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Please, need an outsiders opinion.

Coldarmy13

By Coldarmy13
in Dating Advice

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okane24 Collaborator

okane24

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Sup dude!

Sounds like things are going well. She's inviting you to her family functions. That's a big deal.

 

Enjoy your time with her. And let it come naturally.

 

I 100% agree with Weathergirl, "Man Up" and have a plan for her bday and vday.

 

I guarantee you she'll want to spend at least one of those 2 days with you. You don't need both, but have a plan for both, just in case.

 

Surprise her, take control, tell her you have an Amazing plan, but she's open to opt out to one day but not both.

 

This relationship is about your needs too man. Not always about just what she wants.

 

And worst case you only get one of the 2 days. Go to the gym on that day you're not with her. Join all us other dudes trying to self improve. That's where I'll be. I have zero plans but to hit the kickboxing bag and weights hard on Valentines.

 

You, my friend have a date with destiny. Take a deep breath and enjoy your girl and enjoy the whole process.

 

Take a step back and appreciate what you have.

 

All the best...

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Coldarmy13 Proficient

Coldarmy13

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Thanks guys.

 

Ive been racking my brain for Valentines Day stuff. A nice dinner would be good, but often times, good luck with that on Valentines Day. Last night i was bringing up movies in the theaters, an we both sort of agreed there wasnt anything there was much out. I got the impression there were no movies in theaters she wanted to see. I planned on bringing her the champagne, some type of nice potted flower(s), and wasnt sure beyond that. Also wasnt sure to bring that stuff out on her birthday, assuming we'd be going on, or stagger it until VDay. Well i have a few weeks to try and figure it out. She lives a half hour away so its always tough since we typically do things around her neck of the woods. Her car isnt the most reliable at the moment so i usually do the driving. Im not familiar with her city besides all the places we had already been.

 

I dont know how to explain it, but despite still being unsure of things from time to time, I havent felt as crazy as before. Yeah, i still think about her often and worry occasionally, but it hasnt been like before. I think the whole debacle a couple days ago really woke me up in a way of "what am i doing?!". Pretty sure my body/brain/heart got sick and tired of what i was doing to myself and definitely toned crap down. Granted ive been able to see her a lot this weekend, but still, i dont feel like i did before. Im hoping all the anxiety i caused myself and the insecurities i had on display have taken a back seat. A back seat to me and what i want for myself.

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Coldarmy13 Proficient

Coldarmy13

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what kinds of activities and things does she enjoy? what is she into? i would have creative suggestions but im not sure what's available in ur area.

 

There isnt a terrible amount of variety around us. I know she loves food (who doesnt i suppose), craft beers/champagne. Even a nice wine tasting wouldnt be a terrible idea if i could find one. We usually find someplace to go when we see each other, but havent been a stranger to staying in and ordering food and being lazy together for the day/evening. Shes also into video games (was thinking of adding in a video game with her gifts i mentioned to her and she said it sounded good and that i should get it on ps4 so we could play it together), likes to shoot pool (which we've done enough of to cancel that out id imagine). Id like to look up a nice show or something like to that to show her i put real effort in but there looks like nothing happening on that day! I feel like i need to find a nice restaurant, but also know there will be a massive wait if i cant make reservations. Id love to cook something for her but i wouldnt know where to start as far as what to make, im terrible at cooking, and it would seem lame if i made something and took it there as opposed to treating her to a night dinner out. She also does a little bit of painting.

 

So honestly, there are bars, restaurants, pool halls, bowling alleys, movie theaters, venues (with nothing scheduled that day!), that sort of standard stuff. It would be so much easier if it wasnt during the winter!

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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How about a comedy club or..don't laugh but bowling! I love going bowling with my bf...there is bowling alley/bar in our neighborhood which is really fun.

 

If no bar...sneak a few beers in... in a bag... it's fun being a little mischievous from time to time.

 

Last V-Day, bf and I stayed in a nice hotel..and after dinner we crashed a wedding that was happening there! It was no big deal really...the doors were open and no one questioned us...but we danced..even mingled a bit with the other guests!

 

No one said a word, we had a great time...it was hilarious!

 

It's fun being spontaneous and creative like that...keeps things fresh and exciting instead of the same ole..same ole.

 

IDK just a thought! Have fun!!

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luxurylover Enthusiast

luxurylover

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im horrible at giving suggestions. i was thinking bowling too that's always cute. you know i personally think it's more about the quality of the time u spend together and less about where u go or what u do. make it memorable , also, thru the quality of the time. the intangible things are the things that make me fall in love and remember someone

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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We went bowling once already before but I'm not the type to need anything fancy so that would be fun for me. There is a bar too. Does make it seem like lazy planning on my oart though, but thanks.

 

As a woman..I don't think it sounds like lazy planning at all. In fact I would prefer doing that to something more elaborate anyway...just throw on my jeans and T...grab a six pack and head to the alley!

 

Beats getting all dolled up ... only to sit in some crowded fancy schmancy restaurant eating a dinner we could easily make at home...

 

But that's just me (and bf)....we are casual people.. so that type of thing totally works for us.

 

Although nothing really beats the wedding crashing...that one really took the cake! Literally. LOL

 

Whatever works for you (and her) is what's important...

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Coldarmy13 Proficient

Coldarmy13

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Well last night seemed to go well. Got along with her sister and bro in law just fine and we had a good time. We both had this last weekend off and actually spent a lot of time together. Friday and Saturday night, then sunday night into this morning. I do have worries that that was too much time but it was both of us that initiated them.

 

Looks like her birthday ill be going with them and maybe some others to this place called Twisted Tavern, drinks food and theres a dance floor. Im real nervous because i really cant dance. Im pretty sure she can though so i doubt ill escape without looking foolish. So i need to come up with Valentines Day plans for us now. I'll probably bring her gifts on her birthday before we go out since hopefully itll carry over into valentines day since we're both off. Hopefully things go really well on her birthday and i could ask her for the official girlfriend thing on valentines day over champagne.

 

Anyway, about to head to the gym to try and relieve some of the anxiety im feeling.

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Coldarmy13 Proficient

Coldarmy13

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Sounds like you had a great weekend with her. Thats great!

 

You still have anxiety after a nice long weekend with her? Can I ask why?

 

I really am not sure tbh. Its just there, ive been getting a lot better about it. I know she likes me but at the same time i know how very much i like her. Obviously after that much time together in 3 days today when we got lunch before i dropped her off and headed home there was a lot of silence, maybe we ran out of things to say, but thats why i said maybe it was too much time for one weekend.

 

Anyway! Lets not over think things and just take it for it is currently. Stick with trying to keep busy and letting things happen instead of wondering when to.. push the issue for a lack of a better term.

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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I know she'll do it when shes ready.. maybe. If she doesnt, how long?

 

Do "what" when she's ready? Become more affectionate? Some people are just not as outwardly affectionate as others. Has nothing to do with being "ready." Doesn't mean they like/love their partner less than the more affectionate partner.

 

Or did you mean something else?

 

And I am curious as to what you mean by "affectionate" and in what context. In public? In the bedroom? Cuddling in front of the TV?

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Coldarmy13 Proficient

Coldarmy13

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Not really in public so much. Im not a huge pda person. Occasionally wrap my arms around her waste briefly or run my hand accross her lower back, a quick kiss here and there. I'm hoping she gets more vocal about the fact that she likes me to me, I guess? Not scoff if I use a pet name of it comes out naturally because I'm feeling it, or if I compliment how she looks or something about her that I really like, not always get a "shut up" or "ugh". She says it jokingly, I know. It does make me feel like I'm just saying it as opposed to it actually registering. Has she snuck in a compliment here and there? Sure. She's said that in a really good kisser, good lover, that I'm cute, or that she likes how I look without clothes. I'm not sure where I'm going with this its just venting a little.

 

I do feel like I'm always making the first move. First to initiate cuddling, kissing, sex, any real conversation about the relationship. It makes me feel a bit like I'm more into her than the other way around sometimes (obviously). When it's always me initiating stuff, and when I don't she seems to fall asleep when we're laying together. It's just this silliness I alwyas post about would be non existent for the most part of I truly felt like I could trust this. To occasionally hear hey I thought about you today, or that maybe she missed me if it had been more than a couple days. I don't know. Late night ramblings from a crazy about a girl guy.

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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Check out the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. He discusses the five love languages and how important they are in finding someone with whom you are truly compatible.

 

We all "speak" (i.e. possess) different love languages..has nothing to do with being ready...it's just our nature. The five love languages are:

 

1. Gifts

2. Words of affirmation

3. Quality time

4. Acts of service, and

5. Physical touch

 

Sounds like YOU are definitely numbers 2 and 5...but what is she? I am number 3, definitely! My boyfriend is number 4...but that combo works for us.

 

Personally I could never be with a number 5 (no offense ).....I once dated a guy who was constantly touching me...like all the time! Everywhere!!! And he needed that back from me as well..all the time! Physical touch was his language whereas mine is quality time. We were a mismatch.

 

Read the book if you can..it describes in detail these languages....may help you understand her nature better.

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Coldarmy13 Proficient

Coldarmy13

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I definitely will look into that book. Id probably give her 3 and 5 as of right now and I'm still trying to get to truly get to know her.

 

I gave her 3 because she really has put time in on our relationship obviously since I feel like I have a lot of time in also so far and it takes two. She's been pretty generous with her time, what from I've been reason on these boards about the time most people are spending away from each other. I don't think I've given her enough credit for that on here, maybe among other things. Five, not because she's the biggest initiator of physical activity just yet but when I do and she's into, man it's really someone else. Very electric is the best word I could think to describe our physical chemistry.

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weathergirl Rookie

weathergirl

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I definitely will look into that book. Id probably give her 3 and 5 as of right now and I'm still trying to get to truly get to know her.

 

I gave her 3 because she really has put time in on our relationship obviously since I feel like I have a lot of time in also so far and it takes two. She's been pretty generous with her time, what from I've been reason on these boards about the time most people are spending away from each other. I don't think I've given her enough credit for that on here, maybe among other things. Five, not because she's the biggest initiator of physical activity just yet but when I do and she's into, man it's really someone else. Very electric is the best word I could think to describe our physical chemistry.

 

Number 5, really? You just said she wasn't affectionate enough? I'm confused now.

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