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  1. I have dated and had two serious relationships since, I only use him as reference since communication and honesty are incredibly important to me in a relationship. Something that is increasingly difficult to find, it seems. Trust me, there is no fantasy world I live in.
  2. You're right. Thank you for your candor, can always count on an outside view to be harsh and realistic, which is why I posted. Growth is never ending, everyone has something to work on, and I won't stop trying to better myself.
  3. If you look through my activity history, you may find I've struggled with overattachment, low confidence/self worth and overall unhealthy relationship habits. Since then (four years ago) I have taken an interest in psychology and self improvement. I'm still young (24f), but through therapy and further education, I've come a long way. Now, for the content you came for: Four years ago, I met Brad (name changed for privacy). It was an instant connection. I was able to communicate with him effortlessly. He brought me peace, comfort and security when I was with him - not to mention the chemistry between us. The 11 year age gap scared him though. He was an up and coming business owner, afraid that our small town would paint the relationship in a bad light and affect his years of hard work. Although hurt, I respected his wishes, and did my best to move on. Since then, I have refused to enter a relationship with someone who didn't make me feel the way he did. (Spoiler alert: no one has.) So, over the last few years I've focused on myself and improving myself, both as an individual and as a mother. I feel very confident in who I am now, makes a world of a difference in choosing who is worth my time and who isn't. So, imagine my surprise when Brad messages me asking if we could meet and catch up, he wanted to apologize for how he handled things years ago and express how he's been kicking himself since. Being who I am, I was skeptical. Part of me wanted the opportunity to put an end to the fantasy of him I had built in my head years ago, and part of me knew that when I saw him I'd be in trouble. So, when we met, I stood my ground. Even though I was just as drawn to him in that moment as I was four years ago. He makes me feel... respected, heard, understood and desired. Over these past few years, I've come to realize how rare those feelings are. The connection we have feels powerful and unreasonable. Unbreakable, however naïve and ridiculous that sounds, even to me. But here's the kicker - he's in a relationship now, with two young children. It's been a month, I can't get him out of my head. And I know he struggles with the same. I respect his relationship, but my feelings seem to have a mind of their own. Essentially, I've come to be involved in an emotional affair, playing the role of the "mistress". We steal moments together, just to be near one another feels good. I don't morally feel good about it, I know his girlfriend is a good person who does NOT deserve to be cheated on. No one deserves that. He fears that if he leaves her, he'll lose time with his children. He loves them more than anything else, and I get that, of course. I'm not a monster, but I am in a conundrum. I suppose I don't necessarily need advice. I know what I SHOULD do. I know I should leave and make him figure it out himself, but that seems impossible now. Just wanted to get this mess off my chest. Thanks for listening.
  4. Yes, I had moved on from the first guy. I still think about the guy I talked to for two weeks on occasion, but I'm not holding out hope anymore. The world keeps spinning, life goes on.
  5. I understand what you're saying. The way you worded it stung, honestly. I see how I could come off as a no life, stage 5 clinger, and have no respect for myself. But I can assure you I'm normal. I just got burned and it hurt, so now I'm asking for advice. Two weeks was too short of a period to be invested, but it ended so abruptly that I feel justified being a bit shocked and left wondering.
  6. I fully intend on letting it go, I just didn't know if it would have been a huge mistake to reach out at all, just to clear the air for my own benefit. He may or may not ever message me again. And I will be fine either way, life goes on. I've been on dates since we stopped talking, I just think about it every once in a while and it eats at me a bit not knowing what could have happened. I'll move on.
  7. Thank you for your opinion. I don't agree with that, but I appreciate it regardless
  8. I didn't realize it clumped two of my posts, but no, not the same guy. Yes, I know I have an issue, yes it has been addressed, and yes, I'm working on it 😩
  9. No, he hadn't met my child. I probably sound like a stage 5 clinger, but I can assure you that's not the case. I am choosy with who I date, and even choosier about who I bring home to my daughter. Only one man has met her, and we were together for several months.
  10. Like I said in an above post, we never had sex. That's not what it was about. I'm not trying to repeat my mistakes, but I can see how it would appear that way on paper.
  11. To clarify: we'd been talking for a while before we got together. Regardless, yes, things got intense too quickly. Also to clarify, we never slept together, he said we should wait to make sure the relationship lasted and wasn't based on just sex.
  12. I really appreciate that. Hopefully I can get over this soon. Again, I attach too easy, trust too much, and fall too hard. I don't plan on changing, because someday someone will appreciate that about me.
  13. I've been feeling the same. He took me around his town, showed me where he grew up, wanted to meet my parents. I don't understand how he could've just changed his mind. He's 26, not some hothead young guy. I'm a good judge of a person, and I didn't see this coming. Maybe I'm just too shocked to accept it. But I saw it going somewhere good. I do have attachment issues, but I went into that skeptical and cautious, didn't let him in like I normally would. He said he was really interested and understood that I wanted to take things slow.
  14. You're completely right. I think I'm just too far in my own head, and the lack of success from dating is getting to me. I just thought I'd ask before I recklessly sent a message I'd regret.
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