I'm pregnant

[sweetpea03]

Have you talked to your boyfriend again about the moving to TN thing??

[lostnscared]

Have you talked to your boyfriend again about the moving to TN thing??

 

No. Really the first time we talked about it, there was no discussion or set in stone plans. I'm going to hold off talking about it until I get to TN next weekend and see how I feel. If I feel better while I'm in TN, then when I come back I will talk with him and tell him that I would like to stay with my mom through the pregnancy and for at least the first few months of the babys' life to have her help. I think he'll be understanding of me living with my mom during the pregnancy because he says I'm depressing to be around and am always mean to him. I honestly think me and him need space.

 

Also if he wants to me to stay at home with this child, he should be willing to let me live in an environment where I feel comfortable doing so--if I knew my mom was there to help me I'd feel a lot more comfortable.

[abitbroken]

Well..of course you have worked yourself into a tizzy thinking about all of this so of course you are going to be worried/sleepless/not hungry. I think it would be normal. Anyway, I don't think you necessarily have prenatal depression. In fact, I have never heard of it. I have heard of post partum depression .I think you are just a young lady who is feeling a bit bummed out or confused and if you feel that way - the best way to cure that is to get some fresh air, do things that make you happy, and do force yourself to eat a little bit of healthy food. Also, when you are pregnant, you will have days when you are not feeling so well, and days feel just fine. You may even feel really irritated like everyone in the world is annoying you - but you can also feel that way on a normal day when you are frustrated and not pregnant when things don't seem to all be going as planned. especially if you went from getting along to "being annoyed all the time."

 

A baby is not like a medicine "I am feeling not so good, so I'll stop taking it." The reason to end the pregnancy is not because you feel a little woozy. Heck, I feel woozy every now and then and I am not pregnant. From what I understand, a lot of this will pass when things are farther along. But you need to see a doc to find out what you need nutritionally. staying away from high sodium and other things will help you out and make you feel better.

 

I am not trying to make up your mind but whether you have a baby or have a baby in five years, you will feel irritated. You will feel woozy. That is what happens as a body adjusts to change.

[Fudgie]

it sounds like your bf and you are on shaky ground. He doesn't want you to terminate but you guys are always making each other mad and are on/off.

 

I'm sure you'll always have mom's support but honestly, I don't know about him. Babies REQUIRE a strong bond between partners, they do not make one. If you guys have already had issues before the pregnancy, I'm honeslty not very optimistic about what he'll be like after.

 

Again, you'll always have your mom's support. Don't forget that.

 

Hormonal changes will happen and you'll feel moody/sick. That's a given.

[broD]

look your going to be fine trust me its good you already told you mum and boyfriend but you also got to look at the options

1) go through with the pregnancy and keep the babie or babies

2) go through with the pregnancy but put the babie or babies up for adoption either before or after birth

3) get an abortion but i personaly dont agree with this but its your choice and dont let anybody else tell you otherwise

[lostnscared]

it sounds like your bf and you are on shaky ground. He doesn't want you to terminate but you guys are always making each other mad and are on/off.

 

I'm sure you'll always have mom's support but honestly, I don't know about him. Babies REQUIRE a strong bond between partners, they do not make one. If you guys have already had issues before the pregnancy, I'm honeslty not very optimistic about what he'll be like after.

 

Again, you'll always have your mom's support. Don't forget that.

 

Hormonal changes will happen and you'll feel moody/sick. That's a given.

 

Yeah our relationship was def. on and off for the last 6 years. But for this last year things had been good. I didn't start not liking him until I got pregnant. Ironically my friend said she hated her husband during two pregnancies.

 

I've decided to keep my baby and we're moving to Nashville.

[Fudgie]

I'm glad to hear things have been better with him!

 

Your mom's in Nashville right? I think that's a smart choice LS. She will be so supportive.

[lostnscared]

I'm glad to hear things have been better with him!

 

Your mom's in Nashville right? I think that's a smart choice LS. She will be so supportive.

 

Yes she is. He called me this morning to say "yeah let's go ahead and do it".

 

 

[abitbroken]

Yes she is. He called me this morning to say "yeah let's go ahead and do it".

 

 

 

Just don't completely shut him out. You will need to interact with him as the father whether you are together or not in the future. Also, you are making the choice to shut him out rather than dealing with a man who wants to be out. So make sure you are allowing him to be a dad. Allow him to give you support, too. Many women who don't have a guy in the picture would love it if the father wanted to be there - so if he wants to be there for the baby , let him. Even if you are annoyed at him because of hormones.

 

Also, if you were on again off again but good for a year - well, then its up to you guys to build a strong relationship. Just because you were off and on in the past doesn't make the relationship less viable. I have known folks who were on the young end and they met at a time where they just weren't ready for a relationship - one "found themselves" one went off to school, etc. and returned. So just be open minded, okay?

[lostnscared]

I will. And believe me we have been talking a lot lately. And I know--I don't want to shut him out and I'm trying not to, since he so wants to be in this baby's life. And yes our relationship in the past was rocky, but I def. think we have a chance at a future. I always knew that I would marry him and have kids with him, just not when we were 24 and 26. Ugh.

[sweetpea03]

I will. And believe me we have been talking a lot lately. And I know--I don't want to shut him out and I'm trying not to, since he so wants to be in this baby's life. And yes our relationship in the past was rocky, but I def. think we have a chance at a future. I always knew that I would marry him and have kids with him, just not when we were 24 and 26. Ugh.

 

Well not everything goes according to plan, so you are getting what you want, just earlier than expected. 24 is not all that young and many people have this happen at an earlier age. You can make your relationship work out, but really need to put the work into it. It's good that you are keeping the lines of communication open, as that is very important.

[BellaStranger]

Well not everything goes according to plan, so you are getting what you want, just earlier than expected. 24 is not all that young and many people have this happen at an earlier age. You can make your relationship work out, but really need to put the work into it. It's good that you are keeping the lines of communication open, as that is very important.

 

Agreed! Congratulations Lostnscared and good luck! When you stop fighting it, pregnancy can be a wonderful experience, don't lose it all by being freaked out!

[Hope75]

How are you feeling, Lost?

[lostnscared]

Hello,

 

Just wanted to give an update. I am currently in TN with my mom. Unfortunately this hasn't been a good week for me. I had really bad morning sickness and ended up going to the hospital the day before I left for TN. I'm 6 weeks 3 days pregnant. It was confirmed. I missed work this entire week, and just stayed in bed. My boyfriend and I talked it over and I will be moving down to TN permanently next weekend. On another note my dad and sisters know. My dad was incredibly supportive and nice about it. My boyfriends family was too. My sisters were just weirded out. My sister in law is also pregnant so that's sort of exciting.

So what's the problem?

Even with all of the support, and with the impending move, I STILL don't really want this baby. I feel so bad for feeling this way. How could I have wanted kids so badly before, and once I got pregnant not want this child. I just feel so bad, I am trying to make myself want the baby but it's not working. I just don't know how a month ago I could have wanted a baby so badly and now that I have one I don't. I find myself scared all the time, and dreading childbirth, and everything after.

Yet I don't think I can go through abortion again.

[Fudgie]

I think there is something else there making you not want the child besides the fear of childbirth. I really do.

 

Don't feel bad. You can't help your feelings. You are not in the wrong here. Maybe, it's just not the right time for you.

 

I know you don't want to go through abortion again and that's fine. Perhaps adoption would be a good choice?

[ClarenceRutherford]

Even with all of the support, and with the impending move, I STILL don't really want this baby. I feel so bad for feeling this way. How could I have wanted kids so badly before, and once I got pregnant not want this child. I just feel so bad, I am trying to make myself want the baby but it's not working. I just don't know how a month ago I could have wanted a baby so badly and now that I have one I don't. I find myself scared all the time, and dreading childbirth, and everything after.

Yet I don't think I can go through abortion again.

Lost, I feel for you.

Though I'm not a woman, I can tell you feelings change. I've read your posts. You seem like a very caring person. I know you'll be a good mother.

 

It's also good you have people around you supporting you.

You're in a better state than many other women. So be thankful for that.

 

You have our support, Lost.

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm glad you got it confirmed and it's good to hear from you! Don't feel bad for feeling this way. You can't help how you feel. Have you tried making an appt with a therapist to talk the feeligns through with a mutual third party? I agree with Fudgie, there is something else going on making you feel that way, perhaps depression? I don't know.

[rocio]

Don't try to talk yourself into something that doesn't come naturally. Trust yourself. Trust your feelings. You've said plenty of times that you don't want this - you have said it out loud and you've said it in writing. Trying to lie to yourself isn't going to change this.

 

You can handle another abortion, you're strong.

[Lonewing]

I will. And believe me we have been talking a lot lately. And I know--I don't want to shut him out and I'm trying not to, since he so wants to be in this baby's life. And yes our relationship in the past was rocky, but I def. think we have a chance at a future. I always knew that I would marry him and have kids with him, just not when we were 24 and 26. Ugh.

 

You're both at a good age to do this together - I think you'll be fine, as long as you work with each other.

 

I think having this kid means you have to face all of your fears that come with all of your desires - there's no re-dos, no do-overs, no more guessing or dreaming - it's HERE and coming!! This might be the root of why you don't want it. that and it's not "perfect' like you thought it would be - it's instead chaotic and seemingly out of order. Or perhaps it's all in order just as it should be - who are we to know?

 

I've heard both sides too - about mothers who told their kids how much they didn't want to have them and still hate having made the decision to carry through [my ex was one of those kids] and then there's those kids who's mothers remind them that they are their greatest mistake and they wouldn't trade them in for anything in the whole wide world. "I love you" are just about the only words you need to remember towards this kid - any time you feel negative thoughts towards it, or like you don't want it, remind yourself of these three words and put that negative energy to rest - I think you'll get through your down cycles easier.

 

I hope this is the turning point - best of luck to you!!

[Batya33]

What are your thoughts on adoption? I don't think it matters whether you're strong enough to handle another abortion - no need to test your strength in that way if you don't want to. At least with adoption you wouldn't need to abort and you would know that a family who desperately wants a baby would fulfil their dream. That also requires your strength of course but it doesn't require you to repeat the abortion experience that makes you anxious and a real blessing for this child would come out of your decision. Just my personal opinion.

[OptomisticGirl]

You def. have to figure out were your fear comes from. Is it because this was unplanned? Because this isn't the right time for you? Or are you simply just afraid of the pregnancy and labor? If it's the first two you can most def. over come those fears quite easily. And if you can't then adoption would be the best means for you. However, if it's the later ones, there really is only one course of action to take away those fears but every pregnant woman in the world and throughout time has had those fears.

[lostnscared]

hello everyone.

 

To be honest, I'm NOT sure what I am afraid of. I don't know if it's the baby or just all the circumstances surrounding the baby--such as moving, having to inform everyone, losing my job, etc, etc. Then I have a huge fear of the unknown-childbirth, pushing, pain, labor, etc. That is really the BIGGEST fear I'm having. Also my mom recently changed her religion(she now no longer believes in religion) and has changed completely from the last time my boyfriend met her. He is very religious and grew up with a grandfather that was a pastor, etc. In other words he is very into his religion. My mom is not. And the more my mom talks to me about her spirituality the more I agree with her and not with him. I'm afraid that my boyfriend will not want to raise our child this way(with my mom's spirituality) or that they will no longer get along. My mom has a hard time keeping her opinions and her beliefs to herself. So does my boyfriend.

So really it is not so much the baby itself, but the circumstances around it and the birth that is freaking me out. I did at one point freak out about what would happen after the baby was here. But that isn't as much of a concern.

I probably won't get an abortion. I really would have so much guilt. Deep down I know this is not me. I love kids and always wanted kids. I'm thinking that these new hormonal changes has made me really depressed that and I'm embarrassed that this was unplanned. The morning sickness is driving me up the wall too. Deep down, I feel as though when the baby gets here that will change. I did read that some mothers do get depressed during the first trimester.... I had a friend admit me to me that she didn't want her baby the entire 9 months, then when she held him for the first time that all changed.

If when the baby is here I'm still feeling this way, I will most likely give it to the father and let him take care of the baby. He has already said that would be an option.

[sweetpea03]

Keep trying to take things one day at a time and try not worry about 'everything' right now. You'll have months to figure this all out. What your mom and boyfriend disagree on is not your problem, so let them try to work out their own differences if they need to. Otherwise they can learn to keep most of their opinions to themselves. Right now your hormone levels are really high in the first trimester, so don't be too hard on yourself. After a while, your hormones will level out a bit and you can feel more like yourself. Just give yourself some time. I know pregnancy isn't always 'fun' with the many symptoms you can get, but try to enjoy it a little. It is amazing with what the human body can do.

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree with Sweetpea. As well, many interfaith couples raise their children having different religions... it's worry you just can't concentrate on right now.

[Batya33]

I wanted my baby with all of my heart and soul. I still do. But maybe re-think your standard of "If I still feel like I don't want the baby when he/she is born I'll let the father raise it" -because since you would (presumably) still be in the father's and child's life that could be very damaging to the child to learn that her mother acted on feelings of "not into doing this" by giving her to the other parent . Obviously if you were too sick to care for a baby that's different but the plan you have sounds problematic (different than adoption where the child likely would be told that you could not care for him/her and wanted her to have a loving family -and without being involved with you that is probably far easier to accept).

 

Your mom/bf issue - everyone has inlaw issues/conflicts -that's reality and you know that.

 

I agree with Sweetpea that pregnancy can be an amazing time especially after the first trimester when hopefully morning sickness decreases or goes away and you have the glowing skin and the cute pregnancy waddle ;-). Hang in there.