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Online Dating - A Woman's Journal


missmarple

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I agree rainguy has problems. I did though have someone asking feedback on how he may have turned me off and I responded and it helped him. He called me straight after and clarified his actions, resulting to us almost arguing and me laughing saying 'ok this is crazy!' (we had gone on 1 date) Then he convinced me to go out on a date and I cancelled on him 1 day later. Random all the way.

 

Maybe tell him why you deleted him and be polite and assertive that you don't want to be in touch now.

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LOL, missmarple, your rain guy reminded me of one instance when I told a guy I'd met online that a certain evening may not work for me because it was supposed to rain

In my defense, it was summer and we were going to walk and sit on a patio after, and I know my hair does this weird thing, if there is any humidity in the air, it poufs up and from sleek and waist long it turns into a shoulder-length cotton candy looking mop. In the winter time I could at least wear a hood, but in the summer time, nothing can prevent that from happening, and I certainly didn't want him to see me like that!

 

But I'm sure your guy didn't have the same issue

 

Online dating has been nothing but a waste of time for me too, just like in real life, the (very few) guys I would have been interested in were not interested back, the only ones who were interested were the ones I would never see myself dating.

Lots of men with psychological issues, and even more that just want to play the field. I am not even looking for a serious relationship right now, but I definitely don't want to be one of the many women some guy is sleeping with. Just too many nasty STIs out there, why risk it for nothing?

 

I still think the easiest way to meet people is by chance, in the day to day life.

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quirky, had his messages been polite, I would answer...although I was surprised he even had to ask. I have explained to other guys in the past. But he didn't even realize or consider that I wasn't getting the messages because my phone wasn't on, he involved my job and my education and insulted me...and all that on top of his stupid rain excuse.

 

By the way, it DIDN'T rain tonight

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I do feel strongly about it but I remembered that when I was new at online dating, I had found myself in a couple of awkward situations. Also, the fact that he admitted it and apologised, played a big part in my decision. It remains to be seen if it was just a bad moment of an online dating newbie or a personality flaw..and that's if (and that is a very big if) there is any kind of chemistry between us.

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Cool that he's talking to, meeting/dating other women, but it is not hard to say "Sorry, I made a mistake in messages." rather than making it seem like you were the one doing all the misunderstanding. It falls through, he now has nothing to do THEN he offers an explanation? (Not that he really owed you that, but it just is illustrating my point).

 

Perhaps I let things slide like that too many times before so I just have no patience for it anymore!

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I usually don't let things slide, which is why I go out with very few of the men I talk to...1 out of 10..if that. With most of them, I reject them even before we meet (I just deleted someone after having talked for just 20 mins because he would just talk and talk and ignore my questions..and that's just one example).

With this guy I decided to give a chance because he's new, he apologised, he lives very close to me and he was very open in sharing all his personal info. I think that when I get to meet him, I'll be able to make a better judgement.

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I am also a bit surprised but see how it goes, I do hope everything is turned around positively.

 

I have a question since we're talking online dating..do you ever reply to a message such as 'Hi, how are you, are you having a nice weekend? or 'cute smile' (pretty sure what the answer is to the second, I don't but I wonder if any of you do.

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I just saw S on the site and he didn't even talk to me. God knows if we're still on for the date tomorrow

 

Maybe he just saw you on the site and is thinking the same thing. When I see other women on the site I'm talking to I just assume they are talking to someone else. It's the nature of online dating. Nothing you can do about it. If I have a date with one, unless she explicitly cancels I show up. It's worked so far.

 

I also sometime appear online because I use the phone app. If I login quickly to check an email and forget to log out and just leave the app it shows me as still online. I might also check on m PC and leave that browser open for hours, while I scope out ENA. That would also make me appear online. I guess what it comes down to, is don't worry about it.

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Why would a person who hardly knows you suddenly trust your judgment about their character and behavior?

 

And why did your mother teach about the rain gambit?? That is funny, especially to me who has never been cancelled due to rain. I mean I've been stood up etc., but rain was never cited. Your mother was prescient!

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UPDATE:

 

Ahhh...my instinct has never been wrong. I just logged on the site and found this email by S:

 

Good morning. I thought about it and I decided that I don't want to go out with you...the fact that you got so upset the other day makes me think we won't be compatible in the long run. Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

He had also deleted me from his list.

I answered him just saying no problem, good luck...it took all my strength not to write what was really on my mind but I figured it's not worth it.

 

On to new adventures.

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On one hand, I get what you are saying - I would have just not bothered after he couldn't keep the score card straight. It was irritating and I don't think deserving of a meet-up and was surprised you were going to have one, anyway. I think most people assume that talking to and meeting others is a given, but at least don't be silly about it.

 

On the other hand, I kind of get what he is saying, too. Why would you get so upset with a perfect stranger? That would put me off, too(even though he, himself, was off-putting).

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Omg, this would piss me off so much. Just goes to show how you can get tangled up in BS when you don't listen to your intuition, he turned it on you the jerk.

 

I don't think she got 'too' upset. And the reason she decided to go was because of the advice we get here, give people a chance, don't pre judge, people multidate so what, why do you expect this from a perfect stranger etc. Then the perfect stranger insults your intelligence and you're supposed to be cool about it. Personally, following my 'intuition' translates to being ruthless and meeting one guy a month at the most. And guess what my mum thinks, that I am way too picky.

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It pissed me off, too, quirky...especially after all his apologies and his insistence that we should meet. I think he's either just playing around and doesn't plan on meeting anyone or maybe he met someone yesterday and they hit it off..who knows? But the reason definitely wasn't what he said.

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No one suggested meeting him after that ordeal.

 

Prejudging is perfectly fine and is separate from instinct...In the case where there is some kind of basis for it. Which there was. She judged him, then he turned around and judged her reaction/response. In fact, I advocate the hell out of some prejudging. I think when something doesn't sit right with us, we should go with it instead of rationalizing it away(example here would be this: "With this guy I decided to give a chance because he's new, he apologised, he lives very close to me and he was very open in sharing all his personal info. I think that when I get to meet him, I'll be able to make a better judgement..") There was no investment here and nothing to lose, perfectly legit thing to do.

 

And I also didn't suggest being cool about it, I suggested to get rid of him. Not even worth exerting the energy over. I just don't understand getting upset about it and then giving the shot anyway, it actually seems like drama for a person never met. Which is never good. Maybe you feel foolish now, missmarple because you extended a shot despite that, but don't because who cares - He was the one who was foolish and now is just even more so. Just listen to yourself!

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