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Please, need an outsiders opinion.


Coldarmy13

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If she wad more affectionate from the beginning, you probably wouldn't be as into her though.

 

I think that's sound logic, even though it's hard to imagine, now.

 

Also makes me wonder what if I wasn't as affectionate as am / can be? Sometimes worry that it obviously shows how much I am into her, therefore taking away any challenge for her.

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sounds like you need some re-affirmation or reassurance that shes into you but from where im sitting it's clear that she's into u. u just want some of the things that youre used to in relationships/dating and some initiation. i get that. she may not be an obviously affectionate person, at least not in the way u want. and as for the initiating thing i do that a lot and it's something i need to work on. ill be real into someone but let him do most of the initiating for various reasons. mainly cause i dont wanna feel like im chasing the guy or bothering him. now those r my reasons, not sure of hers. and while ill do all these ill think of him all day and be so super into him. mind u i initiate sometimes but i usually let the guy do it mainly

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I think that's sound logic, even though it's hard to imagine, now.

 

Also makes me wonder what if I wasn't as affectionate as am / can be? Sometimes worry that it obviously shows how much I am into her, therefore taking away any challenge for her.

 

Too much "can" be a bit suffocating (for some people)... but it sounds like she's totally into you...so why change what's obviously working?

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Also makes me wonder what if I wasn't as affectionate as am / can be? Sometimes worry that it obviously shows how much I am into her, therefore taking away any challenge for her.

 

i agree with what weathergirl said. why change something thats working. i would be careful about "switching up" my behavior at least not too much. could send mixed signals. ive had guys do that and it's obvious to me when they do it. "oh let me pull back so ill be a challenge or so she'll be more into me (or whatever else they dream up)" ---right after a great date. makes me quesiton things and get all in my head thinking they're not feeling me or something.

 

moral of the story, sometimes that can backfire

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sounds like you need some re-affirmation or reassurance that shes into you but from where im sitting it's clear that she's into u. u just want some of the things that youre used to in relationships/dating and some initiation. i get that. she may not be an obviously affectionate person, at least not in the way u want. and as for the initiating thing i do that a lot and it's something i need to work on. ill be real into someone but let him do most of the initiating for various reasons. mainly cause i dont wanna feel like im chasing the guy or bothering him. now those r my reasons, not sure of hers. and while ill do all these ill think of him all day and be so super into him. mind u i initiate sometimes but i usually let the guy do it mainly

 

Precisely! Does make me feel like I'm chasing and or bothering.

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She didn't text me all day yesterday until I initiated it letting her know to be careful driving home around when she got home from work. She answered and I said let me know when she got home safe. She did and mentioned she was about to watch an episode of friends "the one where everyone turns 30" (she turns thirty the 13th). I said aww haha and that I wished I was there. Then nothing for about an hour. If she's just at home watching some Netflix I didn't understand no response so I said "or not!". She then said "I wish you were too : (". We then had some small talk about the show. She said it sucks they don't have the gag reels on Netflix and I said that I had them on my DVDs then she said I should bring them over sometime. Then I was also watching friends on Netflix at the same time so I referred to an episode I was watching, then nothing. Always sudden drop offs in text conversations for whatever reason with her. Nothing since then. You all say she's obviously into me, I just don't feel it

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i hate when ppl do stuff like that. there could be any number of reasons. i know i was talking to a person once that would fall back sometimes and then be texting up a storm at other times. the reason i still dont know but for sure he was into me. and she's into you too. if im not into a person im not gonna be carrying on convo and inviting him to meet my family hang out etc

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I REALLY think you need something else to focus on. You are waaay too focused on her.

 

 

Youre absolutely right, and ive really been trying to do so. Its been 3 nights now with very little contact.

 

Whats starting to really bug me is.. why did she agree to be exclusive then shortly after deny making things actually official? She said it was a lot of pressure but how so? Wouldnt it be the same since she'd tell her friends shes dating me?

 

Was it because she was actually scared?

 

Or did she not want certain people to know about it??

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Im going to have to see where she is when it comes to us next time i see her, and try to keep it as casual a conversation as possible. Even though its a big deal to me.

 

She got out of work almost an hour ago and still nothing.. PS4 says shes signed on watching netflix a half hour ago when i just signed in when i laid down. I dont understand.

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EDIT: Im going to leave this forum alone for awhile.. 30 pages of insanity is ridiculous. I heard from her after i initiated again about an hour after she got out of work.

 

ME: You okay? (weather has been bad)

Her: Ugh yea.. its been a really long day. How was your day?

Me: Pretty terrible.

Her: Im sorry. How come?

Me: Work was bad, youre not a big texter are ya?

Her: I usually dont have my phone on me at work usually unless im on a break. *Went on about how her work day sucked*

Me: Ugh sorry thats gross.

Her: But good news is i got to switch so i only have to work until 5 tomorrow. Although after tonight not sure if im looking forward to getting up early..

Me: Oh yeah? Want to hang out after i get out?

Her: Sure. Working till 9? Why was work so bad?

Me: Yeah until 9. *Went into why my day at work sucked*

Her: Well i hope tomorrow is better for you

Me: Hope yours is as well. Get a good nights rest!

Her: Hoping this glass of wine helps! Still kind of strung out from work

Me: I Know the feeling!

Her: Miss you, have a good night

Me: I miss you back

 

I knew she didnt text while at work but still she wasnt before or after work either. That is the second time ever shes mentioned missing me ever. Made me happy. Now i just need the 4-5 awesome people that frequent this thread to give me their opinion on whether i should go for it tomorrow night or not. Then ill leave this be for awhile. You all have been very patient and helpful. Thank you very much.

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Whats starting to really bug me is.. why did she agree to be exclusive then shortly after deny making things actually official? She said it was a lot of pressure but how so? Wouldnt it be the same since she'd tell her friends shes dating me?

 

Was it because she was actually scared?

 

Or did she not want certain people to know about it??

 

 

oh i didnt know this part. that's messy. i had a similar situation with a guy and have him talk about how much "pressure" it was and we were just dating. it was the oddest thing. that being said i dont know what to say about that...hopefully someone will drop a comment cause id like to know myself.

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i just need the 4-5 awesome people that frequent this thread to give me their opinion on whether i should go for it tomorrow night or not. Then ill leave this be for awhile. You all have been very patient and helpful. Thank you very much.

 

awesome person number 5 says: go for it! take life by the ____ ! youve been dating long enough to address what you want imo without walking on eggshells.

 

PS: the miss you thing was a good sign that she's into you (just in case u still doubt). she initiated it and everything. i honestly think she cares , she just what i call "dry". meaning not verbal about it, except here and there.

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oh i didnt know this part. that's messy. i had a similar situation with a guy and have him talk about how much "pressure" it was and we were just dating. it was the oddest thing. that being said i dont know what to say about that...hopefully someone will drop a comment cause id like to know myself.

 

I couldve swore i added that when it happened. It was shortly after we agreed to be exclusive, i tried a cute way to make things basically official on facebook by asking her if shed press submit after i set it up out of the blue to change my relationship status to "In a relationship" with her. She just said "Im not ready for that!"

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I couldve swore i added that when it happened. It was shortly after we agreed to be exclusive, i tried a cute way to make things basically official on facebook by asking her if shed press submit after i set it up out of the blue to change my relationship status to "In a relationship" with her. She just said "Im not ready for that!"

 

Being exclusive is not the same as being officially in a committed relationship, especially to be broadcasting it all over facebook. People gossip and they are sensitive to changes to relationship statuses. When my bf asked if I'd like to change our FB status (after I had agreed to be his gf in person of course), he got texts and calls from various friends within half an hour asking all sorts of questions! Its a lot to deal with if you haven't already agreed to be official. And also it's only been 2 and half months. What's the hurry?

 

I think you need to establish the boyfriend girlfriend status first.

 

Also yes to going on a date tomorrow. And stop worrying and over thinking. Just go with the flow. But do set a timeframe in your head after which point if she remains non-committal, you would walk away.

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