tinkerbellkj Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Would it be possible for me to get an elective c-section? lol. Ugh I wish I would stop thinking about it, but my biggest fear right now is the labor Haha! I think you can have one, depending on your doctor. I always tell my husband I hope the stork drops off the baby clean, fed, and in a new diaper. But, seriously, labor is soo far off and probably by the time you get that big you'll be wanting to get the baby out no matter which way because you are so uncomfortable. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I think that no one is truly prepared to become a parent. you learn as you go. I think that if you absolutely don't want to be pregnant before grad school and you turn out not to be pregnant, find another form of birth control - condom plus foam or some other type of barrier. Also, get to really know your cycle so that you avoid your most fertile time even with birth control in use. or abstain if you can't do any of that if not being pregnant is that strong of a requirement. Also, another thing to weigh is that if you have already had an abortion and want to get pregnant someday - know the risks involved in abortions and multiple abortions towards future pregnancy. If you love this man and planned to marry and have kids someday, I really would be hesitant or at least really think this through before getting an abortion. The thing is - this is not a case where your doc says medically you won't survive a pregnancy, you aren't with an abusive man where you fear for your wellbeing, and you are not 13. This is abortion as birth control. No one is ever ready - but there is "not ready" as far as being 12 or as far as having an uncertain future versus "not ready" as far as wishing you had a few more years. Kids and other things don't necessarily fit perfectly into a day planner. I am sexually active with my boyfriend. While the time is not convenient to have a baby, we would want to be married first, etc, we udnerstand that there are responsibilities for messing around. I had to use some meds that had mineral oil vaginally so we abstained from sex for a week. And another time we ran out of condoms. We also make sure even with a condom in, he withdraws right away so there is no slippage. we do have the understanding that if i did become pregnant, it would be fine and wonderful/ maybe this is not your case. I guess what I am trying to say - is do what you want to do, but I am surprised if you already had one abortion (if i read it correctly), why that wasn't a "wake up call" enough to be even more vigilant and careful or to prepare. I am sorry to sound course. but if you really want to have a baby - just not this moment - there is more to consider Link to comment
rocio Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Have you spoken with your boyfriend to find out what kinds of commitments he would be willing to make? I haven't followed your posts on here, so I don't know much about your situation. Are you in the U.S.? Does your boyfriend have a degree and reasonable career prospects? Maybe if you went to him with a concrete plan regarding how long it would take you to complete the Masters and what kind of support you could get from him, he might be willing to hold up the financial responsibilities until you're done school. I do think some doctors will do an elective c-section if it's what you want. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Were you able to get an appt for the blood test? As I just completed my masters program last month, I can honestly say it was tough without any children. I worked full-time throughout the 4 yrs it took me, and went to school part time..I STILL had to take a couple semesters off here and there due to different life events. There were 6 women in my program who fell pregnant during our program. 4 of them were married and 2 were unmarried(maybe single). 3 were able to have the baby during one semester and keep going during the next...the rest were delayed. Not so bad, I guess. I often discussed with them how they managed it all(the ones I talked to, were married and relied heavily on their spouse's support). As for me, at different points during my program, I would often discuss with my fiancee various "what if's" and although he was very supportive in wanting to keep a child if anything happened, I knew, deep down, I would be so disappointed in myself and be cringing at all my life dreams "going down the drain" if I were to get pregnant....maybe it was in poor taste to do away with his opinion altogether, but I just wanted to finish this degree and have that under my belt, also wanted to be married, have more $$(realistically, I do well on my own and so does my FI, but still) etc before even considering having a child. If you could see yourself not being resentful towards the child, and are ok with having to shift planning as necessary, you will be in the right frame of mind moving forward. Keep talking and discussing with people you trust, helps to flesh out ideas and to settle(somewhat)the news.. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Have you spoken with your boyfriend to find out what kinds of commitments he would be willing to make? I haven't followed your posts on here, so I don't know much about your situation. Are you in the U.S.? Does your boyfriend have a degree and reasonable career prospects? Maybe if you went to him with a concrete plan regarding how long it would take you to complete the Masters and what kind of support you could get from him, he might be willing to hold up the financial responsibilities until you're done school. I do think some doctors will do an elective c-section if it's what you want. We are both in the US. He has a degree, but he works in the trades and did not(and still will not) do anything with the degree he has because once he was done he didn't really like the field he was in. His career prospects would be good--he probably could find a job anywhere. School is now going to be postponed(if I keep the baby) for another year. And I know he would be okay with be the breadwinner during that time. In terms of commitments, we haven't had a chance to talk much about this at all. I do want to move out of Chicago, and be closer to my mom--so if anything I need to see if he is willing to follow that commitment if he is so set on going through with this. I know is stupid but does a C section hurt worse than a vaginal birth? Link to comment
tinkerbellkj Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I believe a c-section is a longer recovery than vaginal. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 ^It is. I think it's between a few days longer to weeks. My sister's was a week or two to recover I believe but I'm not completely sure. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 During the procedure you feel no pain because they numb you (but vaginal you can have an epidural. Granted, sometimes they wear off by the time you push). REcovery like Tink said is longer for c section though. And it is a surgery. There are risks with it just like vaginal deliveyr. What about natural birth scares you? Link to comment
rocio Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yes, a C-section is more painful. With either one, the drugs prevent you from feeling anything during the event. But pain and recovery is normally worse after a C-section. I'm not going to lie to you. Childbirth usually does involve some pain, although there are women who experience no pain or after effects. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yes, a C-section is more painful. With either one, the drugs prevent you from feeling anything during the event. But pain and recovery is normally worse after a C-section. I'm not going to lie to you. Childbirth usually does involve some pain, although there are women who experience no pain or after effects. Unless the epidural wears off during vaginal labor... happened to a friend of mine. She was not happy. 0.o Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 My sister in law had 3 natural births and was fine within a few hours. I personally know someone who had her baby at 11 AM and was camping in the evening no troubles at all she felt great. That was not me. I had a rough time, but my recovery was slowed by the fact I has a major hemorrage and an operation and gave birth all in the same day and then had another surgery 2 months later. It took me 5 months to feel sort of normal. Most women who had a vaginal delivery feel not too bad in a few days and are feeling pretty much back to normal at latest a few to 6 weeks after delivery. The only thing they feel is tired because they have had no sleep. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 The true confession mom site? I wish I knew someone in my situation that could talk to me more about it. I do have a friend in a similar position, but she isn't a planner like I am, so though she was terrified her reasons were different from mine. She is done with school(had no plans of going to graduate), doesn't really care about traveling that much, and didn't really have any huge goals, so though she was irritated she was pregnant, it wasn't because of the fact that she had all these goals. Yeah one of those sites. I've found several of them. I would look at why you're terrified. It sounds like you want a child but you're scared of the pregnancy/labor. You said before that you're "mostly leaning toward keeping it" so I guess that's what you're going to do? Link to comment
lostnscared Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Ugh. this is too much for me right now, I'm terrified about something that is a while away. I really don't know what to do about my fear of labor. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yeah one of those sites. I've found several of them. I would look at why you're terrified. It sounds like you want a child but you're scared of the pregnancy/labor. You said before that you're "mostly leaning toward keeping it" so I guess that's what you're going to do? I don't know. More of me is leaning toward keeping it, but the part of me that isn't it is because I am afraid of the labor and what people will think of me. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I suggest talking to people about the experience and watch some birthing videos to get an idea of what it's like. No one is going to sugarcoat it, it HURTS a ton. Will it be all worth it? I don't know. No one can say for sure. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. It sounds like you're more scared about labor than actually having the child. How are you going to pay for it? Labor is scary but it lasts a matter of hours for most women. Then you have the kid for LIFE. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I don't know. More of me is leaning toward keeping it, but the part of me that isn't it is because I am afraid of the labor and what people will think of me. That's okay. It's still early and there is time to decide. The only way to AVOID labor is to abort it. Keep it or adoption and you'll still be going through labor. I think the most you can do right now is to just explore your feelings and do some research on your own. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I don't know. More of me is leaning toward keeping it, but the part of me that isn't it is because I am afraid of the labor and what people will think of me. They will think you a young woman in a committed relationship doing the next step in life. Sure, it' snot the way you wanted it, but you wanted to be were you are nevertheless. So what if they wag their fingers at conception outside of marriage? Please. I'm sure they aren't saints themselves. Those who find fault with you always has faults of their own they are trying to hide. The labor.. well, every woman is afraid of it. I am. Mostly what could go wrong during it. But you can educate yourself about it by talking to doctors and people who have been through it and subside that fear somewhat. It'll always be there, it is with every woman. You aren't wrong to fear labor. Link to comment
rocio Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 No one is going to sugarcoat it, it HURTS a ton. I wouldn't necessarily agree. There is a small chance that it could hurt a ton. But with an epidural, it likely won't involve a lot of pain. Some, yes. You still have to deal with the contractions in the beginning, which feel a bit like menstrual cramps but aren't awful. Plus potentially some healing pain, if you tear. But as far as it hurting a ton, it shouldn't unless you choose to go natural, in which case, yes, it hurts like hell. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I was afraid of labour too. However, I did it, lived through it (though almost died) and I get to share the wonderful person that is my son with the world. TOTALLY worth it for me. As horrendous as my pregnancy and labour were, having him more than made up for it a million times over. He is SUCH a worth while human being. I am SO glad I had him. Now 13 years later the suffering to make sure he made it into the world is a blip in time. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I wouldn't necessarily agree. There is a small chance that it could hurt a ton. But with an epidural, it likely won't involve a lot of pain. Some, yes. You still have to deal with the contractions in the beginning, which feel a bit like menstrual cramps but aren't awful. Plus potentially some healing pain, if you tear. But as far as it hurting a ton, it shouldn't unless you choose to go natural, in which case, yes, it hurts like hell. Women have varying degrees of labor though. Some contractions don't hurt, others do. A friend of mine all but ripped the hospital bed rails out when she had a contraction and yeah, the epidural was great.. until it wore off right before she started pushing. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I wouldn't necessarily agree. There is a small chance that it could hurt a ton. But with an epidural, it likely won't involve a lot of pain. Some, yes. You still have to deal with the contractions in the beginning, which feel a bit like menstrual cramps but aren't awful. Plus potentially some healing pain, if you tear. But as far as it hurting a ton, it shouldn't unless you choose to go natural, in which case, yes, it hurts like hell. There are many people on this board who have chosen to do it "naturally" and yeah, you're right, it does hurt a ton. My mother had an epidural and a C-section for me and my sibs and she still went through a lot of pain. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Women have varying degrees of labor though. Some contractions don't hurt, others do. A friend of mine all but ripped the hospital bed rails out when she had a contraction and yeah, the epidural was great.. until it wore off right before she started pushing. Yupperos. I had contractions every 90 seconds or so for over 13 hours that hurt like a .............like you said almost pulling the bed rails off the bed. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yupperos. I had contractions every 90 seconds or so for over 13 hours that hurt like a .............like you said almost pulling the bed rails off the bed. My best friend wanted no one to talk to her when she was in the middle of a contraction. Would bite your head off if you did. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 My best friend wanted no one to talk to her when she was in the middle of a contraction. Would bite your head off if you did. Hahah my mom said that about me too. She would say...........just because you are in labour is no reason to be nasty. It does not matter what you have to go through you do not bite anyone's head off. I wanted to smack her head..lol. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Hahah my mom said that about me too. She would say...........just because you are in labour is no reason to be nasty. It does not matter what you have to go through you do not bite anyone's head off. I wanted to smack her head..lol. You def have to have a good support system when in labor. My best friend's mom thought she was going to be in the delivery room with them. I knew from the get go my best friend wouldn't allow it because she is super modest (9 years of friendship I still have to leave the room just for her to change shirts). Needless to say her mom did not take kindly to being 'kicked' out of the delivery room and there was a small fuss. Link to comment
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