IAmFCA Posted November 21, 2013 Share Posted November 21, 2013 We just spoke on the phone..not for long because I had a personal crisis (and i couldn't even explain to him what it was..lol...awkward moment!). Anyway, he was A BIT more relaxed tonight, he talked to me about his daughters, their names, how they do at school etc (he's sending them to a private school which I'm very much against but I figured let's not fight before we meet general, I felt more at ease with him, too. I am finding I am turned off by those who are too available at first. I wasn't always this way. I think there is something to this reticence, though, a bit like "I am of value, and I don't know yet whether you will value what I offer" or something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 21, 2013 Author Share Posted November 21, 2013 I am finding I am turned off by those who are too available at first. I think there is something to this reticence, though, a bit like "I am of value, and I don't know yet whether you will value what I offer" or something like that. I'm the opposite. When I feel someone isn't available, I lose interest. I think it's important that someone is open and shows interest. I'm not talking love declarations before I even meet him but I need to feel comfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I'm the opposite. When I feel someone isn't available, I lose interest. I think it's important that someone is open and shows interest. I'm not talking love declarations before I even meet him but I need to feel comfortable. Well, your phone pal is showing availability and interest by connecting on the phone at least. He says he opens up over time, and if he has an intersting mind and strong character, these first few dats will have been worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 Well, my phone pal is an idiot. We just talked on the site. First of all, he told me something like 'can we meet tonight? I can't wait until tomorrow to see you'...which I found odd as our chats so far have been rather on the friendly side. I said I can't tonight but he insisted. Still I refused as I've already got plans for tonight. I said why can't we go ahead with our plans unless something has come up for tomorrow? He said 'not really', it's just that his 'best friend' was planning a gathering for tomorrow and could I meet him early so he had time to go to the 'gathering'? I said sure, I was planning on meeting early anyway and we said we'll meet at 7pm. Then he said he got 'busy at work' and went away for 10-15 mins. And, suddenly, he writes 'I may be a bit late but I'm sure I can be there by 10.30'. I said 'what???' Obviously he had written in my pm box by mistake and he was arranging another date on the same night as ours that's why he had insisted on meeting tonight. I asked him to explain what that meant and he insisted that he was talking to me and he wrote 10.30 by mistake...10.30 instead of 7. Right. I cancelled our date and told him we'll talk later...I was furious. He called me but I didn't answer. On the other hand, there's a new guy, C. I've talked to him 3 times. 48, divorced, 2 kids (16 and 23) and we talked on the phone today, too. He had already asked me to meet but I wanted to see where things would go with S first. Well, I sure did see, didn't I. Anyway, he asked me again and this time I said yes. We'll talk about the details tonight. He's a good looking guy, seems easy to talk to, does house restorations for a living and is very much into me or so he says. Admittedly, I hadn't paid him much attention so far (I hadn't even mentioned him here) but, after what happened with S, I'll give him a chance. As for S, I don't think there's any way this can be salvaged. I know we all go on multiple dates on those sites but 2 dates in one night is too much..and, what's more, trying to convince me I'm crazy and I 'misunderstood' things...pffft..I just wish there was ONE guy who was honest enough to say 'you know what? I talk to other women, too, and I go on other dates, too'. Only M did that (I haven't heard anything from him, by the way). But, no...they just have to lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 I've had that happen too- where a guy called me to reschedule, and then called again 30 minutes later confirming our plans for tonight. I was like, you said we were going to meet Wednesday instead. He's like, uhhhhh... Sorry I was trying to call my teammate (from this group sport he did). Sure..... Whatever. I cancelled that date as well. It's so rude when they can't even keep track! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Ps - for me, it's not even the lying but the lack of intelligence. If you're rescheduling a date with me to go out with another woman, at least be organized enough to get the phone numbers right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valerie25 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 First you wants to surprise you then the "best friend" is suddenly planning a gathering??? I would lose interest.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Agree, S is out without a second thought. Idiot. Don't play a player's game if you can't even fill out the dang scorecard, S. Move along. Not that you had anything to offer MissMarple anyway, who is way too good for YOU! C is on deck. (Oh wait was it H, no L, I can't keep track.) Keep us posted re C! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 PS The men who called me and were laser focused on me and had to meet me RIGHT NOW wanted sex. Maybe they wanted a great date plus sex, not saying they were bad company. But they were definitely hunting. I like how C has been around, but not hounding you. Seems like he has more of a long-term focus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 He sent me a text message 'I'm not sure what happened. I can't get you on the phone. I'm polite, discreet, what else do I have to do to get a date?' Ahhhhhh...how about NOT LYING? I didn't answer him, I'm not even sure I want to talk to him again at this point. If you're going to lie, at least make sure you're a good liar or, as IThinkICan said 'Don't play a player's game if you can't even fill out the dang scorecard'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Discreet?????? Why is that a positive? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 He sent me a text message 'I'm not sure what happened. I can't get you on the phone. I'm polite, discreet, what else do I have to do to get a date?' Ahhhhhh...how about NOT LYING? I didn't answer him, I'm not even sure I want to talk to him again at this point. If you're going to lie, at least make sure you're a good liar or, as IThinkICan said 'Don't play a player's game if you can't even fill out the dang scorecard'! What happened was that the other woman is only available tomorrow night, due to her schedule. So he wanted to meet tonight so he could squeeze you both into the weekend. Fine, except that he was an idiot about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 Ok, I must be really unlucky...or my ex has put a curse on me or something C texted me 5 minutes ago asking if we can meet tonight. I called him (I'm starting to get sick of texts) and asked why and if he was busy tomorrow. He said 'I heard that it will rain tomorrow', I said 'so what? are you afraid you'll melt?' he said no and then he said 'but it would be better to meet tonight, can't you make it' I said, look, I've already told you I have plans for tonight, he said maybe we can meet later (after 10pm) I said that's too late, he said well, we won't stay up all night, we'll just grab some coffee....by that point I was getting angry so I said 'well, ok, let's forget about tomorrow, then, and meet when we're sure that it won't rain and he said 'whatever'...which is a word I strongly hate. I said ok, see you, bye, and he said have a nice evening, bye. I called a friend and arranged to meet tomorrow. I'm done with online daters for this weekend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Ugh so frustrating....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IAmFCA Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 What is up with Gee are you available in an hour from now? That is just ridiculous. In my experience, there was a dramatic change in who I attracted in the beginning versus now, and I don't know why. I mean, I know I changed, but how would they know that? There must be some sort of learning curve though. It won't always be like this. Next time someone requests a change in schedule, I suggest you do not ask "Why" - who cares why. Either it works for you or it doesn't (for whatever reason, including you just don't feel like it). "Actually, tonight doesn't work for me. And let's cancel tomorrow since it doesn't work for you." Then wait to see if they offer anything further, and if its Well, do you time for brunch on Sunday?" You might just say No on principal. You could say, "No, I think we better try for a different weekend. Let me know if something comes up." "Have a nice weekend, bye." (Because who cares if he has a good weekend, may as well be nice about it.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 I did tell him it didn't work for me and he insisted..that's why I got angry...and even more, when the only reason for meeting tonight, at the last moment, was the chance that it might rain tomorrow. Not that I believed that! I just don't understand how someone can go from looking forward to seeing you to cancelling the date and not offer to reschedule either (because that's exactly what happened). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 22, 2013 Share Posted November 22, 2013 Some people smoke too much pot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 22, 2013 Author Share Posted November 22, 2013 HAHAHA, good one annie and I needed the laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 S just talked to me on the site. He admitted he was making plans to meet another girl from the site (they fell through today, apparently...lol..it served him right) and he apologised for not admitting it yesterday and told me he still wants to meet me. I told him that my issue isn't that he's meeting others, it's just that I hate liars and, especially, when they try to convince me I'm imagining things. Anyway, we parted on friendly-ish terms. I don't know what I'm going to do about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 He went from two dates to zero. Yup! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 On the rain part my very wise and insightful mother told me years ago never to reschedule with a guy who cancels because of rain. (ok there might be some outdoor activity plans that get messed up but I get it). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 I got 3 text messages by the rain guy. 1. 'Why did you delete me?' 2. 'Won't you even tell me why...I want to know what I did wrong' 3. 'A teacher, an educated woman and you won't even answer my messages to tell me why you deleted me...I lost all respect for you..all I can say is shame on you...good luck' Apparently, he's not only flaky but also a moron, considering my cell phone was turned off when he sent these messages! It's official...I attract stupid men Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 One of the guys I went out on a date with(ONE TIME) did that. Wasn't online dating, but still. I thought it was over finally then maybe 4 or 5 days ago I got a text asking me "Cheet...Please, tell me why you haven't answered, what have I done wrong, please." With all these sad faces. Secure people say "Oh, no response..Hmm, alright, next." Not bombard an essentially perfect stranger with messages needing "closure" after 1 or less dates. I would just not respond nor to anyone's inquiries asking for the whys, or explain yourself, and I do hope you just ignore him and look for the next potential match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted November 23, 2013 Author Share Posted November 23, 2013 I definitely won't answer him. Even if my cell phone had been on when he sent the messages, I still wouldn't. I'd have to be very desperate to keep talking to a guy who cancelled our first date (which he had insisted on!) because 'it might rain'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosti87 Posted November 23, 2013 Share Posted November 23, 2013 I just caught up with this thread but this story about the Rainman is crazy. He acts like he is still in high school. I'm a middle-aged woman and after reading these accounts, it underscores my lack of desire to try online dating. It seems to magnify the fact that at middle age most of the good men are taken and only the scraps are left. I think timing is of the essence... Have to grab those good ones as soon as they become available on the market. I get the feeling they are snatched up quickly LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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