Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[annie24]

I think i'm just overwhelmed by people and requests lately. and I can't tell people at work to go away. Like this weekend, while it was very sweet and I should and am grateful that I have many nice friends, I just was annoyed at everyone texting me the whole weekend wanting to do this or that. I mean, yes, I know I sound like a huge brat right now. I think i just over-extended myself and made too many plans and now I am feeling kind of short tempered because i didn't just get to spend half the day in bed reading or whatever. Or like today, I was talking with one coworker, but then I really needed to go to the bathroom, and then a coworker saw me in the hallway and wanted to talk about some experiments.... i said i'll be right back, lol. So yeah, then yesterday when Dave sends like 10 funny memes... ok they're funny but I was getting annoyed with hearing my cell phone buzzing every minute while I'm trying to get ready to go out.

[Realitynut]

I HATE being tickled. That in itself would annoy me to no end!

 

If I like someone a lot....I lOVE constant texts. If i'm luke warm....I'd be annoyed.

 

And I don't get annoyed easily! lol

[thejigsup]

I am of the mindset that constant texts are an assault on your privacy and personal time. One a day is almost too much.

[Realitynut]

But like I said...I don't get annoyed easily. Depends on if it's my bf or not. I use it as a conversation tool.....joking....teasing...ya know...fun. If it's NOT my bf.....then fine. Annoying...or if it's just. Good morning, how are you. I'm fine. Boring.

 

If my personal time was so important...I wouldn't be on HERE!!!

[petite]

You do not sound like a brat, you sound like someone that is overwhelmed and strapped for time to take care of yourself and your personal needs.

Take a break from everything and everyone. Don't over schedule and say no.

Utilise the MUTE button on your phone. Do it with Facebook (messenger app has it so you can mute certain people OR everyone for a certain amount of time), iMessage/whatsapp etc.

It is OK to say NO, and it is OK to ignore messages/people as long as you get back to them when you can. Obviously not months later, but when your schedule allows it.

 

As far as Dave goes I would tell him to please either send it all in one message or just email.

[Realitynut]

I am of the mindset that constant texts are an assault on your privacy and personal time. One a day is almost too much.

 

oops sorry Jigs....that was for Annie. I reread her post and saw where she was being assaulted by txts. When will I ever learn....it's not all about ME! Especially when it's not even MY journal!!! teehee

 

I hate it when someone says they want to see me (I'm thinking of someone I haven't seen in YEARS...and don't miss).....and so I just ignore...and then feel guilty.

[thejigsup]

Got it! I just have an annoying gentleman friend who texts me constantly. I am not looking to date him and I don't think he wants that, either. Still, several times per day, no matter what I have going on, there he is!

[annie24]

You do not sound like a brat, you sound like someone that is overwhelmed and strapped for time to take care of yourself and your personal needs.

Take a break from everything and everyone. Don't over schedule and say no.

Utilise the MUTE button on your phone. Do it with Facebook (messenger app has it so you can mute certain people OR everyone for a certain amount of time), iMessage/whatsapp etc.

It is OK to say NO, and it is OK to ignore messages/people as long as you get back to them when you can. Obviously not months later, but when your schedule allows it.

 

As far as Dave goes I would tell him to please either send it all in one message or just email.

 

Yeah, this has been an exhausting week. I've actually skipped the gym tonight because I'm way too tired and too many things have been going on. Dave was trying to flirt/cheer me up yesterday, but I just told him it's just more helpful for me to sit down, focus, and get the work done so I can go home. I do have a very hard time saying no! I've had a few work-related things this week where people asked me to do things - it was actually flattering that I was asked to do this, but again, it's another thing to do. well, I'm going to see my family this weekend so that will be fun. I'll be out of the country too, so Dave knows to email me, not to text. Don't want international texting charges!

[annie24]

]

 

My latest haul, and you need these (if you don't already have them) because they are gorgeous!

 

L-R

Pink a boo, pink glove service, little miss Paris 937, you're such a Budapest, kiss me on my tulips, bond with whomever, to buy or not to buy.

 

You know I don't like ridiculously crazy colors, and stick to particular shades but these are simply gorgeous. For a night out one coat of "you're such a Budapest" and one coat of "pink a boo" are very you and work beautiful together. That bright pink color is strictly for toes since I'm either a neutral or red/dark color woman when it comes to my hands, lol

 

Hehe, thanks!! I'm wearing "Purple Palazzo Pants" on my nails right now (lavender color). I don't usually wear lavender but my manicurist talked me into it. Is the one on the left pink? it looks grey to me?

 

[ATTACH=CONFIG]10998[/ATTACH]

 

 

I love this color (Creekside from CND). I bought it and wear it often, especially because my salon doesn't carry it. On my hands, it really looks neutral, not like a crazy blue or anything.

[petite]

It is hard having a busy schedule, and, of course, like you said it is flattering being invited to events, but when you're feeling overwhelmed the last thing you need is more stress and events. Perhaps people invite you because you're such a fun, and gregarious person and they do not realize how busy you are and that you too need alone time.

 

 

I like Purple Palazzo Pants, haven't ever purchased it but the color looks great so might give it a go.

 

The one on the left is not pink; it's more a very light shimmery lavender. It is called "to buy or not to buy." It's the lighting in the picture lol.

 

Creekside looks nice, a little too blue for everyday wear, but certainly one of those fun colors.

Since I am back at work, it means I am back to wearing french mani, CND romantique, dark reds, and light pinks/lavenders. When I really want to push my game, I wear darks such as OPI's "lincoln park after dark". Anything "fun" is too out there for obvious reasons. It does, however, mean I explore with colors on my toes, lol.

 

 

I hope you have a very good time with your extended family and get to relax.

[annie24]

Thanks Petite - The vacation has been nice so far, going back tonight. My other cousin just moved to your city temporarily, for 6 months! My cousin's wife is from there originally and they're taking a 6 month sabbatical. I think they're never coming back here, lol. It's funny - they have a cat, but didn't want to take their cat with them on this temporary move, so they gave the cat to my uncle, but he is here now, so actually, the cat is staying in a house all by itself, and the neighbor is coming over daily to feed the cat. Lol. So there are 7 of us in this house, and the cat has the place all to itself.

 

Things are going well with D so far... we've been spending time over Skype and talking, easier to do when I have more time and brain space. We're going out again this weekend, very much looking forward to that. He is also looking forward.

[petite]

Well, now you have two families to visit in the city if you ever decide to come on a holiday here!

 

Hope your date with D goes well.

 

Have fun!

[annie24]

Ugh, i don't think there will be a date with D this weekend. Long story. A lot of this is my fault, we've had a very emotional discussion. It's my fault for pushing too soon. I told him a few days ago that I'd like a date at my place to spend some sexy time together. (This would be our 3rd date). He was obviously thrilled and agreed, said he wasn't going to try anything this soon but was happy I asked. So, we talked a lot about it. I told him I'd feel better if we both took an HIV test before anything (you can get one from the drug store, result in 20 minutes). Then last night, he said he hadn't had sex in a while, I asked how long. he said a few weeks ago with one of his exes/FWB. I was surprised because based on our previous conversation, I (incorrectly) inferred that it had been a year ago with his ex. I asked if we were to be intimate, if he would stop with the others for now, he said no, he's not ready to make that sort of commitment to me. He said that he does want to date me, but at this point, cannot offer exclusivity or commitment of any kind.

 

So, we had a lot of back and forth. Then I stopped responding and he kept calling and sending texts. He said he does want to date me, get to know me, spend time with me, etc.... And I just internally feel like ew... He offered to take the HIV test and says he and his partners practice safe sex. But I told him I don't know who they are with, who is using IV drugs, etc.... I told him I don't want to be Saturday night girl, another is Friday night girl, etc.

 

I think we just want different things and are wired differently. I understand his point of view, and he said he thinks he could be monogamous again, but just can't offer that right now. Which is fair. But I'm also not feeling all that excited about him now to proceed.... know what I mean?

 

sigh.

 

To add, I do feel like there is my gut which is just shouting at me that this isn't the right guy for me. I could just date him and see where things go, but then again, it's easier to walk away now after 2 dates.

[WithLove]

Normally, I'd say that specifically telling him you want him over for sexy time is probably not a good plan. But in this case it seems to have been a blessing in disguise. I wouldn't want to pursue anything further with him either, unless a FWB thing is what you're looking for, too. I feel like... someone that's out there to date seriously wouldn't, or shouldn't, sleep with people they know won't be in their life long term. You know what I mean? FWB is fine, but just when you aren't looking for anything for yourself right now. That's just a personal opinion.

 

I just feel like... since he flat out said he isn't going to stop sleeping with other women right now, it's just starting off on the wrong foot altogether.

[annie24]

I feel like... someone that's out there to date seriously wouldn't, or shouldn't, sleep with people they know won't be in their life long term.

 

I know. Specifically because he said he is looking for something serious and to fall in love. He said he has many friends who are in the poly lifestyle so I can see how this is a normal thing to him and others. Like, I totally get that, and I totally understand why he's not willing to offer monogamy at this point.... And yes, it was a blessing in disguise. He could have easily lied to me, but he didn't. But now he's sent me like 30 unanswered texts, and I'm thinking, "how are you saying you aren't emotionally invested at me at this point if you're really fighting to have me give you a chance?"

[WithLove]

I think it would have been a completely different story if he had said "I'm not yet ready for commitment", but you also knew he didn't sleep around. The having sex with others is what would have thrown me and ultimately been the deciding factor.

[Fudgie]

There are people who are into the poly lifestyle or those who sleep with a lot of people casually who also want to pursue other sexual relationships, also with an emotional component. I don't see it as entirely mutually exclusive in that regard. Yes, he wants to sleep with others and he doesn't feel like he's up for monogamy, but at the same time, he may have some emotional investment in you. So I can see that.

 

That being said, I personally wouldn't go for such an arrangement. Your gut is screaming "no" and "ew" and that's all the answer you need. You really don't need to think or rationalize about this. The answer is there.

[Batya33]

I agree that this isn't right for you. I'm glad he was honest before you got more attached!

[Realitynut]

Back in the day...when I was you kid's age, sleeping around was either a sl*t....or the guy was called a player. This new Poly thing is just having your cake and eating it too! No way would I want to date....and have sex....with someone who was having sex with someone else.

 

Damn....another reason I liked it better in the old days.

 

We didn't have to ask...EVER...are we exclusive? hahahah...never ever even heard that word until coming to ena. When you started Dating...you pretty much only dated that person. And by the time sex rolled around, you just automatically assumed. Not any more....ugh

[Fudgie]

Back in the day...when I was you kid's age, sleeping around was either a sl*t....or the guy was called a player. This new Poly thing is just having your cake and eating it too! No way would I want to date....and have sex....with someone who was having sex with someone else.

 

Yeah, never really got into the whole poly thing. One boyfriend is more than enough, can you imagine...2..3..4? Ugh!

[browneyedgirl36]

Annie, I too would normally say that having the "exclusivity" talk so soon is a bad idea, but...if you'e planning to have sex, and you don't want to be having sex with someone who's still having sex with other people ("safe" or not) then yeah, it's good that you had that talk.

 

If it were me, I'd not continue with this guy; I might send one last text to say "Hey, I appreciate your honesty, but I'm just not up for this," and wish him the best. This will stop the barrage of texts, I think. Speaking of, I think the barrage of texts is a bit of a red flag. Why is he so invested in someone he barely knows? I mean, you said this would only be your third date, right? Seems a bit odd he'd be that invested after two dates while, rather incongruously, he's sleeping with other people. I dunno. I'd give this one a pass for sure.

 

My boyfriend and I waited a ridiculously long time (by most people's standards) to have sex, and by the time we did, all the STD tests were out of the way, the birth control was all squared away (and the "no more children for him, no children for me ever" discussion was had), AND it was clear that neither of us was involved with, interested in, or even contemplating being with someone else. That's the only way I can do it. A lot of guys wouldn't have waited that long, but it was clear after only a few dates that we definitely had chemistry AND that this was a long-term thing in the making, so neither of us was in any hurry. I feel really lucky, but if he hadn't come along, I'd probably be alone because I'm a slow-mover when it comes to relationships, and I need to be with someone who is OK with that. My way does not work for everyone -- or even most people -- and I don't judge people who do differently -- I just won't date them.

 

I feel for you, but you have to go with your gut; you can find someone who isn't sleeping with other people while he's dating you. It's one thing to date several people at once, casually, without sex in the equation, but...if you're not OK with him being with others (and I agree with you about that -- I wouldn't be either!) then cutting him loose is the thing to do here.

[annie24]

He wasn't referring to her as FWB (he says he doesn't do that). Rather, his ex who also happens to be his "kink/play" partner. So, to me, that's FWB, but to him I guess not? Well, whatever you call it, I don't feel comfortable with it, if we are together on Saturday and then he's with her next Tuesday or whatever. I mean, it's his right. It's totally my fault I know for suggesting sex so early on - but this is the fall out. He said he would really just like to date and get to know me better and he is looking for something and he really appreciates how much I've bared to him so early on and it counts.... Now he's started sending me more messages, this time online because there is a "read receipt" there (not on my cell phone).

 

sigh. He says he doesn't do well with terms and conditions, he wants to be with a woman and she with him when both feel like it is time and are open and into each other, that he takes a while to trust, etc....

 

The biologist in me knows that diseases travel in webs, not chains. If a man sleeps with 10 women in 10 years, but is with each one monogamously during that time, his chances of getting an STD are lower than a man who is sleeping with 5 women in that same time frame - but non monogamously. Like, if a man has a girlfriend or two or wife, then a FWB and an ex.... because those women are also sleeping with others when he's not got their attentions to them.

 

I'm overwhelmed with things right now, I'm getting a million emails from people at work who want this or that or need to know XYZ or when they can schedule time on the ABC machine, etc.... Having him text me all day hasn't been great.

[thejigsup]

As I follow your dating saga, Logan is starting to look pretty good to me. I wish you nothing but luck in your future dating endeavors. By the way, from what I've gathered, you have my dream job, crazy as that sounds.

[Ms Darcy]

Wait, did he say he would never commit to exclusivity to you or just not now.

 

My feeling is that it was too early to suggest sexy time at your place. That turned into a bunch of stuff where it could have been a bit of a less charged convo if you had gotten a sense of his values around sex during regular conversation. I think that seemed to turn you off about him.

[Ms Darcy]

He wasn't referring to her as FWB (he says he doesn't do that). Rather, his ex who also happens to be his "kink/play" partner. So, to me, that's FWB, but to him I guess not? Well, whatever you call it, I don't feel comfortable with it, if we are together on Saturday and then he's with her next Tuesday or whatever. I mean, it's his right. It's totally my fault I know for suggesting sex so early on - but this is the fall out. He said he would really just like to date and get to know me better and he is looking for something and he really appreciates how much I've bared to him so early on and it counts.... Now he's started sending me more messages, this time online because there is a "read receipt" there (not on my cell phone).

 

sigh. He says he doesn't do well with terms and conditions ...

 

I think the question is would he eventually be comfortable with exclusivity. A lot of people don't want to become exclusive until they have been dating for a few months and get to know the other person a bit better.