greenie

ok, so basically everyone is saying ages and such. I see everyone's point, but now there is the question of is it so wrong to marry at a younger age and grow with your partner or grow on your own and look for the person that would fit with you? Personally, I think that if you are lucky enough to find someone when you are in your early 20s that you feel complete around and who respects and loves you jsut the same, that it is the best time to get married. I think that growing with that person is better and helps you guys to get along much more easily and happily. I may be wrong but many of us hope to be with someone and share the love, so why not jsut start young and grow with that person?

also what do you guys think will happen when you know that you are ready to settle down with that person? you'll always wonder what if, but when do you just ignore that?

the same thing is happening to me. only my man was only in kuwait for a month and he was in ft. lee va for another 4 months before that. they didn't have a mission for them, so he basically wasted all that time. he's back now and a little depressed. he said he's not happy with himself. and i could tell things we different before he had even said that. i don't know how to help him and what to do. we are much younger, 21, but I want to be able to help him but i don't know what to do. any suggestions?

how old do you guys think it is right to get married? I know there is the whole factor of love and emotions, but basically, what age do you feel is right to get married? How young seems too young and how old seems too late? Just speaking idealy, i know in the real world, there are many many more factors than age, i just wanted everyone's opinion. thanks

maggie, thank you very much for your advice. as time goes on i am learning that he is just a bit unhappy with himself. as he puts it. I don't know how to be tehre for him without pressuring him into anything your advice was very nice, have you gone through something like this before? not to sound rude, but why am i lucky, i feel so bad for him. i feel as though there isnt a thing i can do to help him. the man i love sooo much.

It sounds like he will jsut keep these trends going because you allow it. Go out and keepp yourself busy, date others and have fun. You can't convince him that you were meant to be, so unless he feels it and is ready to act on it, he is just stringing you along. Don't let him do that.

Is it stupid to break up so that you and your partner can work more on a friendship? It gives eachother space and a chance to see what life was like with less eachother. Has anyone ever done this? What would the cautions of this be?

sounds like you do miss her, but give her her space. If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn't see the harm in calling her and talking about what you want in a relationship and ask her. Communicate. THe more clear you are on how the other is feeling, the space you have to fill in with your interpretation of things. Is marriage right for you guys? Not now obviously and it will take time to regain the trust that you are both in the relatioship for hte irght reasons. Time apart won't kill you either, it is time to grow and think on your own for a while.

how long ago did you guys break up? and who broke it off and why? I just wanted to get a better idea of what the background is on this. thanks

Secret agent man i must say you do give very complete advice. I reread your response today (after going kayaking and enjoying myself yeasterday evening) and I feel as though youhave steered me in the right direction. If he wants me back, we will need to seriously lay out what we expect and want and determine from there where to go. but for now, just space to grow on our own a little. I must say i am concerned (in the back of my mind) that we may grow apart. I hope this does not happen, and will try not to let it happen. I don't feel as though it is right for me to call him right now or for a couple weeks, just to give him some space. However, when we broke up he said he wanted to play tennis with me sometime this week, so im thinking I'll at least get a call from him, it not end up playing tennis with him. I plan to have fun with him and play tennis, im not going to hold myself back and keep to doing nothing, but do you think he is trying to lead me on? from another person's point of view, does this sound like a break up for good? I know you don't know all aspects and you don't need to answer, but i like hearing people's opinions. hence, the reason i post my thoughts and concerns. haha

Why are you asking that question? every girl is different and if you are trying to change yourself, well i can tell you that is something that a girl does NOT want.

as a girl, i think that your ex needs to learn to be aight on her own. It sounds like she just wants a man in her life to have a man in her life, whichever is cuter and more successful is the one she prefers. Now unless there is a lot of love for her in your heart andyou feel the same from her, I would just keep in the path you are in. There are other women out there and any woman would see a man with goals such as yourself in a good light. So date around

mad props for not letting your lower "brain" lead you. I think its awesome that you got out of the relationship and feel confident about yourself, it's just going to make her admire you more.

I think if you just wait till you see her in school again, giving her this time to herself and her jobs, that she will feel more relieved. I understand she needs to make money and with this economy, sometimes it requires 2 jobs and since you are 1.5 hours away, it would make sense to spend your time working so that when she does see you again, she doesn't have to be so concerned with money. As a girl, if i was to be stuck 1.5 hours from my man, and i had the option of making money over the summer and still seeing him in the school year, I would do what she was doing. She probably jsut knows she isn't holding up her end of the relationship and rather than a break up, maybe she is just talking a break. Hope this helps

i wouldn't do anything you don't want to do. everything is worth a try, but if you are feeling pressured, i would let her know. Yeah you should give it a try, but you won't enjoy yourself if you are forced to do something you don't want to do.

It isn't that I am waiting for him on the sidelines though, I mean these past few days, I've found a new job, been looking at colleges and applying to many and yesterday i went kayaking for the first time in my life. I'm trying not to wait on the side line like a cheerleader, I know what you mean by that and thank you for the warning, but something with him just feels right. He wanted to go out for ice cream a couple of nights after we broke up, to talk about things and such. we ended up going for a drive and ended up talking by a lake. we were talking like it was the first date. He even commented on that. Yeah he put his arm around me and we hugged and he said he still loves me and cares for me. I don't know if i need a relationship right now for sure, but this break up/ lack of him in my life as much makes me feel as though i do want a relationship, but i don't know if that is just the syndrome after a break up. ya know. I love him and want him in my life, i just need some advice on possible steps to take to get that. thanks

I must say I am too quite impressed to see that guys actually are in touch with their feelings. Quite contrary to what the other girl had posted, I feel as though sometimes if you just can't get over an ex, that maybe it was the love that you needed and it is right to keep in touch and see if their feelings have changed. This, of course, after you have seriously given not being with them a thought and chance. i.e. gone out on other dates, given them space, and didn't fantasize the relationship you did have. I do have a question for you guys though, what happens when the tables are turned? I was recently sorta broken up with. My boyfriend still says he loves me (well it's only been about 5 days since he broke up with me) but when in the relationship and even in a talk a few days after the relationship ended, he said i would make a great wife. He always said that he hopes that i am in his future, well he said that when we were in the relationship. But my questions are (if you feel as though i've given enough background) 1.) He said he didn't want a relationship right now, needs to focus on what he plans to do with his life... basically college/ job (been goiin to a comm. college for a few years intermixed with serving in the army reserves, including going overseas just recently) Does this, to guys, mean that he really just wants to date other people and not have to worry about a relationship? Is he doing this to leave things opedn for in the future? 2.) I mentioned hejsut came back from Mid. East and the war, and a couple of his friends are proposing to their girlfriends, is he just freaked out by this? They say war matures men, so is the fact that he isn't sure about having a relationship at all right now a sign that he won't want me ever? 3.) How do I wait for him? He wants to keep the future open to possiblities and fate brought us together in the first place (seriously) and he says it will bring us together again... is he just saying this to make me feel better? 4.) When guys break up because they are doing what is best for what the need in life at the time, what does the side lined girlfriend do? or what should she do? I KNOW i love him so much and am willing to give him his space. I wish i knew how long i would have to wait ( idecided to not call hm for 42 days, he can call me when he wants to talk, and he has) or should i call him? Goodness, i don't know how to deal with this too well. I am hurt, but am happy that he is looking at what he'll need to get his life back on track after coming home, so any advice to the questions would be so greatly apreciated. THANK YOU

well i just joined in to this site, but did you call him? i think you should have. what would it have hurt?

THE SHYNESS OF MEN what an odd phemomenon. It drives me ccrazy sometimes, yet at others i admire them for keeping so silent and able to make the girl scquirm for answers. I wish i could do that to guys. I guess our only weapon is dealing with it. I mean we too have our flaws as women, but not that many. hehehe Guys if you really like a girl, just say that and when she is drilling you with questions and upest that you can't answer them or feel like making up answers just to get her to shut up, just tell her you need to think about it and would like to talk about it at another time, make sure it is no llater than tomorrow, and call her and make the effort to try to discuss things. We know guys have issues discussing their feelings. It's ok, just remind us. THanks

i agree with what you said, but adding to the background info about our relationship, i wonder if since we have broken up a couple times before (scoming back to eachother) if this is jsut going to repeat that. In a way i don't want it to be a repeat because it had just happened again. What would make this time any different if we got back together. I do love him so much and he loves me. His sister, who i talk to, says that he is very unselfish and that she sees this as being good for us. I do too, but she says she thinks he'll come back. This doesn't mean there is any truth to it, but any advice on how to tell if this is right for us. It feels like it, I just want to make sure I do mature over this time and am ready for a relationship, with him or someone else. I do look forward to having a lifelong companion, I'm not afraid of commitment. Any advice on how to get the most out of this time off? ( however long it may be) my gut still tells me i love him and my feelings have not really changed for him and he tells me he still loves me, but if we were to get back together, does that make me seem like less of a person to keep accepting him? I don't really care what others think ,but sometimes looking in from the outside, some things can be seen that can't be seen from the inside.

Here I am, just turned single a couple days ago. Not completely by my choice. My man, who just got back from overseas with the army decided he needs some space. This comes after talking to him about our future and if we have one or not (he said he saw a future with me and i would make a great wife). we were together almost 2 years. we broke up and he hugged me and stayed the night and held me close to him. we have since talked once which at that time he put his arm around me. he says the reason to break up was because our relationship was as positive (which i have to agree) and that he just doesn't want a relationship right now. apparently it's not me. he just doesn't want a relationship. well, he is 21 and i am 20 and we need to go somewhere besides this community college in Colorado. So he said that he would like to go somewhere near me. Because he still really wants to keep in touch because he likes my company. If he likes me and thinks i am the wonderful person he says i am, why doesn't he want to be with me? Is he just leading me on or does it seem as though he wants to keep things open for the future? he says fate may bring us back together again and he feels he still loves me and seems just happy with me, but why not work through things? Should i wait around for him? I decided to just give him some time to himself to think about things, I need the time myself to figure things out for myself, this time won't hurt, but how long should i wait and should i? please help and any advice would be so welcome. thanks