I'm pregnant

[Hope75]

He really wants the baby, so I know he would never agree to adoption. I really don't know what I want yet. It isn't my lifestyle I'm worried about as much as it is the fact that I haven't developed loving feelings toward the baby. It just doesn't seem normal.

 

At 6 weeks, being an unexpected pregnancy I don't think your feelings are unusual or abnormal at all. You are facing a life altering situation that is going to change everything you know, if you were taking it lightly and weren't thinking about the repercussions I would be more concerned. I really do think that given that you have had strong feelings about wanting children in the past that with time after you adjust you will begin to have loving feelings towards your baby. Early pregnancy even when planned is difficult and an abstract concept, you feel sick and tired but don't look pregnant, most people don't know, you aren't showing, the baby is unrecognizable at this point, you don't feel any movement, you are still just trying to come to terms with the fact that someone is in there. It may take quite awhile before it becomes 'real' to you.

 

For me with this baby I was more worried about losing him in the beginning because of my miscarriage this past spring due to a bleed and having a bleed with this pregnancy early on, and I really didn't feel any loving feelings, just fear of loss and more pain, coupled with nausea, vomiting and extreme fatigue. I was pulled out of work and barely able to care for my daughter due to restricted activity, it was very tough.

 

But around 17 1/2 weeks I felt him move. He kicked me while I was lying down and right away I remembered that sensation from my daughter. After almost a dozen ultrasounds, restricted activity, a bleed that finally went away, placenta previa, no sex with my husband for almost 5 months, I felt him inside me and I knew he was real, and growing, and moving, and a part of me. In short, I fell in love with him. And it took almost 18 weeks. It can happen, and with you, I suspect it will.

[Elaine Marley]

These feeling are more common then most people talk about. My daughter was planned and I didn't feel a "connection" or instant bond. I didn't even believe I was pregnant until I started feeling her kick. I went thru aniexty and tons of crazy thoughts & I wanted & planned her. So I agree just because you are depressed about it now or dont feel like its the right time - that will change once you are holding your baby.

 

Someone once told me "if they ever waited for the right time to have a baby, they would never have children"

 

You're right, it's rarely acknowledged how common these negative feelings are. I knew what I was feeling was common, and I STILL felt guilty about the feelings, so I can imagine how hard it is for someone who thinks they are abnormal and already a bad mother. I had a really rough first trimester and constantly worried that I was hurting my baby by being stressed out, but he turned out perfect.