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happpybear

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Everything posted by happpybear

  1. I used to be very shy around guys, and because of that I would inadvertently ignore them, I didn't do it on purpose but It was a fear response, and so it came across as aloofness and like I was ignoring them. I did this to guys I had crushes on who didnt know I existed, and also to guys that I knew liked me, whether I also liked them or not. So basically any guy that wasn't a friend. And all of those guys moved on to date other women who gave them the time of day. And I was single for a long time until I changed my ways. Lesson learned.
  2. I would start looking for other arrangements for yourself. Just personally, I wouldn't stick around after a partner talks to me that way, but if you decide to stick around then move back out until you guys have had a bit more time in the relationship together and abandon The plans to buy a house together until a few years from now at least. Moving in with someone new can be weird at first, but at no point does it need to get out of hand like this situation. Ithink in this case you are seeing his true colors come out. Don't expect that to change.
  3. Yeah for sure, I think most people who care who ask discreetly and sensitively, if they ask at all
  4. You need to pass on this one and stop all contact so you can get over it and find a man that is emotionally available and free of any attachments, otherwise you'll likely be in for a world of hurt. This "thing" you're in is not a relationship.
  5. Yes exactly, also when they look good too.
  6. I think certain people that are close to you like close family and friends should be able to inquire after your weight if there is a noticeable or drastic change. People in your life ask because they care about your health and well being and I think it's no big deal to just give a brief explanation so that they don't worry. Sometimes you may not even see the change yourself so having someone who is close to you ask about it can be the catalyst for healthier change like going to the doctor or making healthier choices Though some people ask because they are nosy or want something to gossip about, and if they are close enough to you then you would prob know that already and in that case you do the have to answer them And as for strangers or people who barely know you, just ignore it. Ideally random people would not comment on the appearance of others but we don't live in an ideal world. Just let that stuff go. The opinions of the people you care about are what matters most I've always been very thin, and have gotten all sorts of negative comments from people over the years because often people think I'm too thin, even as a woman. I try not to let it get to me. I know that some men prefer heavier or curvier women, and some like thin women. I think the same applies to men. My husband likes me just the way I am, and he would still find me attractive if I were a bit heavier too. His weight tends to fluctuate more than mine, and he gains weight very easily. I don't mind him having a few extra pounds, though I like it also when he's trim from regular exercise. He never gets too muscled out, and I prefer that anyway, I've never liked super buff guys. I guess my point is that there is no one size fits all approach, everyone has different preferances
  7. Well we have had police violence issues in Toronto previously, cops fatally shooting unarmed and mentally ill individuals instead of de-escalating and arresting. So, I actually was a bit surprised that the perp was arrested and not shot by the cops.
  8. This is really good advice, also, if possible to walk against the traffic, that way you can potentially see what's coming and you may have a chance to get out of the way in time. Also, I try never to wait in bus shelters, because they can also be dangerously close to the road. Unfortunately for these victims, the driver was driving southbound, and the pedestrians that were hit were also walking southbound, so they had no idea what was coming for them.
  9. This is so tragic, and it hits really close to home. My heart goes out to the victims families and the witnesses and first responders that have to process and live with what they saw at the scene. I used to live at Empress and Yonge not that long ago. And one of my coworkers lives at Yonge and Finch currently, this could have happened to her. think the police response was brilliant and the cop that arrested the man should be honored. I hope this is a wake-up call to everyone in the city, a city with a rep for being cold, where pple don't look at each other in the street. And it's true, I have lived there off and on for many years, it can be an isolating place to live. I hope this drives pple to be kinder to one another. There is a gofundme page up for the victims families, if anyone wishes to help out
  10. Low iron does cause night sweats too, when my iron was under 10, I had terrible night sweats where I would wake up soaked, sweat dripping off me even my scalp. I also lose hair when my iron gets under 30.
  11. Christmas movies, especially A Christmas Story, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (which still makes me laugh after all these years). Making Christmas truffles has become a new tradition over the past few years.
  12. I think he is being really unfair and kind of a big baby about it, he must have known that this would be a difficult time for you. And even if he does hate the situation, he must know that it isn't forever and things wil get back to normal when you finish. I don't understand why he wouldn't be more supportive. Makes me wonder if there. Is more to the story, like what else has been neglected in the relationship because you are too busy? I think this goes much deeper than just stupid chores, how's the emotional and physical intimacy been affected, and do you think that might be causing him to feel neglected and resentful too?
  13. Thank you everyone. He had another talk with her, after she went out and bought a bunch of meal-replacement drinks and gatorade to last a month. She never asked either him or me if we needed or wanted these things. After it happened, I said to him that this was another example of her overstepping. All she had to do was ask if we wanted these things (we don't need or want them) or needed her help getting them. I'm perfectly capable of going shopping for supplies, but know when to ask for help also, if I need too. She didn't apologize to me this time though. And apparently got defensive about it with my husband. But she agreed to back off. I haven't heard a peep from her since Thursday night.
  14. He needs counseling. He's checked-out of life, I suspect some mental health issues need to be addressed. The spending spree is another sign of it too
  15. Don't bet on potential. What you see now is what you get, regardles of what he tells you about the future. Maybe he will change, but likely, you'll just get more of the same. And, alcohol abuse is progressive, and generally gets worse with time. I would give him, and yourself a time frame. For him, a time frame for sobriety. And for you, a timeframe for when you will walk away if he doesn't get serious. Think about how long a time you want to resonably wait for him to get himself together and get sober. Stick to these timeframes, don't back down, people are only allowed so many chances.
  16. I will add, each time my husband talks to her, she apologizes to me, so I know the difficult conversations have been taking place between them.
  17. Hi all, I haven't been on here in awhile, I got married recently and have been experiencing some issues with my new mother in law. It started before the wedding, just little intrusive things like her wanting to be more involved in the planning, and because we were having a very low-key wedding with few people, there really wasn't much to plan, so she went ahead and took it upon herself to just start finding things to do, without asking first But the real issues have come after the wedding. My husband suffered a head injury and is having trouble recovering. His mom, is a nervous hypochondriac who is losing her mind with worry. She stresses me out more than my husbands injury does! She is also having issues dealing with the fact that her son has someone else in his life now (me). And also that her son is a 36 year old man and not her little boy. She has overstepped several times already in just the last two months. The first was undermining me at the hospital and not letting me speak (as my husbands wife) to the doctors when he injured himself. The second, was her contacting my husbands employees (he's a business owner) to ask after his health following the head injury, and asking that she be their point of contact if something happens to him at work. The third was suggesting that my husband move in with her so that she can care for him And the latest happened today, she happened to come over when I was home with him and he was not well, she said "come over here my baby and sit on the couch with mama". Pure babytalk. She then took over helping him walk about the house, to the bathroom and back, helping him eat and drink. I was there, but pretty much forgotten about. My husband was too out-of-it to notice what was happening. At one point I had to intervene because it seemed like she was intent on helping him change his pants....kinda think that's a wife's job now. The difference today was that she got snarky. She was feeding him coffee, and I said that I didn't think heshould have caffeine because it would prevent him from getting the sleep he needs, and that he needs rest to get better, and she said something like "we'll let the doctor decide what he needs".....but it was the doctor that told us that he needs sleep... So, apart from today's incident, I talked with my husband about each of the other incidents fairly promptly after they occurred. He has always agreed that she is inappropriate and overstepping, and had words with her about it, each time. He doesn't like what she is doing anymore than I do, and we both agree that she is clearly having issues with the change in power structure. I haven't talked to him about today yet, because he isn't well enough forthe convo yet, but i'm sure, once again he will agree, and will have words with her again....but to no avail because she just keeps intruding. So far I have let him deal with her, but I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Not sure if Should just speak up or if that would make it worse... Thoughts?
  18. Yeah, it was hard to watch. We went to the theatre recently to see the movie they made about the final tour, it's really good. I think it will be on CBC in november
  19. It's so sad. So glad I got to see them during their final tour.
  20. I always feel conflicted about Remembrance Day. My family is German and many of my older relatives fought for the German army. Many were conscripted when they were teenagers. They fought, some died, some were wounded and also decorated with medals of Valor and bravery. The sense of shame and guilt in my family has always been palpable, as it has for German society as a whole. And while I am far removed from those times I feel it too. I know that my relatives never felt like they were allowed to talk about their war experience, and that remembrance day was limited to honoring the efforts of the victors only, and that other experiences were either not allowed or not recognized It's always been hard for me to reconcile that, while I am grateful for the efforts of Canada and the world for conquering Hitler and I wear a poppy and participate in the moment of silence, my own family contributed to the enemy.
  21. I'm hoping that this will prompt some sort of change to the electoral system for the US, as I understand it, you guys have a similar first past the post system to us (though different) and don't do minority governments. Perhpas that could change. We have had minority governments up here, where the two main parties had to work together to govern. It can result in a lot of dithering around, but also makes it hard for one party to do anything unilaterally, which can be good.
  22. Disgusting. I'll never understand why we do such awful things to one another
  23. ^yes and they should. It's easy to become apathetic or complacent
  24. People are allowed to protest and have their voices heard, doesn't mean they want anarchy I suspect there will be a lot more mobilization like this throughout the course of Trumps term. Gotta remember, He didn't win by a landslide, roughly half the population voted for someone else
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