Online Dating - A Woman's Journal

[missmarple]

It's funny you saying that, Sportster, because I think that's exactly why I didn't feel 'connected' to him during our date, even though we had a good time...I just hadn't realised until I read it in your post right now. There's some kind of 'emotional emptiness' (in lack of a better term) on him that alienated me. I'm not extremely emotional myself (I hate drama) but, on the other hand, as you said, people should feel something, at least when a marriage ends. I think that's his approach to everything...so controlled that it ends up looking cold.

[NorthDallas40]

To play devil's advocate, I had a 1.5 year relationship with a girl who was sweet, but drove me nuts with her jealousy & self-esteem issues. I tried to break up with her at least 6 times over that period, but every time she'd convince me to give her another chance to change.

 

By the time I cut ties for good, I was beyond done with her. Any feelings for her had evaporated months before we officially broke up.

 

A mere two weeks later I met my next gf (the infamous Kate for those following my thread), and despite the dangerously close proximity to my breakup I was 100% ready to commit to an LTR with her, and I did.

 

So though Sportster's advice should be well-heeded and highly advise Miss M to keep it in mind, there can be exceptions. Sometimes a person can be truly emotionally available very soon after their previous relationship, especially if it was a particularly troubled one.

[missmarple]

Yes, the thing is to find out if he's emotionally available or just unemotional in general. We'll see. Today he didn't contact me at all.

[Sportster2005]

I agree ND. People can be heeled quickly and ready to move on. What I find troubling though is this guy didn't need seem to need to heel, because there was no damage. Just two significant relationships that seem devoid of any emotional consequences. Neither of which seemed troubling.

 

I may also have a little bias on this this, or experience depending on your view. He sounds a lot like my ex. She just woke up one day and decided I was the wrong guy. No drama, not a tear. After nine months, nothing. She wasn't feeling it. And to this day is indifferent and ambivalent to the whole thing. I imagine when my ex dates the conversations might sound a bit like this guy. And I'm afraid to say she is an emotional robot. And I'm sure when she dates she probably says similar things. "Oh he just wasn't the one, it was an amicable split". It was, but that's not the point. There's not much to do when someone announces you're not the one.

 

I can't help but wonder what the story is from the two women. Would they agree? There is three sides to every story. Her side, his side and last but not least the truth. All fodder for the cannon as one pirate once told me.

[missmarple]

On other news:

I found an email by Paul on the site asking where I've been. I emailed back saying I had been out and wondering why his profile says 'living with a roommate'..I honestly don't remember that being there when we first talked.

 

I also just talked with Chris. It's amazing how much a person can change from the first to the second chat. This guy tonight was nothing like the one I'd talked to. First of all, I asked him about his last relationship (the one that ended 10 days ago). Apparently, they had met in the summer, then moved in together soon after, then broke up. When I tried to tell him that maybe it had been too soon to move in together, he got annoyed and eventually told me he never regrets anything. I said that's not possible, we all have things we regret at some point but no, he was adamant that he never has! In the end, I got annoyed myself and told him 'well, congrats on being the only human on earth who never regrets anything' and that sent him into a rant (I don't know how else to describe it) and he started saying he's always lived intensely, that he's lived a wild life, has done everything but drugs, murder and sleeping with another man and blah blah. I was like WHOA calm down! Then he just went offline. I waited for a while, thinking he got disconnected or something but no, he didn't come back. So, I sent him an email saying, basically, that, after our chat tonight, I realised we are very different people and there's no reason to continue getting to know each other. I wished him good luck etc.

That was disappointing, I have to say.

[annie24]

Hm, yes. George sounds the best so far- I hope you give him a real chance!!

[missmarple]

I will, annie. I'll send him a text message tomorrow and see what he does.

[quirky]

wow. Chris has problems. The switch was rapid!

[missmarple]

wow. Chris has problems. The switch was rapid!

 

I'm starting to get very wary of Cancer men. It had been a rapid switch with Dan, too!

[annie24]

I don't think you should put a lot of stock in astrology.

[missmarple]

I don't but I couldn't help noticing the similarities. I mean both seemed so nice at first and then totally different.

[IAmFCA]

When I hear someone say their marriage ended just because I wonder if the person learned anything at all from the experience.

 

On the other hand, it could be a conversational tool to avoid getting into it.

[annie24]

Isn't that a Gemini trait, lol?

[missmarple]

Gemini and Aquarian trait, too, but George is a Capricorn. I take him at face value.

[IAmFCA]

Gemini and Aquarian trait, too, but George is a Capricorn. I take him at face value.

 

Well then, would it be too presumptuous to say "Your marriage ended because you were emotionally uninvolved, right? I SO get that! I dumped my ex for the same reason!" Oh who cares if its true. He will never notice anyway.

[missmarple]

LOL, well, to be honest, since I wasn't into him that much, I didn't ask many questions.

[missmarple]

New guy. Tony, 48, single, no kids, real estate agent. We first chatted about a week ago. Up until last night I hadn't really considered him a prospect because a/he didn't have a pic online and b/he wasn't online that much. Last night, however, we talked for longer than usual and he gave me his facebook where I saw his pic, too...he's wearing sunglasses but he seems good looking, he's quite tall (I don't know why I come accross such tall men lately..lol) and has all his hair Then we got into an argument because I felt like he wasn't serious about meeting anyone from the net. He said it was just his style to take things slower and gave me his number. I sent him a (funny) text message so he could have my number, too, and he called me and we talked for a while. I'm not sure what to make of him but I did enjoy our conversation, his sense of humour is similar to mine (he's a Gemini and I usually get along great with them) and he's definitely patient (I was very argumentative with him in the beginning because I thought nothing will come out of this). We stayed up talking until 2am (holidays for me from today so I didn't have to wake up early but not for him) and, in the end, I told him to go to bed as he would be getting up at 8. He said he'll call me some time this morning and that he thinks I'm very interesting and unusual..so, we'll see.

 

I decided against texting or calling George. If he does contact me again, I'll give him a chance but it doesn't feel right to me to be the one to contact him when I'm not interested.

 

PS Chris never replied to my email which is for the best.

[missmarple]

Phil emailed me (not on the site) wishing me a Merry Christmas (with a few kisses). Something is wrong with that guy, I'm telling you!

[missmarple]

So, Tony called me today, twice and we talked for a while. It turns out he's not single as I thought. He's divorced..twice! He first got married at 29, it lasted for 3.5 years, and then again at 39, it lasted for 7 years and he's been divorced for 2 years. I joked with him that next year, when he's 49, he has to get married again

He lives with his mum, he's an only child like myself and loves cats, also like myself. I think it was the first time I talked with a guy about cats for so long (over half an hour!). I feel very comfortable talking to him and I definitely want to meet him.

[missmarple]

Ok, this was awkward!!!

Just before I was on the site. I got a friend request by some guy, 49, divorced, nice profile, although no pic. I accepted the request and we started talking. Things were going well so, I asked for a pic. He emailed me one. When I looked at it, I realised that he looked a lot like some guy I had gone on a date with 6-7 years ago (during my first attempt at online dating)...but this one was wearing dark glasses in the pic so I couldn't be sure. But I remembered that the name was the same and that guy from the past had something to do with the army, too (I hadn't paid him much attention because he wasn't my type at all). I asked for one more pic where I could see his eyes and, yep, it was him! Obviously he didn't recognise me or I've changed a lot since then. Anyway, after the second pic I told him thank you but you're not really my type so no reason to meet and Merry Christmas...thankfully, he thanked me for being honest and that was that.

Thank God I remembered him, it would be extremely awkward if I found out in person that it was the same guy

[annie24]

What was wrong with him back then?

[missmarple]

From what I remember, we had gone out twice..I had forgotten about the second time until you asked..lol.

The first time was ok, no sparks but he seemed nice enough. The second time he started talking to me about his 15yo son's school and how the boy had been causing trouble and the headmaster had called him and he went there in his uniform to 'show them who's boss'. He just reminded me of some of my students' parents who spoil their kids to death and when the kids do something bad at school (his son had hit a girl among other things!), they blame the teachers. We had then gotten into an argument, the date had ended badly and when he called me next, I told him thanks but no thanks and he had reacted badly..I forget the details but he was very unpleasant.

[annie24]

oh yikes!!! i was going to say if the date was just sort of boring, give him another chance. but yuck.

[NorthDallas40]

Haha I've noticed you get into a lot of arguments with these guys! Are you a bit stubborn or has it just been bad luck with guys who are idiots?

 

I don't think I've gotten into any arguments with women I've dated until after we've made things official!

[missmarple]

Haha I've noticed you get into a lot of arguments with these guys! Are you a bit stubborn or has it just been bad luck with guys who are idiots?

 

Good question. I wouldn't say I'm stubborn but I do have my beliefs and I can't just ignore a comment or an attitude I disagree with. However, I'm always willing to listen to the other person's point of view....when there is a point of view and not just 'it is so because I say so'.

With this particular guy, it would be hard not to argue on the subject since I'm a teacher and he knew I'm a teacher. It had felt a bit like a personal attack on me, you know.