Online Dating - A Woman's Journal

[Cheetarah]

Missmarple! You amaze me, LOL.

 

I don't think there's an explanation for that one. Perhaps he's a sex freak - That's fine and dandy for him, but I doubt that's on your radar.

 

But really, how foolish is that speaking on a professional level - To have that out there, gosh especially as a teacher. I know my friend made a separate Facebook account and locked down everything on her main one because she got so many requests and messages from the kids and parents.

[missmarple]

That's why I found it strange and even wondered if something else is going on, because he's a teacher..unless his fb name/surname isn't his real one, of course.

[Cheetarah]

Is his face in the photos?

[missmarple]

Yes and it's the same face he has on his pics on the site.

[Cheetarah]

Maybe the name.isn't real, but that's still foolish. Or maybe you are getting catfished, lol. Regardless, I wouldn't bother.

[missmarple]

Yes, I won't. He emailed me again, saying something about school and stuff but I didn't answer. I feel very lucky that I happened to come accross that page because I would easily arrange to meet him, based on the way he wrote and his pics. He had also sent me his phone number but I hadn't used it yet because I wanted to email some more first, thank God for that. It's easy to forget that you don't really know who's talking to you online...scary

[Cheetarah]

Why don't you get a Google number? They issue you a phone number. The calls will go to your phone. You can text through it from your email, as well.

[NorthDallas40]

He emailed me again, saying something about school and stuff but I didn't answer.

 

Don't let solamente see this, you rude poser, you!

 

But yeah, I think you can safely avoid this guy if only on the basis of his appalling lack of taste and discretion.

[missmarple]

Why don't you get a Google number? They issue you a phone number. The calls will go to your phone. You can text through it from your email, as well.

 

I know about that number but the reason I don't call, when I don't, is because I don't feel comfortable enough...and, so far, it's worked fine. I've talked to many men and never had a problem.

[Grace696]

I love how this thread devolved for a few pages into an impassioned argument about how soon one is obliged to take a bath after saying a bath will be taken. (And I agree with the majority on this.)

 

Miss M, I'm enjoying following this thread and your adventures, but can I make a request that instead of "S" and "H" etc, you use full-name psuedonyms? NorthDallas does this on his thread and it makes it much easier to follow. (Even though the name choices for a while there - Edna, Vera, Edith - made it sound like ND had slipped into some sort of time warp and was dating women in the 1940s. Or dating a bunch of 80-year-olds.)

[missmarple]

can I make a request that instead of "S" and "H" etc, you use full-name psuedonyms? NorthDallas does this on his thread and it makes it much easier to follow.

 

Ok, although my choice of pseudonyms, I'm afraid, won't be very imaginative..lol...but anyway.

 

So, for the time being, there's Harry (the tango guy) and Peter (the company guy).

[Cheetarah]

I love how this thread devolved for a few pages into an impassioned argument about how soon one is obliged to take a bath after saying a bath will be taken. (And I agree with the majority on this.)

 

Miss M, I'm enjoying following this thread and your adventures, but can I make a request that instead of "S" and "H" etc, you use full-name psuedonyms? NorthDallas does this on his thread and it makes it much easier to follow. (Even though the name choices for a while there - Edna, Vera, Edith - made it sound like ND had slipped into some sort of time warp and was dating women in the 1940s. Or dating a bunch of 80-year-olds.)

 

Hah! I have been peeking at his journal from time to time, I was waiting for a Gertrude or Hortense.

[solamente]

Don't let solamente see this, you rude poser, you!

 

But yeah, I think you can safely avoid this guy if only on the basis of his appalling lack of taste and discretion.

 

hahaha. please let me clarify: i agree with you that there are some people that you can safely ignore because you actually WANT to be rude to them!

[IAmFCA]

OK ladies, I have a perfectly normal if flawed male friend who swears he is in pursuit of a serious gf. However, he will make out with anyone who lets him, and more if the vibe is there, and without regard to whether he likes her, where else she may have been or going that weekend, there is no human element to it whatsoever. For awhile he messaged younger women, now he is messaging bi women, whatever. My point is this: MissM, for a time this friend was clicking on fb pages of women who appeared to be prostitutes. At the very least were immodest and crass in their jokes about using men for cash. Finally, he stopped.

 

Is he a bad guy? No. Would I suggest someone date him? Not unless she is comfortable with a free-wheeling man whose character allows him to use women for consensual sex. In the case of my friend, I believe he is existentially lost, and has been since losing several important people to death some years back. I believe he has a deep fear of abandonment from the childhood loss of his father, and uses women to fill the void. When THE ONE arrives, he will stop, and I believe he will. In any case, these fundamental issues undermine his value as a bf, IMO.

 

Why he has made his fb page so accessible is beyond me. Do not go there, not unless your own interests include casual and possibly anonymous sex, polyamory (if it gets serious) etc.

 

There is just too much chaos here for one woman ISO of one man for an LTR.

[milly007]

IThinkICan, this is well said, and so true.

[The_Seeker]

missmarpie,

 

Online dating is tough and depends on your location. Online dating sux in my opinion my area and dating region. I am not joining an online dating site ever again.

 

I preferred meetup where I create genuine friends [girls and guys] by playing sports, going to parties, or just being outside of the house like a chick flick movie. I don't care much about finding love since I'm focusing on my goals in life. The way I see it, love comes and go. The only person that can guarantee your life is yourself.

 

My suggestion instead of investing sooooo much damn time on dating etc, why not invest in yourself? Why don't you go out and do something with life? Sitting behind the screen, shopping for guys to see if there is potential blah blah blah, is not going to work. Sure it will work for a # of years, but it's too much perfect acting in the beginning and it dies again. I may sound bitter about this but I find online dating to be a waste of time and a rush and absolutely superficial.

 

Don't get me wrong, some people have good intentions when it comes to online dating while others do not. Some people find love some people don't. I think it's best to use your time wisely instead of keeping on searching. If you see a lot of your patterns when you go online dating, then it is best to call it quits and live life. I noticed my patterns in the past 2 years of online dating. I realized it's the guys that signed up online dating, not me.

 

I realized it's important to develop the foundation of friendship before dating and a relationship. Please spare me about being friendzone. Like I said before, the outcome of anything can be different. I fell for my best guy friend of 2 years who happened to be my second relationship. So it can happen.

 

All I know is, don't follow your heart only. Nor your mind only. You must always follow both. Hence, the Great Compromise. If unbalance, then you should wait until you are a calmer state to see clarity and find out your why.

 

Wish you the best luck, and I do hope you find true love.

 

Please remember, love takes time. It is not built instantly like ramen noodles.

[missmarple]

My suggestion instead of investing sooooo much damn time on dating etc, why not invest in yourself? Why don't you go out and do something with life? Sitting behind the screen, shopping for guys to see if there is potential blah blah blah, is not going to work.

 

Who says I don't do something with life? You make it sound like all day long I'm sitting in front of the screen, shopping (I absolutely hate that word) for guys. I work full time, I have lots of friends, I do get out of the house as much as I can...and yet, I've been single for almost 3 years. Why? Because it's hard in my circle to meet single guys my age that will also be to my liking. I meet many men but they're either too young, too old, too married or I just don't like them or they just don't like me.

Online dating is A way of meeting guys who, at the very least, are around my age and are interested in a relationship and I decided to try it again after 3 years of being on my own.

It's very easy to say online dating is a waste of time but, for me, it isn't. I go to that dating site on times when I would be online, anyway. I don't pass on invitations just to sit in front of my computer, you know. I have friends who don't even own a computer.

I know very well what online dating is and how rare it is for someone to meet his match...and I'm going to use it for as long as I feel like it...if it gets on my nerves, I'll just stop and no big deal, I'd done it before

 

UPDATE:

Peter (new company guy) sent me a text message at MIDNIGHT and I found it this morning. It said 'I just got home..are you sleeping?' He works crazy hours and he had told me he'd message me when he'd be back home and we could talk on the phone if I was still awake..well, I wasn't..lol Anyway, he just talked to me on the site, he's busy until Sunday so, he said, we'll arrange something next week. Fine by me, since, as you all know, I prefer talking to someone for a few days before meeting. A new thing I learned about him today is that he's also a music teacher, he plays the guitar and, lately, he's also taking singing lessons. Seems like it's the turn of artistic guys for me...one does the tango, the other one plays the guitar

 

Harry also messaged me on the site and we made a date for tomorrow at 8. He asked me to meet at a place a bit far from my house (well, about 30 mins, not very far) and I agreed because I haven't been in that part of the town for years and it's a really nice place, with lovely cafes and stuff.

That's all for now.

[Batya33]

I agree that no one should sit in front of a screen shopping for guys. It should be used as a means to and end -making that initial contact and then meeting in person ASAP.

 

Do you google these men before meeting them in person? I always used to.

[missmarple]

No, I've never googled anyone. I always meet them in a public place and never had a problem so far.

[The_Seeker]

Who says I don't do something with life? You make it sound like all day long I'm sitting in front of the screen, shopping (I absolutely hate that word) for guys.

 

I'm just being realistic. LOL I'm not saying all day. I mean a few hours.

 

Online dating is like shopping no matter how anyone puts it. I just think that if you see a pattern when it comes to trying to find someone [i'm not talking about reaching your dream goals etc], it's much better to go to meetup groups too. Travel or something more.

 

I work full time, I have lots of friends, I do get out of the house as much as I can...and yet, I've been single for almost 3 years. Why? Because it's hard in my circle to meet single guys my age that will also be to my liking. I meet many men but they're either too young, too old, too married or I just don't like them or they just don't like me.

 

Like I said before, love comes and go. There's no guarantee who you're going to get or who's going to stay with you. I just think it's best to get lost and finding yourself what makes you happy and taking care of yourself so you don't feel uncomfortable about being single. I'm doing that. If love comes into my life, great. If not, it's okay. I'm focusing on my dream.

 

I realize online dating is not for me. Too many superficial and wicked weird people on there and good greedy people as well. I'm happy to say for the first time I'm comfortable being single even if it is 10 or 20 years or more. There's more such so much to life than just finding love. I mean I don't know if you have done everything that you wanted in life just yet? I know I haven't but I will once I'm more financially stable and financially secured by myself. Probably by being single there's a freedom. A lot more freedom.

 

 

Online dating is A way of meeting guys who, at the very least, are around my age and are interested in a relationship and I decided to try it again after 3 years of being on my own.

 

Avoid Match since most of them are probably on OKC. LOL

 

I guess so. I just think it's better to go explore a hobby/interest event where you meet different people and network.

 

It's very easy to say online dating is a waste of time but, for me, it isn't. I go to that dating site on times when I would be online, anyway. I don't pass on invitations just to sit in front of my computer, you know. I have friends who don't even own a computer.

I know very well what online dating is and how rare it is for someone to meet his match...and I'm going to use it for as long as I feel like it...if it gets on my nerves, I'll just stop and no big deal, I'd done it before

 

LOL Don't you hate that? I just wish I get all my time back from spending on online dating, that I would have explore more in life than behind the screen.

 

Wish you the best of luck and reading your funny posts! Happy Thanksgiving!

[Batya33]

No, I've never googled anyone. I always meet them in a public place and never had a problem so far.

 

Here are some things I learned by googling:

 

lying about age/marital status, a criminal record (white collar crime), oh and I believe lying about occupation but I'm not sure. That totaled up to many hours that I would have spent meeting people I would never want to associate with much less date.

[missmarple]

I just think it's best to get lost and finding yourself what makes you happy and taking care of yourself so you don't feel uncomfortable about being single. I'm doing that. If love comes into my life, great. If not, it's okay. I'm focusing on my dream

 

I don't feel uncomfortable being single. I've been divorced for 12 years and in all that time I've maybe been part of a couple for 2 years in total. I haven't had any serious relationship since my divorce (serious as in long-term) and I've done everything I could to focus on myself and my dreams and so on. Before my divorce, I hadn't been without a boyfriend/fiance/husband for more than 6 months in 15 years so, trust me, I've seen both sides. At this point in my life there's nothing I want to do that I haven't done (or can't still do), the only thing missing is a partner...if love comes, great, as you say. If not, well, it won't kill me. Just because I keep a journal here about my online dating adventures (because, frankly, I love writing and sharing) doesn't mean it's my sole focus in life. I log on that site after work and late in the evening if I'm not too tired/have nothing better to do. It beats watching TV and I do love the net, in general. Thanks for your comments though and Happy Thanksgiving to you, too

[missmarple]

Here are some things I learned by googling:

 

lying about age/marital status, a criminal record (white collar crime), oh and I believe lying about occupation but I'm not sure. That totaled up to many hours that I would have spent meeting people I would never want to associate with much less date.

 

Dear God, Batya, you've had your share of liars! I know googling has its benefits but, to be honest, it's so difficult and rare for me to really be interested in someone that it just doesn't cross my mind to even google the people I meet. With a huge percentage of them, all I did was one date and a cup of coffee that I forgot the moment I left the cafe.

Once, when I was really into someone I had met online and I had doubts (long story), I did google him..and found nothing..lol

[NorthDallas40]

At this point in my life there's nothing I want to do that I haven't done (or can't still do), the only thing missing is a partner...if love comes, great, as you say. If not, well, it won't kill me. Just because I keep a journal here about my online dating adventures (because, frankly, I love writing and sharing) doesn't mean it's my sole focus in life.

 

Hear, hear.

[Batya33]

Dear God, Batya, you've had your share of liars! I know googling has its benefits but, to be honest, it's so difficult and rare for me to really be interested in someone that it just doesn't cross my mind to even google the people I meet. With a huge percentage of them, all I did was one date and a cup of coffee that I forgot the moment I left the cafe.

Once, when I was really into someone I had met online and I had doubts (long story), I did google him..and found nothing..lol

 

I did it because I was going on a lot of first meets, had precious free time as it was and didn't want to waste time on liars. Two of my friends ended up being involved with men I declined to meet because they lied about their age - one marriage, one long term relationship.