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NorthDallas40

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NorthDallas40 last won the day on January 16 2014

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About NorthDallas40

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  • Birthday 04/10/1970

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  1. SHANDA came over on Friday night and left today (Sunday 5pm) and we had a good time. I cooked a lot, we did a short hike, talked a lot, and watched some movies I recommended (and she liked). Plus, sex got incrementally better this time (I orgasmed twice, though no oral sex), so I didn't feel the need to have "a talk" about it. She's still not fully on the same page with me sexually, but we're getting there, and right now it's at a point that I'm ok with. I can look forward to having sex with her now. Overall, she seems to be more comfortable with me and is suggesting snacks and coffee for
  2. After texting a bit earlier, SHANDA called and we had a fun 30-40 minute convo. She's coming over this Fri or Sat, I'll make Thai food, and I'll bring up the intimacy issues diplomatically. Maybe frame it as "we seem to have different love languages right now and I'd really like it if we can understand better what each other wants" or somesuch soft-pedaling.
  3. Poor bedroom skills can be improved if one has the right teacher and is willing to learn. SHANDA has the former within reach, while the latter is unknown. As for the hosting/meal/massage tally, it didn't make a difference to me until I felt like I was being given a cold shoulder for my deficits by someone who, in terms of relationship favors, had incurred more deficits than I. So while I'm annoyed and frustrated by SHANDA at the moment, it doesn't have to be a permanent state. This journal has demonstrated that I'm willing to give 2nd and 3rd chances to people who offer more than cru
  4. I listed the basic things I did for her that she did not do for me, but that most considerate adults would have reciprocated without hesitation. So I'm not "assuming" anything, just reporting what is true. When I typed "whatever SHANDA's motivations regarding sex" above, that covered everything you just mentioned. When a 40+ woman thinks it's acceptable to receive oral sex and orgasms without returning the favor, that's the definition of "lousy in bed." Period. End of discussion. As anyone who is *not* lousy in bed can tell you. Rather than make a snar
  5. Whatever SHANDA's motivations regarding sex, the fact is this: If you gladly receive repeated orgasms and oral sex while repeatedly withholding those same things from your partner, you're lousy in bed. Period, end of discussion. I'd also like to add that in addition to SHANDA running a deficit in the orgasm/oral sex columns, I'm also leading her in terms of hosting at my house, cooking and paying for her meals, and giving her frequent massages when we're sitting/laying together. In fact, the more I think about what I may have done wrong (in her eyes) to deserve not getting a g
  6. Since my last entry, SHANDA came over on Dec 26th and the next morning, then again for NYE/New Year's Day/this morning. For the first time, I made homemade vegan pizza (we both loved it) and - at her requsest - vegan cupcakes (I thought they were great, she thought they were okay), and I even pulled together a decent Asian-oriented meal last night that she liked too. She just left now. A few observations: - Though she's less of a talker than I am, she'll open up on the right topics, and our views/sense of humor seem compatible. Conversation isn't a problem, especially lying in bed
  7. Shortly after that last entry, SHANDA asked if I wanted her to come over tonight or tomorrow. I voted tomorrow, so we can have a short break. One tidbit that could be relevant later: since SHANDA has never smoked weed, last night I asked if it was ok I could partake during the movie. She said "Please don't" and that was fine with me. My guess is that's a permanent "please don't," but I'm not going to worry about that yet.
  8. SHANDA arrived early last night, we took a walk around my neighborhood with no balking about the hilly terrain. Ten minutes in, she took my arm and held my hand. I gave her a kiss on a scenic overlook and she clearly liked it. Back home, I gave her flowers and she surprisingly gave me a perfect gift I didn't expect: a vegan cookbook that featured classic soul/jazz/hiphop song pairings. She kinda nailed it with that one. For dinner viewing, I gave her the choice between two classic Xmas movies but offhandedly mentioned an offbeat hard-science-fiction 70s flick in passing. She immediat
  9. I called SHANDA tonight just to check in, she picked up after 2 rings and we had pleasant 40-minute chat. Of course among other things like movies, friends, Jupiter & Saturn, family, her roommate and the menu for Xmas Eve, we discussed the topic above, and really she was just having one of those busy weeks that finally takes its toll on other things like relationships. Overall she was cheerful and fun and thanked me for understanding, and took herself more to task than me... which is a complete 180 from my ex-wife, so I'll take it She also said she'd not been exercising due to her wo
  10. It's too early to say if this is just an instance of us getting to know each others' communication styles, or if SHANDA is an overly-sensitive, emotionally manipulative (whether wittingly or unwittingly) person who will take any perceived slight as an opportunity to leverage their "victimhood" to sway things their way. Hopefully it's the former. Because if it's the latter, SHANDA can't hold a candle to my ex-wife and one of my ex-girlfriends, my past experience with whom will lead her to be kicked to the curb faster than she can say "you hurt my feelings!" or "all you think about is sex!"
  11. LTR is the only kind I specify. SHANDA replied soon after my last text, apologizing for the confusion, saying she needed to be more open with her feelings with me, and definitely wanted to see me again "if I would have her." I said I would, on the condition "we could move out of PlatonicLand," and also said that I wanted to know her feelings, good or bad. She "loved" the comment. She also explained why she was being weird. On Wednesday I had made a joking "Geez Louse" comment about her walk route preferences (she was being a little picky but not difficult, and I genuinely meant
  12. I just texted her: "Sorry to hear about your week - I hope things look up. And yep, the impression I got was that was our last date, so I’ll let you clarify further - or not - when you’re feeling better."
  13. SHANDA just texted: "Hey... Thanks for being super thoughtful yesterday... I think I left the wrong impression and hurt your feelings when I rushed out. I was really tired, stressed out and emotional this week (and still am). And then anxious about curfew!!! I didn’t want to postpone because I wanted to see you but now in hindsight maybe that would have been the better call." But last night she mentioned nothing about being "tired, stressed out and emotional," even though I asked her how her week was. She only said that her work was same as usual, and gave me a good anecdote about it
  14. THINGS ARE TOUGH ALL OVER DEPT: On my walk around the lake today, I overheard a girl talking to her friend: "And when I touched him, he just totally backed away! Like, thanks a lot. Then when we got to his place, he walked in right front of me, ran over to his dog and was all like "oh I missed you soooo much!" Like, wow, you totally just rejected me and now you're acting like this... to your dog!"
  15. SHANDA came over, we chatted a bit, got a pizza, came back to my place, she selected a movie from a few I picked out for her, and I asked if I could give her a kiss before it started. She said "uhhhmmm," I told her I took that as a "no," we had fun watching the movie (she commented quite frequently; it was THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN and as a science undergrad she liked it a lot), and as soon as the movie was over she said "well I guess I better get going!" We hugged, she left, and I'm not going to contact her further unless she does it first. I suppose my apartment library scared her off
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