Online Dating - A Woman's Journal

[annie24]

I don't always call people back if they don't leave a message. I figure it wasn't that important or they accidentally called me.

[Batya33]

With all the excitement about the date with Harry's friends yesterday (yes, the invisible ones I forgot to mention I had called Phil (the social worker) yesterday morning. It was a random phonecall, I was just bored at work and wanted to hear his voice. His phone was busy, not surprisingly, as I know he works a lot. The thing is he never called back as I realised just now, 24 hours later. This is bad, isn't it? I think that even if someone is busy, he would have at least sent a text

 

I agree with Annie especially since this is someone you've never met.

[missmarple]

Nah, I don't think he's interested..unfortunately. I saw that he looked at my profile today and he didn't email or anything. Plus, he just came online, saw me on the site and logged out

Anyway, I sent a friend request to a guy on the site..first time ever but I really liked his profile. He's 42, a great pic with a guitar, has lots of hobbies that we share. He accepted my request and we had a nice chat. Mike, graphic designer, divorced, no kids, lives 10 minutes from my house...and he knows Steinbeck..LOL

It remains to be seen if my belief that when a woman initiates contact, nothing good comes out of it, is right or wrong.

[missmarple]

Well, apparently Mike's pic isn't his own...it's a friend of his. Why on earth would someone put a friend's pic on a dating site??? He sent me his own pic..and he's not my type at all. He also asked me to meet him later tonight 'for a drink', I said no, I barely know you. This weekend is definitely not my lucky one

[quirky]

Well, apparently Mike's pic isn't his own...it's a friend of his.

 

???? o_O

 

So..am I right to assume you haven't met anyone not even half decent by now?

[missmarple]

???? o_O

 

So..am I right to assume you haven't met anyone not even half decent by now?

 

I've met 2-3 nice guys (before I started this journal) but I wasn't into them..or they into me. I've stayed in contact with one of them, but just as friends.

[missmarple]

UPDATE:

 

First of all, I told Mike that I don't want to talk to him again. Naturally, he didn't like it and he tried to make it seem like all I cared about was his looks but I couldn't care less. If he had his own pic up, I would have never sent him that request so he only has himself to blame for tricking women to talk to him thinking he's someone else.

Second, I deleted Peter (the company guy). After his 'I'm so busy' excuses and no phonecall or anything, he was on the site tonight and didn't even tell me hello and it was the second or third time he's done it. He can be 'too busy' with someone else.

 

And now, we move on to the interesting stuff

Phil, the social worker, was online. I spoke to him first (something I rarely do but I had decided I wanted to know if he's interested or not). First of all, he didn't remember my name. I reminded him. Then, I asked what he did today, he said he went out with a 'female friend'. I asked a few questions...it turned out it was a girl from the site that he'd been talking to for 3 months and during those 3 months, neither of them had seen a pic of the other one. I asked him how it went (I was ready to tell him 'ok good luck' and leave) and he said he didn't like her as a woman but they had a good time as friends. I made some comment and he said 'I like you, you have a good sense of humour' at which point I remembered about the phonecall I'd made yesterday and told him. Apparently he hadn't kept my number Which I didn't like at all but, at least, it was why he never called back or texted me. When he realised I was upset (and yes, ready to leave again) he asked if he could call me now and asked for my number again. I gave it to him and told him it's the second and last time I'm giving you my number (or telling you my name).

He called and we were on the phone for over an hour. We said lots of things, here are the ones I consider more important:

- he said that the last time we talked, he hadn't felt drawn to me for some reason (he didn't explain why, he just said I sounded different to tonight - the only thing I could think of was that the other day I was, naturally, much more reserved)

- he told me many details about the girl he had gone out with tonight...about how they met and neither of them had asked for a pic and they had preferred to just meet in person to see if they click

- he said he's the 'slow' type and he felt that things were moving too fast with me (no idea why he had felt that as we had only talked twice online and once on the phone)..at which point I told him that I don't consider myself the 'quick' type but I would never talk to someone for 3 months without having met them or even seen a pic of them

- he said that he's very serious when he's in a relationship and that if he sounds too 'cool' or 'uninterested' is because his job is very demanding emotionally and he's had to train himself to act cool and that sometimes transfers to how he is with women

- he said that with every woman he's gone out with from the site it was because she had insisted and that they all (4 of them) liked him but he wasn't interested (at that point I told him you should change your nick to mr modest)

Finally, I told him 'listen..I'm not going to ask you to go out with me..since you're the slow type and, you don't want to rush things etc, I leave it up to you if and when you want to go out, to ask me...and if, by that time, I'm still on the site and still single, then we can talk again'..and then he surprised me and suggested we meet tomorrow...so, we have a date for tomorrow at 8pm.

All in all, I'm both excited and ambivalent about meeting him tomorrow. Excited because he's just my type physically and he has some traits that I like (he loves his job, he's talkative, he has same sense of humour as myself, he sounds open minded) but, on the other hand, he sounds a bit like he likes to be chased and I'm not going to do that. At least he was the one who called and he was the one who asked me out. I think that this date will either be really good or really awful

[solamente]

"At least he was the one who called and he was the one who asked me out. "

But he didn't call or ask you out without provocation from you, so he didn't really initiate either, imo. Good luck though!

[Batya33]

I don't think it's a problem to meet Phil but I don't think he's that interested in pursuing anything with you. Maybe he'll introduce you to single friends down the road.

[missmarple]

I agree with both of you. I'm sure that if I hadn't messaged him first, mentioned that I'd called him and told him that I wouldn't keep talking to him until he decided to ask me out, nothing would have happened...and this is the main reason of my ambivalence about the date. If I didn't like the guy so much (what I know about him + his pic, at least, because in person he may seem totally different to me), I wouldn't have agreed on the date at all.

Batya, I doubt that can happen as he's said again and again that he works all the time, so, I don't think he's the type to socialize unless he's really interested in a woman. I definitely wouldn't mind staying in contact with him (I have one more friend from the site who had taken me out a few months back and no chemistry but we stayed good friends) as I think he's the sort of person who has lots of things to talk about (his job that I find very interesting + he's studied in France and that's one country I've always wanted to visit) but it's up to him. I've done my part and (much) more than what I usually do with guys I meet online...if we meet tonight and he just sits back and expects me to do all the work (be it as friends or as lovers or whatever), it will be the first and last time we meet.

[missmarple]

The date with Phil: First of all, he was not as tall as I expected..certainly not 6 feet like his profile said. 5'10 maybe. He looked like his pic but, apart from his eyes (he has really beautiful green eyes), there's nothing on his face that would make me look twice. Personality wise, he certainly didn't just sit back as I had half expected. He talked. And talked. And talked. He barely asked any questions about me and he just said 'I don't need to ask questions, I understand what the other person is like by details that I can't reveal'. He's stydied psychology and most of our talk was about that. He diagnosed me as neurotic because I smoke, he said I suffer from lack of concentration because I kept asking questions about his job (I tried to explain that the reason I kept asking was because he was talking in 'phychological terms' that I had never heard before!) and he said that most teachers have psychological problems (how sweet

Then he started complimenting me and that totally confused me. He said my pics on the site don't do me justice, I am much prettier in person and look much younger..then he looked me straight in the eyes and said he loves the way I cross my legs..I felt uncomfortable, I changed position, he said 'I love that, too'..so, I said 'please, stop that, I feel uncomfortable' and he said he loved that, too.

He talked about his last gf (in DETAIL). He's the sort of person who, if you ask a simple question like 'do you like coffee?' he'll give you a lecture. Not boring but sooooooooo much into himself. The funny thing was that, by the end of the date, I felt like he didn't know me at all (I maybe talked for 10 minutes during our 2 hr date and I'm a talkative person, in general, but he just wouldn't shut up long enough for me to talk!) and I made some comment and he said 'you probably think I don't like you but you've made a very positive impression on me'. I said 'how did I do that? just because I was listening to you?'

The only moment when I felt to connect to him a bit was when he said a few things about his childhood (his father had been killed in an accident when he was eight) but, apart from that, we were worlds apart.

Overall, the date was interesting only in the sense that I learned A LOT about psychology which was fine but it wasn't the reason why I had gone on a date. He definitely isn't the type of person I'd be interested in romantically and, frankly, I don't care about seeing him again and I hope he won't ask me to.

[NorthDallas40]

What a piece of work.

 

I've always thought that people who study psychology are a bit crazy themselves. I'll use this guy as prime example!

[quirky]

Wow. I am surprised you didn't say anything. I have been on dates with guys that talk too much and I find it very disrespectful. I start talking over them or point out that they are talking too much. One guy I actually told him I am drained.

[missmarple]

I did. Many times. But he kept changing the subject somehow!

By the way, he messaged me on the site, apparently he liked me a lot. He was flirting with me in a nice way that I'd have appreciated if I'd been into him. Then he said some more weird psychological stuff like 'from today I can see straight through you', and 'I tried to make you angry before but you didn't bite'. I asked why he would try to make me angry, he said 'I had my reasons but you have a gentle soul'. No idea if I was his guinea pig or something. Anyway, when he started calling me baby I said it's time to go to bed.

One thing I wonder about is how good of a psychologist can he be if he didn't even realise I'm not into him?

[annie24]

What an ass! Forget him! And yes, I find most psychologists to be a tad nutty. This guy should have spent less time psychoanalyzing you and more time listening!

[milly007]

I did. Many times. But he kept changing the subject somehow!

By the way, he messaged me on the site, apparently he liked me a lot. He was flirting with me in a nice way that I'd have appreciated if I'd been into him. Then he said some more weird psychological stuff like 'from today I can see straight through you', and 'I tried to make you angry before but you didn't bite'. I asked why he would try to make me angry, he said 'I had my reasons but you have a gentle soul'. No idea if I was his guinea pig or something. Anyway, when he started calling me baby I said it's time to go to bed.

One thing I wonder about is how good of a psychologist can he be if he didn't even realise I'm not into him?

 

Jeeeez, this is why I find the online dating world (or dating world in general) so discouraging. Where are all the nice, sweet, respectful, normal (haha - I realize the word "normal" is subjective) men?

 

When I read about other people's online dating experiences, I swear they sound like something out of a movie.

 

Similar to "Must Love Dogs", maybe? Lol.

 

I hope you find a good guy soon, missmarple.

[missmarple]

This morning he texted me 'good morning...how is the baby doing?' At first I was surprised and I wondered if the text was meant for someone else..then I realised he meant me..LOL...I had forgotten he had been calling me baby last night!

Anyway, I replied fine ty, I'm about to go to class (I was at school) and he sent back have a good day..kisses.

My friend says to give him a chance because he was probably nervous during the date, that's why he talked so much. I told her all the stuff he said (how he tried to make me angry, he sees through me, etc), she says he just wants to impress me and since he's good looking (well..not bad looking is more like it) and seems interested, to go on one more date before I write him off.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Considering I don't have any other prospects right now (except the photo guy who I haven't talked to in a while), I may give him another chance, depending on how he'll behave when we talk next.

Do you think that it could be nerves? Although he's a psychologist, aren't they supposed to be calm and collected and all that?

Conclusion: I've no idea what to do.

[Cheetarah]

missmarple, I don't understand how you can write off someone for not taking a bath in 5 minutes, but consider giving this type of dude another chance!

 

Let's outline some stuff:

 

He's stydied psychology and most of our talk was about that. He diagnosed me as neurotic because I smoke, he said I suffer from lack of concentration because I kept asking questions about his job (I tried to explain that the reason I kept asking was because he was talking in 'phychological terms' that I had never heard before!) and he said that most teachers have psychological problems (how sweet ).

 

Then he started complimenting me and that totally confused me. He said my pics on the site don't do me justice, I am much prettier in person and look much younger..then he looked me straight in the eyes and said he loves the way I cross my legs..I felt uncomfortable, I changed position, he said 'I love that, too'..so, I said 'please, stop that, I feel uncomfortable' and he said he loved that, too.

 

The funny thing was that, by the end of the date, I felt like he didn't know me at all (I maybe talked for 10 minutes during our 2 hr date and I'm a talkative person, in general, but he just wouldn't shut up long enough for me to talk!) and I made some comment and he said 'you probably think I don't like you but you've made a very positive impression on me'. I said 'how did I do that? just because I was listening to you?'

 

Then he said some more weird psychological stuff like 'from today I can see straight through you', and 'I tried to make you angry before but you didn't bite'. I asked why he would try to make me angry, he said 'I had my reasons but you have a gentle soul'. No idea if I was his guinea pig or something. Anyway, when he started calling me baby I said it's time to go to bed.

 

You don't find this weird, off? Sure he was sizing you up with his "secret personality revealing tactics", but you don't...do that..., make your diagnoses of your online dates, lol. You told him you feel uncomfortable and makes you more uncomfortable by saying he loves you feel uncomfortable? He tried to get your goat as some kind of testing technique...And he wouldn't shut up.

 

And because he's kind of good looking and showing you 'interest', you would consider this? I'm baffled.

[missmarple]

LOL no. LOL goes to your last question. That's what my friend said, not my take on it. My take is that, as I said, there are no other prospects right now and that maybe (MAYBE) he could have been nervous.

Keep in mind that I haven't decided yet. I'll talk to him again and then decide.

 

Oh, and what do you mean I write off people for not taking a bath every 5 minutes? That confused me..I hope you don't mean Harry..the smell was the least of his faults

[Cheetarah]

Hah, that was in reference to the great bath debate we all had here where we tried to get you to see that it wasn't a red flag by itself.

 

I guess I can't see why you would be interested. He sounds like he is using PUA tactics for the middle aged man. And it might have worked!

 

What do you find interesting and intriguing enough about him to possibly consider? Aside from there being no one else.

[missmarple]

Well, he has pretty eyes, he lives close by, I like his job and his passion about it (if he manages to control the need to talk about it all the time), he loves cats, he's travelled, he's not rude...that's about it. It's not much but if (and I stress the word IF) when we talk again, he seems normal and stops psychoalanalysing me, they're enough for one more cup of coffee.

[annie24]

missmarple, I don't understand how you can write off someone for not taking a bath in 5 minutes, but consider giving this type of dude another chance!

 

Let's outline some stuff:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You don't find this weird, off? Sure he was sizing you up with his "secret personality revealing tactics", but you don't...do that..., make your diagnoses of your online dates, lol. You told him you feel uncomfortable and makes you more uncomfortable by saying he loves you feel uncomfortable? He tried to get your goat as some kind of testing technique...And he wouldn't shut up.

 

And because he's kind of good looking and showing you 'interest', you would consider this? I'm baffled.

 

Im baffled as well The guy who was still online after saying he was going to take a bath gets the boot but not this guy? Talking about your ex on a date is really poor form and it shows he is not over her. In addition to psychoanalyzing you on the date. Ew.

[Cheetarah]

How is he not rude? I think calling you neurotic and having concentration issues is very rude. Not to mention his little "teachers have psychological issues" dropsie. Plus, he talks too much.

[missmarple]

I found it weird, not rude. It was like sitting at a doctor's office. I didn't like it at all, naturally but, as I said, it might have been nerves. He's talking to me now and he's nothing like he was on the date..he's asking questions, listening, etc.

I'll give him the benefit of a doubt if he asks me to go out again. I don't see how it can hurt.

 

OH, and, annie, the guy who was still online after saying he was going to take a bath, was Harry and we all know how that went..LOL

[missmarple]

Speaking of Harry, he just sent me a new friend request. Talk about delusional