catfeeder

While one thing you could consider is getting an assessment from a therapist, if you're not ready to do that, you could ask a therapist what kinds of treatments are available for early childhood molestation. From there you can consider whether you'll want to pursue help from someone who is trained to work with you.

Whenever someone blames you for THEIR behaviors, what should that tell you? I agree with the suggestion to research 'gaslighting'. Head high, you made the right decision.

It's fine for work ethic to be one of your dealbreakers. You've given BF a year and a half to demo his, and what did he show you? Head high, and be kind to yourself.

Your gynecologist is trained to identify which smells are okay versus which signal yeast or another kind of infection. Why not set an appointment?

I agree. I don't tend to suggest that people must drop all hope of reconciliation after a breakup, because when grieving and trying to heal, that's a tough nut to crack--and it's unnecessary. Hope can be something we can set onto a back burner as a comfort, even while we put our focus forward on self-development and reaching our own private higher ground. The good news is, as we start climbing, our own investments become more important, and the ex becomes less and less relevant. At some point, we either gain a new perspective--to the degree that we wouldn't even want the ex back anyway, OR, we grow into someone who would not accept the relationship the way that it was--AND we have the vision to see whether the ex has grown into someone who could satisfy the person we've become.

It doesn't sound as though this^^ was ever resolved. Your first fight was 'around' this problem, but you don't mention that you ever really cleared the air about it directly. So... it played itself out again. He wasn't behaving in ways that aligned with his assertions. You came out sideways in a general way of speaking about 'all' boyfriends, and once again, in yet another un-straight-forward way, you passed on clarifying for him (and yourself) the ways in which his behaviors and words didn't match. I'd chalk this off as a 'wish-and-miss'. Sure, it would have been great if the two of you enjoyed simpatico together, but it just wasn't there. This doesn't speak of anything 'wrong' with you, but rather, it speaks of his limits--and you never would have felt the 'click' with this guy that you want in a relationship. You've known this for a while, and THAT is what got you upset. Sometimes we need to take the longer road and the harder way to learn this unfortunate fact about someone who we WISH could be compatible, but they just are not. Head high, and write more if it helps.

I like Bolt's advice. Also, the above does NOT say, "You must inform your manager before applying...." If you receive an INformal offer, you can notify your boss. Unless and until then, you get to decide the right time and the right degree to which you'll want to pitch your desire for mobility to your boss.

I wouldn't bother. Why would I want to position myself to badger someone else into being honest? Either someone is trust-worthy, or they are not. If not, they can go play with someone else--I'm out.

Yep. I can't help but lose respect for any guy who tries to play down the middle. Either someone is honest with EVERYone in their life, or they're not trustworthy. I think this guy is showing you how to dodge a bullet.

If my BF had one friend who he's spoken about but is the only one of his friends who I've never met, that alone would make him stand out as a special interest to me. You either believe that BF is trustworthy, or you don't. If not, then that doesn't really say anything about this particular friend--it's a much larger issue.

My heart goes out to you, I know what it's like to have a crush. I would back off, because if he may ever develops feelings for you, neither of you would want for that to be a mere distraction while he's rebounding from his recent breakup. Skip that. If the guy ever views you as a GF, he'll have no trouble making that clear to you. So don't try to read tea leaves right now while his breakup waters are still murky. Head high, and write more if it helps.

If all you're talking about is sex, that's pretty one-dimensional and not a great way to get to know a person. She said she wants to get to know you, so invite her out and go on a date. Leave sex off the table, and if she gets sexual with you, don't try to take it beyond where she leads it. After the date you can either follow up to ask for another date, or you can hang back and learn whether she invites you for another date.

This is all you really need to know. I'd tell him, "I understand, and I need to walk away while we both still think highly of one another. If you ever develop the ability to care for me, you can let me know. If I'm still available then, maybe we can meet to catch up. Meanwhile, I wish you the best." Then you're done with this nonsense, and you're free to go pursue someone who will treat you better. You've left your door open if this guy ever wants to bring you the kind of relationship you want and deserve, but you're not hovering around someone who refuses to give that to you. Hovering only devalues you to him, and it devalues you to your Self. Make a better decision, and you will thank yourself later.

The bigger issue is, how do you know the details of his messages? If he shows you, then he's stirring your pot, and there's nothing trustworthy about that. If you're snooping, then you already don't trust him, so a stupid emoji is the least of your problems.

You may be confusing letting go of grief with letting go of the hope that ex might one day want to reconcile. Those are 2 different things. If you tie grief and hope together, you'll keep torturing yourself for zero payoff. Grieving and rumination do NOT raise the possibility that ex will return. In fact, the opposite is true, because nobody is attracted to the idea of returning to someone who's stuck in the past and won't move forward. Holding onto hope does NOT require holding onto grief and rumination. Hope is something you can set onto a back burner while you focus on building and cultivating the rest of your life. When you do that successfully, the hope become less and less relevant, even while your chances of crossing paths with ex socially someday from a healed and whole place that can handle the encounter in a positive way are actually increased. So when your goal of reaching higher ground becomes more important to you than ruminating about the past, you'll do that. You might consider pursuing help from a counselor or therapist to learn how to make that shift. Higher ground will give you a whole new perspective that you cannot attain while stagnating. Consider a goal of building private 'resilience'. This is a necessary life skill to develop, because losses are typical events in everyone's life, and the ability to bounce back from them are the best way to live fully, while playing small to avoid losses is a form of stagnation that will not heal you. Head high, and write more if it helps.

This is all the 'feeling' I would need to skip this, and I'd look instead for a place elsewhere. There are 2 places where you never want to feel 'uncomfortable,' and those would be home and/or your work location. So? Why go in already knowing that you'd feel uncomfortable in both places? Don't sign a new lease beyond a month-to-month with your current place, and keep looking. The current landlord would need to spend enough time to get you out if he/she won't go month-to-month for you to you find a new location. So there's no 'real' need to deal with someone at your job.

I would pick a non-sexual time to raise with her that you're feeling stressed to perform at work. From there I would raise that you feel a special intimacy in confiding this to her, and you hope that she will understand that you want to take some comfort in your time with her by cuddling and enjoying intimacy in ways that don't require you to perform sexually at this time. Leave that with her to sink in, and listen for how she responds. If she's empathetic, you've got a keeper, and if she personalizes it, consider how invested she is in you versus her own ego. You don't get to determine her response, but you DO get to decide how to interpret her response. Be true to Your Self.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I agree with not hiring a PI or installing a GPS. If you're mistrustful enough to do those things, then that's really the only answer you need. Nobody but you can answer whether you trust your husband, or not. If not, then no comments from anyone here will change that. I would speak with husband about your sex life and what he perceives as potential answers about that, and if he won't go there to resolve that, then what more do you need to know? Write more if it helps.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't mention how long you were together. Loss of a job impacts people differently, and so does depression. However, depression can often render a person incapable of a relationship. That can also mean that they're incapable of exiting one gracefully--if there is such a thing. Write more if it helps.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you'd give us an idea of what her action will be that you find difficult to live with, maybe we can help by offering you some alternative views. Ya never know...

So this is something you knew about him going in, and you accepted that deal. This is also someone you've never met in person, so what are your chances of converting this into a real-life relationship? You're learning why it's important to choose your relationships wisely. Question how wise it is to invest your focus in a stranger who has an active crush on someone else, and then make a better decision.

You wanted to pop your fantasy bubble about him, so why doesn't your front row seat to view his capacity for disloyalty pop that for you? Even if you were to 'win,' you'd lose. If he ever leaves his relationship you'd enjoy your victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you've been promoted from the one he's disloyal WITH to the one he'll be disloyal to NEXT. What about that makes you feel so secure and understood? My fantasy would be popped, alright. I'd move on fast, and I'd trust that I will thank myself later. Head high, and Respect Your Self.

If this is not what you envision for a relationship, this in not your guy. I'd skip him and go find someone better to actually date.

I can appreciate that during this pandemic you'd seek entertainment, but you are building fantasies 'around' people and then falling love with the stuff you create with your own mind. That's not against the law, but it's a disadvantage to you, because one of that hardest things to grieve is the death of an illusion. It's called dis-illusion-ment. Consider ways to meet real and local people. From there you'll have a realistic basis to consider forming a real relationship. Head high, and respect your Self.

Our job in any relationship is to get to KNOW a person. Even while we may love more as we learn more, it's important to recognize when another person is best loved from far away. This is one of those instances. Heed that, and you will thank yourself later.