GhostB88 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Ok, why are you nervous that your gf is inviting her friends over for her birthday? You haven't met them before? Or are they very important friends of hers? Or are you not in her friend circle at all? If any of the above is true, then posting on Facebook is definitely too fast. I'd meet all her important friends and family members who are subscribed to her Facebook status in person before making a bold move like that. Link to comment
lauradeen Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 You need to wait until she is ready. Don't force her to express feelings prematurely, she will when the time is right. I think you would only put a lot of pressure on her and she would likely back off or even run away. All the time you've spent together is a great indication that she is obviously really into you, but she needs a bit of time to express it verbally to you. My advice would be to WAIT!! And enjoy the time you are spending together. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 About a month ago when we agreed to be exclusive and I tried to make it official on Facebook, I'll advised and too soon granted, but other than saying she wasn't ready, she said something along the lines that she didn't want it up there because she didn't want people at work to make fun of her. Like someone finally tamed *nickname at work*. She also said she knew that sounded stupid (which it does to me), and a week or so later she deleted any dating app she had on her tablet and she called it a her being weird about Facebook compromise. I forgot to add why I posted this to begin with. I just remembered it today when I asked "Did you invite a bunch of work friends to your party too?". She said yes, and I said "well then theyre going to find out about me, uh oh!" in a joking manner. She said "I know", in a way that didn't come accross as happy. I know it was way too soon to try to put our relationship on facebook when I did before, especially when we were exclusive at the time not actual bf/gf. I wasn't familiar with the difference between the two. I haven't mentioned it since. I know I need to wait, for her to come to me with something like that now. I just don't know that she would/will. I initiated the exclusive talk and more recently asking to be her boyfriend. The latter came accross as that she was waiting for me to do so. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Ok, why are you nervous that your gf is inviting her friends over for her birthday? You haven't met them before? Or are they very important friends of hers? Or are you not in her friend circle at all? If any of the above is true, then posting on Facebook is definitely too fast. I'd meet all her important friends and family members who are subscribed to her Facebook status in person before making a bold move like that. More nervous to meet so many at one time. Ive only met her sister and brother in law. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Hopefully she'll introduce me as her boyfriend! Though i cant see her saying that, itll most likely be me introducing myself. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 why am i just now seeing these posts...i missed this. forgive me for saying it like this but her responses are some bullsh*t. she not even acknowledging that u offered to come regardless of who showed up. like u didnt even say it. she couldve at least said "oh that's sweet" or some type of something Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 She sounds very ''meh'' about you. Based on everything you've posted. And yes...I've read the text convos. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 why am i just now seeing these posts...i missed this. forgive me for saying it like this but her responses are some bullsh*t. she not even acknowledging that u offered to come regardless of who showed up. like u didnt even say it. she couldve at least said "oh that's sweet" or some type of something Well she already knew i was coming at that point. But yeah, thats what you or I would say im sure. The only time she acknowledged and said "thank you that was sweet" was recently, when i she invited me over a couple of days ago during her "shark week" and i brought ice cream and snacks. Does come accross as mixed signals sometimes, im hoping it was only because she was upset that her sister messed the dinner plans that were already made. Had plans with two of my friends i hadnt seen in awhile today, one whos going through a rough divorce. The convo eventually went to what was going on with me and my "new girlfriend". The female friend told me how great i looked since she last saw me (lost some weight and apparently the gym has been paying off a little). Either way they both said she was really pretty and kept saying how happy they were for me and that they were really glad things were looking up for me, they could see how much i liked her. At the same time, all i could say is thanks because sometimes im just waiting for the ball to drop. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 No text at all today after I left her place this morning. I sent her a casual "can't wait to get out if work, hope your day goes OK", nothing back from her at all. Nothing in her lunch break, nothing now that's she's been out of work over an hour. I nearly sent a text asking if she was alive, but I'm choosing to not send anything. Why wouldn't you send even one casual text to your new boyfriend, even once in a day? Do I leave this be and wait to hear from her? What is this? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Lol texted me at 230 saying she just had some beers with the closers at her work again. She worked untilmidnight again but come on. Me: you should text me before 230 next time : p Her: I'm sorry I had an early lunch and went straight to the bar after work so didn't check my phone until I got home. Her: you sound like my sister! Me: I don't know if I should be offended or not?! : ) I just care about you is all. Her: ha she just always yells at me for being an unresponsive/late texter.. Me: it's k. I don't even want to tAlk about it anymore. Maybe after bday/vday. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 This is why you date people and see if you are compatible. This early on you shouldn't be so dissatisfied and should consider if you are compatible. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 No text at all today after I left her place this morning. I sent her a casual "can't wait to get out if work, hope your day goes OK", nothing back from her at all. Nothing in her lunch break, nothing now that's she's been out of work over an hour. I nearly sent a text asking if she was alive, but I'm choosing to not send anything. Why wouldn't you send even one casual text to your new boyfriend, even once in a day? Do I leave this be and wait to hear from her? What is this? My fiance and I NEVER texted with each other in the first three months of dating. And in the first year of dating we only texted on a limited basis ... once or twice a week. Now that we're living together I text more often but with updates (trash pick-up happened at 9am). We are just not big texters. You are not going to make a person who is not a texter into a texter. On the contrary, that will just annoy them. Why don't you call her sometimes? Not everyday but every once in a while. I would also suggest not texting every day. The girl you chose is not a texter. So adjust your expectations. I have to go back to ask you if you would really be like this if she was not so pretty and unresponsive? Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 What kind of phone does she have? If she has one of those old-school brick phones, it'd be a no brainer why she's not so excited about texting or checking her phone. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Lol texted me at 230 saying she just had some beers with the closers at her work again. She worked untilmidnight again but come on. Me: you should text me before 230 next time : p Her: I'm sorry I had an early lunch and went straight to the bar after work so didn't check my phone until I got home. Her: you sound like my sister! Me: I don't know if I should be offended or not?! : ) I just care about you is all. Her: ha she just always yells at me for being an unresponsive/late texter.. Me: it's k. Coldarmy... I am so sorry. This whole situation just doesn't sound good, healthy or rewarding for YOU at all. Your last sentence...that it's "k"....problem is, it's not okay is it...not for you anyway... nor would it be okay for many people. Ask you continue to go forward.. ..ask yourself this. Are you happy in this relationship? Not just when she responds ... but most if not ALL the time? Does this relationship enhance your life? Does this relationship "add" to your life..benefit it in any way? Do you feel safe and secure in this relationship? I have lost count of how many pages this thread is...and forgive me if you think I am being a "downer" but after so many pages of angst-ridden posts...you gotta think maybe this just isn't the right relationship for me. I mean how long can you go on like this? And now .... when you express to her how you feel about her essentially blowing you off (i.e. not even having the courtesy to acknowledge text messages from her very thoughful boyfriend), choosing instead to drink at a bar until 2:30 in the morn, she accuses you of acting like - someone who she deems to be -- her very possessive sister? When all your asking is that she at least acknowledge a thoughtful text message from her boyfriend before 2:30 in the morning! You are right. come on now! Look I don't know what she is thinking or feeling...I am not her. All I know is that YOU have been riddled with anxiety and insecurity about this girl from the get go. You said you have never felt this anxiety and insecurity before..so clearly your feelings are limited to this one girl and one relationship..not how you are or feel generally. To be honest...I don't think there is anything wrong with you or your reaction (anxiety)...you are involved with a woman who IMO simply does not know...or cares to know...how to interact appropriately within the context of a loving caring exclusive relationship. That would throw even the most secure person off balance! And cause anxiety/insecurity... It's fine for her to have a life outside of the relationship.. I would even encourage that! But she is just downright dismissive of you much of the time.. and doesn't appear to take you or this relationship seriously at all! Don't know why that is and don't care. All I can see is how this is all making YOU feel...and since I like you, I am not liking it. You know sometimes, even when we like/love someone so much, there comes s point when we have to admit to ourselves...this person/relationship is just not the right person/relationship for ME and walk away. And to stop hoping her responses/non-responses mean this or that and stop justifying all the ways that she and this relationship are hurting you and causing you to feel so much anxiety and insecurity...That is NOT how a good healthy loving caring mutually rewarding relationship is supposed to work! Again..I am so sorry cause I can see you are in pain. Good luck with whatever you decide Cold. This will be my last post on this thread. ((hugs)) Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 In a nut shell...you guys are just not compatible. From work schedules, to communication styles to laid back vs anxious. It is time to throw in the towel. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 ^ but that's just from looking at text messages alone. What about all the times she actively invites cold army to go out with her? And all the times they physically hang out together? That happens so frequently (almost once per day), which in itself is a good, clear, and constant form of communication. Isn't it? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 This is 2 months in. Dating is supposed to be fun. Not leave you in an anxious sweat and turmoil over ever single text, call or invitation. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I think this a combination of incompatible lifestyles, the OPs inability to manage his emotions and confused expectations around texting. I don't know all the background on this but I suspect that this woman must be someone outside the class that the OP is used to dating which may 'cause' much anxiety in him. The OP either has to get this woman off a pedestal and level set his expectations of her or he needs to let go and move on. As I have repeatedly stated on this thread he CANNOT continue this relationship at this level of stress and anxiety. This relationship will eventually fail because this is as good as it gets. Link to comment
janut1 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I hate to say this, but I agree 100% with this. I have been through anxiety around a relationship and posted here about it a lot. I realize now that I am not in contact with this guy, I am sleeping again, and not worried about when and if he will text me. I feel so much better emotionally. I also learned through that experience that relationships or dating should not be that hard. It will drive you mad, really! I would consider laying this on the line with her. Letting her know how you like to communicate, how it feels when she doesn't answer, etc. You have nothing to lose. Otherwise, I don't think this is going to last if expectations are not talked about now that you are BF/GF supposedly. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 What kind of phone does she have? If she has one of those old-school brick phones, it'd be a no brainer why she's not so excited about texting or checking her phone. It's not a smart phone but it does have a keypad. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 It's not a smart phone but it does have a keypad. Cold....I am pretty sure Ghost's post about the phone was meant to be tongue-n-cheek! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 ^ but that's just from looking at text messages alone. What about all the times she actively invites cold army to go out with her? And all the times they physically hang out together? That happens so frequently (almost once per day), which in itself is a good, clear, and constant form of communication. Isn't it? We see each other about 3-4 times a week I'd say. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 Cold....I am pretty sure Ghost's post about the phone was meant to be tongue-n-cheek! You posted again! Thanks for the long post. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 You posted again! Thanks for the long post. I know...I change my mind about that a lot! You okay? Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 We see each other about 3-4 times a week I'd say. If this is the case why are you so filled with angst? Three to four times a week is quite a bit of face time for this phase. Please find a way to level set for your own sake. Link to comment
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