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Everything posted by NorthDallas40

  1. SHANDA came over on Friday night and left today (Sunday 5pm) and we had a good time. I cooked a lot, we did a short hike, talked a lot, and watched some movies I recommended (and she liked). Plus, sex got incrementally better this time (I orgasmed twice, though no oral sex), so I didn't feel the need to have "a talk" about it. She's still not fully on the same page with me sexually, but we're getting there, and right now it's at a point that I'm ok with. I can look forward to having sex with her now. Overall, she seems to be more comfortable with me and is suggesting snacks and coffee for
  2. After texting a bit earlier, SHANDA called and we had a fun 30-40 minute convo. She's coming over this Fri or Sat, I'll make Thai food, and I'll bring up the intimacy issues diplomatically. Maybe frame it as "we seem to have different love languages right now and I'd really like it if we can understand better what each other wants" or somesuch soft-pedaling.
  3. Poor bedroom skills can be improved if one has the right teacher and is willing to learn. SHANDA has the former within reach, while the latter is unknown. As for the hosting/meal/massage tally, it didn't make a difference to me until I felt like I was being given a cold shoulder for my deficits by someone who, in terms of relationship favors, had incurred more deficits than I. So while I'm annoyed and frustrated by SHANDA at the moment, it doesn't have to be a permanent state. This journal has demonstrated that I'm willing to give 2nd and 3rd chances to people who offer more than cru
  4. I listed the basic things I did for her that she did not do for me, but that most considerate adults would have reciprocated without hesitation. So I'm not "assuming" anything, just reporting what is true. When I typed "whatever SHANDA's motivations regarding sex" above, that covered everything you just mentioned. When a 40+ woman thinks it's acceptable to receive oral sex and orgasms without returning the favor, that's the definition of "lousy in bed." Period. End of discussion. As anyone who is *not* lousy in bed can tell you. Rather than make a snar
  5. Whatever SHANDA's motivations regarding sex, the fact is this: If you gladly receive repeated orgasms and oral sex while repeatedly withholding those same things from your partner, you're lousy in bed. Period, end of discussion. I'd also like to add that in addition to SHANDA running a deficit in the orgasm/oral sex columns, I'm also leading her in terms of hosting at my house, cooking and paying for her meals, and giving her frequent massages when we're sitting/laying together. In fact, the more I think about what I may have done wrong (in her eyes) to deserve not getting a g
  6. Since my last entry, SHANDA came over on Dec 26th and the next morning, then again for NYE/New Year's Day/this morning. For the first time, I made homemade vegan pizza (we both loved it) and - at her requsest - vegan cupcakes (I thought they were great, she thought they were okay), and I even pulled together a decent Asian-oriented meal last night that she liked too. She just left now. A few observations: - Though she's less of a talker than I am, she'll open up on the right topics, and our views/sense of humor seem compatible. Conversation isn't a problem, especially lying in bed
  7. Shortly after that last entry, SHANDA asked if I wanted her to come over tonight or tomorrow. I voted tomorrow, so we can have a short break. One tidbit that could be relevant later: since SHANDA has never smoked weed, last night I asked if it was ok I could partake during the movie. She said "Please don't" and that was fine with me. My guess is that's a permanent "please don't," but I'm not going to worry about that yet.
  8. SHANDA arrived early last night, we took a walk around my neighborhood with no balking about the hilly terrain. Ten minutes in, she took my arm and held my hand. I gave her a kiss on a scenic overlook and she clearly liked it. Back home, I gave her flowers and she surprisingly gave me a perfect gift I didn't expect: a vegan cookbook that featured classic soul/jazz/hiphop song pairings. She kinda nailed it with that one. For dinner viewing, I gave her the choice between two classic Xmas movies but offhandedly mentioned an offbeat hard-science-fiction 70s flick in passing. She immediat
  9. I called SHANDA tonight just to check in, she picked up after 2 rings and we had pleasant 40-minute chat. Of course among other things like movies, friends, Jupiter & Saturn, family, her roommate and the menu for Xmas Eve, we discussed the topic above, and really she was just having one of those busy weeks that finally takes its toll on other things like relationships. Overall she was cheerful and fun and thanked me for understanding, and took herself more to task than me... which is a complete 180 from my ex-wife, so I'll take it She also said she'd not been exercising due to her wo
  10. It's too early to say if this is just an instance of us getting to know each others' communication styles, or if SHANDA is an overly-sensitive, emotionally manipulative (whether wittingly or unwittingly) person who will take any perceived slight as an opportunity to leverage their "victimhood" to sway things their way. Hopefully it's the former. Because if it's the latter, SHANDA can't hold a candle to my ex-wife and one of my ex-girlfriends, my past experience with whom will lead her to be kicked to the curb faster than she can say "you hurt my feelings!" or "all you think about is sex!"
  11. LTR is the only kind I specify. SHANDA replied soon after my last text, apologizing for the confusion, saying she needed to be more open with her feelings with me, and definitely wanted to see me again "if I would have her." I said I would, on the condition "we could move out of PlatonicLand," and also said that I wanted to know her feelings, good or bad. She "loved" the comment. She also explained why she was being weird. On Wednesday I had made a joking "Geez Louse" comment about her walk route preferences (she was being a little picky but not difficult, and I genuinely meant
  12. I just texted her: "Sorry to hear about your week - I hope things look up. And yep, the impression I got was that was our last date, so I’ll let you clarify further - or not - when you’re feeling better."
  13. SHANDA just texted: "Hey... Thanks for being super thoughtful yesterday... I think I left the wrong impression and hurt your feelings when I rushed out. I was really tired, stressed out and emotional this week (and still am). And then anxious about curfew!!! I didn’t want to postpone because I wanted to see you but now in hindsight maybe that would have been the better call." But last night she mentioned nothing about being "tired, stressed out and emotional," even though I asked her how her week was. She only said that her work was same as usual, and gave me a good anecdote about it
  14. THINGS ARE TOUGH ALL OVER DEPT: On my walk around the lake today, I overheard a girl talking to her friend: "And when I touched him, he just totally backed away! Like, thanks a lot. Then when we got to his place, he walked in right front of me, ran over to his dog and was all like "oh I missed you soooo much!" Like, wow, you totally just rejected me and now you're acting like this... to your dog!"
  15. SHANDA came over, we chatted a bit, got a pizza, came back to my place, she selected a movie from a few I picked out for her, and I asked if I could give her a kiss before it started. She said "uhhhmmm," I told her I took that as a "no," we had fun watching the movie (she commented quite frequently; it was THE ANDROMEDA STRAIN and as a science undergrad she liked it a lot), and as soon as the movie was over she said "well I guess I better get going!" We hugged, she left, and I'm not going to contact her further unless she does it first. I suppose my apartment library scared her off
  16. For the past 3 days, SHANDA's texts have been fewer, infrequent, late in responding, short, and often failing to answer direct questions, which has me a bit puzzled. On Thursday she asked if rather than coming over today (Sat) she could come over a day early on Friday (yesterday). I declined because I needed to clean my place and this was fine with her, but she didn't explain why she requested the rescheduling. And in planning for tonight, I asked what time she'd like to eat, she replied 6pm, I offered that she arrive at 4pm so we could play a board game or take a short walk beforeha
  17. The other day I suggested to SHANDA that we have a pizza & movie night at one of our homes once she got her COVID test result. So last night she reported it came back negative and decided to come over to my place since she has a roommate. I don't recall if she had told me about her roommate before, but I believe she owns her home. Works for me, as long as my blu-ray and vinyl collections don't scare her off! Needless to say, this has been housecleaning week
  18. SHANDA met me at the vegan pastry shop today, then we drove separately to a picturesque nearby cemetery to walk and picnic. While we were walking around after eating, I asked to hold her hand and she accepted, then after she put her coat in the car I briefly massaged her shoulders and put my arm around her. I can't say that she was particularly responsive, but she surely didn't mind! Plus her witty observations about tombstones and mausoleum inscriptions made me laugh, and I told her that her sense of humor had an audience in me. We wrapped things up after about 3.5 hours, and before
  19. This past Sunday and Monday nights, SHANDA called *me* just to chat and we talked for an hour each night. Just small talk, but fun. We're also texting regularly, though she's quite busy as an attorney so she may not answer a morning text until evening. We're going to meet for vegan pastry & tea/coffee this Saturday at 10am, and hopefully we'll do something afterwards too. She tried to schedule a COVID test this week but couldn't get an appointment until the Monday after our upcoming date on Sat. I just got a walkup COVID test today in my hood, only took 25 minutes. Separately, S
  20. We ended our Friday night phone chat by leaving it up to her to plan our next outing (tentatively next weekend) and where/when she could get a COVID test. Right after I hung up, she texted that she couldn't make an appointment on the websites for the centers near her, but she found a vegan spot that would satisfy her preference for getting coffee & a pastry when we get together. The next morning I texted thanks for finding a vegan option, later sent a cat pic, and made a joke about thinking of her because I saw a shingles vaccine commercial (she had urged me to get it because he
  21. Just talked to SHANDA for under an hour, and long story short, she's interested in me romantically and though she doesn't want to go through the hassle of a COVID test (since we're both adhering to masks/distancing/stay-at-home measures, she feels it's redundant; I do not) she'll do it at least this time. Phone call felt very comfortable, we laughed a lot, and overall seems like a good portent of things to come.
  22. SHANDA just replied with a blushing smile emoji, saying she's busy with work but would like to chat tonight. So I'll let her drive the bus... but if ain't going to my preferred destination, I'll be pulling the cord and getting off at the next stop!
  23. No details, nor would I expect any. I shared the entirety of her text. But I just replied in a friendly manner, telling her I'd be happy to see her again if there was a possible romantic implication and we both shared recent COVID test results before meeting up. In other words, I reiterated the exact same position I outlined to her two weeks ago.
  24. Well, well, well... I got a text from SHANDA last night: "If I asked you out on a date would you go out with me? I handle rejection better over text which is why I am texting you versus calling. So just now, I opened a box of cookies and I was reading the ingredients. I reflexively wondered if I could share the cookies with you (that is, whether they were vegan). That's a sign right? (monocle guy emoji) (The cookies are delicious by the way but they have butter)"
  25. DAKOTA and I didn't hang out this past weekend as discussed; she wanted to take an out-of-town trip and I just wanted to do a 2-4 hour local hike. Not COVID-safe to do more than that. ----- I got back on OKC and messaged about a dozen women over the past two days, including one with whom I had fun texting 4 years ago but who canceled our first meetup because an "old boyfriend" had popped up. She replied that she didn't remember me, I explained who I was, and she didn't reply. And neither have any of the other OKC women. ----- I hung out with my main band's drummer at his ni
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