notalady Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I too would feel like it's not alone time if someone else is in the same room as me. I think I too would need separate rooms for alone time Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I know I am just a weird one, lol. I'm glad you two can afford a multi space dwelling so you can have your own rooms. My ex and I had a pretty good year in a studio apartment but I can put up with a lot of crap, turn on my headphones, and tune out so it was okay. Link to comment
faraday Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 Jay took Tine climbing last night. She loved it Link to comment
faraday Posted February 17, 2015 Author Share Posted February 17, 2015 a project I'm working on. The top of a dresser. Done completely in wood stain. Link to comment
notalady Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 That is a lovely picture/painting! Link to comment
faraday Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Thanks I've never done tonal work like this...it's pretty intense. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Oh I love that flower! your furniture is so beautiful!! Move to Ontario..you can paint all my furniture, haha Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 That design would make for a gorgeous coffee table.... Anyway, I'd look at this trip as an opportunity to grow a little closer together and learn how to navigate together time better. It sounds like you two still haven't gotten comfortable with just being around each other if you still feel obligated to entertain. It's like you are stuck on high intensity dating mode. Also, if you can't spend three days together without feeling suffocated, I'd consider that a problem and think long and hard why that is happening. Is it me, is it him, is it the combination that's just not meshing correctly. To me personally, the absolute hallmark of being with the right person is that it's just naturally easy to be around each other for any period of time without feeling suffocated. Link to comment
faraday Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 When we spend three days together, we're not working. It's three solid days together. And if he's here at my place, I'm fine because I have stuff to do.. he looks bored so I feel bad for him...and it's the same at his house. I think it will be easier when we have our own stuff when we're together. I don't get sick of him...I feel like...one of us is bored. He needs his computer or I need my paint...and both aren't possible in the same place until we live together. *shrugs*. We've been seeing each other most days lately...like 5-6 days a week for the last few weeks, and it's not smothering...because we're both working and doing stuff...does that make sense? I love the dresser. I can't wait to experiment on more wooden furniture I'd really like to find a round coffee table and put a flower on it...so cool. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Is it possible that he has a laptop that he can bring to your place? I know you can't really bring your paint over to his place, lol, but maybe he could bring his laptop and get set up so he can play on that while you paint? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 very talented love the dresser! Link to comment
faraday Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Is it possible that he has a laptop that he can bring to your place? I know you can't really bring your paint over to his place, lol, but maybe he could bring his laptop and get set up so he can play on that while you paint? He has a desktop that's he's customized and nerded out....he has a work laptop that he's not supposed to do stuff to. It will be okay...I think I'm just nervous about living together...I haven't lived with anyone in close to 6 years...it's a big change for me...but especially for Tine....and I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop with Jay....and I think that comes from having so much drama in my last relationship...this thing with Jay is so easy, I'm left wondering why. I mean...we actually talk about things....without breaking up. It's like, crazy! He always sees the best in me. And when I say things (authentic things) that mad M mad...Jay always finds me endearing and cute. He's slowly becoming my best friend. But seriously, 3 days straight with someone and none of you get sick of people? I can't spend that much time with anyone...even Clementine. I need time everyday alone...and I guess my fear with Jay moving in, is that things will change...like my morning routine. I won't be able to get coffee and drink it in bed and write on here like I do every morning...and how will I have solo dance parties when I'm loading the dishwasher? and he'll notice when I eat all the Nutella (he did one time....kind of awkward I still tidy before he comes over...but when he lives here, he'll see how slobby I can get. I guess...it's actually less about alone time, and more about things getting more real...its scary. And awesome. I'm so excited to be moving forward with him...but it's a bit terrifying too....I'm going to be completely out there...all my weirdness...the weirdness that I hide from everyone but Clementine. It's a big deal. --------- Today I picked up my paintings from the gallery and got them framed. I'm taking them back tomorrow. I had 7 done. And glicees done of two of them that I'm taking to the show with me. They look so good. Getting them framed really made them look professional. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Now that I think about it, one doesn't ever game on a laptop unless they are desperate, so it makes sense that he'd have a desktop! It depends on who the person is. Typically, no, I don't get sick of my SO after spending 3 days with them. Then again, I'm not the type to "entertain" my SO. I like to relax and I do what I want, regardless if SO is there or not. I lived with my ex in a studio though, remember. Same thing with my family. My mom and I went down south for 5 days and shared a hotel room, and I was fine. Again, just me. Everyone is different. Don't compare yourself to us. If you need more me time, you need more time, that's fine. Of course your routine will change, within reason. If you two learn to compromise some and are right for each other, should be fine. I don't see why you couldn't have your coffee and post on here in the morning. That's sort of independent from having a partner, isn't it? I think if you both are direct with their boundaries and needs, it should be okay. If you need some space, say so. Hopefully he's not the sort to get offended and will do the same in return if he needs to. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks I've never done tonal work like this...it's pretty intense. All hail to you. I screwed up painting an accent wall in my bedroom ... mad respect! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 That dresser is so pretty. Great idea. Did you use different stains or how did you do that? Link to comment
faraday Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Re mean coffee in bed. I like to turn on lights at 4am...that wouldn't be very nice though as I know he goes to bed later than me and he'll keep quiet and dark for me. So if your bf stays with you for the weekend, you let him fend for himself? I mean...jay brings a book, and he reads...he watches tv independent of me...but it's not as common. When I go to his house, I drink coffee and watch tv on my iPad in the basement and he comes and finds me lol. Idk...like when he comes here, he goes through my fridge and stuff, but he would never cook a meal unless he planned it out ahead of time. And at his house, I just found out where his laundry hamper is. It's kind of set up that...I do most of the clean up and cooking at stuff at my place, and he does it at his. So I can't just do my own thing yet...I guess we need to get to that point though before he moves in. He's seriously the most laid back person ever. I can talk to him about anything....I shouldn't be overthinking this. Him moving in makes sense. We both want to live together. We both want to progress, and we both feel like this is the next step in that dance....and that we can't move ahead without living together. It's so funny. When I was 20, I lived with bfs on a whim. I didn't think about it beforehand. He moved in, it didn't work, he moved out. But now...with Tine...and with losing so much financially in my last common law relationship...Ive really put a lot of thought into it...and I think I'm psyching myself out a bit....because now I know the penalty for what happens if we don't end up working Link to comment
faraday Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Thanks Ms Darcy It'sallgrand- it's actually just an expresso stain. One colour. So the lightest colour is the bare wood, and I kept adding stain to deepen it. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 That's what I was thinking....really cool. Can't wait to see what you do next. Your stuff has something very alive about it. Anyways, I like it! Link to comment
faraday Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 Aww thanks you Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 So if your bf stays with you for the weekend, you let him fend for himself? I mean...jay brings a book, and he reads...he watches tv independent of me...but it's not as common. When I go to his house, I drink coffee and watch tv on my iPad in the basement and he comes and finds me lol. All of my bfs have been very easy-going for the most part, so yeah, I just pretty much did what I wanted and they did what they wanted. Sometimes that would be something together, other times, we would just chill in the same room doing our own things and that was cool. I don't like to entertain, just to be. It's never been a problem for me or my SOs. I guess if it were a problem, then I probably wouldn't have dated them. Try not to overthink. You like each others' company, but you will have your own separate rooms to do your own thing as well. You said earlier that he's going to have to see "Your weirdness" that only you and Clementine know of. Well, isn't that part of living together? He's gonna see that eventually. I don't think he's going to think that's a bad thing. It may just help you feel more comfortable and grow in your relationship. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 Yup, in an ltr that's exactly it. You get to that point where you both comfortably co-exist, doing your own thing some of the time, doing some things together some of the time, etc. Three days together would be easy for me with the right person and a total nightmare with the wrong one. I mean you can give each other space even when in the same room. The trick is really more on just focusing on what you are doing and leaving the other person alone. You still sound like you are obsessing too much how he feels, whether he is bored, whether you should entertain him, etc. Let go of your rigid internal control freak - she needs a vacation. I think I've posted before that you are very rigidly set in your ways, creating for yourself artificial fences that lead to artificial challenges. Good thing he is easy going, because if he wasn't you two wouldn't have a chance, imho. Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 >>But seriously, 3 days straight with someone and none of you get sick of people? Ah, the trick is to not see it as 'dating' for 3 days, but rather like he's a roommate or other family member where you're not obligated to be joined at the hip every minute and it's perfectly OK to do your own thing when you want or need to. And having your own 'room' you can retreat into really helps. That is, he gets a room he can retreat into when he wants alone time, and you have yours. And you do anything you want with your own room. So you'll have common areas, and then private areas that allow you to mentally have your space. This is why men are so big on fixing up basements to be their own private man caves! I've also had lots of people tell me that NOT sharing a bathroom really helps. That is where people's 'slob vs. neatnik' tendencies come out, and if you can shut yourself in your own bathroom and do as you please there and not have to share it, it sseems to really ease a lot of tension. Not sure why, but it does. Adds to the romance too because you don't have to look at his beard stubble in the sink, and he doesn't have to get tangled up in your curling iron and tampons. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted February 19, 2015 Share Posted February 19, 2015 ^ Nothing says romance like using a smelly bathroom after your SO has had a bowel movement in there. That's a good question, are you two going to share a bathroom? Link to comment
faraday Posted February 24, 2015 Author Share Posted February 24, 2015 image removedimage removedimage removed Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
WithLove Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 My gosh, these are beautiful. You might have a thing here, painting furniture.... Link to comment
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