I'm pregnant

[OptomisticGirl]

I have always wanted a girl and I still do, I'd be super happy to have at least one girl, but if CS and I end up with a boy, I"ll be just as thrilled. I dunno, I never really wanted boys (thought I'd always be dissapointed) until I met CS and then idk... I almost would prefer a boy the first time around to a girl, lol

[Seraphim]

Just remember life does not happen in a linear way we always want. I am always astounded when I hear people I wanted to do X number of things before I hit 30 or my life has been a failure some how. What? Life ends at 30? No one told me. Life takes detours. Your life won't be any less than anyone else's. Take a look deep into your heart and REALLY look at what you value. Not everyone is going to be Alexander the Great and have nothing left to conquer by age 30. 99 % of people have to stop and go with whatever they want to do.

[lostnscared]

Just remember life does not happen in a linear way we always want. I am always astounded when I hear people I wanted to do X number of things before I hit 30 or my life has been a failure some how. What? Life ends at 30? No one told me. Life takes detours. Your life won't be any less than anyone else's. Take a look deep into your heart and REALLY look at what you value. Not everyone is going to be Alexander the Great and have nothing left to conquer by age 30. 99 % of people have to stop and go with whatever they want to do.

 

I know--I keep telling myself that my life is not over. But when I saw a friend yesterday(we went sking), she was telling me about how she was going to Spain this summer, going on a road trip next year with a few of her friends. Then she went on to tell me that she wants to be married for 5 years FIRST so her and her hubbie can travel, enjoy each other, etc THEN she wants to have kids. It like stung for me, because now many of those things won't be a possibility. If I do get married--I'll have a baby, so I won't be able to just "enjoy" ourselves together for five years. A road trip would be fun, but who will watch the baby, etc. I mean these things are going through my head. The list of 52 things I had were not major things. They were things like:

 

Go to 20 plays over the next 4 years.

Learn to play a guitar

Volunteer at Children Hospital

Learn how to shoot a gun

Fish and boat

Sky dive

etc...

 

I mean things that weren't going to be difficult to do. But now may be.

[OptomisticGirl]

This is coming from a MAJOR control freak but life never happens the way we want. Even if you hadn't gotten pregnant, a million things could have gone wrong so that you didn't get to do those things you wanted. I don't believe in predestiny but I do believe we are all meant to do certain things while alive and the decisions we make bring us to that. You might have wanted to do x things before 28 but life had another plan (and I know how hard that is to accept. I'm a control freak, I don't like the idea of anyone or anything having control over my life but ME) and with this pregnancy, you could find a whole slew of things you want to do you never knew before. And just because you are becoming a mother doesn't mean you still can't fullfil that list. Will it be before 28? Probably not, but you CAN still do it one day.

[Seraphim]

You can STILL do those things. I went to plays, I still learned to shoot a gun. I was still in the army when my son was born. You CAN do things for yourself. Life is not over believe me. It is just beginning! Children are SUCH a delight. My life with my son is better than any ole play and any ole gun or road trip. I get such JOY and accomplishment from interacting with my son and seeing his accomplishments NOTHING could replace that, NOTHING.

[tinkerbellkj]

I understand what you mean about wanting those 5 years to "enjoy eachother" as a married couple, believe me, I will not experience that either. In fact, the baby is due on our 6 month wedding anniversary. I had plans of being married for a while, saving a bunch of money, traveling, and even fitting into a tiny wedding dress-- none of that happened. I haven't wrapped my mind completely around the fact that we cannot do all the things we used to do, we can't blow $150.00 on dinner, or go to hotel at the beach whenever we feel like it. It does make me a little sad, but I think it makes me human. The whole "you gotta roll with the punches" expression really applies here. Things change, priorities, responsibilities, everything and eventually everything falls into place.

[Seraphim]

I understand what you mean about wanting those 5 years to "enjoy eachother" as a married couple, believe me, I will not experience that either. In fact, the baby is due on our 6 month wedding anniversary. I had plans of being married for a while, saving a bunch of money, traveling, and even fitting into a tiny wedding dress-- none of that happened. I haven't wrapped my mind completely around the fact that we cannot do all the things we used to do, we can't blow $150.00 on dinner, or go to hotel at the beach whenever we feel like it. It does make me a little sad, but I think it makes me human. The whole "you gotta roll with the punches" expression really applies here. Things change, priorities, responsibilities, everything and eventually everything falls into place.

 

 

Yup, happy people get through life by being flexible and working with whatever life hands them that is unexpected.

[lostnscared]

I know you all are right. I really am trying to be more optimistic. Seeing that friend yesterday--it's almost as if she was rubbing it in my face that I wouldn't be able to do all those things.

 

@ Victoria--I know I can still see plays, shoot a gun, etc. But I think money will be tight for a while. So a lot of the things I could have done, I won't be able to do, since my bf will just be the one working.

 

@Tinkerbell--haha I hear you. I miss going on random shopping sprees, spending almost $50 on liquor, going to clubs whenever I felt like it, being able to spend my money the way I wanted to, etc. Going to the hair salon every week. It's going to be difficult having to change my habits. Since I can remember I've been spoiled--now I'm going to actually have to save, and be more frugal(which is hard for me because I'm a spender.

[lostnscared]

I've been watching 16 and pregnant a lot to prepare myself mentally for what it will be like through this pregnancy, and after. I can't say that the show is having a positive influence on how I feel. It just seems so hard. I keep telling myself that they are under 20 and that is why it is difficult for them...

[tinkerbellkj]

I watch that stuff all the time, and I will say that my pregnancy so far (I'm in 3rd tri, last stretch woo hoo!) has been NOTHING like their experience. They are young, without jobs, little support and MTV encouraging them to be "real" for entertainment value. It's a train wreck for sure, like those "I'm Pregnant And..." (HIV positive, a drug dealer, homeless etc), they are the minority.

[rocio]

Your parents will watch the kids when you take trips.

 

I know so many young couples who aren't quite ready to give up the single life, so they get a dog. The dog ends up preventing them from travelling, taking their money, taking all their spare time. At least when I travel, I can bring my daughter. And it's SOOO much more fun with her there! I can also leave her with my mom and it's SOOO fun to have a break from her, lol...

 

Also, kids are little for such a short period of time. In 12 years, your kid will be independent and won't even want you hovering over them. In 15 years, they're practically grown up and you're not even 40. I know 40 seems far away when you're in your 20's, but if you keep in good health, you can still look fantastic, feel great, and really enjoy your freedom at 40. Then you'll see some of your friends just starting their families and you're going to be so glad you're done with it. Now you'll actually have the money to travel and take on new endeavors. Everyone says they're going to travel and do all sorts of magnificent things before they're 30. But then you finish school, get a real job, and find that you have almost no vacation time and very little money. The money you do have is going toward a down payment, investments, retirement savings, etc.

 

Apparently our generation is supposed to live to, like, 100. And we're supposed to be healthy and active into our 80's and 90's, due to medical advancement. You're going to have LOTS of time to do all the things you wanted to. Plus, one advantage to having kids young is that you get to enjoy more of their life, and see more of your grandkids's lives.

 

Of course, these aren't reasons to have kids young if you're not ready. But, in my opinion, you're not sacrificing anything to have your kids young. You're just postponing some of the fun until you have the money and freedom to actually make it happen, instead of dreaming about it. "You CAN have it all, just not at once"... some of the wisest words I've ever heard.

 

By the way, I go to plays, dance, musical events, etc. often. A few month ago, I decided I wanted to learn to surf. So I travelled to Mexico and fell in love with surfing. Love it! Been training and can't wait to go back. I've taken 3 vacations in the last 6 months, and plan to go to Africa later this year. I recently got a piano, which I haven't played in 12 years, and have been teaching myself to play the blues. Oh, plus I work full time and my husband works out of town, so I'm basically playing single mom for the past year. And I still keep my home really clean and prepare nutritous home-cooked meals each night. And the best part of my day is still playing barbies with my daughter.

[lavenderdove]

To compare vaginal birth vs. C-sections, the vaginal birth is a day of trouble (that can be alleviated with drugs if you want them) vs. a 6 week recovery from the surgery and intense pain for a LONG time after the surgery.

 

I had a friend who had a son, then remarried years later and decided she didn't want to go thru childbirth again so bullied the doctor into a C-section. the second she woke up she regretted it because she was split open from hip bone to hip bone and had horrendous pain from the surgery. She couldn't go up and down stairs for a week, couldn't really hold the baby or move around or lift anything without discomfort, needed far more help to do with the surgical incision than she did after giving birth normally to her first son. She DEEPLY regretted getting the C-section when it wasn't really necessary.... she assumed it would be easier, but it is surgery with a massive incision and cutting into muscle and your uterus so keep that in mind.

 

So there's no way around giving birth, and frankly, a C-section will not alleviate pain and be much worse to recover from. Just focus on finding a doctor who has advanced methods of pain relief during labor. You can get an epidural and also get things like laughing gas during labor to help make it easier. I've had laughing gas during dental procedures and frankly couldn't care less what the Dr. did to me because i was so happily high during the procedure!

 

re: the pregnancy itself, make really sure you are pregnant with a second test to confirm the first. Talk to a counselor to help you make a decision and really consider all the options to decide what is best for you.

[abitbroken]

I understand what you mean about wanting those 5 years to "enjoy eachother" as a married couple, believe me, I will not experience that either. In fact, the baby is due on our 6 month wedding anniversary. I had plans of being married for a while, saving a bunch of money, traveling, and even fitting into a tiny wedding dress-- none of that happened. I haven't wrapped my mind completely around the fact that we cannot do all the things we used to do, we can't blow $150.00 on dinner, or go to hotel at the beach whenever we feel like it. It does make me a little sad, but I think it makes me human. The whole "you gotta roll with the punches" expression really applies here. Things change, priorities, responsibilities, everything and eventually everything falls into place.

 

heck, If I took 5 years to "enjoy" my boyfriend after we were married, I might decide I don't want kids at the age I was after 5 years have passed. Not that I don't want kids, but the time I am at in my childbearing years and the age he is, etc. Or maybe I wouldn't be able to! If you aren't enjoying eachother now, you won't enjoy eachother during those 5 years more And if you are not walking down the aisle right now - that could be 6-8 years down the road when your 5 years of "together" time are up. If you are pregnant, then 4-5 years from now, the baby will be in preschool or kindergarten while you are in class and you might be glad that you are slowly working on your masters while they were little so when they go into first grade you'd be in a career job instead of doing a masters and then taking a few years off to have the baby and raise a young child. I am not trying to pass presumption or judgement that you have to be a stay at home mom = but heck, that's what I would do in my case if I were in that situation.

 

I do agree with tinkerbellkj that you just roll with things sometimes. Heck, I would be shocked if you went back to my 5 years ago self and told me what I was doing now.

[Seraphim]

Just put it into perspective. I do not know ONE person who got exactly what they wanted in life on the time scale they wanted. Not one ever. Now I am 44 years old and I have known a lot of people. Every single one had been side tracked at some point or did not get to do all that they wanted. I am sorry to say that is just life.You just roll with it or you don't. The choice is yours. You can make the most of it and try to do the things most important to you that are only your list of things to do in life. No one gets to do them all and some people even get to do none. Pick yourself up and make a solid plan that makes the most sense and that is realistic and that you can be happy with.

 

Even if you had no child that does not mean you will get to do all those things.

[OptomisticGirl]

LS, 16 and Pregnant is not a good source. We all know they over act and make it seem much worse than it is. Sure it's bad for htem because of their age and they ARE worse off than you. Why not join a mommy forum or a pregnacy forum? Get insight from women of you OWN age who perhaps planned it or didn't and can give you a real and honest perspective.

[sweetpea03]

I've been watching 16 and pregnant a lot to prepare myself mentally for what it will be like through this pregnancy, and after. I can't say that the show is having a positive influence on how I feel. It just seems so hard. I keep telling myself that they are under 20 and that is why it is difficult for them...

 

That's not a good source to know what it's like. Many of the producers encourage them to be very dramatic, etc to make it more entertaining for the show. I feel like watching those shows would make you hate the idea of being pregnant, when it won't be that bad. I think you can join pregnancy forums or young mother forums and talk to these people about what it's really like. Though even then your situation may be different. As long as you can 'roll with the punches', you'll be ahead of the game. We can't control everything that happens in our lives, so we learn how to deal with the situation healthily. I like the quote of 'everything happens for a reason', which we may not know the reason, but there is one. "There’s a method to the madness. There’s a reason why your kid needed to be born in a certain year, in a certain month on a specific day. Their birthdays are no accident."

[lostnscared]

I know. I think my frustration is really a result of me being a planner, and being frustrated that everything has sort of gotten off track. I realize that a lot of things on that list may not have even been accomplished by the time I was 28. I'm going try to stop feeling as though my life is over, just because I'm having a baby, and start trying to see the good in it, and that some way I'll able to do some of the things I want.

[lostnscared]

LS, 16 and Pregnant is not a good source. We all know they over act and make it seem much worse than it is. Sure it's bad for htem because of their age and they ARE worse off than you. Why not join a mommy forum or a pregnacy forum? Get insight from women of you OWN age who perhaps planned it or didn't and can give you a real and honest perspective.

 

Good suggestion. I'm going to join it and see. I had a fight with my bf during my lunch break, ugh. My hormones all over the place.

[lostnscared]

Haha thank you for that last quote. It's ironic because I remember putting that quote in your journal about your own fear of pregnancy, and now look at me.

[tinkerbellkj]

Good suggestion. I'm going to join it and see. I had a fight with my bf during my lunch break, ugh. My hormones all over the place.

 

I think my hormones were the worst at the beginning. I would cry for no reason, or for a ridiculous reason, but they really evened out. I don't feel very hormonal anymore, however, who knows, maybe the best is yet to come! Second trimester is supposedly the best, which I do believe, as I neared the end and am now into third, I could kind of see myself getting emotional again!

[lostnscared]

I think my hormones were the worst at the beginning. I would cry for no reason, or for a ridiculous reason, but they really evened out. I don't feel very hormonal anymore, however, who knows, maybe the best is yet to come! Second trimester is supposedly the best, which I do believe, as I neared the end and am now into third, I could kind of see myself getting emotional again!

 

Yeah, I'm not really aware about my hormones, but I know I've been REALLY nasty to my boyfriend this week and mean. Every morning I've made him aware how angry I am with him. I feel bad. I hope I can calm down and be nicer. I also have several panic attacks. Still no morning sickness or symptoms yet, beyond sore breasts and peeing a lot.

[Fudgie]

Does he know that pregnancy can cause such major mood swings?

 

You may want to consider forwarding him a web page (maybe designed for men in his position) that explains pregnancy mood swings and how to deal with a gf/wife that is going through it. I think he'll find that very helpful.

 

Of course, it won't excuse you from yelling at him and whatnot, but when it DOES happen, he'll know why and perhaps how to deal with it, both externally and internally.

[tinkerbellkj]

Yeah, I'm not really aware about my hormones, but I know I've been REALLY nasty to my boyfriend this week and mean. Every morning I've made him aware how angry I am with him. I feel bad. I hope I can calm down and be nicer. I also have several panic attacks. Still no morning sickness or symptoms yet, beyond sore breasts and peeing a lot.

 

You may not get the morning sickness. I didn't get it immediately, but it did come. I don't think the peeing a lot stops, mine just keeps getting worse and worse. Apparently, you cannot fully empty your bladder 100% when you are pregnant, which makes you pee more often and can lead to UTI's (I've had 2 already, never had one before I was pregnant). I do sometimes feel myself wanting to lash out at my husband, but I stop myself. Luckily, I think he just lets most things go in one ear and out the other.

[OptomisticGirl]

You may not get morning sickness LS. My best friend never had it at any point suring her pregnancy.

[RougeKali823]

I just took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant. I was very upset and contemplated abortion for a while. The reason being is that I was not planning on having a baby for a while from now. YES we were using protection. No I was no on birth control--I was not allowed to for medical reasons. I don't think the condom broke--we have noticed. I'm really caught off guard. I already told my mom and my boyfriend.

 

I'm terrified.

 

It's weird because I knew when you posted about the MAP incident that you would probably be telling us you were pregnant soon. I think you should hold off on making any big decisions until you've seen a doctor and confirmed it. I think that you should do what YOU feel is right and although I haven't yet learned to do this (and probably shouldn't be offering it as advice until I do so) don't worry about what other people might think. I'm a type a (we've discussed this) so I would be terrified to no end. However, my mom finished grad school while raising four kids alone so it can be done. It will just be a bit harder. The mourning of the loss of the spontaneity and thrill of your youth is valid and it won't be easy but you can do it. You have been blessed with a supportive mom and while your sisters and father might initially be disappointed they will come around. You are not a statistic. You have completed college and have achieved a level of independence that most young moms dream of. If they can do it then so can you. Nix the "16 and pregnant" because you're "23 and Independent." In terms of labor and all that I will say that no labor is typical. Also electing to have a c-section is not any easier than a vaginal birth. There is a risk attached to everything and I would like to point out that most c-sections are performed on black women and this is not necessarily healthy and, according to some doctors, puts the mother at risk during future pregnancies. You're not even close to this though so you don't need to be worrying about that until you know for sure.