He proposed to me... after 3 months

[alls]

My boyfriend who ive known for 3 months, but dated for 2, took me out for a romantic, very sweet day today. he spoiled me rotten.

 

But then, he proposed.

 

He had a ring. a very nice ring.

 

He told me to think about it and take some time.

 

Im in shock... i am falling in love wiht him, but was not expecting this!! Totally out fo the blue.

 

When we are together, it feels so incredibly right, there is so much passion it almost boils over. We get each other on almost everything, and each others humour.

 

If i say no, im not ready, i dont want to loose him.... and even before he asked, i could definatly see and have 'daydreamed' about marrying him one day... just dind't think it'd be this soon!!!

 

Engagements can be drawn out too tho right? You can be engaged for years cant ya?

 

What would you do if this happened to you?

 

i knw i have to make this decision my self, but just keen for other opinions

 

This man, is, the most wonderful man ive ever met... i know nobody is perfect, but to me he is... but is this too quick?

[Vince99]

Yep. Too quick. What's he in such a hurry for?

 

If he's so great, he'll be fine with you wanting to wait awhile before jumping into an engagement.

[Alezia]

Definetly too quick.

I say, when in doubt say no.

I would simply explain to him that you would like to takes things a little slower but reassure him you like him very much... can you even say love at that point?

 

I'd probably have fainted from shock if someone proposed to be after 2 months of dating... so I think you're doing pretty good =)

[_Asti_]

Have you been through hard times? Have you worked through hard issues? Have you fought, have you gone passed the butterfly stage and experienced the REAL him?

Have you discussed what you want out of life, kids, travel, career?

 

To me, an engagement is a time to plan a wedding..not to date and find out about your partner, how you are together, if its going to work etc.

 

3 months is nothing.

I think the real relationship hasn't even begun yet.

 

Its a definite hard spot for you, but I would give the ring back.

If I couldn't even say I loved him, the lsat thing I would want is a promise of marriage on my finger when I don't even know if I will love him in the future.

[hers]

Right now of course you get each other on everything. Of course the passion is soaring. They don't call it the honeymoon phase for nothing.

 

When in doubt say no, as someone else said. You need to take the time to get to know each other. This is marriage, afterall. It should be forever.

[richmonder80]

Be honest about how you feel, it is better to bruise his ego now than to break his heart later, meaing, you saying no lets wait might hurt him a bit but it is better than you saying yes now and later down the road saying no I can't - which will break his heart. Be honest with him, he will understand, 3 months is way too short and if he really loves you, he wouldnt care about waiting.

[Unknown1607307972]

Way too soon. Hell I have had those thoughts too about my boyfriend but I sure as hell am not ready for marriage and I've been with him for...well coming up to seven months.

 

Explain to him that you love him and that you really see yourselves having a future but you just feel that engagement is too soon and you don't want to rush such things.

 

Unless you do want to marry him now that is...engagements can be delayed but for how long before he starts questioning why you're holding back?

[amtjrtcet]

op....funny I am in a very similar situation. I've been seeing my guy for a few months now and I am compeletely head over heels. But he started talkin about marriage and also bought me a ring. Really you shouldn't call it a ring, more like a boulder. But I told him I wasn't quite ready for that yet. He really loves me and said he'd give me as much time as I needed. If he really loves you he'll understand its very soon and give you time.

[Ms Darcy]

Way too soon. Tell him you need at least (insert time) before considering marriage.

 

For me, I need at least 2 years of dating. 2-3 years is my ideal range. What about you?

[Rabican]

My parents were engaged after 3 months, married after 6.

 

They have been together over 30 years, and have 3 kids together. And considered by many people (my fiance, friends, other relatives to be the 'weird ones' because they get along so well, and are so happy etc.).

 

So is 3 months too short... yes and no. I wouldnt rule it out completely, but I wouldnt rush into anything unless you are 100% sure.

 

You have two options based on what you said.

1. Say no, its too soon.

 

2. Say yes, you are a great guy... but I would like to wait a while before we actually get married.

 

Maybe he just knows that you are the one for him. And if thats true, then he should understand, and be willing to deal with your desire to wait a while.

[Kalika]

I think it's too soon, but why not tell him that you dont want to be married for another year or two at least? Worst case scenario you end up realizing he's not what you expected, and you can give the ring back and call it off.

 

I definitely wouldn't get MARRIED for at least another year or so though. You really do need to know who you're marrying.

[Circe]

While I agree that engagements are not supposed to be an opportunity to date and get to know your partner (but rather, a stage in which you prepare for the wedding and really focus in on what you are embarking on) and the dating and getting to know each other should have occurred before........

..... I also think engagements are a bit silly as a concept, and if you want to use an engagement for the above purpose .. why not? Just make sure he realises that the next couple of years will be important for both of you in reaffirming that you are doing the right thing and if time proves you both wrong, you both owe it to each other to call the engagement off.

 

If you think you can have a conversation like that with him then go for it..

[confusedgirly]

Engagements can be drawn out too tho right? You can be engaged for years cant ya?

 

Yes, you can be engaged for years. I am engaged and we haven't set a date for the wedding. We are saying 'in about 2 years'.

 

It's all up to the couple and every couple is different and no one has the right to say what should and should not happen.

 

But I do agree that 3 months is WAY TOO SOON to become engaged to someone.

[alli]

3 months is definitely too soon. Yeah, length of time before getting engaged or married is not going to guarantee nor doom you, but it is generally a good indicator. You can find almost anyone perfect in the first 3 months of dating. But no one is perfect; it's not that he doesn't have any flaws, it's just that you haven't discovered them yet. Trust me, they are there. You need to date much longer than 3 months to know if they are big things or little things. And they may not necessarily be flaws per se, but simply things that you don't agree with or drive you nuts. I think you know that.

 

The fact that he jumped the gun so soon might actually be cause for concern. It could be a sign that he is impulsive (and could be impulsive in other ways as well, such as spending). Or he might see you as being the answer to everything, and things won't be as great once he realizes that you aren't the perfect savior he thought you were. And that he bought an engagement ring without even talking to you about it first?? That is a lot of money to spend on a whim. Had he considered that you might like to be involved in showing him what type of ring you like, this could have been solved before he spent a bunch of money and made such a grandiose attempt at commitment after such a short time.

 

Don't feel like you have to accept or "think about it" because he spent so much money, or because he will feel rejected & end things if you say no (by the way, sounds a bit like manipulation, don't you think?)

 

I'm not saying he is definitely a bad guy. Maybe he just got over-excited, did something unlike himself & jumped the gun. Tell him you like him but you couldn't marry or get engaged to anyone after such a short period of time. What's the rush anyway? If he is okay with waiting & can swallow a "no", he might be an okay guy. If he can't, then I think you just discovered things about him that aren't so perfect & maybe shouldn't be dating him anyway. Any reasonable person will understand that you are not ready to get engaged after 3 months.

[takingabuse]

If you're asking, you're not ready. He's obviously fallen for you, or he's insecure and afraid someone else may get you. I've had that feeling myself. Get to know each other way better. He's going too fast.

[Lights]

Personally, I'd just wait for the honeymoon phase of the relationship to be over.

 

It's totally possible you two are legitimately falling for each other, but it's okay to move slow. After all, if he's ready to commit to marriage with you, dating a few more months should be okay.

 

I'm not really a cynical person, but realistically, MOST relationships are that good in the first 3 months. It's still new, fresh, sexy, exciting, etc. All relationships kinda phase out of that eventually and you start to see more good and bad things about each other. Congrats to all those who have made it work, but I think the time of getting to REALLY know each other is fun and valuable.

[spinstermanquee]

Waiting is a good idea, and I don't think you would hurt his feelings by being the more logical between you two. After all, a good marriage is built by the head AND the heart, not just the one or the other. One must be practical as well as in love!

 

Having said all that, I would tell him how deeply I feel for him and how devastating it would be for either one of you to make a mistake of that magnitude. Respecting that, how about if he puts the ring in his safety deposit box for the time being while you two set about discovering all the sides of each other?

 

If you take the proper time to get to know one another, good bad and indifferent, the worst that can happen is one of you discovers the "deal-breaker" and you part ways before going through the detritus and failure of a divorce. The best thing that could happen is you get around to engagement and marriage with clear heads and a joint vision of the future.

 

Good luck my dear!

[freeindeed]

I know of scenarios where: 1. Someone was engaged after 3 months and the relationship continues today. 2. Turned down an engagement after 5 months and now regrets it because he didn't hasn't popped the question again. 3. Was engaged after 2 years (married for 4) and are now divorcing. The unfortunate thing is that we really can't tell you what to do because there's all sorts of different scenarios. How do you feel? Personally, I would accept the engagement because you still have time to figure things out...but again, that's just me

[SayWhen]

Three months is awfully fast...however, as you mentioned, there is the possibility of a very long engagement. If you turn him down there is a chance that he will decide not to propose again for a good long while...if at all. Rejection is never easy, especially for a man proposing marriage. If I were in your situation I would probably accept, and then discuss the possibility of an engagement lasting a few years (maybe 2-3, depending on your age). As for his motivations, he could really see himself with you for life, or he could (as another poster mentioned) be feeling the need to mark his territory with a big 'ole ring. At this point, your guess probably is truly as good as ours. Wait it out and do not let him push you into marriage until you are good and ready.

 

Good luck!

[meepmeep20]

This is the honeymoon stage. Don't get married.

[Batya33]

I think it's perfectly normal to ask whether you should and yet be ready because this is very soon and a big surprise, yes?

 

I don't think three months is necessarily too soon and I also think that you should not get engaged until you're ready to set a wedding date soon (meaning the date can be a year or more from now, but you should be ready to choose a wedding date and plan the wedding). If he wants to marry you he will also want what's best for you as a couple and it is perfectly reasonable to tell him that three months is too soon.

[Capricorn3]

Way way too soon! You've hardly gotten to know each other and he wants to get married? Wow. Love takes time to grow and 2 months is still at the crazy infatuation honeymoon stage. Tell him it's way too soon for you and you need more time. If he doesn't like it, then you have your answer as to his true character.

 

I would never accept a proposal after 2 months of dating, even if you paid me, but maybe that's just me.

[doiiiieeezie]

---------------

[anggrace]

"To me, an engagement is a time to plan a wedding..not to date and find out about your partner, how you are together, if its going to work etc."

 

^^agree!

You obviously love the thought of life happily ever after with this man, but you don't really know at this point if it's the right choice (otherwise you wouldn't be here). I wouldn't accept at this point. If he's the rightr man for you, he'll be patient.

[dtgrl812]

My parents were engaged after 3 months, married after 6.

 

They have been together over 30 years, and have 3 kids together. And considered by many people (my fiance, friends, other relatives to be the 'weird ones' because they get along so well, and are so happy etc.).

 

So is 3 months too short... yes and no. I wouldnt rule it out completely, but I wouldnt rush into anything unless you are 100% sure.

 

You have two options based on what you said.

1. Say no, its too soon.

 

2. Say yes, you are a great guy... but I would like to wait a while before we actually get married.

 

Maybe he just knows that you are the one for him. And if thats true, then he should understand, and be willing to deal with your desire to wait a while.

 

 

WOW-- this sums up what I was gonna say. My aunt an uncle were engaged after a month and married within 6 and have been together for 35 plus years and have 4 kids. It DOES work for SOME people. I really like both options the above person gave you--- totally agree... if he is the ONE he will understand and work through it with you.