sadksgirl

Ok, here goes nothing!! My ex-b/f and I have been working things out. The other night he told me that I was not romantic at all. I think I'm afraid of him making a joke out of the romance that I try to bring to the relationship!! Once while we were in college he made fun of a romantic night that I put together. I rented a room at a cheesy hotel (it was college I had every little money, but I did the best with what I had), that day I went and decorated it with candles, roses and even made his favorite night and took it to the hotel. I went and picked him up all dressed up and with a single red rose. I had to make an excuse to why we had to go to the hotel, so I told him my roommate had rented a room there for her b/f and I had to drop-off something. When we go there, the first words out of his mouth were, "Who would ever rent a room here, this is a whole in the wall and a piece of crap." Those words really cut me to the core and I HAVE NEVER FORGOT THEM!!!!! So I guess it's really hard to try anything new and different, I'm afraid of being rejected. I know it's not a true rejection but it is a form of rejection. I have been brushing up on how to rekindle the romance in out lives, through reading books and the internet, but, I'm afraid that I will be shot down and ripped to the core again. I really want to put that sparkle back into his eyes, the sparkle that was in his eye when our relationship was first in bloom!!!!! Please help I need and idea that will blow him out of the water!!!!! Thanks!!!!

This last week I was told that I'm not romantic enough, so please help me in this area!!! What are your ideas on romance????? Please Help!!!

I agree 100%. Take Gilgamesh advice and trust her and draw the line at being unfaithful. Be sure and trust her. Maybe you could even go out with her and experience new things together!

I didn't say he was a criminal. It's just that you would of thought that he would of learned from the first one, not to the the same crap over 2 more times. I just don't want to deal with these kinds of issues in my life!!!

I went out on a date last Thursday night with this guy I had met two weeks before. Tuesday he called and left a message to see if I wanted to go out again. The problem is that I found out last weekend that he has had 3 DUI's. I have alot going on in my life right now, I'm looking for a job back in my hometoen, my ex and I are talking about getting back together, and now a guy with 3 DUI's. He doesn't know that I know that he has 3 DUI's. 1 OK, but 3, no way. I need some advice on how to tell this guy that I don't want to go on another date. Help!!!!!!

I know what your going through. My ex said that same thing to me. I found this on a website. I know it hurt my feelings but I believe it is the truth. It means that he needs to grow a spine. Quibbling over shades of definition is one of the unfortunate things guys do when they're ashamed of their feelings, in this case being afraid to tell the hard truth that he's not in love with you. Worse still, it often occurs when a man is trying to have his cake and eat it too, e.g., stay in a relationship while not allowing it to advance beyond his current comfort level. The antidote to such doublespeak is to hit it with a little truth of your own and then see what that reveals. If his philosophizing on "love vs. in love" were met with, "Fine. Call me when you're in love," Mr. Wishy-Washy might find his backbone pronto. And if the call never comes, so much the better -- you're now free to find a man who loves you enough to be in love with you too.

What do you consider cheating? Kissing Talking to another girl in person or on the phone Thinking of another girl What is your opinion?????

Sorry it's so long, but I need to get this off my chest and any advice would be great. Thanks in advance.... Last week I decided that I was going to cut all ties with my ex. Wed. was the last day I talked to him. I didn't e-mail, didn't call, nothing. He called me thurs. night and I didn't answer. Friday he ended up calling me 13 time and I didn't answer any of the calls. I went back home for the weekend and was there till Tuesday. Left me 9 messages stating that he didn't know where I was and that he was worried. If I didn't call him by late friday night he was going to call my parents and the cops, because he couldn't find me. He told me that he went over to my apt. after he got off of work and didn't see my car and said that I was either in my apt. dead and someone stole my car or I had went somewhere to meet someone. Isn't this something that the dumpy usually does, not the dumper? Saturday he only called me once and didn't call me at all on Sunday. Monday I get a call at 5 till 8 and he say "It's monday morning and I haven't heard from you all weekend and I'm really worried about you and I need to know where you are. Just give me a call and let me know that you are OK!" I proceed to get 3 more calls that morning. After the one at 11:30 he immediately hung up the phone and called my parents house and of course I didn't let anyone pick it up. 12:30 rolls around and he calls again and leaves another message. He had called my brother at work and told him that he couldn't find me and that he was worried about me and he hadn't talked to me since Wed. I called my brother and wanted to know what he wanted and what he said. He told me in his message that "Well it took me calling your brother to fine out that you went home for the weekend and that I was spending the day with my dad. All it would of taken was a phone call to let me know that you were ok. I guess I get the hint I will leave you alone." Then at 1pm I called him and told him that I had lost my phone for a couple of days and just found it Monday. He asked me when I was coming back into town and I told him I didn't know if I was coming back! He told me that he really needed to talk to me and that he had done some serious thinking over the past couple of days and that it would be to my benefit. Why does he care now? Tuesday morning 9am I was on my way back into town and he text messages me telling me that "I need to talk to you and I hope things are well." 11am he calls me again asking when I'm coming back into town and to give him a call. I get to work at 11:30 and sign into MSN and he calls me right away and I have to pick up because I don't have caller ID at work. He's like there you are, do you want to go out to lunch? I can't I just got to work. The he says how about tomorrow for lunch. I couldn't I already had plans. So the rest of the day we chatted on MSN. He said that "I realized alot of things about us and I think they would interest you, I found out some really critical things about us, I am really having a hard time , I really feel that I messed things up between us. He asked me if I had found someone else, and I said that problem is that you have found someone else. He told me to "please quit pushing me away, she is NOT my type." I asked him if he even wants to be around me anymore and he said "yes that is it I DO want to be around you" and I said "you just want to be friends right." He proceeded to say "I don't know what I want? But I do know I want to work on things like YOU wanted." He wanted me to call him later that night so I did. When I called him we talked about what had changed his mind and why. He said that he had a dream about me and that I married a friend of ours and that he was so mad and he wanted to kill the guy. And he didn't know what he would do if anything happened to me. He was really tired and needed to go to bed and that we would talk about it more Wednesday night. It was all so sincere! Wednesday night he came over and he had to go buy a bow so I went with him and just kinda wondered around. On the way home we talked about him and I and how we held things back from one another and that we never really told each other what we were feeling. He said I was never perky enough. I told him that he didn't show me enough affection. He told me that the girl he is kinda seeing talk about me and our old relationship. He explained everything that I did for him and she told him that I gave everything to that relationship and he gave nothing and he agreed. He said that all I want is to get married, have a family and and live happy ever after. What girl doesn't want that? He said that he is at a point in his life, going on 29, that he needs to make a decision to stay young or grow up. I thought that was pretty funny!!!!! He really didn't have very much to say after that and dropped me off at my apt and left. He then called me about 20 mins later and said that he was sorry. Yesterday I called him on the carpet and wanted to know if he really meant what he said on Tuesday when he said that he really felt that he had messed things up between him and I, and if he wanted to work on things or was he just feeding me more line? His comment was "I think that some day I will look back and regret us breaking up." What made him change his mind in less then 12 hrs and go from being so sincere to being so hateful? What am I suppose to think after getting 13 calls last Friday, calling my brother and the telling me that he really needed to talk me and telling me that he wants to work things like I wanted to? Am I the biggest fool for getting my hopes up again after everything that was said? Please can anyone shed some light on this situation?????? Please!!!!

I know what your going through. My ex and I dated off and on for 12 yrs. 4 months ago he said that he wasn't happy, he felt we were turning into his parents and that he has loved me for six months. He and I are each others best friend, but I don't know if I can even be his friend anymore, do to the history that we have. I found out that he had a date three weeks after he broke it off. Our situations are a little different I never cheated on him. But I have written him letters explaining how much I love him and that I want to work things out. He keeps telling me "In the end everything is going to be ok." Well what doe that mean? The more I talk to him about the relationship and he and I getting back together, the more he says that I push him away. I don't understand that. Some guys like to hear how much they are love by someone and others don't. I would try the e-mail and see what his response is and then maybe back off for a couple of weeks. I know it is going to be hard, but be strong. I know what your going through, your not alone!!!!!!

Oh, and by the way can anyone tell me what this means "I Love You, but I'm not In Love with You." I'm still trying to figure thai one out. Is he just trying to make it sound better so that I won't completely break down? Or is he just trying to make himself feel better and not as gulity. Please if someone can tell me what this means!!!!!

Why does he keep coming back for more. I don't have caller id at work and I have to pick up the phone at work. I just got off the phone with him and he wanted to know how my weekend was. He wanted to tell me all about his and what he did. Why? Why! I told him that I had friends come into town and he said that I must of gotten rid of all my sexual frustration, and had a good weekend. Why does he care? He said that he just wanted to make sure I was still alive and was in anymore accidents. What HELL does he want with me!!!!!!!!

I would like to thank everyone for their advice. It is just really hard to forget everything that he and I have been throught the past 12 yrs. In my mind I feel like both he and I have wasted the last 12 yrs of our young lives!! Thanks Again!

First of all sorry but this is going to be really long. I am 26 and he is 28. I met my ex-boyfriend when I was in junior high and he was a freshman in high school. He was kinda seeing a friend of mine and they never really hook-up so I asked him if he would consider dating me. From there things progressed and we started dating. We had our ups and downs. We dated through out high school and we broke-up his senior yr. Before he went to college we got back together. Then his second yr of college he broke up with me again to see another girl. I was really heart broken, but I had my friends and family around to surpass the time. In my mind I knew that it just wasn’t going to work out with this new girl. While he was dating her he and I would hook-up every now and then. He then broke it off with her and we got back together. My senior yr of high school he and I were dating again and then we went off to college together. Half way through the semester he broke up with me and this happened several times in the five yrs that I was in college. He got kicked out of school two times for grades and I was there supporting him each time. I graduated in 2000 and he still had a yr left. I got a job and we did the long distance thing for a yr. I would go and see him almost every weekend. Once he graduated he couldn’t find a job. He finally found a job in the same city as a personal trainer and he moved in with me, for almost a yr. We moved into a bigger apartment in Feb., more expensive, because my other apartment was too small for the both of us. Then one day I walked in the gym and another personal trainer asked me “What are you going to do when he leaves?” I had know idea what she was talking about, and then she told me that he had given his two week notice. We had never talked about him getting a different job and moving back home and working for his best friend. The middle of May he left and went home to work for him. He told me that it could be six months to a yr. before he would be back in the same city. So he and I were back to doing the long distance thing again and I hated it so much. During this time I would go home and see him all the time and he would come up every now and then. I would call him every night to and see how his day was. When he finally stated working we go MSN Messenger and we would talk through out the day. He was always going out with his friend and parting, which I didn’t have a problem with; I would just tell him to behave and be careful. He would go out and get drunk and then drunk dial me in the wee hours of the morning. This didn’t bother me, at least he was calling me and not someone else or wasn’t with someone else. He was always more loving when he was drunk. He grew up in a family that never showed and affection. I was always telling him that I loved him and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and grow old together. The finally all my dreams and wishes came true. In Feb. 2003 he told me that he was moving back to the same city. I was so excited and I couldn’t wait for him to be back. So in March he was back. I thought that he would move back in with me and we would start our life together, but he moved into and apartment with a roommate that he works with and who is a slob, which his boss pays for the rent. In March he went to South Beach with three of his friends. He has been to all these places with his friends and he and I have never went on a trip alone. He called me a couple of times from South Beach telling me that he missed me, which made me feel so loved. Then he got back and a week later he broke up with me (April 3rd). We were sitting in his apartment and he asked me if I was happy and I said yes and I asked him if he was and he said no. He said he didn’t have those loving feelings for me and he hasn’t had them for me for about 6 months. So why in Dec. did he give me a diamond bracelet, if he didn’t have those loving feelings for me? I was utterly dumb founded and hurt; I didn’t even see this coming. He said that he left like the only person that respected him in my family was my 10 yr old little sister, because he hadn’t proposed after 12 yrs. He said that he felt like we were turning into his parents and he didn’t want that. He said that he didn’t know if I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. I have known since I was a sophomore in college that he was the one I wanted to be with. I am so heart broken! He told me that he needed to compare me to other women to realize the good qualities that I have. He and I have been talking and I found out that he had a date about three weeks after he broke up with me, that his friends set him up on. That about killed me!! He says that they are only friends and that he is learning a lot about how to care for me. This girl knows all about me and he talks to her about me and all of our problems. He calls me every Monday to make sure I’m safe and to see how my weekend was. Why does he do this, I don’t understand? Monday on IM me and he tells me that “There is no point dangling you by a string if I have no intention in marrying you OR can not give you what you want!” He also said that we have went through this when he dated that other girl and it could happen again and that it isn’t going to be that bad and that we will always have each other close in our hearts.. What am I suppose to think when he says that kind of stuff. Why does he make everything sound so hopeful? He came over this last Monday and I had been crying a lot and on MSN that day I told him that I was going to cut all communication with him and he got mad. That night he told me that I need to gain some weight and be more positive and that he would come back to me. It’s just really hard to be positive right know when I know that he is out with other women. He said that he still wants to be my best friend and I don’t think I can be his friend at all. It is the hardest thing to do is sit by and love someone who you know is not going to return those loving feelings. I have lost a lot of weight and I don’t sleep that much anymore. I worry and pray for him to be safe and want him to figure out what he wants in his life. He always tells me that he knows that we would never have to worry about money and that I have a stable family, but that is not all a relationship is about. I want him to find those loving feelings for me again and work with me to make our relationship better. On Wednesday night he called me at 11pm and just wanted to complain about his life, how he has no money and how his roommate is a slob. I wanted to give him the world and I would of never cheated on him or done anything to make him doubt the love I have for him. It has been 4 months and I don’t know what to do any more he is the one calling the shots, like showing up at my apartment. I know that we are each others best friends, we can tell each other anything, but I don’t know what to think anymore. Why is he going over to my apartment, calling me, IM me? I get my hopes up and then I’m hurt all over again. I want him back in my life and to be with him. I want him back what is the next step for me; do I cut off all ties with him? Please any advice would be helpful. Please HELP!!!!!!!!!