in over 2 and a half months. I almost forgot how beautiful you were, until you put your new picture up. I miss you soooo bad Angel. You were the love of my life. It looks like you're coming home soon. I don't know how I'm going to handle that. I thought I was over you. I even met a new girl. She's real pretty and nice too. It sucks though, because I don't know if she's that into me. I wanted it to work out with this new girl so bad. I'm not sure why though. Maybe to get over you, or just because I thought or think that she's a quality girl. I don't know. It wouldn't be fair to her if I still loved you and was trying to date her just to make you jealous. The part that sucks is that she's not even that into me. If she was, it'd be so much easier to get over you, but she's not. So I sit here remembering how incredible it was with us. And how if you never left, I wouldn't even need to look for another girl. I wouldn't even want to. I have to go now Angel. I have to be strong. You left me for a reason and I don't want to beg you to be back in your life. I won't do that to myself. I deserve better. Just remember how much I loved you and still do. Maybe someday you'll grow up and realize what we had and come back to me. I hope if that day ever comes, I'll have forgiven you and maybe take you back. But for now, I'm done chasing you. I gave my ALL to you and you threw it away. Goodbye for now. I have someone else to live for.... me.
  19. I agree with everyone here. This is an awesome site to be on and read, 'when you're down in the dumps', for the most part. When my ex broke up with me, this site cured sooo much for me and helped me move on, sort of. For the last month or so, things have been great. I was keeping busy and meeting new people, going out, having fun, hardly thinking of the ex, and honestly, had no time to go on this site. No offense to anyone here, but I had a life. This site is incredible. I jumped back on here because in the last few days, I've felt like I've regressed. Going back to how I was when the ex and I broke up, looking at her pictures, her myspace 3 to 4 times a day, listening to slow jams, really missing her and wanting her back. Going on here just reminds me of how INCREDIBLY hurt she made me. But it also helps me move on. I'm just rambling, but my point is, this site is great, but you shouldn't live here. It does bring back old memories of the ex and going on the 'getting back together' section just makes it harder to let go. Anyhow, Happy posting everyone, but even more so, Happy living!!!
  20. How do I avoid the FriendZone. I work with this real attractive girl. She just got a promotion and moved to a higher floor so I don't see her anymore. I've only known her for a month. However we sat next to eachother and would talk everyday visiting eachother in our respective cubicles. We have a common interest in jogging. I am training for a marathon and she seems impressed by that and just last Thursday asked me to look up half marathons or special runs we could do together. We agreed on one on July 4th, verbally, but nothing concrete. She said, I'll run that one with you. Before she got her promotion and moved upstairs, she went out of town to visit her family for Easter. I asked her for her phone number and she gave it to me. So far I called her this recent Sunday and left a message. She didn't call me back, but I saw her yesterday in the morning, briefly and she mentioned a lame excuse, she was at the beach all day and her phone died. I want to ask her out and avoid the FriendZone. Should I ask her to jog with me, she's already agreed to that, verbally, and then try to ask her out, when we're alone jogging? Or should I just ask her out to dinner and be more straight forward and forgo the running thing? I'm afraid that if I just straight out ask her out, she'll reject me and the whole thing would be blown and I couldn't even be her friend anymore. I don't know. HELP PLEASE!!! I want to talk to her tomorrow at work. She asked everyone in the unit, including me, to visit her in her new cubicle upstairs, but I'm sure no one has yet. She just started her new job on Monday. I want to go see her. Should I A) ask her to go running with me when I go see her tomorrow... or B) say hey, I'm gonna go to this real good Asian restaurant on Saturday, you should come with me and check it out. (She likes asian food) or C) not go visit her at all at work, and call her Wednesday night and ask her out and treat it as if she didn't work in the same building at all (I want to start a relationship connection with her, outside of work)? Thank you in advance...
  21. Hey Dave, keep your head up. I know exactly how you feel. You're not alone. Just 2 days ago my ex posted pictures of some new guy on her myspace pictures. It killed me to see this new guy. So, now it's finally over for me. I don't know if I could ever love her like I did. She broke up with me a little over a month ago... Hang in there man...here's something icemotoboy wrote me that helped me a lot...even though she may not want to be with you today, just remember she loved you yesterday... good luck man, if it hurts, cry, don't hide your pain. then slowly move on. we all have to...
  22. You guys are awesome. I check this site out everyday for counseling. I'm trying to stay strong and your advice and words give me hope. I'll try and stop checking her myspace. That was pretty much the last thing I had as a connection to her, and now, I just regret seeing those pictures. I've already taken her off my AIM list, my phone, I threw all the stuff we accumulated togehter away, well most of it, and I've hidden the rest. So, the myspace was the last form of, I guess, communication I had with her. Seeing those pictures hurt me bad... But now, I'll stop lookin at her site. Thanks guys. It's only been a month since she broke up with me, so the feelings and memories I have of her are still fresh. I've done a lot to improve myself, ie, joined a marathon, training for it, a tennis club, working out, meeting new people, going to church regularly, and its all helping... icemotoboy...thank you for these words... "even if she hates you tomorrow (and honestly, i don't think thats the case), you know she loved you yesterday." I can't tell you how many times I've read this... Thank you all. I'm gonna give it more time. I won't contact her. Wish me luck guys. Doing my best to move on...
  23. I've been on NC for a month and a week now. The ex actually myspaced me a message two weeks saying she was " very very sorry and feels awful" that she broke up with me. I didn't respond to her. Still haven't. She's in Hong Kong right now, studying abroad. (21 years old) I live in San Diego (29), and so does she. Well, heartbreaking day today for me. She posted 3 new pictures of this guy on her myspace photos. He's this good looking dude and two of the pictures have him with his shirt off, he's in real good shape and is buff/cut. I'm no slouch either, but this guys got a six pack and the whole bit. I hate her for doing that. IF she left me for him, thats fine, but did she have to post it on her myspace for the world to see. In some weird way, my cousin said she did that to get back at me. Two weeks ago when she wrote me that she was sorry, that same day she took the picture she had of us together off her site. We were in San francisco, on a bench, her tag line was, the love of my life and I. So after seeing that, I took the pictures of her and I together off of my myspace, one of them was us together and I used the same tag line, the love of my life and I. I took all 4 pictures of us off, and actually added 3 new pictures of myself going to Rosarito, Mexico with these 4 "girl" female friends of mine. They were party pictures and I think they were harmless. Anyhow, my cousin said she might have been trying to get back at me for not writing her back and posting the pictures of those girls and I. The pictures were harmless, us all sitting on a couch, and of us all at a club. Anyhow, it's finally over over. I can't believe she did that to me. She knows I check her myspace and her pictures. It's a slap in the face that she put those pictures up. Did she just replace me with another dude??? I treated this girl like a queen when we were together. Now not only does she break up with me, she now has to flaunt this new guy around!!! She never put any pix of any guy like that in her pictures. That's sooo tacky. If I broke up with a girl, I wouldn't post my new girl's picture up in a bikini to SHOW OFF! I'm extremely hurt by this, because this just confirms that we're over. She promised me that this was just a break, and that when she got back to San Diego we would "see what happens". But I just took it as an excuse for her to mess around and have me as a backup. So last month, I was soo fed up with her that I kind of egged her on over the phone to just end it. So she did. She'll be back in San Diego in about 2 months or so... I don't know or possibly even care. This girl was my first true love and she broke my heart!!! I've had a previous 4 year relationship a few years back, but I wasn't madly in love with her like I was with this current one. NOw it's ALL over. All hope is lost. I can't even stand thinking about her with this dude. It's only been a month since we broke up and she's got 3 pictures of this guy on her site. She's not in the picture, it's only him, but I'm sure they've hooked up. Who cares... I know I gotta move on. I have been though. It's just real hard. Every one I meet I compare to her in some sort or fashion. There is this really cute girl at work that I'm vibing with, but I'm not looking for another relationship, or to get hurt again. So I'm just taking it slow. Plus I'm still not over my ex. I still cry over her... I did yesterday, just thinking about our good times, which were a lot! And of course, today, when I saw that bastard on her site... Huh, don't know what to do. I WAS CONTEMPLATING BREAKING NC AND CONFRONTING HER ABOUT THE PICTURES AND WHO THIS DUDE IS. What should I do??? How is NC gonna make me feel better about this whole thing. Please help??? Any advice or insight would be great. Thank you all.
  24. For me, NC has allowed me to concentrate on ME. All the aspects of my life that I literally neglected because I was so focused on my ex. She would ALWAYS be priority #1 when I was with her. Now that shes gone, I am Priority #1. And it feels good. Don't get me wrong, I miss her like crazy, but now, there are other things that take up my time. I play more sports now. Hang out with my buddies like I used to. Most helpful, is that I'm talking to new girls now. Not that I want a new relationship, it's just soooo refreshing meeting other girls that have qualities that my ex didn't. And it doesn't hurt that they are attractive girls as well. NC allowed and allows me to not hear that painful voice on the other side of the phone. During the last few days of our breakup, she was sooo distant and 'not there', not paying attention to what I was saying, not CARING, speaking to me out of what seemed obligation, very cold... I HATED every moment of it. So NC allows me not to have to hear that ugly person again. Hope this helps... Good luck... Keep at the NC, it definitely helps...
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