Please, need an outsiders opinion.

[Coldarmy13]

Help me understand though, okane. What progress have you seen from this? I agree about Sunday, it's just hard, I care about her so much and she pursued the plans.

[weathergirl]

There was sex, kissing cuddling and she didn't push my hand away she just didn't hold it for long. IM not sure you got no sex or kissing from my post.

 

Apologies.. I just read your thread again... and read you had the most amazing sex you ever had..

 

So my bad again for not seeing that the first time...

 

It all sounds good....

 

I'm happy for ya!

 

Listen to okane (NOT me!) he knows his stuff!!

[Coldarmy13]

Apologies.. I just read your thread again... and read you had the most amazing sex you ever had..

 

So my bad again for not seeing that the first time...

 

It all sounds good....

 

I'm happy for ya!

 

Listen to okane (NOT me!) he knows his stuff!!

 

I wouldn't blame you for skimming it considering its length. That's quite the 180 though. Does it sound good?

[weathergirl]

I wouldn't blame you for skimming it considering its length. That's quite the 180 though. Does it sound good?

 

Yes it sounds good... but okane gave good advice...let her miss you!

[weathergirl]

By the way... I couldn't help but notice that this "turnaround" happened after you pulled back a bit on your texting...enough so that she questioned you about it, remember?

 

Pulling back a bit is good! Will cause her to wonder about you..which increases attraction...and causes her to miss you!

 

Hence HER initiating the make out session leading to the best sex you ever had!

 

Keep that up Cold! It appears to have worked...brought her a bit closer to you..

 

Again listen to okane...and don't always be so available all the time. Wait a bit before responding to her texts.

 

That's what she does... and what happens? It gets you thinking and wondering about her! Deepening your attraction to her!!

[Coldarmy13]

I agree weathergirl. Also pulling back from the little texting I was doing seems like it's almost NC though when I don't see her. I'll typically hear from her at some point during a day, but I'll have to try the waiting to respond to her text. That's something I haven't tried.

 

i guess I could use any positive reinforcement to keep me from thinking that I'm barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. I'd give anything to have the peace of mind that I'm sure I've given her.

[Rosti87]

I agree with Okane. You are overstaying your welcome on Sunday. If you have only dating 2 months a bit much. Overall it appears pretty good.

[Ms Darcy]

I guess I could use any positive reinforcement to keep me from thinking that I'm barking up the wrong tree, so to speak. I'd give anything to have the peace of mind that I'm sure I've given her.

 

If I were without food, I could go to a homeless shelter every day and get food to eat. But after 6, 10, 16 hours, I would be hungry again -- seeking more food. I suppose I could go back to the shelter every day for a meal. I mean, they will always be there right? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

 

But as a growth-oriented person, I would want to learn what I needed to do to get my own food. Use my own money and go to the grocery store. Maybe if I couldn't get to the store, look up bus schedules. If I didn't have my own money, get a job.

 

If you need reinforcement everyday/every other day, there is something wrong.

[Coldarmy13]

I agree with Okane. You are overstaying your welcome on Sunday. If you have only dating 2 months a bit much. Overall it appears pretty good.

 

I know, I should have just declined her invite and did something else.

[Rosti87]

I agree with Ms Darcys assessment. You are nursing this thread too much.

[Coldarmy13]

I agree with Ms Darcys assessment. You are nursing this thread too much.

 

I know that I am. I work mostly pm shifts and lately theres a good amount of down time. I cant really afford professional help. This has been an outlet. Thank you guys.

 

Seems weird to feel the need to really cut communication off/down though if we are a couple, albeit early on. Guess that goes back to the compatibility.

 

Ill just need to depend on myself and hopefully play my cards right.

[Rosti87]

I know that I am. I work mostly pm shifts and lately theres a good amount of down time. I cant really afford professional help. This has been an outlet. Thank you guys.

 

Seems weird to feel the need to really cut communication off/down though if we are a couple, albeit early on. Guess that goes back to the compatibility.

 

Ill just need to depend on myself and hopefully play my cards right.

Use that down time on something that will either entertain or help you grow instead of obsessing about your relationship.

[weathergirl]

I know that I am. I work mostly pm shifts and lately theres a good amount of down time. I cant really afford professional help. This has been an outlet. Thank you guys.

 

Seems weird to feel the need to really cut communication off/down though if we are a couple, albeit early on. Guess that goes back to the compatibility.

 

Ill just need to depend on myself and hopefully play my cards right.

 

It seems weird to you because you need more closeness....while, based on her texting style in between your times spent together, she needs more distance...(i.e. her waiting to respond and/or not responding at all).

 

Even when you were together this weekend, you said at times she seemed distant and you felt like you were bothering her.

 

There is nothing wrong with this; in fact I am the same as her..I need my space! I am comfortable with distance even though I love my boyfriend to death!! Fortunately, HE needs his space too...so we are compatible in this regard and it works out great!

 

You just need to figure out if YOU can accommodate her need for space and distance without falling to pieces every time...becoming anxious and insecure, etc.

 

Because if you can't...the chances of this relationship surviving long term are little to none.

 

Again, you aren't wrong for needing more closeness and emotional intimacy.. and she isn't wrong for needing less.

 

You're just different, tis all.

 

And hey..you don't have to go cold turkey on this thread... still check in from time to time...I for one am still interested in how it's going! Just maybe cut back a little and learn to depend on your own intuition and perception a bit more...

[weathergirl]

Also, this may sound sort of hokey....but I am a bit of an astrology guru... and since your girlfriend's birthday was last Friday, that makes her an Aquarius.

 

Not always...but generally speaking, by nature Aquarians tend to be somewhat emotionally detached. My dad was an Aquarian and he was very emotionally detached..even though we (8 kids) all knew he loved us to pieces and was actually the best dad in the world! Was there for all of us every step of the way..

 

But the hugs, I love you's and other expressions of endearment were never there and he often needed to go off by himself for days at a time....which drove my mom crazy till she understood that this was just "him" and had nothing to do with her...or any of us kids.

 

Just something else to consider ...

[Coldarmy13]

Well I obviously need to understand we've only been dating in person for 2 months, as of today actually. First date was Dec 16th. We've also only been an official couple for a little over a week.

 

Assuming she stays the same (I have brought up how I can be uncomfortable because we are so different in that way, I think she understood because she asked if I meant she wasn't affectionate enough, I was having a hard time explaining but I replied that affectionate was a better word than what I found), ill either have to adjust and be comfortable with who she is, or make a very, very difficult decision. Im hoping time will allow us to adjust to each other. Once I trust someone, then I let all this stuff fall by the wayside. Its just getting there this time is tough since I don't feel I have much to go on, other than how much time we've spent together. A lot of it initiated by her. Just strange that she'll set up dates or see what im up to, then not act very affectionate when I accept and we go out. By affectionate, again, I mean not initiating much of anything. Its just not something im used to whatsoever, and that's probably the reason I am the way I am about this, as was stated before in the thread.

[GhostB88]

Cold army, what's your zodiac sign? Perhaps weather girl can perform a compatibility test for you.

 

p.s. I have nothing else to say because I also think your weekend was great

[Coldarmy13]

Cold army, what's your zodiac sign? Perhaps weather girl can perform a compatibility test for you.

 

p.s. I have nothing else to say because I also think your weekend was great

 

Im a Leo. Not sure it takes a zodiac test to see that we probably aren't compatible. I feel like I still have to try.

 

Its good to hear that someone with a clear state of mind, unlike myself, thought it sounded great.

[Coldarmy13]

Pretty spot on. If she would just become a little more open and communicate the "value of the relationship", as in ever, instead of just me doing that.. Id be fine!

[mhowe]

Cold army, what's your zodiac sign? Perhaps weather girl can perform a compatibility test for you.

 

p.s. I have nothing else to say because I also think your weekend was great

 

You were kidding, right? Astrology....omg.

[Ms Darcy]

You were kidding, right? Astrology....omg.

 

I think they are serious.

[Coldarmy13]

Im never been into it either but a lot of what i read is feels eerily correct. Here are some

 

 

 

I remember her asking my sign early on in our relationship. Maybe ill bring it up, as a way to explain how i feel and possibly find a middle ground. Havent heard from her at all today, also havent tried to contact. Shes off work today and the next couple days. Any bets on when ill hear from her?

[GhostB88]

Haha, I was half joking actually. I mean sometimes we just take these issues too seriously and getting overly frustrated and over-analyzing thugs. Sometimes we should just sit back, enjoy and have a laugh or two at our current sufferings, and you'll find life is not all that bad, it's actually quite fun!

 

Anyways, I'm not saying rely on astrology to guide your relationship, but there is some wisdom in all those paragraphs, especially the part where it says

"Both Signs pride themselves on their independence, but conflicts can arise if Leo seems too demanding or Aquarius seems too aloof. Both partners should respect differences of perspective in the other. Leo can be too dramatic for Aquarius’ taste, but Aquarius in turn could be too unsteady for their Leo counterpart. If they communicate to one another the value of the relationship, everything will be okay."

 

Anyways, I'm just trying to lighten up the mood and provide some new perspective, that's all. I hope this helps at least a little to the aching heart.

[okane24]

Astrology is fun but don't read too much into it.

 

You create your destiny bro. You're the one calling the shots here.

 

Progress: I mean it's been 2 months and she's already agreed to be your exclusive girlfriend. You spent ALL weekend together and had the best sex ever. She is introducing you to her work friends and family...

 

What more do you want??

 

I'm a dude and I'm feeling a bit pressured reading your demands from her.

 

I get it though. You want more assurance and affection. Perfectly fine.

 

But her actions seem to me that she really likes you.

 

I think you just have to really appreciate what you have and not worry as much about what you don't.

 

I have been on a dry spell, my last date was during Halloween of last year. So to me, when you see your girl, what, 3-4 times a week, that's like a big guy at a buffet. Heaven!

 

Let me ask you this:

 

Give me 10 reasons why you like this girl, you can include that she's pretty.

What character traits drive you so insane about her that you are basically obsessing over her?

 

Not a bad thing, we've all been there. I have too... My last ex drove me to this forum as well. And the good people here really help.

 

Just don't use this site as a crutch. Take what you need, then man up and make some tough life decisions on your own. And one day you can come back here and help others in the same boat.

 

But for now, this is good therapy for you as you work out your anxieties and insecurities.

 

Let me ask you this? Are you happy with yourself? On a scale of 1-10 of where you want to be in life, financially, spiritually, physically, your career, family, where do you see yourself?

 

I feel you gotta be a strong confident 7 or 8 in your own life to attract and successfully have a relationship with another person who is also confident in their own lives.

 

For me, I'm not ready. I'm like a 2-3 in my confidence level and where I'm at so I'm not even ready to be in a committed relationship.

 

Are you ready?

 

Cold, it's tough man, but when my ex and I were first together, I was super independent, busy, fun, confident and attractive. But as we dated I saw myself becoming more available, needy, pressuring her to see her 5 days when I already was seeing her 4 days a week.

 

I drove her away eventually with my eventual jealousy, anxiety and insecurities.

 

I stopped focusing on how to make me better and my whole world revolved around her. It was too much!

 

This is cue when they say, I need my space. Lol.

 

Do yourself a favor, give her space now and let her chase you.

 

At the end of the day, you may still need more affection from this girl because that's just you. And maybe she might not be the right one who will eventually make you happy.

 

Your choice man.

 

All the best...

[JA0371]

I'm an Aquarius also. And from MY understanding...Leo is total opposite of Aquarius. Soo we are totally smitten..or repelled by each other. the scary thing is that I actually know that lol. Oh yeah and I've never had a successful relationship with a Leo.

[Coldarmy13]

I went over her place later than normal last night since she texted me that her work schedule changed which will interfere with us getting together at a later time. This is what she said:

* After we talked about how our plans are screwed *

Her: Damnit! Just come over now!

Me: Ha! Oh yeah?! Careful what you wish for!

Her: Haha I know...its late..

Me: Well if our plans tomorrow wont work, I will.

Her: Well ill be up for a minute (We're both night owls)

Me: Just tell me youd like to see me and ill make it happen

Her: I always want to see you..

 

So based off of that, I went over there. She had been running errands, and went to dinner with her friend, the ex that I spoke to at the party. She said she had just been cleaning since then, but she was a little tipsy because she had been drinking wine since about 8 she said. (I had gone over there about 1). The reason I posted that was that something that freaked me out happened.

 

I started kissing her at one point and it eventually went to me touching her, sensually but not explicitly. I stopped since I felt that she wasn't feeling it. I just looked at her and she asked if I would be mad if we didn't "bang". I hate that word, but that isn't the point. I told her of course not, just that she turns me on so I was just doing what felt right. She said she was still sore from Friday night. She asked me if that was the reason I came over, and went on that all guys want to do is "bang". She asked me if that was me. I said no it wasn't the reason I came over, and that it made me sad that she felt that I could only be in this for sex. She just reiterated that that's all guys seem to want. I mentioned how when its her time of the month, I haven't hung out less with her when theres no chance of sex. She said maybe that was just me "putting in my time". I mentioned that I wouldn't feel the way I do about her and expressed what ive expressed feelings wise to her if that's all I was in it for. She countered by eluding that maybe those are just things id say to get to where I wanted to go (sex). I assured her that wasn't true and that I like her so much and that it did hurt to think that she would think that about me. After everything ive said/done. She backed off of it after that, but I was really floored. Can anyone tell me where that came from?!

 

Just today our short convo

Me: Today already BLOWS

Her: Im sorry. How Come?

Me: *why work has been extremely difficult today* Hows your day shaping up?

Her: Umm I just watched a really depressing movie? That's about as far as my day has gone..

Me: Aw. I meant later on though. What did you watch?

Her: Oh I don't know..

Me: Right on. Well have a good one!

 

I wanted to post that showing that I backed off of convo and said have a good day. I feel that I absolutely should feel happy for what I do have and have changed my behavior accordingly. I feel like I come off cold in doing so, but so be it. What she asked about sex though really put me off.. I don't know what to make of that. That's why I posted this.