Annie's Journal of Dating and Body Hair Removal

[sleepingdonut]

I disagree... Love conquers all may be true but some obstacles take decades to overcome. Its really not the same thing as finding someone to enjoy ones life with, now.

 

I disagree, too. I just thought it had a certain surface level charm.

[annie24]

Disappointing purchase: I bought a cute skirt online which would have been perfect for my work holiday party. Then I put it on and it was just ugh. It was wayyy too short on me and with pleats, it just made me look about 13 months pregnant. I have long legs but a short torso and then the skirt just sticks out and no. It's going back in the box. Too bad because the pattern was absolutely hilarious.

[annie24]

I've been sick so I've been on Prednisone. Today is my last dose. I also have PMS so yesterday was the most difficult day of not trying to eat everything in sight! I've been trying to stick to big salads, and other healthy foods like grilled chicken and steamed vegetables and just having those and trying to drink lots of water. It is so uncomfortable to be so hungry but at the same time knowing you're not actually hungry.

[renaissancewoman101]

Prednisone is a bear of a drug. I am put on it if I have an asthma flare up or a bronchial infection. Did you get any of the bloating that comes with it?

[annie24]

Prednisone is a bear of a drug. I am put on it if I have an asthma flare up or a bronchial infection. Did you get any of the bloating that comes with it?

 

yup, but I also had PMS so it's like both at the same time, haha.

 

I had an asthma flareup as well. I haven't had one like that in years. I think the combination of the cold air and then dog sitting and probably a cold.

[WithLove]

Sorry about the sickness, Annie. What was it that you caught? Just a regular cold/flu?

[annie24]

No idea! I think just a small cold, but I have asthma which is made worse by cold air and I was watching my friend's dog and that probably triggered asthma problems as well. I think everything combined just turned into an asthma flareup. It felt like bronchitis and I was coughing stuff up for a while (gross). Finally after prednisone, I can breathe again! The doc also put me on Singulair to help with the asthma. So far so good. I just hate being on so many meds.

[WithLove]

Last year I was hit really badly with something, cold/flu, not sure. I had chest congestion for weeks, went through 3 different antibiotics, 2 inhalers and medicated nose drops before I finally started feeling better. It was terrible. I sunk so much money into that sickness. I'm half convinced I should've just let it work its way out on its own; would have taken the same amount of time and would have cost me less in the long run. In any case, I got a flu shot in early October and haven't even had the sniffles yet. Here's hoping I don't get anything as bad - my insurance changed since I turned 26 and I had to get my own through work, and it's awful awful awful compared to my last insurance (through my mother) and I wouldn't een be able to afford a doctor visit, let alone the medication if I was sick.

[annie24]

yeah, that's why I waited about 2 weeks before finally going to the doctor. I was thinking it would self-resolve. I didn't think an asthma flare up would have lasted so long! But when I did web searches, I guess that it can. Usually, even if I am around pets, I feel better the next day.

 

glad you feel better!! I got my flu shot this year as well.

[annie24]

argh, so I guess Carol and B are still seeing each other. (Despite him telling her that he wasn't ready for a relationship..... even though the day before he was asking her how many kids they should have together???) I dunno, it's so confusing. I'm confused, I don't get it. She says he has problems. I'm like, "why even date him?" she says she's still dating other men. well, ok. That's good. I don't like B anymore. He seemed really promising at first but I don't know what is going on now with him. Blah.

 

I've disabled my online profile and will keep it off for the next few weeks. Not that I've had any dates or even decent conversations with men in the last several months. oh well.

[annie24]

I found out that a woman I went to high school with passed away. So shocking. She died of cancer. I lost touch with her since high school but according to her obituary, she accomplished so much - went to a prestigious university then law school. got married and had 3 kids, and then opened a fitness studio. And so unfair too - she was always very fit and athletic and then she gets cancer. Horrible for the family too, to lose their mother so young and for the husband to be a widower so young.

[Batya33]

I'm so sorry to hear about this! Yes it is so unfair.

[annie24]

Just got back from vacation a few days ago. I ran into sophie (!!!) unexpectedly at the bus station too, so that was quite a shock!! It was nice seeing her and her fiancé. I had a nice trip. A bit stressful at times, but otherwise really fun and refreshing trip. Saw lots of things, went to the beach, had delicious food. Now... back to normal. Sigh...

 

Another acquaintance died over break - this one was quite obese and died from an obesity-related disease (though I don't know if the obesity caused it, but it sure didn't help). It's really hard. He was young too (mid-30s). Left behind a wife and daughter.

 

I haven't gone back to the gym yet but will tomorrow. My jet lag has been so bad, but last night I finally went to sleep and woke up at sort of normal hours so I think I might be ready to work out now.

[annie24]

Cole Haan is having an extra clearance sale. Which is good, because I threw away 4 pairs of shoes on vacation (shoes got totally worn out from walking, or I took already told shoes)

 

 

 

 

 

I also got these in black, in addition to the pink and black, which looked really cute. I like the Air Tali shoes. I have ones in gray that are getting old now. They're made with Nike Air technology, so very comfy!

 

After the additional 40% off discount today, shoes were $60 each. Score!!

[annie24]

On a very uncomfortable note for me, I learned over my vacation that Carol is really dismissive of my professional successes, but I think that has to do with her own insecurities. To explain... I met Carol when I used to work in the lab next to hers. After I was fired/not-renewed by my old boss 2 years ago, I switched to a new lab and things have been much better. When I asked her if her boss knew that I was on vacation with her, she told me that she "keeps that on the down low." She didn't explain, but I guess that she doesn't want to catch the "firing" disease or whatever, I don't know, after my reputation in my old department was "smeared." Despite that, I've managed a decent number of publications, and even still am getting publications out with my old boss (one was just accepted yesterday) and am writing up lots of new stuff with my new boss, who is quite happy. He's getting promoted now too, I'd like to think that in some part maybe with my contributions.

 

When I told her my work was featured on a company's website (i was kind of proud of that, even if it was a bit goofy), she was dismissive and just said she didn't think it was a big deal. The shocker to me was when I told her about a certain project I was doing, she flat out called it stupid/inconsequential, and I told her that that was wrong, because it's a disease that affects and kills hundreds of thousands of people each year. I mean, how would you call that a stupid thing to study??

 

So... that's where I think her jealousy/insecurity comes in - I got fired and a reason was "lack of productivity" (which is obviously unfounded, lol). But she's been far less productive than I have, and she told me point blank she is worried about keeping her job because of her lack of publications and that she is not the "favorite" in the lab. Her only publication since joining the lab was one in which she finished a project that another student had started but then dropped when she left. I tried making some suggestions about her talking to her boss when she returned from vacation about different projects that might be easier to publish and she said she didn't want to think about it right now.

 

So... I don't know. I told her when she said something snarky "not to be a hater" but she said "well, I'm just a hater." or something of the sorts. I wish she could just say, "congratulations!" when I tell her that something is getting published. But I didn't even tell her about the publication this week that was accepted because she'll just say something snarky, I'm sure. A few of her friends got engaged over Christmas and when she saw on Facebook, she made some snarky comments as well. But to me, life is not a zero-sum game. I don't know what to do to make her realize that.

[Realitynut]

Congratulations!!! on all your publications!!

[annie24]

Thanks RN.

[Ms Darcy]

Tell her what you said - that you wish for her to say congrats as a friend to you publications.

[Ellie2006]

Annie, congrats on all of your publications and other achievements!

 

Too bad Carol is allowing her insecurities to dampen your friendship ...

Do you enjoy most of the time you spend with Carol?

 

Sometimes it sounds like your friendship with her is too one-sided -- with you supporting her through whatever crisis she's undergoing. Maybe you need to "take a break" with Carol to reassess...

 

As I grow older, I find that it's harder to make friends, either at the workplace or elsewhere.

While I have friends at work, and I consider them really good friends and we really click well as friends,

somehow I do feel a bit differently about them than I do with the friends I made in grad school or earlier.

 

For me, it's not always easy cutting ties with old friends bc I know how hard it is to make new ones.

 

But if a friend was acting the way Carol is acting, then I'd have to think really hard about what kind of a friend she/he is....

 

Anyways, I hope Carol comes around and sees that she's not being a good friend by saying such demeaning things.

 

Would you consider confronting her about it?

[annie24]

I feel like other than this topic, Carol has been a good friend. Overall, we have fun and she's supportive of me in other ways. It's just on this that she is acting so weird. I feel like her responses come from her insecurity with her job. I kind of called her on it before when i told her to stop being a hater, but I might need to do that again, more forcefully if she keeps saying stuff like this. I don't know maybe something like, "hey - i wish you could just tell me "congratulations" when I tell you about a job success." I think in her way, it's her way of trying to make herself feel better for lack of publications on her part. (In our field, publications are the 'deliverables.' they are the proof of your productivity.)

[Ellie2006]

I feel like other than this topic, Carol has been a good friend. Overall, we have fun and she's supportive of me in other ways. It's just on this that she is acting so weird. I feel like her responses come from her insecurity with her job. I kind of called her on it before when i told her to stop being a hater, but I might need to do that again, more forcefully if she keeps saying stuff like this. I don't know maybe something like, "hey - i wish you could just tell me "congratulations" when I tell you about a job success." I think in her way, it's her way of trying to make herself feel better for lack of publications on her part. (In our field, publications are the 'deliverables.' they are the proof of your productivity.)

 

I'm glad that you let her know that it was bothering you.

Friends should be happy for your successes as well as supportive of you when you're down.

I found that it's harder than you'd think to be happy for someone else's success bc you can (as Carol is doing) become clouded by your insecurities.

 

Anyways, I am so jealous of your publications as well

It's not easy being so focused and on task, with so much going on. So you definitely should give yourself a pat on the back for all of your achievements!!!!!

 

I'm trying to finish up an article and I'm finding that it's taking me so much longer than before ...

Gah, I need to take a sabbatical, and hopefully next year I'll be able to go...

[Batya33]

I'm glad that you let her know that it was bothering you.

Friends should be happy for your successes as well as supportive of you when you're down.

I found that it's harder than you'd think to be happy for someone else's success bc you can (as Carol is doing) become clouded by your insecurities.

.

 

No time to write an original thought so I will second this!!

[justagirl2]

Annie - CONGRATUALATION! I'm SO proud of you. Your work is amazing and I admire it a lot (been stalking it on Facebook)! I love science!!! How did you and Sophie meet again? Randomly? Which country? That's insane.

 

I know it's not similar but I kind of dropped a friend this year because of the whole jealousy/insecurity thing. It was not like Carol though even though her name IS really Carol. LOL. We basically went to business school together and nobody like her because she just has a very harsh personality. I have a mellow personality so we became friends. She doesn't have many friends and you know that I have a lot of childhood friends and just friends in general so when we moved to NYC I had a lot of friends, met a boyfriend right away, and she had no friends. I introduced her to 2 of my really good friends from home who were living in NYC. She started acting very nasty towards me this year. First she kept saying my friends and I have a very different reality than hers, even though my friends have become her closest friends and she's always with them as they are single (they TOTALLY embraced her as I asked them to do so). Then she started saying that I don't know what REAL work is because I've never worked on an investment bank or a consulting firm (???) and I could never survive those environments. Ok. Then she complained about not having any guys in her life (she's over 30 which is fine but she makes a HUGE deal about it) and I told her not to be so picky and she was very defensive: "What are YOU talking about, the girl who is the most picky with guys I know". Every time we hangout with my friends that I introduced her to, she would make fun of me about small things but just put me down. I dunno, I didn't want that in my life in 2016. I don't want that. She is a very loyal friend and I know that deep down she likes me a lot but all this snark and negativity just takes it toll, you know?

 

Your Carol doesn't seem as negative though but you should talk to her before it gets worst. I never talked to my friend and it just boiled down to me not being able to take the nitpicking and jealousy anymore. If she ever calls me and seems to really want to see me, I will hangout with her, but I'm definitely not seeking it

[LAYAAN]

Annie,

Happy new year! and congratulations on your publications and best wishes for those that are in the pipeline.

I agree with many posters here. Publications is a big deal and I don't have many. So, if you are able to get your work (and name) out there, that's really great! I'm happy for your achievement and I'm proud of you. Keep going!

 

I dropped a friend who was jealous of all of her friends. Yes, all of them! When her not-so-good-looking friend got married and had a child within 2 years of marriage, she said, "She is not good looking, but her husband is." When her friend changed her religion and got married to a white guy, she commented, "We will see how long the marriage stays put." On and on... I had had enough of her tantrums and jealous comments (and some of them were also directed to me). I just decided not to stay a friend anymore. In my opinion, there is no need to keep people under the name of friend who are not behaving like a friend.

 

Even acquaintances behave better than this friend of yours. Whether you are working on an insignificant area or not, doesn't matter. Why can't she just be happy because you are happy? Your friend seems to be like my ex-friend - because she can't get what you have, what you have - automatically becomes insignificant. I doubt that she will ever be happy for anyone, anytime. Seems to me that this is who she is and that is not just limited to what her circumstances are.

[annie24]

Thanks guys. And Layaan - I was recently thinking about you! How are you doing?

 

I guess for now, I will just avoid the topic with Carol and if it does come up, I'll tell her that I wish she could be happier for me. Or at least say congrats or whatever. I think it really has to do with her situation in her job. Publications come a little easier in my line of research than hers, but it doesn't mean mine is without problems or whatever - just a different set of issues. Then again, her lab mates are publishing more rapidly than she is, so she can't say it's because of her field. Oh well. I wonder if when I get a new job and move out of the area if this will just become a friendship that fades away or what will happen. Or maybe she'll get her career on track and she'll feel better?

 

From my perspective, I'm happy when the "ugly girl" or whatever gets married and has a kid because it always gives me hope. i.e., she found someone, I can too! Life is not a zero-sum game.