missmarple Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Tony just replied to my text message (2 hours later..he's fast..LOL) 'The pleasure was all mine, dear!' Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 2 hours is fine!!!! glad he wrote back. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Interesting update! He may be a bit chaotic, but it sounds worth exploring if you don't mind being distracted by a fun dating partner while still looking... in any event, glad it turned out to be a nice time! Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 New guy. Keith is 42, an accountant, single, no kids, 5'9, brown hair and eyes and looks cute in his pics. We just talked for the first time today and..we'll be meeting tonight Quite unusual for me but I felt very comfortable with him and I saw no reason to refuse his suggestion to meet as soon as possible. PS We also talked on the phone..he gave me his home phone right away. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 I like it. Keep us posted! Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 30, 2013 Author Share Posted December 30, 2013 The last date of the year went well. Keith is a gentleman, sweet, pleasant and a bit shy. We stayed together for 3.5 hours, talking about...well..everything. He seems to be sensitive and a thinker and we analysed every word the other person said..lol...some people might find it boring but I enjoyed it. I think there was some chemistry between us, too, but he's the type of guy who opens up slowly. He rubbed my back when I said I'm cold and he drove me home after the date. I told him he didn't have to as he had to drive another 50 minutes to get to his home (he lives on the other side of the town) but he said he just likes driving. When I got off the car I said talk to you soon and he said I hope so with a very sweet smile. I texted him about half an hour later saying thanks etc and he replied immediately. I don't know if I'll see him again (it seems like I will but you never know) but I had a good time and I felt very comfortable with him. The date couldn't have been more different to last night's date with Tony...who, by the way, didn't contact me at all today. Awww...Keith just texted me again saying Good night, beautiful Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 30, 2013 Share Posted December 30, 2013 Keith sounds really nice! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 YAY A good fish! So far so good! Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 A few pages ago I had mentioned Dale. He's away on business but coming back this Thursday and we've said we'll arrange a meeting when he's here. So far, so good. The problem is that first of all, we exchanged phone numbers almost a week ago and he's never called, not even texted. I had texted him once and he didn't respond. Second, the last time we were both online he just stopped talking in the middle of the conversation..about 20 minutes later I asked if he's still there, he said yes...he didn't apologise, he didn't even say another word until I logged out. I guess he was talking to someone else or doing something else but he just acted so..disinterested. Then, today, I saw him online again and he didn't even wish me happy new year or something...or even say hello for that matter. Now, I know all these are details but, combined with the fact I was the one who had sent him a friend request, I wonder if it's even worth it keeping him on my list as he certainly doesn't seem interested. Do you think I should just delete him or wait until he's back home and see what he does? Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Well, I'll delete him..and many others with him. That's my new year dating resolution. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Why do you have to delete? Can't you just keep them on your list and not write to them? Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 No, annie. I decided that anyone who couldn't even wish me happy new year all day today, isn't worth my time. That includes Tony, Keith, Dale, Bill and Greg. Dale has been on the site all day and he couldn't even say hello..and all the times we've talked, I initiated. Enough of that. Tony, well, nothing since we went out and nothing today either...and it's not like he's with his 5 kids and can't find the time. Bill...no comment there...enough with his 'I need to get my flat ready'...for a month now! With Greg we spent 2 hours on the phone 4-5 days ago and since then not even a hello, much less a phonecall/text. As for Keith, if he was interested, he'd have at least sent a text. He lives alone, his family lives in a different town, I contacted him first after the date and he can't even wish me happy new year. I'm sick and tired of men who won't even lift a finger. I'll only keep 2 men on my list, both people who I'm friends with, not romantically interested...and the only people who DID wish me a happy new year. Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Ok, one had a lucky escape. Greg just texted me his wishes..a typical message but a message nevertheless. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I completely disagree -these people barely know you - I think the expectation should be that a person who is interested in you asks to see you again to get to know you in person. I'd feel a bit differently if today was your birthday, the person knew, and didn't wish you a happy birthday within a day or so of your birthday. Not everyone wishes people happy new year and again these men barely know you. Link to comment
tccoastguard Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 My opinion, this is a pretty harsh reaction. These guys are not in a relationship with you. They may be out or busy at work. There could be any number of reasons they didn't wish you a happy New Year that has nothing to do with their dating potential. I will say that I wished all the ladies I'm currently talking with a happy New Year. I don't think you should hold it against them though. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I completely disagree -these people barely know you - I think the expectation should be that a person who is interested in you asks to see you again to get to know you in person. I'd feel a bit differently if today was your birthday, the person knew, and didn't wish you a happy birthday within a day or so of your birthday. Not everyone wishes people happy new year and again these men barely know you. I agree with this; while it might be nice to hear from someone you just met, it's the holidays -- people are very busy. I don't expect to hear even from some of my closest friends until after the New Year -- it happens. I think you were right to write off Dale. Any guy who is that unresponsive and doesn't initiate contact is a no-go. The others, well...if you've just met -- or haven't even met yet -- I think it's a bit too soon to write them off (unless there's a really good reason to do so -- like blaring red flags). Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You had two pleasant meetups in the last two days and you're all ready to cross them off, plus a couple more you haven't met yet for a lack of New Years wishes? If it is that important to you, could you not have extended them yourself? I do however, agree that Dale is unresponsive and disinterested. For example, I don't like New Years at all for my own reasons. If someone wishes me one I will be reciprocal of course, but I don't go out of my way to say it. There are many reasons why someone might not do that, or might not even think to do that. Maybe don't take it so personally. Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 I take it personally because I know what these guys are doing (well, did last night because it's January 1st here today). Keith - lives alone, all his family lives in another town, had no plans whatsoever, would just go to a friend's bar after midnight to have a few drinks. . Tony - lives with his mum, he had told me he would go to a friend's house for the new year's. Especially about him, it's been 3 days since the date and he hasn't even contacted me. Bill - well, it wasn't so much about new year wishes with him. It was mostly because of him not arranging a meeting in over a month. Keith and Tony are guys I went out with just a couple days ago and who I messaged after the date..both of them. Guys who have no kids and no particular obligations. Also, guys who are perfectly capable of reaching out when they want to...and they chose not to. Greg sent me a message...and I haven't even met him in person. My 2 friends from that site (one I have met twice, the other one never) both texted me happy new year. Because that's what people do when they think about someone. I wasn't particularly disappointed about Tony...after all, the guy obviously was out for a fling, not a relationship. But I am disappointed with Keith. I had formed a different opinion about him. Batya, yes, it's not my birthday but, over here, New Year's Day is a big occasion. Everyone sends wishes. Everyone. If not on the same night (which is usually the case), at least, on the next morning..and it's afternoon now. I don't know if I'm harsh but I expect someone who's interested in me (IF they're interested) to show some basic manners and keep some level of communication...not go out today, forget about me for a week, then remember me the next time they feel like going out. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't a holiday. But it was and those guys showed me they couldn't care less...and so, neither will I. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I don't know if I'm harsh but I expect someone who's interested in me (IF they're interested) to show some basic manners and keep some level of communication...not go out today, forget about me for a week, then remember me the next time they feel like going out. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't a holiday. But it was and those guys showed me they couldn't care less...and so, neither will I. I agree with you. I think that if someone's just starting to get to know you and they're really excited about you, they'll use every excuse to make contact -- especially holidays. If I had recently started dating or communicating with a guy and he didn't wish me happy new year -- or if he ignored me when he saw me online New Year's Day? I'd just assume he wasn't that into me and cross him off my list. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 If I hadn't met someone in person yet that person would be a stranger for those kinds of things -wishing happy new year, etc. -nothing to do with dating yet or a relationship. After we meet and go out a few times in person, then, sure I could see having those expectations. I think it's foolish to push the dating clock back so far to a point before you even meet in person and then have gender-role expectations at that point. My sense is that if you choose to do that there's a part of you that's trying to make excuses for not getting to know someone. Of course since you are not dating these people -or maybe met the person once -you can wish that person a Happy New Year too. I can understand the wanting to be courted thing when you're in the initial stages of dating but Happy New Year? You sound a bit like a friend of mine who had these types of expectations for men she was dating or getting to know, plus a whole host of other attributes on her list (which you don't seem to have as much). She is attractive, ivy educated, bright, lives on her own -and single at 47, never married - been in the dating scene for 25 years (she was engaged in her early 20s, has had a few LTRs since then mostly through on line sites). Very unhappily single So unhappy that she declines all wedding invitations because she cannot bear it. Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Batya, first of all, the only guys I haven't met who I crossed off my list were Bill and Dale and none of them because of the happy new year thing..there were other issues with both of them. Second, how do I have gender-role expectations when in both cases, Keith and Tony, I was the one who contacted them after the date. If they had contacted me first, I would wish them happy new year the next day, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But, the way I see things, in dating, both people need to lift their finger if they're interested. None of them did. Yes, I want to meet someone but I want someone who is interested in me. I don't expect any of the guys I date to do anything extraordinary. I don't expect them to call me day and night. I don't expect them to take me out on expensive dates. I don't expect them to compliment me every step of the way. But I do expect them to be polite and have manners and behave in a way that says 'I want to get to know you'...and when it's January 1st I expect a text. I didn't expect them to buy me a present. Just a simple text saying happy new year, miss marple...if that's too much for them, I don't need them in my life. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I don't think you're dating someone you've only met once. I think manners are essential. I don't think it's bad manners not to initiate Happy New Year but it would be bad manners not to reply to a Happy New Year message (on either side). I think your expectations in this particular case are very unrealistic. Not everyone celebrates the New Year or knows whether you do or not - or how much you celebrate. You're making all sorts of assumptions about people who are nearly strangers. Behaving in a way that means getting to know you means asking you out on dates they plan in advance. Anyone can text Happy New Year -strangers say it to each other -it means very little as far as interest, much less romantic interest. Perhaps focus on the types of manners and "lifting a finger" that actually mean something rather than a Happy New Year text. I do agree that if you contact a man he should reply to your text/contact if he's interested. I am just giving my opinion on this one requirement you have that manners and interest require saying Happy New Year to a person you've met once and are interested in seeing again in the future. Had it been a significant day for you personally -a birthday or perhaps a specific thing you shared with them like a crucial test or meeting at work that you were concerned about, something like that -it would be thoughtful to follow up and ask how it went. I also think it's entirely fine if someone you met once is not over the moon about you yet and is choosing to contact only to make plans for a date as long as it's about once a week. Sometimes those relationships are far better than where the man is so excited about you he texts you all the time and then burns out a week later. When I did online dating I had higher standards for manners and treatment than men I knew through friends because if I already knew people who knew him then I knew he had certain values/manners and even though he also needed to treat me with respect, I could also do my homework if something seemed a little off and discreetly ask a friend if there was something going on, etc. When I met strangers all I had to go on was what he told me and what my impressions were. Nevertheless I didn't expect to be treated like a woman he was dating (yet) and I didn't expect him to be thinking about me constantly between dates because I assumed he was also getting to know other women (as I was getting to know other men -just like you are doing). If he contacted me for a date about once a week, and made reliable plans and treated me nicely on the phone and while on the date that told me all I needed to know. I had plenty of men who showered me with attention -too much at times -but moved on quickly when the initial excitement faded -they were also the ones who tended to be more flaky about plans. Who needs that. Given that you also tend to be argumentative -or at least enjoy arguing more than disengaging - it starts to look like you're putting up walls rather than trying to find a person with integrity, character, good manners and similar. Link to comment
sharky988 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You sound a bit like a friend of mine who had these types of expectations for men she was dating or getting to know, plus a whole host of other attributes on her list (which you don't seem to have as much). She is attractive, ivy educated, bright, lives on her own -and single at 47, never married - been in the dating scene for 25 years (she was engaged in her early 20s, has had a few LTRs since then mostly through on line sites). Very unhappily single So unhappy that she declines all wedding invitations because she cannot bear it. Sorry, but this is sounding really harsh to me. Are you implying that women who have standards are being delusional by expecting too much from a relationship which starts online -- as a good percentage of them do nowadays -- or that they're somehow trying to avoid commitment or are doomed to spend their lives unmarried and alone, like your sad friend, even avoiding the weddings of others?? How about the SCORES of women who excuse the mediocre treatment from guys who aren't that into them from the very start -- and go on to have unsatisfying relationships that end just a year or two later because they didn't pick up on those early signals? Your friend needs help. I'm HAPPY to have my standards.... and for the many years I've spend being married, happy in relationships, having my son and a rich fulfilling career.... and I relish the happiness of my friends, especially when they fall in love or get married!! Link to comment
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