I'm pregnant

[Batya33]

Yes I could arrange something with a counselor, but I'm not sure how quickly I would be able to see the counselor and if it would be in time, since I'll be going out of town to see my mom next weekend.

 

If I were you I'd make seeing the counselor a priority.

[Seraphim]

Thank you everyone for the ongoing advice. I talked with my mom today at lunch and she made me feel a lot better about a lot of things. Still no idea what decision I'll make, but I have a week or so to make a decision if I am, so depending on how the blood tests goes I will see. Deep down I know I am. I'm starting to have the same symptoms I had last time I was pregnant, and to top off I can't stand my boyfriend at all right now. Like the thought of him is irritating me. I'm trying hard not to feel that way. It's so weird. Just a week and a half ago, I couldn't bear to not spend a day with him, now I can't stand. I can't stand my friends either. Only person I can stand is my mom and her dog.

 

Those feelings are common and hormones make it worse. I am glad your mom made you feel better.

[lostnscared]

If I were you I'd make seeing the counselor a priority.

 

I would have to find a counselor. I haven't been to a counselor since I was 18. Therapy never really worked with me. But I for sure need an objective third party to talk to. There is a pastor I know I could see, the only issue, is I'm SURE he will be leaning toward keeping the baby, not abortion.

[lostnscared]

Those feelings are common and hormones make it worse. I am glad your mom made you feel better.

 

It makes me feel so bad, because since finding out about the pregnancy he has been so happy about it, and kind. Cooking for me, cleaning for me, running errands whenever I ask. He pretty much does whatever I ask him to. So he has being really nice about it, and trying to be supportive. But it's like he STILL is getting on my nerves.

[sweetpea03]

Thank you everyone for your advice. But on another forum I was completely ostricized for being pregnant as young as I am. I was told that I made a mistake by getting pregnant by my bf. That he doesn't love me. That I'm too immature. That they feel sorry for the unborn baby. And that thank god their children are on birth control and would never end up in a situation like mine. I was told that my boyfriend will not be a good father. And that I will not have any control unless I take control now and terminate this pregnancy.

 

Therefore I'm leaning toward termination again. I feel bad, but after hearing what people really think about my situation, I just feel like maybe it is for the best. If I'm not pregnant I'll be very happy and I will be getting the non-homornal IUD.

 

Everyone is going to have an opinion about everything, but I would try my best to ignore those opinions. Maybe try the medhelp pregnancy forum(link removed), as there are a lot of younger mothers on there, with moms younger than you. You need to be able to make a decision that you can live with and not make a decision based on what others want you to do. If abortion is not something you really want, you may end up regretting that decision always.

 

Also, I would recommend starting prenatal vitamins asap because the biggest part of development is happening right now. Here's info on it, if you want to take a look(link removed)

[lostnscared]

Everyone is going to have an opinion about everything, but I would try my best to ignore those opinions. Maybe try the medhelp pregnancy forum(link removed), as there are a lot of younger mothers on there, with moms younger than you. You need to be able to make a decision that you can live with and not make a decision based on what others want you to do. If abortion is not something you really want, you may end up regretting that decision always.

 

Also, I would recommend starting prenatal vitamins asap because the biggest part of development is happening right now. Here's info on it, if you want to take a look(link removed)

 

Thank you for that forum. I will definitely join. I started taking prenatal vitamins on Sunday. But I'm having a difficult time remembering when/if I took them. AT this point I may hold off until I see a doctor to confirm that I'm pregnant for sure.

[Seraphim]

It makes me feel so bad, because since finding out about the pregnancy he has been so happy about it, and kind. Cooking for me, cleaning for me, running errands whenever I ask. He pretty much does whatever I ask him to. So he has being really nice about it, and trying to be supportive. But it's like he STILL is getting on my nerves.

 

I know, it sometimes happens that way. I think it is hormones and the fact that you are unsettled about your decision still. Just make your decision when you feel calm and informed. As you already know the fall out of one decision but not the other sometimes it does not make it easier to make a decision then either. It is NEVER an easy decision. I really do hope you find peace though. I know partially how you feel though about the fall out of abortion because I have had 3 miscarriages including one at 4 months, and I did feel a lot of guilt that I was not able to support their lives until they were born. I am SO sorry this is so difficult for you whatever you decide.

[orchidrose]

I would have to find a counselor. I haven't been to a counselor since I was 18. Therapy never really worked with me. But I for sure need an objective third party to talk to. There is a pastor I know I could see, the only issue, is I'm SURE he will be leaning toward keeping the baby, not abortion.

 

LS, I would recommend C4 (Community Counseling Centers of Chicago), if you're still in this area: link removed. I had friends who had to have similar couples crisis counseling and they had a good experience. They also got in with a counselor within 48 hours and it was sliding scale.

[OptomisticGirl]

LS, you have tp stop letting what others say, especially negative comments, run your emotions. If you do you are going to drive yourself insane. Really, look at your wituation. What is bad about it? You have a stable job, a place to live, a guy who is stepping up to the plate... even if you move to TN you have your mom and the prospect of q goor job. What's negative in the situation? This isn't how you planned it? It's too soon? Well, that's life. It never goes the way you want, ever. And this is coming from me, a controp freak to the core.

 

Instead of focusing on the negative aspects, focus on the good ones. don't let peoples opinions sway you. I say this not out of meanibess because I do respect you, but you have got to get past the whole 'its too soon'. It is, but you cant change what has already happened. I think once you let go of that you will be able to makeva decis8on much clearer, keep the baby or terminate.

[lostnscared]

LS, I would recommend C4 (Community Counseling Centers of Chicago), if you're still in this area: link removed. I had friends who had to have similar couples crisis counseling and they had a good experience. They also got in with a counselor within 48 hours and it was sliding scale.

 

Thank you. I went on the website. I think it would probably be more beneficial if I went alone. My boyfriend does not want me to have an abortion at all. He is extremely happy about this baby. And it made him very sad earlier this week when I expressed how I felt. I think having him there would irritate me or make me feel pressured, where if I was by myself I could be more honest about how I feel, without feeling bad about it, later on.

[lostnscared]

Lol, haha thanks. I know your right. I am a super control freak. And this is the first time in a while, where I find myself in a situation I feel little control over. It's like deep down I know I can't terminate again, it's something I made a vow to never do again. But I guess I just want an exit out. I'm thinking that this pregnancy is triggering depression and anxiety. I suffered from both of those as a teen, and up until I was 20. And one issue with BC is that it also triggered it. I'm thinking that these extra hormones are making me very anxious and sad. I have panic attacks every night now. And constantly find myself looking at life with dread. I was happy a week and a half ago. It's almost like upon finding out I was pregnant, I transformed into someone else.

[OptomisticGirl]

You need to express this to a doctor then. I'll tell you something CS told me once and i think about it when I dont havr control over a situation: instead of focusing on what you dont have control of, focus on what you DO have control of and ruj with that. Find things you csn take chargeof to make you feel in control. Find a docyor, find a counselor, take vitamins... anything you can control grab it and run with iy.

[lostnscared]

You need to express this to a doctor then. I'll tell you something CS told me once and i think about it when I dont havr control over a situation: instead of focusing on what you dont have control of, focus on what you DO have control of and ruj with that. Find things you csn take chargeof to make you feel in control. Find a docyor, find a counselor, take vitamins... anything you can control grab it and run with iy.

 

That's good advice--I'm going to try keeping that perspective.

[abitbroken]

lostnscared - I totally agree with OptomisticGirl - you have a willing father, an education, etc etc. The only thing holding you back from this baby is that it didn't happen in the exact way that you would have planned. If you were 15 or didn't know who the father was, or were in an abusive relationship it would be a different story. my grandmother always recites the quote, "if you want to hear God laugh - make plans!"

 

I wasn't planned, but am grateful to my parents. Mom was saving up to go to college. Dad was working two part time jobs. But suddenly they were unmarried and expecting a baby. Thing didn't go how they would have planned but I am glad that they decided to take on the curveball. Mom never made it to college. Dad eventually got a much better single job instead of two. And they had more kids. And eventually I didn't have to share a room with my brother. But I never was scarred by it. Oh, and they got married before I popped out just to make things official. For the record, mom was 20 and dad was 25 at the time. They are pretty happy with the way things turned out in the end. I am not saying this to sway you one way or the other, but I agree that plans always change.

[Seraphim]

Yeah, along those lines you DO have a lot going for you. Way more than my parents had going for them when I was born. I was born when they were 20 years old and they had married at 18. My father had not finished HS and my mother only had a HS education at the time. They barely had enough to keep body and soul together and no support from either family. You really DO have a lot going for you.

[OptomisticGirl]

I think what holds you back from termination is you know you are better off than when you were 19. Then, it was the best option for you because you weren't in a good place. Now you are and the only reason (I can see from how you protest the situation) you are thinking termination is its not the right time and your fear of labor/prwgnacy. I say this not to persuade you but to give food for thought.

[kelless]

I think LS already knows what she's going to do. Trying to guilt her into keeping the baby isn't going to do anyone good here.

 

Adoption is not an option in this particular situation. If she concludes that she and her boyfriend are likely not going to raise the child together, then she will terminate the pregnancy. If she can satisfy herself that she and her boyfriend can work things out and raise the child together, she will keep it.

 

Now she just has to focus on her relationship with her boyfriend, doing some hardcore communication, and trying not to let the hormones prevent her from thinking and communicating clearly.

 

Oh, and take multivitamins. Seriously dude. Do it.

 

 

Not trying to guilt her, just want her to consider her options and not have any regrets that's all.

[Unknown1607307972]

Thank you everyone for your advice. But on another forum I was completely ostricized for being pregnant as young as I am. I was told that I made a mistake by getting pregnant by my bf. That he doesn't love me. That I'm too immature. That they feel sorry for the unborn baby. And that thank god their children are on birth control and would never end up in a situation like mine. I was told that my boyfriend will not be a good father. And that I will not have any control unless I take control now and terminate this pregnancy.

 

Therefore I'm leaning toward termination again. I feel bad, but after hearing what people really think about my situation, I just feel like maybe it is for the best. If I'm not pregnant I'll be very happy and I will be getting the non-homornal IUD.

 

Ok that made me mad! (Obviously not at you!)

 

Seriously, my mother was 21, unmarried and living with her parents when I was born. She didn't move out till I was five years old and my parents split up when I was six months old. I had an amazing family and my childhood at home was very happy! My mum was a great mum, my dad was a great dad despite not being with my mum, my whole family were great and I get so mad when people like that imply such an upbringing is damaging and negative for a baby!

 

Your decision on how you should handle this is completley your choice, I am very pro-choice, but these horrible closed-minded people should not affect your decision as it seems they don't know what they are talking about. Please don't have an abortion because of this stupidity only do it if it's what you feel is best for you. I can say a million times that my childhood was incredibley happy despite having a young mother and seperated parents!

[lostnscared]

I think what holds you back from termination is you know you are better off than when you were 19. Then, it was the best option for you because you weren't in a good place. Now you are and the only reason (I can see from how you protest the situation) you are thinking termination is its not the right time and your fear of labor/prwgnacy. I say this not to persuade you but to give food for thought.

 

I know your right. I think a BIG thing that is leading me to want to terminate is that I feel so depressed. I'm wondering if I could have prenatal depression. I seriously just feel so depressed, not eating, etc. I feel dread when I think about the next 18 years of my life. I feel sick inside thinking about having to care for a child. I never felt this way before. I don't know, it really has me wanting an exit out. I also regret getting pregnant by my bf, he annoys me all the time, and just makes me sick. I can't stand him right now. I am going to schedule an appointment to see a counselor for next week before I go see my mom. Hopefully that will help. According to a chart I used, I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. So I still have time to make a decision.

I will say that I wonder if my urge to terminate is about my depression. I'm sure that if I were my normal self I'd be excited about the pregnancy.

[lostnscared]

Bleh also started to feel nauseous, it started today. I'm not happy right now lol.

[lostnscared]

Thank you for the response. I don't honestly think I'm going to have an abortion, I'm really trying hard NOT to. My hormones are out of control. I just need to get through this first trimester and then I think I'll be okay.

[Fudgie]

Yeah, I didn't think you were, LS. It sounds like you were initially going to have the child and didn't want to go through another termination, and then when you read what those negative Nancies were saying on another forum, you were feeling guilty and thought of termination again.

 

If you do a 180 after talking to someone (or reading someone) just once, well, it should make you skeptical.

[lostnscared]

Yeah, I didn't think you were, LS. It sounds like you were initially going to have the child and didn't want to go through another termination, and then when you read what those negative Nancies were saying on another forum, you were feeling guilty and thought of termination again.

 

If you do a 180 after talking to someone (or reading someone) just once, well, it should make you skeptical.

 

I know. I feel so vulnerable and unsure, so hearing what they said was easier then being told I should keep the baby(if that makes sense). My mom keeps saying it's my life, and my choice, etc BUT I can tell that she really wants me to keep the baby. She just is acting weird with me, when I tell her I want to abort. On the other hand, my boyfriend gets angry if I bring that up. I really can't wait to get away from him next week, when I'm out of town.

 

I'm all over the place. I think seeing a counselor will be helpful.

[BellaDonna]

Well, the one good thing about both your mom and your BF is that it seems if you do have the baby both will be very supportive of you and probably help a lot. That will make the life change much better for you. Support is KEY so in that regard it is something to be thankful for: that your BF and mom would have your back if you became a mother right now.

[Fudgie]

I def think a counselor will help you. You're in a vulnerable place right now and that's totally understandable. I wouhld get an unbiased therapist (who won't push you either way) and will just help you talk it out. That way you can figure out truly what YOU want to do and base it entirely on your own feelings, not others.