Ms Darcy Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Glad you had a good birthday, birthday twin! Isn't this relationship over? Yeah, just block him. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Yea I also thought you had broken up with him, why is he asking about getting together? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Glad you had a good birthday, birthday twin! Isn't this relationship over? Yeah, just block him. Thank you Mrs D. . Hope your bday was the best one ever! and to Notalady . . Yah. .He does the push/pull thing. Says things he can't take back and regrets and then comes snooping around like nothing's happened. We are broken up. The mere fact that he got all twisted that I hadn't made time for him proves that he forgot that little piece of information. Good question. . why is he asking? Probably because I haven't made it clear enough. Add in I overlooked his threats in the past and played along. .assuming that I will probably do so again I suppose. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Glad you had a good birthday regardless! But yes maybe best to put it to rest once and for all so you can move on. Speaking from the other side of the fence, life is 100% better without a guy/relationship like that and meeting new potentials who have a much much better chance at turning into a LTR than the last one is even better. You won't regret it reinventmyself! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Glad you had a good birthday regardless! But yes maybe best to put it to rest once and for all so you can move on. Speaking from the other side of the fence, life is 100% better without a guy/relationship like that and meeting new potentials who have a much much better chance at turning into a LTR than the last one is even better. You won't regret it reinventmyself! I am being such a coward to cut that final tie. . Technically I have only spent 3 hours with him in the past 3 weeks? One would think I would have detached enough by now. . Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I am being such a coward to cut that final tie. . Technically I have only spent 3 hours with him in the past 3 weeks? Once would think I would have detached enough by now. . Breaking up is always always hard no matter how bad things are. It will be painful and there will be tears. But trust me you will feel 100% better than where you are now (or before) once you take the leap. There's never a good time and you'll never be sufficiently detached / ready to walk. You just need to stop thinking and analysing and just do it. This is completely dysfunctional and I've been there, you don't need that. Nobody does. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 I am surely not initiating anything and rarely if ever responding. Just that final. . . "leave me alone" is so hard. And I know for me, it's not about finding someone better at this time. It's about venturing out on my own for a while. Facing that abyss right now. . I just wish he would just fade away . .like I am trying to do Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Breaking up feels like jumping into a dark abyss, it's the unknown that is scary. What if I hate being single, what if I get lonely, what if I never find someone again? What I have now isn't so bad in comparison to those things. But once you jump and fall through that darkness, and it might take days or weeks, but then you come out the other end and it's not dark, it's bright and warm. And you never look back. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Haha funny we used such similar analogies Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I just wish he would just fade away . .like I am trying to do I'm afraid he won't do that and you do in fact have to make yourself clear. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Breaking up feels like jumping into a dark abyss, it's the unknown that is scary. What if I had being single, what if I get lonely, what if I never find someone again? What I have now isn't so bad in comparison to those things. But once you jump and fall through that darkness, and it might take days or weeks, but then you come out the other end and it's not dark, it's bright and warm. And you never look back. Thanks NL. . You are wise beyond your years I will keep this thought you painted for me. As I am about to leave work and head home for late birthday dinner with my sons. . At the same time M is currently sending me little text stickers. It just feels mean. . I have a hard time doing so . .I feel so stuck. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 Haha funny we used such similar analogies oh wow. .we did. .I first thought you were quoting me. .haha Link to comment
notalady Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Thanks NL. . You are wise beyond your years I will keep this thought you painted for me. As I am about to leave work and head home for late birthday dinner with my sons. . At the same time M is currently sending me little text stickers. It just feels mean. . I have a hard time doing so . .I feel so stuck. Aww thank you reinventmyself! I hope that image continues to help you! See what M is doing now is just pissing me off. It's more passive aggression. If he wants something (presumably another chance with you), then be direct and say it, sending little stickers to invoke sympathy from you is childish, it's what kids do. In any case, enjoy dinner with your sons!! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 ""See what M is doing now is just pissing me off. It's more passive aggression. If he wants something (presumably another chance with you), then be direct and say it, sending little stickers to invoke sympathy from you is childish, it's what kids do"". It is. . And I did speak with him about this previously. About letting so much time passing between misunderstandings, his inability to communicate on the phone let alone get in his car and show up to resolve an issue. (I've gone to him before, because I felt it important) The fact that he can let it go for days and when I do actually see him he wants to pretend nothings happened. The last time I saw I him I said I won't be in a relationship that's basically managed by little text stickers all week. At that time I told him I felt such a disconnect that I was afraid there was no going back. Now after everything else this is not salvageable. I lay awake last night thinking of what you said and thanks for pointed out the obvious. .this too is just added to longer growing list of passive aggressive behaviors Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Just... send a quick "we're done", then block him. Hopefully he won't try to contact you any other way? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 well . .it's 100% done. I just typed out something and lost it. Probably just as well because my mind is all over the place right now. I had agreed to meet with him tomorrow night but much like I suspected my lack luster or non responses to the texting stickers and snap chats would set him off. He's suggesting cancelling our dinner. .again veiled threats with no action just to get a reaction out of me. I calmly said I understood if he wanted to cancel but his comment about me not responding to `any' of his texts was incorrect and besides seeing we are broken up would it be fair to assume I should behave like his girlfriend seeing that I am not? His response. .` that was to teach you to not say mean things' He refers to me saying he needs therapy? Well . .that isn't what I said. It was in reference to my concerns about his intense reactions at the idea of discussing his marriage ending and wondering if that would suggest he shouldn't be in a relationship at the moment. No. .I didn't say he needed therapy and I do not take back my voicing of my concerns. The 3 things I asked for. .no more running away, whether it was by going dark, walking out in the middle of conversation or playing the break up game. No more waiting a week at a time to resolve a conflict and no more managing this relationship electronically for several days at a time. He broke all three agreements with in moments of making them and is mad that I am not enamored by his snap chats of what he ate for dinner last night. But like a dumb A** I still agree to a one more dinner. That's all it took. .that he need to teach me a lesson . . but basically that has what it's been since the beginning when he would run away because I couldn't respectfully day I was in love with him during week 4? He's been pulling this all along and I got caught up in it initially and now the fog has cleared and I see it for what it is I am shocked at his comment today. Funny how he was insisting I break up with him because `that's what I wanted' I said I wouldn't do that (because he was being childish) but I would hold him to the breakup notion and he needed to once for all own it. Like a hot potato it was passed back and forth and neither of us would take responsibility for pulling the plug. But yet today he owns it. . loud and proud.. . hmmmm. .to teach me a lesson no less. I am shaken alittle . .I don't do drama well. But I suppose I need to thank him for this moment. I guess it is what it took to get me off the fence. It's the threatening to leave the relationship or invoke feelings of abandonment and never any intention on acting on it to get a reaction out of me. To scare me. Even bringing up the cancellation of dinner was a veiled threat because he didn't come right and say so but only suggested it. I told him not to contact me any further and blocked him. . Link to comment
notalady Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Good on you girl!!! Teach you a lesson? Good god, I can't even think of words to describe how I feel about that statement. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Good on you girl!!! Teach you a lesson? Good god, I can't even think of words to describe how I feel about that statement. Me too. "Teach you a lesson"? Who does he think he is?! So condescending and just....ridiculous. Glad to hear you're done with him. He's extremely manipulative and emotionally stunted. Link to comment
Larkin Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Hi reinvent..., I've enjoyed reading your journal, mainly because in some ways, M reminds me of myself, post-divorce, several years ago. I agree with your decision to end things, but I doubt you've heard the last of him. Just curious, was he the leave-er or the leave-ee in his marriage? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Hi reinvent..., I've enjoyed reading your journal, mainly because in some ways, M reminds me of myself, post-divorce, several years ago. I agree with your decision to end things, but I doubt you've heard the last of him. Just curious, was he the leave-er or the leave-ee in his marriage? Who left? I'll never know. I can only speculate. Last night he tried 4 times, 2 different social media apps and 2 voice mails from another phone to reach me. Feeling a little rattled this morning . . Link to comment
WithLove Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Good on you, girl. Good riddance. He showed his true colors in the end. The nerve of him! "teach you a lesson"?? UGH! Link to comment
notalady Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Who left? I'll never know. I can only speculate. Last night he tried 4 times, 2 different social media apps and 2 voice mails from another phone to reach me. Feeling a little rattled this morning . . His whole approach throughout this eerily reminds me of Z.. Hang in there reinventmyself! I hope he doesn't show up at your place like Z did at mine... Stay safe!! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Keep ignoring. I think you have said enough to him. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 24, 2015 Author Share Posted July 24, 2015 Just received another text. He has a work phone that he never used around me and I never knew the number. Obviously he's called from his other number and got the `unavailable' message. Personally if someone would ask me not to contact them and would go to these lengths. .blocking and deleting apps to get distance, I would take them seriously. Now I need to block this 2nd number as well. Just proves my point further. When he says he's done. .He's really not, he's paying emotional blackmail. In seven months I never said I was done. . until now and I mean it. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he's still contacting me. .'done' doesn't mean the same thing to him as it does to me. Pretty sure that's how that's suppose to work, at least in my book. I should also thank him for all the pulling away and distancing games he's played. Makes this break off easier than most. I've had a lot of practice with him not to mention never really having the benefit of an intimate connection, so it feels like just another day. In the end there really isn't that much to lose. Link to comment
Larkin Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Last night he tried 4 times, 2 different social media apps and 2 voice mails from another phone to reach me. Like that old country tune, "How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?" lol Link to comment
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