luxurylover Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I thought if that already. Told her it was just something about her bday/vday. Hope she isn't mad when I tell her that wasn't it at all. ...i would actually ask her about bday/vday though....dont make her think it was a lie. i mean you wanna know about that anyway. then bring up the other issue. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Wait.. But even if I ask her about her plans those days is that even believable that that's as what I was talking about? Why wouldn I not want to ask her that over text. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Wait.. But even if I ask her about her plans those days is that even believable that that's as what I was talking about? sure. better than saying "oh yeah btw, i lied about ur bday/vday, i really wanna talk about this ______" just make it seem casual , like another poster was saying , when talking about it dont make it seem like a big deal Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm at work with too little to do. If I bring up the girlfriend thing the same night it seems like she's see through that since I don't have much to say about bday/vday other than saying I didn't want to assume so I wanted to see if vday will be kind of iur day and did you have a better idea of what your plans our for your bday. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 I'm at work with too little to do. If I bring up the girlfriend thing the same night it seems like she's see through that since I don't have much to say about bday/vday other than saying I didn't want to assume so I wanted to see if vday will be kind of iur day and did you have a better idea of what your plans our for your bday. OMG. . you are an over thinker, aren't you ?! LOL. . Stop with the 'what if's' and go for a walk. reread your run on sentence with no periods . .it may make you laugh. . Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 You're right. Hopefully she'll agree to see me tonight and I can just say that IS what I was texting her about then hopefully be able to bring up the other real stuff. I'm at the point where I feel like I definitely need to know, while of course making it known that I'm not pressuring her into anything, but want to put it out there and see what she thought. I just really need to get it off my chest. Link to comment
janut1 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 You're right. Hopefully she'll agree to see me tonight and I can just say that IS what I was texting her about then hopefully be able to bring up the other real stuff. I'm at the point where I feel like I definitely need to know, while of course making it known that I'm not pressuring her into anything, but want to put it out there and see what she thought. I just really need to get it off my chest. Yea it needs to be talked about. So good luck tonight and make sure to let us know how it all goes. Stay strong! Edit: BTW she is lucky to have you she would be silly to let you go. You seem like a great guy! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yea it needs to be talked about. So good luck tonight and make sure to let us know how it all goes. Stay strong! I would rather her agree to to be official official. Obviously. I might be too old schoolish for these in between titles. Is the timing right, I don't know, but I do feel like it's time. Even if she's not interested in moving forward past what we are now, at least I'll know and it will hurt really bad but it would have to be better than the weight in my chest lately. I'm not sure how to feel about if she's not ready or can't say where she's at beyond what's there now. Then I'll need to wait more and I'll feel unsure like I do now. So I guess the first two would be best. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Gah! Can't you just enjoy this? It almost seems like you don't believe you deserve to be happy, so you're going to sabotage whatever happiness you get. Or maybe this isn't what you really want so you're subconsciously trying to get HER to reject YOU. And what's with all the texting? When you "accidentally" slipped up and said you wanted to talk to her about something and all the drama ensued, why didn't you CALL her? I just don't get all these relationships that rely on texting to communicate, then the people involved wonder why things go wrong! CALL HER! And chill! Seriously! Unless your goal is to drive this woman away, chill! You're going to send yourself to an early grave if you spend every minute of every day agonizing! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yea it needs to be talked about. So good luck tonight and make sure to let us know how it all goes. Stay strong! Edit: BTW she is lucky to have you she would be silly to let you go. You seem like a great guy! Means a lot. Thank you. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 She just said "I'll just speculate for the next day and a half" I replied that it "doesn't have to be that long!"no response yet. I'm thinking of backing of a bit like by saying well it's really soon to think about your plans that day so don't worry about it and just keep me updated. That would hopefully get me out of that mess, and then I'm free to discuss what I wanted to discuss whenever I see her next. Whether it be tonight or tomorrow night. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 Gah! Can't you just enjoy this? It almost seems like you don't believe you deserve to be happy, so you're going to sabotage whatever happiness you get. Or maybe this isn't what you really want so you're subconsciously trying to get HER to reject YOU. And what's with all the texting? When you "accidentally" slipped up and said you wanted to talk to her about something and all the drama ensued, why didn't you CALL her? I just don't get all these relationships that rely on texting to communicate, then the people involved wonder why things go wrong! CALL HER! And chill! Seriously! Unless your goal is to drive this woman away, chill! You're going to send yourself to an early grave if you spend every minute of every day agonizing! I agree with this. . you are going to drive yourself nuts and no matter how hard you try this obsessing is going to spill over into the way you relate to her. I wonder if any of us are doing you a favor by indulging you with every little move and each tiny moment. .I think it's encouraging this anxiety dance you're doing. Don't mean to be harsh but you need to take a deep breath my friend. . and let things unfold the way they are supposed to. You are your own worst enemy right now. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 29, 2015 Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 I told her that's it's still too early to try to ask about bday plans anyway and as long as she knows I'd love to celebrate it with her, whatever she decides to do. Also that I was going to ask if Vday was going to be our day sort of thing. So don't worry about what I said earlier and have a great rest of her work day. She replied "sounds good". There, now to go back o taking deep breaths and chilling out. I'll have to pick my spot with the other thing. If she gets out and invites me over, great. If not, there doesn't need to be any other texts there's always tomorrow. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Wait.. But even if I ask her about her plans those days is that even believable that that's as what I was talking about? Why wouldn I not want to ask her that over text. Why are you "asking" her what her plans are? Just ask her out for pete's sake! You posted something earlier about your not wanting to "interfere" with any plans her family/friends might want to make with her. Ugh...I think you have that backwards. Her family/friends should be the ones thinking "they" don't want to interfere with any plans she has with you!!! The man she has been exclusively dating and having regular sex with for the past 2.5 months! Otherwise known as her boyfriend! This is what I meant by tip toeing around walking on eggshells. Don't ask her what her plans are...that sounds way to 'wimpy' (for lack of a better word)...instead YOU have a plan and ask her out...especially for V-Day! But also for her birthday... you are her boyfriend... spending birthdays and V-Day together are what couples do! At the risk of sounding insensitive.. dude me thinks you need to "grow a pair" and stop with all this dilly dallying! You don't "deserve" both days??? WTH! You are her boyfriend! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Why are you "asking" her what her plans are? Just ask her out for pete's sake! You posted something earlier about your not wanting to "interfere" with any plans her family/friends might want to make with her. Ugh...I think you have that backwards. Her family/friends should be the ones thinking "they" don't want to interfere with any plans she has with you!!! The man she has been exclusively dating and having regular sex with for the past 2.5 months! Otherwise known as her boyfriend! This is what I meant by tip toeing around walking on eggshells. Don't ask her what her plans are...YOU have a plan and ask her out...especially for V-Day! But also for her birthday... you are her boyfriend... spending birthdays and V-Day together are what couples do! I didn't want to bogart both her days. They are back to back after all. I don't want to look over eager thinking I deserve both days. I still have to think of what to treat her to on vday. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I didn't want to bogart both her days. They are back to back after all. I don't want to look over eager thinking I deserve both days. I still have to think of what to treat her to on vday. STOP IT!!! Read my post again...I just updated it.... Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 You don't think its too strong to expect her to do what I chose both for her birthday and (obviously) Valentine's Day? Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 You don't think its too strong to expect her to do what I chose both for her birthday and (obviously) Valentine's Day? Have a plan... let her know what that plan is and ASK her out. She will either say yey or ney. If she hems and haws saying "gee sounds fun but not sure what I'm doing yet" or "let me get back to you"... that speaks volumes and actually tells you more than any "talk" you have with her would tell you. That being.. you and she are NOT on the same page...and she prefers to keep you at a distance. But try to think positive! You should be thinking why wouldn't she want to spend both days/nights with me? I am a total catch....not to mention I am her boyfriend! Spending birthdays and holidays (especially V-Day) are just what couples do... in fact it would be "unusual" for a couple who are exclusively dating and having sex together to NOT spend those days together. Women love a man with a plan and who has confidence! Not a man who walks on eggshells over-thinking every little thing... and dilly-dallying around... Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Either way, I'm trying to take it day by day and not looks too far into the future. Either way, those two days will work out the way they're supposed to. Im trying hard to go at her pace, trying to actually believe that when she's ready I'll know. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Do yourself a favor, take a break from this thread for a few days. It seems to fuel overthinking. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Noted. Thank you. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 OP, I wish you luck with this woman, but I'm afraid even if you succeed in getting into an official relationship you will continue to obsess. If you two don't live together she may not get too annoyed, but if you can't get a grip on your obsessiveness this relationship does not stand a chance in the long haul. Please heed the good advice on this thread and get a life outside this woman. ASAP. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 I've pulled back and have done my best to let her come to me and to take things one day at a time. Sometimes it sucks but I've convinced myself to just let things happen. I don't know when or how I'll be able to bring up my feelings about wanting an official relationship, but I'm trying to trust that I'll know when the timings right. She did invite me to her sisters to meet her sister and her brother in law for super owl Sunday today though. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I've pulled back and have done my best to let her come to me and to take things one day at a time. Sometimes it sucks but I've convinced myself to just let things happen. I don't know when or how I'll be able to bring up my feelings about wanting an official relationship, but I'm trying to trust that I'll know when the timings right. She did invite me to her sisters to meet her sister and her brother in law for super owl Sunday today though. Re last paragraph.. that sounds really positive! So did you accept? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Yes I did. Weather will be a real pain tomorrow too. Hope it goes well! Link to comment
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