catfeeder

My heart goes out to you, Rchubn, and I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. A strategic move might be to consider ways that hating the daughter less might end up being a ticket to future closeness with your Dad and his side of your family. What has you estranged from your Mom's side? You are NOT insignificant. You are being challenged to find your own value, and I understand that knowing this may not make it less painful--but it can help to build your resilience. Head high, and write more if it helps.

Do you really believe that a higher classification would disqualify you for an entry level job?

What's this about? You "can't," or you "won't" learn? This is the one thing that will keep you dependent. I'd start here, and the rest will follow.

You've been together 10 years, and you're worried about her now? What's stopping you from marriage?

I'd consider everyone I meet as a learning opportunity. From this one you've learned to screen out rebounders. Those are people pretty freshly out of a breakup or divorce, and all you need to determine who those are is a calendar. Rebounders don't consider themselves to be such, so don't rely on THEM to tell you whether they're ready for a relationship or not--they are not. In fact, lots of them rush right into insta-love and suddenly YOU are the love of their life! Until you're not. He hates to tell you this because you're such a fabulous person, but he really should have taken more time solo to find himself... Classic. It doesn't make him a villain, but it tells you that YOU are responsible for screening, not the guy. So do your due diligence. One of the first questions to ask a potential date is how long it's been since his last breakup. A few months after a few years with someone? Not a good prospect. Head high, we all live and learn.

I have no idea. What's your barrier to the better accreditation? Can you accept the lower while working toward the higher?

Yep. Sounds like you're looking for a reason to next him. If you were all that into him, something this inconsequential wouldn't be a big deal.

I dunno, there's more than a month between now and Halloween. Maybe he's just trying not to lose touch before then? I'd skip responding when it's not a good time, then I'd text whenever I fee like it. If he's okay with this, that will be apparent. If this is not okay with him, you'll figure that out and decide it's time to find a different date for Halloween.

BINGO! You're in law. You know how expensive this would be to get out of. THINK.

Your definition of 'all' is limited to those you've failed to screen out before involving yourself. Your picker is off. Fix THAT, and you'll feel fine holding out for the RIGHT match. Meanwhile, pop your fantasies about current guy ever stepping up. He's not going to become the partner you envision for yourself, but you don't really need us to tell you this.

How long has it been since his divorce was finalized?

Would your parents allow you to go?

I can't speak for you, but this would be a no-brain dealbreaker for me. If you're not even invested in the guy, why would you even consider putting up with this? I mean, even if I was invested, the life skill of walking away from mistreatment is something I've never regretted--ever.

Guilt is the opposite of a good motivator for change. Attempting to instill guilt in others through accusations will succeed in making them feel lousy--about YOU, not themselves. If you continue this cycle of forcing a desire in everyone to eject themselves from your influence, what will that solve? There is zero payoff to the way you are handling people. (Have you noticed?) I would honor Mom's wishes to avoid getting dumped on about others, and I'd make my time with her fun and enjoyable--and about HER-not-Me. People can sense when you hate them--and that's not an incentive for inviting you to be around them. I'd rethink that position, and I'd become the change that I wish to see.

Can't speak for you, but this would be a no-brainer YES for me. Walking away from mistreatment is a life skill that you will thank yourself for perfecting.

FWB's need to end somehow. They're cool and casual until they are not.

Dreams are whispers into our own ear. You may be trying to distract yourself from taking a leap into the permanence of marriage.

I'd stop catering and let her get upset about whatever she wants to get upset about. That's your tool for negotiation. If she wants 'x' from you, she can make a fair trade of giving you 'y,' and if she doesn't want to do that, she doesn't get 'x'. That's just basic stuff. Successful couples negotiate all the time. If she won't work with you on the most basic stuff, then what should that tell you? Either she's in this with you, or you're in it by yourself. In that case, I'd start writing my own rules, and if she doesn't 'like' it, she can rent a room at another hotel.

Right, this is a key question. Are you feeling lousy because you need to tell him you can't do his homecoming?

The key word here is 'repulsed'. In my book, that's a dealbreaker. This woman deserves love from someone who never--not even sometimes--considers her repulsive. Whether that's about her nose or jaw is irrelevant. This doesn't make anyone a villain, it's just a bad match, and attempts to convert it into a good match deprive both people of time that they will never get back to relive again as a do-over.

Yes. Learn the answers to your concerns ahead of time, and you'll be better able to make an informed choice.

This is your answer, and so it's up to you whether you want to continue your investment in trying to convert this guy into more than that. Personally, I'd read that writing on the wall and spend less time with him, more time investing in finding the right kind of relationship for me. This guy is not that, and you'll feel this more acutely once he finds a lover to spend more time with. This doesn't speak of anything undesirable in you, but rather, it speaks of his limited vision, which you cannot change. Head high, and write more if helps.

You're not an employee, you're a contractor. That's your ticket to try out any assignments you please. If you opt for the more advantageous role, quietly let negotiations play out until you have a firm offer and start date. From there, you can inform the current company that you've been called for a project that's been in the works, and you hope to be considered for a return after it's completion. Either your relationship with current company and its need for your skill set will align for this return, or not. Speaking only for myself after 20+ years of contracting, I'd let the chips fall on that and pursue the more challenging, better paying role.

My heart goes out to you. A bigger problem than having our own personal sentence to a condition is to expect a loved one to respond as we would wish to that condition. We can't manage another's response. So, you have choices to make. How well can you shield partner from your condition rather than laying it on him and expecting him to adopt the role of a compassionate therapist? If you cannot shield partner, what other options for a new living situation can you come up with? We cannot force another to understand what they do not understand or to respond in ways that they do not wish to respond. So consider what resources you can tap or whatever else you can do for yourself beyond your dependency on your partner. Head high, and write more if it helps.

I would consider seeking legal advice to learn my best options to protect my assets and protect myself from any debt that is not mine. I'd also learn best way to either evict GF from the home or leave the home. This doesn't mean that you 'must' do any of these things, but learning your options is your best bet. GF sounds 'done' with hiding that she's checked out of the relationship, and I'm so sorry you're suffering this.