Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

I've had deliberate setups. They've almost always been awkward. Though I did date a guy in high school for a year that was the result of such a setup.

 

Bears, lol. D had a big thing about bears too. I don't think you can domesticate one, even if you raise it from a cub. Housecats are barely domesticated. If a house cat was the size of a real lion or tiger, they would kill you, and they wouldn't feel bad about it either.

[sophie274]

I thought that, as a rule, you can't really domesticate any wild animal (I mean, as a stand-alone, not over many generations). They may seem tame but you never know when they're going to revert to their instincts.

 

I went to a bear sanctuary last year and had a private visit, and boy did one of the bears reek. Apparently he had some kind of condition. A good reason not to have one in your house! I didn't realize wanting a bear was a thing.

[thejigsup]

I think I'll stick to my kitties.

[annie24]

I'm feeling some anxiety today about my decision to cut things off with D. Did I make the right decision? Should I have stuck things out and explored where things went and said ok to point #4? But then again, I know that he wouldn't have been a good long-term partner and I didn't even really enjoy all that much just sitting on the couch and talking with him.... And now this frees up more time for me to do things that may have a better payoff in the future - finishing extra projects, and spending time meeting new men, like M tomorrow. I've definitely felt my anxiety flare up this week and I'm wondering if I should have "pushed through" or just let go as I did... Probably let go, but still....

[Ms Darcy]

I'm not sure what your life goals are but if you are looking for a long-term relationship with the potential for marriage and children, then cutting of D was the right choice.

 

Even if you are just looking to avoid headaches, cutting him off was still the right choice.

[annie24]

Thanks Mrs Darcy

[thejigsup]

You did the right thing. This allows both of you to find a better fit.

[browneyedgirl36]

Another vote for you did the right thing. You can do a lot better. Every guy I have ever had doubts about, I've had them for a reason. Every time I've seen a giant waving red flag and/or heard loud alarm bells going off, I was right. If you have to wrestle internally with whether or not to give him a chances, chances are a pretty good that you know he's not right for you. Just my thoughts based on my experience. You'll find someone better suited to you, for sure!

[annie24]

sigh. thanks guys. it's nice to hear it from outsiders. I know I've definitely told people on here if you've been dating a month or two and you're already arguing, it's not the right relationship. Things should be easy the first few months anyway. I know that there is uncertainty when you start dating someone and you aren't maybe clear on their intentions towards you or their future goals or where you stand in their life, etc....but yeah, this is just too much. I'm still feeling a lot of anxiety and have recently doubled my dose of anti-anxiety meds (with my dr.'s permission).

 

M and I are going to a brewery tomorrow afternoon and if things go well, dinner nearby.

[annie24]

Hm, I think i just pissed off Carol. She was complaining about her dating life and she mentioned to me she had recently put an ad on a site. I found her pretty quickly - I texted to ask if she wanted some unsolicited advice. she said she wished I hadn't looked at it and wasn't in the mood for advice. I said ok. (Imho - I was about to tell her that there was too much about her ex, and not enough about her in the profile....) oh well.... (The thing is - her ex - the one she mentions in her ad - saw it and replied to her!! yikes!)

[notalady]

Geez, why would anyone talk about their ex in their dating ad (or profile) is beyond me.

[annie24]

yeah, that's basically it - too much about the ex and not enough about herself. I feel like she'd get better responses if she just focused on her. i guess she doesn't want to hear it!

[thejigsup]

Nothing brings 'em runnin' like going on about your ex. Sheesh!

[faraday]

Geez, why would anyone talk about their ex in their dating ad (or profile) is beyond me.

 

Because she's not over him yet.

[annie24]

i guess her ex found her, and she wrote back to him, "yeah, it's me, Carol, we dated." he just said "good luck and bye." Yikes.

[notalady]

i guess her ex found her, and she wrote back to him, "yeah, it's me, Carol, we dated." he just said "good luck and bye." Yikes.

 

Was there no photo? Lol...

[annie24]

well, it was a craigslist ad - when i had one, I didn't put a photo either, but I described what I look like. That's what's missing - an explanation of what she looks like.

[Larkin]

Did I make the right decision? Should I have stuck things out and explored where things went and said ok to point #4? But then again, I know that he wouldn't have been a good long-term partner and I didn't even really enjoy all that much just sitting on the couch and talking with him....

 

I believe you answered your own questions.

[annie24]

I went on a date with a guy, M, today. We met at a local brewery, had 2 drinks, then had their free tour. after the tour, he just really suddenly kissed me. it was really a shock, i kind of yelped. then we went for some chinese food. he told me several times over dinner that he really liked me and wanted to see me again. when he walked me to the subway station, he kind of stood in my way to the entrance and was trying to kiss me but I kind of turned my head. It was just a little much for me. I don't know. I felt a little overwhelmed by him. On the plus side, M has a job, a house, and no kids, no ex wives.

 

I have a date tomorrow with V. we'll see how that goes.

[annie24]

I believe you answered your own questions.

 

oh gosh, oxytocin is a hell of a drug, isn't it. I am finding myself really missing D right now. but only in bed. i don't actually miss sitting around and chatting with him, like I did with Logan. Logan, for all his faults, actually had a lot of interesting things to talk about.

 

anyway, i was just thinking about him this morning (D, not Logan). and remembered how he said on our first date that one of the reasons he left his wife because she "didn't want to work, no ambition, she graduated from high school then retired basically." I said that sucked. Then i remember him telling me that he left his wife a few months after their 2nd child was born and their first was 2. So, I just was thinking "well, of course, how could she work with an infant and a toddler?!" Like, what the heck?! Depending on your skill set, sometimes it doesn't pay off to go to work and leave the kids in daycare. It really depends on how much you're making. Anyway, he's not around for me to question him, no reason to. It's best to make a clean break from this one.

 

It's very weird. In so many ways, I'm not used to breaking off a relationship, usually I'm the one broken up with. It's easy to feel the second guessing within yourself. Whereas when I get dumped, I'm in pain, sure, but no interest in reaching out.

[petite]

What is your ultimate relationship goal? Do you want just a long term relationship or a marriage? Do you want children or are you happy being child free?

If you have answers to those questions then you should look from someone with similar goals. It doesn't matter what your answers are, but being on the same page is really important. It seems like you and D weren't really on the same page.

Stick to what you want in life not just what someone can give you right now.

If you want a man with a job that doesn't live with his mother and who is stable then only give your attention to those people, and don't waste time on those that don't match what you want in a partner.

[Batya33]

It makes me mad when people describe a mom of young children as "not working" in general -unless she actually is not caring for her children and not working outside the home.

[luminousone]

It makes me mad when people describe a mom of young children as "not working" in general -unless she actually is not caring for her children and not working outside the home.

 

Me too. My then husband used to view me as "not working" but I had the 24 hour duties. He didn't appreciate all I did until we got divorced and he had to be a parent when he had the kids.

[annie24]

What is your ultimate relationship goal? Do you want just a long term relationship or a marriage? Do you want children or are you happy being child free?

If you have answers to those questions then you should look from someone with similar goals. It doesn't matter what your answers are, but being on the same page is really important. It seems like you and D weren't really on the same page.

Stick to what you want in life not just what someone can give you right now.

If you want a man with a job that doesn't live with his mother and who is stable then only give your attention to those people, and don't waste time on those that don't match what you want in a partner.

 

I do want a serious relationship - one that may result in marriage. Kids are - i'm on the fence. if I meet a great guy soon who wants to have kids I would. If he doesn't, i wouldn't. I'm not going to have kids on my own. While D said he wanted a serious relationship and he wanted to date me, I just don't feel like he's a suitable candidate, due to his own instabilities in his life right now. And I think that if you do stick by a guy who's getting his life together, sometimes they ditch you as soon as things start falling into place (like how logan dumped me not long after he finally found a job). (And him not being in his kids' lives really turned me off.)

 

Thanks petite - Yes, i have to focus on the long term compatibility, not short term.

[annie24]

blarg. So I was supposed to meet with V today. He asked me yesterday if 2 worked, I said yes, and we picked a spot to meet. He texted me this morning when he woke up and asked if 2 still worked, I said yes. He said he would text me when he was getting ready to leave his house (he's about 30 minutes away by car). So I got to the coffee shop at 2, I said, "I'm here." he said, Oh, I haven't left yet, I understood that I would text you before I left so you didn't hurry. (?!?!) I'm like, "then why did you say 2 PM?!" I told him to forget it, I don't have time to sit around waiting for him to show up and I have work to do. So I left the shop, just got to work. Going to work on some stuff for a few hours, then get dinner with Carol.